Canes/whips/floggers/pandles etc - which are easiest to cause the most pain?

[misskatuk]

hello i hope this is the right place to post this? my husband and I have recently got into spanking and although it was initially his idea, he is reluctant to hit me hard enough to cause the amount of pain I would like. So far we have just used his hand and a riding crop and I just wondered if something else would hurt more? Please help as I am a bit bamboozled by the array of things out there!!

Otherwise does anyone have any tips on how to bring out his inner sadist?

 

[IrisAlthea]

hello i hope this is the right place to post this? my husband and I have recently got into spanking and although it was initially his idea, he is reluctant to hit me hard enough to cause the amount of pain I would like. So far we have just used his hand and a riding crop and I just wondered if something else would hurt more? Please help as I am a bit bamboozled by the array of things out there!!

Otherwise does anyone have any tips on how to bring out his inner sadist?

There's always the possibility that there is no inner sadist, but from your previous posts, maybe there is.
It's very difficult to know how someone else perceives pain and it's understandable if he wants to err on the safe side.
I think it could help if you make sure he knows that you will tell him if it's too much, by using your safeword or whatever you have arranged.
You could also use the colour code green, yellow and red, a scale from one to ten or something like that, so he can learn more about your tolerance level.

 

[LallyH]

hello i hope this is the right place to post this? my husband and I have recently got into spanking and although it was initially his idea, he is reluctant to hit me hard enough to cause the amount of pain I would like. So far we have just used his hand and a riding crop and I just wondered if something else would hurt more? Please help as I am a bit bamboozled by the array of things out there!!

Otherwise does anyone have any tips on how to bring out his inner sadist?

Hi there. Your post is very similar to the situation I had initially with my husband, so I hope I can help you.

You seem to have two issues here which are linked - you want more pain but don't know which toy will give that to you, and you want husband to hit you harder and enjoy it. Am I right?

First of all, a hand alone can cause a lot of pain if used in the right way. The sadists on here will tell you about the pleasure they get from swatting the painful spots on a butt and inner thighs. So I think it is not so much that its the wrong 'toy', but that you want him to use more force. The same with the riding crop to be honest - I find that extremely painful and avoid it at all costs!

So the problem is husband's reluctance to wallop you with force, which is understandable and commendable. So like the other poster said, I would suggest agreeing a scale of one to ten (which I found more flexible than green/amber/red), and ask him to gradually build up the force of impact during play. That way he can be reassured that he won't hurt you beyond what you can tolerate and enjoy, and you will discover your own level of pain/pleasure. Once he starts to relax and stop worrying about what he's doing, I would be extremely surprised if he doesn't start enjoying it. I doubted very much whether my husband had an inner sadist, but he's proved me very wrong on that! I think it's important for you to get this bit sorted out first before you start exploring other toys, only because it won't really matter what you use if he's only going to hit you gently?

 

[LallyH]

Just another thought - there's a thread on here called Sadists Guilt where I got a lot of help that might be useful to you as well. I'm sorry I can't do a link but I'm an technical idiot.

 

[misskatuk]

thank you! i will try the traffic light system before splashing out on new toys lol - i think any talk of "safe words" will scare him off as he is still a bit in denial about bdsm! found the sadist guilt thread which was also useful, as he has been raised to be a very nice boy this could be part of the problem!

 

[LallyH]

thank you! i will try the traffic light system before splashing out on new toys lol - i think any talk of "safe words" will scare him off as he is still a bit in denial about bdsm! found the sadist guilt thread which was also useful, as he has been raised to be a very nice boy this could be part of the problem!

If you manage to get across his knee whilst he's spanking you, then try wriggling a bit against him. I'll be very surprised if he doesn't respond!

Once he does, then hopefully he'll relax and start to enjoy it. It's good that they're concerned husbands - we just need to reassure them that we like a bit of sour with our sweet, and that they're not doing anything wrong or abusive.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Just another thought - there's a thread on here called Sadists Guilt where I got a lot of help that might be useful to you as well. I'm sorry I can't do a link but I'm an technical idiot.

Here's your link to "Sadists Guilt." FFR, the way to provide a link to another thread or post is to go to it in a separate tab, copy the URL (address) in your address bar, highlight the word(s) you want to use as a link, click the globe-and-chainlink icon at the top center of the message box, and paste the link into the dialog box that pops up.

hello i hope this is the right place to post this? my husband and I have recently got into spanking and although it was initially his idea, he is reluctant to hit me hard enough to cause the amount of pain I would like. So far we have just used his hand and a riding crop and I just wondered if something else would hurt more? Please help as I am a bit bamboozled by the array of things out there!!

Otherwise does anyone have any tips on how to bring out his inner sadist?

Welcome to our (not-so) little corner of the world, misskatuk! This IS the right place to post your query. One of your first stops here should be to wander through the BDSM Library thread, and peruse whatever topics get your interest. Some of the threads linked through the Library go back more than a decade, and represent the thoughts and experiences of people who have, in the aggregate, been doing and learning about "this thing of ours" for centuries. (Some of the posters are asshats, too, so don't take every word for Gospel )

As for your specific post, you have three inquiries/issues which I'll try to address individually:

he is reluctant to hit me hard enough to cause the amount of pain I would like.​

As others have said, this issue revolves primarily around two things: communication and experience. Communication is more important. You both need to trust each other to be honest about everything involved here. YOU need to have a way to communicate to him: this is not enough, this is good, this is very good, this is getting toward the edge, omigod I don't think I can take any more, STOPSTOPSTOP. You also need to feel strongly that he will *listen* to what you say (the *other* side of that communication, and just as necessary) and follow through to the best of his ability (or stop as needed, for either of your sakes).

Especially in sado-masochistic (whether physical or mental/emotional, e.g., humiliation play, etc.) activities, BOTH parties may have certain limits. Those limits, as previously negotiated, need to be honored by the other party. Exempli gratia: I am a sadist. I love providing pain for partners/women who like receiving pain. If a person for whom I am providing that pain finds that electrical pain is unacceptable (a hard limit), I'm not going to whip out my violet wand and insert it in a bodily orifice, or even turn it on and tickle her nipples with it. It stays in the box. If she's interested in heat play, but not sure how much (soft limit), we'll discuss it (generalities, procedure, temp testing, etc.) and discuss *specific* communication regarding her feelings, sensations and desires to continue or stop before the wax even goes into the heating apparatus. Especially during the first application and (if there are any) several succeeding applications, there's going to be a LOT of communication concerning her feelings and desires to continue, slow down, or stop.

OTOH, there are things that carry zero interest (hard limit) for me in the range of sadism. If a potential play partner needs those things in her life, my response, no matter how otherwise compatible we are in the S/m spectrum, it's not going to happen. I do this because I enjoy it, and my partner enjoys it. If we're not both enjoying it to a similar degree: sorry, but no. That can, and often does, apply to, "he is reluctant to hit me hard enough to cause the amount of pain I would like." "Reluctant" does imply, or allow us to infer, that that is a soft limit for him, one that may, with communication, time and experience, be stretched to adequately meet your needs and desires. Only time will tell.

I just wondered if something else would hurt more?​

Pardon me a moment while I laugh my ass off. Darlin', there are dozens, hundreds, thousands of things that "could" hurt more than a bare hand and/or a riding crop. Your screen name allows us to infer you're from some remnant of the Empire, the spiritual (at least) home of one of the traditional sadists' favorite toys: the rattan (or bamboo, or other suitable material) cane. The amount of pain provided by ANY implement is related to its physical composition, the force with which it is applied to the target (that's you ), and your sensitivity to that particular implement. Not everyone has the same response/sensitivity to each implement. I've known women who adored being caned to welts, bruises, broken skin and rivulets of blood running down their thighs, yet would safeword or hard-limit doe-hide floggers, because they simply couldn't stand that sensation. Again: communication, time, experience, experimentation.

Final inquiry: "Otherwise does anyone have any tips on how to bring out his inner sadist?"​

He might not have one. He might be a Service Top. (Read Stella's essays on Tops, Bottoms, etc. from her signature line for you both to get a better idea.) There's nothing wrong with Service Topping. Nothing. At all. I've done it, on occasion, for shits and grins and giggles, though I much prefer a more traditional Sadist:masochist interaction with someone with whom I have at least some personal connection/relationship. It makes communication much easier, and the entire process generally more controlled and comfortable (IMNSHO).

You say in a later post that, "he is still a bit in denial about bdsm." As he learns more about it, in my mind, the fact that *he* was the one who initiated your spanking play is a potentially good sign that he will not shy too far away from continuing to learn a little more and a little more, and to become more accepting of the idea that, because this is something you both want and enjoy, it's a good thing, despite the fact that he was "raised to be a very nice boy." I was raised that way, too. It didn't work.

Good luck to you on this journey. It's a wonderful one for those who have this teeny little quirk in their makeups.

ETA: Pardon the long-winded lecture, but it's pre-6 a.m. on my side of the pond, so I have more time available than most other times, and I felt your questions deserved some reasonably coherent and comprehensive responses.

 

[misskatuk]

wow thank you Sir_Winston54! feel free to lecture me anytime x

 

[LallyH]

wow thank you Sir_Winston54! feel free to lecture me anytime x

He's good, isn't he!

 

[Kim_Burly]

Obviously you have gotten a lot of great advice here. I'll just add this, nearly any toy can be made to hurt. For instance, a cane can be used to give you beautiful, deliciously painful welts, or, it can be used to turn your butt into a bloody mess. It's all up to the man using it and his skill, or lack thereof.

Stay away from the lightweight leather floggers, your husband could hit you as hard as he can with it and it still won't hurt at all, but he won't know that. My new personal favorite is a leather flogger with metal tips crimped on the ends. In her hands of Sir it is a wonderful instrument on painful pleasure.

 

[Sprinkles22]

In addition to all the excellent advice you've been given so far, I'll add my personal opinion about implements I've experienced.

Canes are my hard limit. My pain tolerance cannot handle the ungodly (just my opinion) pain, sting and burn a cane causes. Even lightly used I suffer greatly under the cane. There are others however who crave the cane. Its really a matter of personal choice.

Floggers to me cause very little "pain" unless they wrap, and that does bite the flesh a bit. Flogging is as much a relaxing activity as it is a BDSM activity.

Strong hands can hurt. Belts can hurt. But my favorite object is the paddle. Softly it can waken the nerve endings of the skin. When applied hard I'm quickly begging for it to end, but nothing satisfies me like a good paddling. Whereas I'm afraid of the cane, I respect and revere the paddle ..... and it's owner. Nothing controls the brat in me like mahogany!

 

[DVS]

I agree with what's been said here, but me being me, I like to add my 2 cents and sometimes even 3 or 4 cents. So, while I have a different take on some things, expect some of what I say to be my version of what you've already heard (hence the 3 or 4 cents).

First, I think enough has been said about bringing out the sadist in someone. Sure, it's possible, but not everybody has it inside of them. But, because most men are taught at an early age that it's just not right to hit a woman, that sadist could be there, although hidden deeply inside. Getting past that feeling of guilt or shame could be the first step in drawing that sadist out, if he's in there.

Many implements can cause a certain degree of pain in the hands of a novice or intermediate user. Maybe people assume the pain comes from the implement alone and some of that is true. But, in the hands of someone with creative skills you will be surprised at how an implement can come to life.

A cane can produce a lot of pain, and even break the skin with little effort. Personally, I don't like to go that far, because I don't like blood. But, I'm sure I could make it hurt, just the same. The point of impact with the body can govern a lot. I won't go into detail (professional license?), but I've found there is no need for blood (unless that is the result you are looking for) to get the yelp I want to hear.

A paddle is similar. Many people think a thick hard wood paddle will hurt more than a thinner one. If you are looking for that deep tissue impact, maybe that is so, but just for pain, I've found a thinner wooden paddle can inflict a sufficient amount of surface pain. If you are looking for bruises, a thicker paddle is your tool.

But, if you are looking for severe redness and heat that lasts for several days, go with that thinner wooden paddle. I like one that is long enough to cover the whole ass and wide enough to create that sting without being necessary to use any more force than I want. That way, I control the force and not the thickness of the paddle. With a thinner paddle, I can watch the skin and know when I've reached the desired result. Keep in mind that some skin takes a while to reach that result, so you sometimes have to stop before it looks just right. Yes, I know...that can sometimes be difficult.

I've had testimonials from submissives tell me they have had no bruising, but the redness and the heat can last for several days after, and they have a difficult time sitting. That's what I look for. Also, with a thicker paddle, if you have a bony ass, or you have them in a position that causes their flesh to stretch, making their bones closer to the surface, you can cause severe bruising and maybe even hit a bone. You don't want to hit a bone. Well, I don't.

My paddle of choice is one I made from 1/4 inch thick board. When it hits soft feminine skin, I can tell just from the sound it makes that it hurt. That's satisfying. And with successive hits, it hurts a little more each time, creating that uniform redness and heat I love so much. There's nothing better than fucking an ass just after I've used that paddle. I can see the redness and feel the heat. A-hum...maybe I've digressed a little bit.

A riding crop is also nice, but a dressage whip is so much better choice, in my opinion. A dressage is basically a crop, but the difference is in the tip. A crop usually has a leather flap of some sort, which can be very nice, depending on how you use it. The dressage is flexible like a crop, but on the business end is thinner, usually with a leather thong tied on the end, or maybe the woven fabric of the dressage covering takes the place of that leather thong.

The idea behind a dressage whip is that end. With proper skills, that thing can cause some damage. You don't usually hit someone with the full length of the dressage. With finesse, you use that thinner tip and aim it at sensitive areas of the body for the best result.

But, my ultimate favorite pain creator is electricity. I know it isn't for everybody and it shouldn't be. But, like anything else, used correctly, you can produce some intimidating pain. In fact, just using the word electricity can be intimidating.

A TENS unit is nice, but if you can afford it, I'd suggest a violet wand. You don't need to know that much about electricity itself to use one of those, but there are things you need to keep in mind, just the same. One thing you need to keep in mind is you can't see electricity. There is no result of impact like most implements, no redness and no welts. But, you'll get a reaction from it, just the same.

Because you won't see any initial result on the skin, it's easy to go too far without experience. That's why I say it isn't for everybody. But, don't count it out just because of that or because it's intimidating. Like everything, there is a learning curve and with time, a violet wand and its many attachments (with creativity, even household items can become fun attachments) could end up your go to implement of sadistic fun.

Damn, I think that was more like 5 or 6 cents.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Damn, I think that was more like 5 or 6 cents.

TBH, DVS, I think you could speak/give classes at a BDSM convention and charge a hell of a lot more than that. *I'd* pay to hear you speak on (and/or demo) this (and other) topic(s).

 

[Keroin]

Sorry, I read "pandas" instead of pandles. Thought I'd stumbled across a new fetish.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Sorry, I read "pandas" instead of pandles. Thought I'd stumbled across a new fetish.

Ohhh... I thought she was referring to the urban dictionary entry:

pandle

simply, the handle of a pan.

only those that get hot along with the pan. rubber grips or a special coated metal does not count however.
​

Then I thought it was just a typo'ed "paddles."

Now I'm just

 

[LallyH]

I love it when the sadists on here get in full swing! In every sense...

 

[LittleSparks]

I agree with Lally, great thread!

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

This thread had been hugely informative and has me wanting a paddle and a flogger.

I also have a reluctant husband but I think he enjoys it more than he wants to admit. He's not at all the Dom type so I guide all our pain play. He was hesitant to use our crop on me until he saw the bruises I inflicted on myself. Now I have to tell him to ease up though I thoroughly enjoy the welts and bruises left behind.

OP, if you're up to it, use your crop on yourself, show your hubby what you want.

 

[DVS]

TBH, DVS, I think you could speak/give classes at a BDSM convention and charge a hell of a lot more than that. *I'd* pay to hear you speak on (and/or demo) this (and other) topic(s).

Thanks. Actually, I'd like that. I don't really get stage fright any more, being a musician for so long. Crowds bother me but if I'm the one speaking or playing, it's a whole different matter. I control he crowd, then. LOL.

But, it's that first time where you need to get noticed. Nobody knows you so it's like the catch 22 about needing credit before you can get credit. And playing music is the same way. If nobody has heard of you, nobody comes to hear you.

 

[DVS]

This thread had been hugely informative and has me wanting a paddle and a flogger.

I also have a reluctant husband but I think he enjoys it more than he wants to admit. He's not at all the Dom type so I guide all our pain play. He was hesitant to use our crop on me until he saw the bruises I inflicted on myself. Now I have to tell him to ease up though I thoroughly enjoy the welts and bruises left behind.

OP, if you're up to it, use your crop on yourself, show your hubby what you want.

After a while, most floggers need cleaning and maintenance. And that can also cause them to not last. Most floggers I've seen look too pretty to use on somebody. The look like they should be mounted on the wall like art.

A paddle, is usually a nice solid piece of wood that has been varnished. Very easy to clean and cleaning won't damage or cause it to deteriorate. Might I suggest trying your hand at crafts and make both your own paddle and flogger? There's a real satisfaction of making your own toys and instead of spending a lot of cash by purchasing new when they go bad, you can get more satisfaction by making another. There is a certain thrill in knowing something you made produced those red marks on pale white skin.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

After a while, most floggers need cleaning and maintenance. And that can also cause them to not last. Most floggers I've seen look too pretty to use on somebody. The look like they should be mounted on the wall like art.

A paddle, is usually a nice solid piece of wood that has been varnished. Very easy to clean and cleaning won't damage or cause it to deteriorate. Might I suggest trying your hand at crafts and make both your own paddle and flogger? There's a real satisfaction of making your own toys and instead of spending a lot of cash by purchasing new when they go bad, you can get more satisfaction by making another. There is a certain thrill in knowing something you made produced those red marks on pale white skin.

I have a shed full of woodworking tools and have considered making my own paddle(s). I have a friend that would like me to make one for him too.

Floggers I hadn't considered making before, but I'm guessing it shouldn't be too difficult.

Thank you for the inspiration.

 

[DVS]

I have a shed full of woodworking tools and have considered making my own paddle(s). I have a friend that would like me to make one for him too.

Floggers I hadn't considered making before, but I'm guessing it shouldn't be too difficult.

Thank you for the inspiration.

Mine don't look pretty, but they work. Usually, nobody sees my floggers. The submissive is bound and facing the other way and I already know how ugly they are. Why should it be how pretty they look. To me, the real pride comes from how efficient they work.

 

[LallyH]

Mine don't look pretty, but they work. Usually, nobody sees my floggers. The submissive is bound and facing the other way and I already know how ugly they are. Why should it be how pretty they look. To me, the real pride comes from how efficient they work.

I've got to stop reading this thread.....how am I supposed to get any work done today when DVS says things like that....*wriggles*

 

[DVS]

I've got to stop reading this thread.....how am I supposed to get any work done today when DVS says things like that....*wriggles*

 

[bluesky496]

hello i hope this is the right place to post this? my husband and I have recently got into spanking and although it was initially his idea, he is reluctant to hit me hard enough to cause the amount of pain I would like. So far we have just used his hand and a riding crop and I just wondered if something else would hurt more? Please help as I am a bit bamboozled by the array of things out there!!

Otherwise does anyone have any tips on how to bring out his inner sadist?

for me it has to be a riding crop ,the feeling of it being stroked over my body and then the sting as it connects on the first hit , just wonderful , i love receiving a good beating from the crop.