Can someone help me?

[EmilyMiller]

It’s only 8pm, but it’s been a long week.

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine and that’s basically the same thing.

So, I’m not kink-shaming. Just confused. Can someone explain what anyone gets out of this cuck stuff?

OK, OK, I know I like being tied up and paddled, and maybe you don’t. But I can’t see what the cuck himself gets out of the deal.

What do I not understand?

I am seeking illumination.

Em

—

UPDATE: I have a splitting headache and need pills. Sorry for posting under the influence. A very bad idea. I should know better.

Em

 

[Lady2020]

 

[Seadog777]

It’s only 8pm, but it’s been a long week.

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine and that’s basically the same thing.

So, I’m not kink-shaming. Just confused. Can someone explain what anyone gets out of this cuck stuff?

OK, OK, I know I like being tied up and paddled, and maybe you don’t. But I can’t see what the cuck himself gets out of the deal.

What do I not understand?

I am seeking illumination.

Em

I have absolutely no frakking idea either.

 

[Smarthomanid2]

It’s only 8pm, but it’s been a long week.

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy wine and that’s basically the same thing.

So, I’m not kink-shaming. Just confused. Can someone explain what anyone gets out of this cuck stuff?

OK, OK, I know I like being tied up and paddled, and maybe you don’t. But I can’t see what the cuck himself gets out of the deal.

What do I not understand?

I am seeking illumination.

Em

Cuck a Doodle Dude. That's all I got.

 

[alohadave]

Can someone explain what anyone gets out of this cuck stuff?

Some people get off on the idea of being humiliated. Every cuck story is about the man being made to feel 'less than'. Less than the other man, less than the wife, etc.

 

[anniebaby10]

I think divorce is the ultimate humiliation if he is truly a "lesser man".

 

[SirBurnInside]

I am not into the cuckold stuff myself, so can't speak from personal experience or in any real authority, but I did ask someone I know who is into watching his wife with other men about it for a story I wrote on the subject.

He said it was the loss of power he liked best, and that seeing his wife experience such pleasure whilst he can only sit and stroke himself, often silently, was a huge turn on.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Some people get off on the idea of being humiliated. Every cuck story is about the man being made to feel 'less than'. Less than the other man, less than the wife, etc.

But why?

Sorry - if it wasn’t clear, I’m a little inebriated. I can drink quickly, OK?

Em

 

[Euphony]

What's confusing about shifting power dynamics being interesting to some when applied sexually? (isn't that core to much alternative "play?")

Cuck has a spectrum of meaning as many fetish/sexual interest terms do.

So, let's view through a power dynamics lens.

Guys can be exhausted by relationships that require traditional adherence to the dominant male role. Cuckolding can be a respite from that.

Some men view their women's sexual life as another gift with marriage so there can be a sense of "his blessing" going on w/him in letting another man "share" in his property. (bleck but hey, it's out there) Akin to letting your buddy burn out your muscle car tires a few times. Pride in ownership/showing off.

Also, what we roleplay is not always congruent with what we actually are. Outside observers are quite to rush to making sense of fetish/fantasy scenes as looking for an understanding/pattern is part of human nature. It may seem a "shaming" but can be only playing at shame. See above.

Shame kink is also possible. Some men ride their privilege and status all the way to boredom. It can be exciting to take a submissive role when outside of the bedroom it's akin to social or career suicide.

Some men understand the unprecedent times, life spans, sexual access, knowledge, and exploration going on and the changing nature of monogamy and/or relationships. Women have (pay gapped) more access to self sufficiency through opportunity. When you aren't married off in your teens to a husband who's likely dead before you reach mid 30s, monogamy isn't the same long haul as from our late 20s (avg marriage age) to life expectancy into your 80s. Some men recognize the newfound implications of applying old marriage tropes/standards and reject them, favoring their partner's desirers. Admittedly these types aren't usually defining themselves so cuck heavy but there are some who enjoy playing the parts overtly while having real world discussions internally (in the relationship.)

Then there's the fetishists who get off on body proportions (dicks, etc.), interracial coupling, orgasm denial, female empowerment, femdom, etc. etc.

Shifting power dynamics; emotional or physical, underlie much of what we engage in behind closed doors. Lived experiences are so different, trying to state succinctly why something gets some off (do we always understand it fully ourselves?) and then translate to someone else's sexual proclivity "language" is difficult to nigh impossible.

We pick and chose which parts of some activity work for us and if those are enough to overcome any downsides.

Why do people swim? Some like the exercise. Some like the physical sensations of the water. Some like the calm. Some like the semi-deprivation tank-y escape from real world responsibilities.

All in the exact same dang pool.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I am not into the cuckold stuff myself, so can't speak from personal experience or in any real authority, but I did ask someone I know who is into watching his wife with other men about it for a story I wrote on the subject.

He said it was the loss of power he liked best, and that seeing his wife experience such pleasure whilst he can only sit and stroke himself, often silently, was a huge turn on.

But again… why! Why is this sexy? I can tell you why everything I do feels sexy.

Again is this the Em is not a real sub stuff? How is being humiliated sexy?

Em

 

[alohadave]

I think divorce is the ultimate humiliation if he is truly a "lesser man".

But it's not about real life. AFAIK, no one finds any sexual satisfaction in divorce.

These are sexual fantasies, and they don't track with people's public lives. I like to read trans stories, but I'm a straight cis male. It doesn't mean that I want to either be trans, or to be with a trans person. I like the fantasy of it.

 

[EmilyMiller]

What's confusing about shifting power dynamics being interesting to some when applied sexually? (isn't that core to much alternative "play?")

Cuck has a spectrum of meaning as many fetish/sexual interest terms do.

So, let's view through a power dynamics lens.

Guys can be exhausted by relationships that require traditional adherence to the dominant male role. Cuckolding can be a respite from that.

Some men view their women's sexual life as another gift with marriage so there can be a sense of "his blessing" going on w/him in letting another man "share" in his property. (bleck but hey, it's out there) Akin to letting your buddy burn out your muscle car tires a few times. Pride in ownership/showing off.

Also, what we roleplay is not always congruent with what we actually are. Outside observers are quite to rush to making sense of fetish/fantasy scenes as looking for an understanding/pattern is part of human nature. It may seem a "shaming" but can be only playing at shame. See above.

Shame kink is also possible. Some men ride their privilege and status all the way to boredom. It can be exciting to take a submissive role when outside of the bedroom it's akin to social or career suicide.

Some men understand the unprecedent times, life spans, sexual access, knowledge, and exploration going on and the changing nature of monogamy and/or relationships. Women have (pay gapped) more access to self sufficiency through opportunity. When you aren't married off in your teens to a husband who's likely dead before you reach mid 30s, monogamy isn't the same long haul as from our late 20s (avg marriage age) to life expectancy into your 80s. Some men recognize the newfound implications of applying old marriage tropes/standards and reject them, favoring their partner's desirers. Admittedly these types aren't usually defining themselves so cuck heavy but there are some who enjoy playing the parts overtly while having real world discussions internally (in the relationship.)

Then there's the fetishists who get off on body proportions (dicks, etc.), interracial coupling, orgasm denial, female empowerment, femdom, etc. etc.

Shifting power dynamics; emotional or physical, underlie much of what we engage in behind closed doors. Lived experiences are so different, trying to state succinctly why something gets some off (do we always understand it fully ourselves?) and then translate to someone else's sexual proclivity "language" is difficult to nigh impossible.

We pick and chose which parts of some activity work for us and if those are enough to overcome any downsides.

Why do people swim? Some like the exercise. Some like the physical sensations of the water. Some like the calm. Some like the semi-deprivation tank-y escape from real world responsibilities.

All in the exact same dang pool.

I know. And people could point to stuff I like and say WTF. I think sex is being nice to each other. Really nice. I like a medium amount of pain. But I like it. I don’t get off on the power dynamic. I’d never be with a BDSM partner if I didn’t feel 100% in control of the situation - you could get seriously hurt.

I don’t see how humiliation and degradation can be anything but harmful. Am I too narrow minded?

I’m not trying to be argumentative - and yes the fourth [big] glass was a bad idea, but I really don’t understand.

Em

 

[Euphony]

How is being humiliated sexy?

Why is the default to assume a participant is ACTUALLY humiliated whenever they present as the humiliated?

People don't tend to do things over and over that make them feel bad as true humiliation would.

Me thinks the Cucks doth protest (humiliation) too much.

 

[EmilyMiller]

Why is the default to assume a participant is ACTUALLY humiliated whenever they present as the humiliated?

People don't tend to do things over and over that make them feel bad as true humiliation would.

Me thinks the Cucks doth protest (humiliation) too much.

Maybe - I might get that. Like CEOs wanting to wear diapers. But letting some guy fuck your wife while they both belittle you isn’t roleplay.

Em

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm not sure it's something you can explain to someone who doesn't share the kink. Some men crave humiliation. There are successful men who pay money to be humiliated and treated as submissives by dominatrix women. There are men who enjoy being humiliated while their wives have sex with other men. You can try to peel back the layers of the onion but I'm not sure where it gets you. People get turned on by what turns them on.

One thing there's no question about, however, is that it's a common and powerful fantasy.

 

[Differentendeavours]

There is a wide variety of ways in which people engage in this kink and the reasons why they do so are varied too.
For many, yes, getting off on the humiliation (the kinky kind, with limits) is a big part of it. I don't know what else to say. Some people find that repulsive and don't get it. Others find it intoxicating.

 

[MrPixel]

I don't understand humiliation, either. But I do know somebody in a position of significant power (now retired) who was into the humiliation kink. I was even recruited by his wife to do her for him, but I politely declined.

Now not all cuckoldry (technically speaking) is humiliation, Em. Some is sharing of joy and carnal satisfaction with a partner you are hopelessly in love with, and her with you. Without getting into TMI here, when it's "just us" after I have shared her in my presence with one of her three boyfriends or - rarely - a random pickup, she has the most astounding multiple orgasms. But only with me. It seems to help when somebody else charges her batteries, and I am the one with the finishing touch to release all that pent-up energy.

Besides, at the end of the day, who is she going home with to love and cherish and cling to? Certainly not them. 36 years together seems to prove our point.

 

[Filipinawife]

I'm not sure it's something you can explain to someone who doesn't share the kink. Some men crave humiliation. There are successful men who pay money to be humiliated and treated as submissives by dominatrix women. There are men who enjoy being humiliated while their wives have sex with other men. You can try to peel back the layers of the onion but I'm not sure where it gets you. People get turned on by what turns them on.

One thing there's no question about, however, is that it's a common and powerful fantasy.

My husband loves watching me have sex with another guy but it doesn’t humiliate him he just thinks it horny.

 

[SirBurnInside]

But again… why! Why is this sexy? I can tell you why everything I do feels sexy.

Again is this the Em is not a real sub stuff? How is being humiliated sex

I'm not saying anyone isn't a real anything, I was simply putting forwards what a man who self identifies as a cuckold husband relayed to me when we spoke on the subject.

I guess there are lots I reasons someone finds being humiliated sexy, and it will be different for everyone to some degree. Loss of power can be a big turn on for submissive and being a cuckold is all about losing power I guess so it's the same dynamic at play

That is the most light I can shed on it, sorry if it's not enough but it's all have at the moment.

 

[ElectricBlue]

We pick and chose which parts of some activity work for us and if those are enough to overcome any downsides.

Why do people swim? Some like the exercise. Some like the physical sensations of the water. Some like the calm. Some like the semi-deprivation tank-y escape from real world responsibilities.

All in the exact same dang pool.

Thoughtful commentary, Euphony.

Cuck themes are not remotely erotic to me (humiliation, ownership, chattel are all words that come to mind), but yes, all in the same pool! Ain't diversity grand?!

 

[Euphony]

Some men crave humiliation. There are successful men who pay money to be humiliated and treated as submissives by dominatrix women.

I'd suggest it is not true humiliation. Paying a woman to degrade you, almost always in quiet and often in secret, is not giving away your power. It's playing at it.

True humiliation, which is what seems to confound Em b/c she's taking it literally, is so rare as to not be statistically relevant to the discussion.

Whatever roleplay, near full on humiliation and torture you pay a professional to do for you/to you is still sandboxed within the confines of the "shamed" parameters.

Now if your dom could role into an important client meeting and show everyone your true submissiveness, then there are real stakes and we are talking about true humiliation (which is what Em emotionally rejects b/c she views it AS true humiliation which is really isn't.)

Boys love to dress up as pirates. There's not a booming pirate trade school business last I checked.

 

[EmilyMiller]

I don't understand humiliation, either. But I do know somebody in a position of significant power (now retired) who was into the humiliation kink. I was even recruited by his wife to do her for him, but I politely declined.

Now not all cuckoldry (technically speaking) is humiliation, Em. Some is sharing of joy and carnal satisfaction with a partner you are hopelessly in love with, and her with you. Without getting into TMI here, when it's "just us" after I have shared her in my presence with one of her three boyfriends or - rarely - a random pickup, she has the most astounding multiple orgasms. But only with me. It seems to help when somebody else charges her batteries, and I am the one with the finishing touch to release all that pent-up energy.

Besides, at the end of the day, who is she going home with to love and cherish and cling to? Certainly not them. 36 years together seems to prove our point.

I get what you just said. But that’s sharing more than cuck. I probably have it wrong, but cuck suggests demeaning someone. That’s what I don’t get.

Em

 

[EmilyMiller]

My husband loves watching me have sex with another guy but it doesn’t humiliate him he just thinks it horny.

Again. That’ I get. But is that cuck?

Em

 

[Filipinawife]

Again. That’ I get. But is that cuck?

Em

Probably not

 

[Euphony]

Thoughtful commentary, Euphony.

Cuck themes are not remotely erotic to me (humiliation, ownership, chattel are all words that come to mind), but yes, all in the same pool! Ain't diversity grand?!

Thanks, I do try hard to open discussion a bit wider than can be the norm around here.

I totally get human nature and why we are reductive machines (quick and dirty thinking kept our ancestry line going) but it's a bit overdone at times around here.

Exploration is why we write which forces us to do wider thinking to meet the challenge of pen to paper.

Maybe I'm an overthinking dummy and easy answers aren't necessarily wrong by being easily gained.

We have so many tools in our toolkits, I get bummed possibly seeing a persistence towards cookie cutter.