Can someone give me tips on erotic power exchange?

[sweetfeet]

I am a young wife, and my husband is slightly more seasoned and experienced than I. However, he has never really experimented sexually with role-playing, or erotic power exchange. I find that I like to be spanked and controlled, but I also have a desires to take control (I love being in control giving head, but that is just about it). I don't know what I like would qualify as, but I would like some tips on how to get what I want from my husband (I think he feels weird about hitting a woman, even on the bottom), and maybe some straight talk on the subject from people with experience. Thanks.

 

[WriterDom]

I'd be happy to answer any questions or point you to more information

 

[Hecate]

Hi sweetfeet,
it is rather hard to give "advice" if not knowing a little more about your specific situation, your and his likes and dislikes ...

Something that usually is the basics of any changes / role playing though is to talk about it. You say you "think he feels weird about hitting a woman, even on the bottom" ... and therefore I assume you do not know, having never talked with him about it. So my first suggestion would be to start there: talk it over with him, tell him what you want.

Once you have reached general consensus that it is a game you both want to try, it could help to make him see that he is doing it (the spanking, the being dominant etc.) FOR YOU (and that you love him even more for trying to pleasure you) and not as a release for his pent up aggression (some men have a hellish fear of finding aggressive sides inside them that they fear they can't control once opened up).

I know this is pretty much general rambling - if there is anything more you would like to know feel free to get in touch.

 

[Skibum]

and not as a release for his pent up aggression (some men have a hellish fear of finding aggressive sides inside them that they fear they can't control once opened up).

That pretty much describes how I feel about that domination games. I have never felt very comfortable in that kind of role. And I would be even less comfortable as a sub. I really want my partner to be a partner.

 

[sweetfeet]

WriterDom -
I have read and enjoyed some of your work on this site. Would love to chat.
My problem is that I am slightly fearful of relating what I would like to my husband, because I just recently discovered my desires to be a sub. We are newly married, and when I asked him a few weeks ago to spank me while we were having sex, he seemed a little shocked, but did spank me. He teased me after we were done, about being "freaky."
I am not sure exactly what kind of advice I am looking for, as I am a novice to all of this, but any thoughts are appreciated.

 

[WriterDom]

Kudos to him for at least starting to accommodate your desires. At least there is a glimmer of hope there. I don’t think BDSM actives among couples are that unusual. If you are truly a submissive, I don’t think it’s something explainable or changeable. Sort of like being gay I guess. Hard to explain an alternate lifestyle to someone who isn’t wired that way. I would encourage you to read as many books on the subject as you can. Once you get a threshold of knowledge, then try to encourage him to have “playtime” once in a while. Try to add bits at time and not shove the whole idea down his throat (or yours)

If he totally rejects the idea, then you have a decision to make. I’m not one to be asking issues of marriage since I’m never been married. It’s sad tho, to see so many women who are married to a vanilla living a virtual D/s life on the computer.

 

[sweetfeet]

Do you have any recommendations pertaining to literature? One of my favorite books is Story of O.

 

[WriterDom]

I liked the bottoming book.. There is also the topping book. and screw the roses give me the thorns is a good overview.. Different loving is probably worth reading.. What got me started was the claiming of sleeping beauty by a. n. roquelaure (anne rice) big anne rice fan.. after the first few chapters it got a little wild for my taste..

any more questions you can email me at WriterDom@aol.com

 

[brazenblaze]

Writerdom has the right idea..."The Sleeping Beauty" books by A.N. Rouguelaure. Those books helped change my marriage. Was always interested in being dominated, always too afraid husband would think I was strange. Bought the books (big Anne Rice Fan), after reading them, recommended them to my husband. He didn't say anything after reading them, but went out and purchased straps and handcuffs. Said he had always wanted too, but since I was usually so in control, didn't think I would go for it. We started out small and now are fully into BDSM. God...I miss that man...only 49 days to go, until he comes home.