Can someone explain why they like being cucked?

[dasgoodshit]

Statistics speak to prevalence

Prevalence is a medical term used to describe the frequency of diseases and bacterial/viral illnesses within a population.

(including the remarkably high failure rate of monogamy).

Most relationships end at some point, true. That is normal. If you can cite data on polygamous relationships that is Statistically Significant, please do.

The premise that whatever is most prevalent is normal - and therefore everything else is abnormal - is a societal construct that is designed to compel conformity. And it is applied selectively.

Cite.

We have many aspects of life in which the minority is not deemed abnormal.

Name one.

------------

I'm sorry, but I don't really have time for this if we can't agree on the fundamentals. I appreciate your input- you've given me a lot to think about, really.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Prevalence is a medical term used to describe the frequency of diseases and bacterial/viral illnesses within a population.

the fact or condition of being prevalent; commonness ---> not a medical term or in any way restricted to medical applications; not that it would make any difference to the overall argument anyways but your grammatical assertion is 100% incorrect (Cite = any dictionary you like)

Most relationships end at some point, true. That is normal. If you can cite data on polygamous relationships that is Statistically Significant, please do.

The point being made had nothing to do with polygamy. The point was that just because something is not common or what most people do does not mean it is abnormal

Cite.

How about you cite evidence to support your definition of normal. Your posts are full of assertions about the nature of male and female sexuality without support. It is a weak argument to assume one's own opinions and unproven assertions are intrinsically valid but others are not without citations.

Name one.

In Canada the Green Party received 4.6% of the vote in the last election. Far less than the four main parties. Clearly a minority. They and their voters are not abnormal.

In the U.S. the proportion of people who identify as LGBT is 7.1%. Clearly a minority. They are not abnormal.

I am guessing that the proportion of people in the U.S. who prefer soccer to NFL football is a minority of sports fans. They are not abnormal.

Every major western democracy has laws that protect minority rights precisely to protect them from the tyranny of the majority. What is deeming the minority to be intrinsically abnormal if not tyranny?

------------

I'm sorry, but I don't really have time for this if we can't agree on the fundamentals. I appreciate your input- you've given me a lot to think about, really.

If you literally believe that the minority is intrinsically abnormal then we surely do not agree on the fundamentals. Even if that absurd premise were valid it really has very little to do with understanding why someone enjoys cuckolding. Labelling them as abnormal doesn't get you any closer to understanding. It is just a very weak and ineffective attempt to invalidate their choice.

You are free not to respond and I am free to post.

 

[KinkStevens]

I don't get it. I'm just trying to broaden my horizons- I haven't read any of the psychological aspect of it in the stories I've read about it (but maybe I've read the wrong ones)...

I’ve found that it derives from one of a few places. I’m sure some have their origin story, but heres my observations:

1. The guy feels inadequate and wants to see his gf/wife truly fulfilled sexually (no major homoerotic element)

2. He enjoys the psychological torment of being jealous but also likes the sexual liberty his gf experiences. This sometimes develops as a result of being cheated on

3. He secretly or not so secretly wants to enjoy a dick; see it, touch it suck it, and the wife’s existence protects his fragile homophobic psyche and he doesn’t have to confront the possibility of being bi or gay. Or at least having to deal the reality of engaging in the act

4. He is ultra confident, comfortable, and secure in his sexuality and just enjoys his gf/wife being sexually free and has no strong drive to be with other women

There are other lines of thinking I’m sure. Being a cuck, I think (im no expert), has to do with some form of liberty for the woman and denial for the man

 

[bjlatx]

I just had a conversation with my wife where I reiterated that she has full freedom to do what she wants whenever she wants. There is one guy she has wanted to meet and he finally admitted that he is worried about me. So I told her to meet him alone in a safe place and if she wants to fuck him to go ahead. I don’t have to be there. All she has to do is tell me about it before or after, and I get to reclaim her if I want to.

So now, it’s likely she fucks her 8th different man since we began this lifestyle, and will have 9 and 10 very soon. She may have a 6 man rotation on her hands soon and she is super excited about it!

 

[hulmule]

I just had a conversation with my wife where I reiterated that she has full freedom to do what she wants whenever she wants. There is one guy she has wanted to meet and he finally admitted that he is worried about me. So I told her to meet him alone in a safe place and if she wants to fuck him to go ahead. I don’t have to be there. All she has to do is tell me about it before or after, and I get to reclaim her if I want to.

So now, it’s likely she fucks her 8th different man since we began this lifestyle, and will have 9 and 10 very soon. She may have a 6 man rotation on her hands soon and she is super excited about it!

if i could only get my wife to let me have a lover or 2, 3 4 lol

 

[dasgoodshit]

If you literally believe that the minority is intrinsically abnormal then we surely do not agree on the fundamentals.

Abnormal
adjective. not normal, average, typical, or usual; deviating from a standard

Cuckholding is not normal, average, typical, or usual. Therefore, it is abnormal.

That being said, I have nothing against cucking, but there are certain things that are Statistically abnormal. For instance: if every person on earth were to stand in line from the tallest to the shortest, the very tallest and the very shortest people could look in front of them and behind them, and state categorically that they were the very tallest and the very shortest. It would not be a lie. It would not be an opinion. Nobody would think that there was anything wrong with them. However, everyone would know that their phenotype was abnormal, just by looking at them. No judgment there; it's just a fucking fact. If I stood a hundred feet tall, you would say that I was abnormal, and if you didn't, well, you'd be abnormal as well.

Might I add that you are on a site full of users that protect their identity at all costs because they know that their behavior isn't normal.

 

[dasgoodshit]

Let me get some popcorn

Can I have some?

 

[Str4ng3rth4nf1ct1on]

If enjoying watching my wife getting fucked by man with a 10” dick is abnormal, I’m cool with that, but it feels normal to me. She seems to like it too…..
Surely it‘s just a matter of perspective

 

[geronimo_appleby]

i spoke to someone some time ago who told me his reasoning [after some introspection] was he loved the risk that he'd lose his spouse, that her head would be turned. the sex when he 'tried to win her back' was tremendous for them both.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

If enjoying watching my wife getting fucked by man with a 10” dick is abnormal, I’m cool with that, but it feels normal to me. She seems to like it too…..
Surely it‘s just a matter of perspective

horses for courses, as tbey say.

 

[magicalmoments]

To come back to the OP's question. The reasons why any man finds cuckolding a sexual turn on are as varied as there are cuckolds. The fact also remains that a lot of cuckolds do not find their situation a turn on it results in the disintegration of the relationship. From my observations there are a lot more men in the latter category than there are cuckolds who get off on their status.
It's been interesting watching the debate on this topic and the divergence off into side issues. I have a comment in relation to what constitutes normal and abnormal. The classification of any behaviour, belief, action, whatever, into normal and abnormal is a matter of personal opinion. It doesn't matter if the majority support something or not, normal and abnormal are not issues that are decided by democracy, (i.e. majority decision). You might regard me as being abnormal for having that opinion and that in itself is fine. I will regard you as abnormal for having that opinion, and neither of us would be wrong.

 

[policywank]

Abnormal
adjective. not normal, average, typical, or usual; deviating from a standard

Cuckholding is not normal, average, typical, or usual. Therefore, it is abnormal.

That being said, I have nothing against cucking, but there are certain things that are Statistically abnormal. For instance: if every person on earth were to stand in line from the tallest to the shortest, the very tallest and the very shortest people could look in front of them and behind them, and state categorically that they were the very tallest and the very shortest. It would not be a lie. It would not be an opinion. Nobody would think that there was anything wrong with them. However, everyone would know that their phenotype was abnormal, just by looking at them. No judgment there; it's just a fucking fact. If I stood a hundred feet tall, you would say that I was abnormal, and if you didn't, well, you'd be abnormal as well.

Might I add that you are on a site full of users that protect their identity at all costs because they know that their behavior isn't normal.

The point he made was that both that which is normal and abnormal are somewhat subjective. They are not a by-product of strict objective measures (ie your clearly incorrect assertion that it is defined as being in the minority).

To the extent that someone or something deviates very dramatically from all relevant comparisons there is likely to be an increased consensus that it or they are abnormal (again not a matter of being in the minority but as being a true outlier).

But when it comes to something like sexual orientation or proclivity we do not have the clarity we get with something like height because there are so many factors affecting what people are prepared to acknowledge. It wasn’t so long ago that being gay was regarded as a sin and a crime. Not surprisingly few people admitted to it and it was considered abnormal. Nowadays it is considered a legitimate sexual orientation - in the minority but not abnormal.

These days ethical non-monogamy is something that is increasingly occurring and the number of people who say they are open to it is increasingly common. That is occurring coincidently (not sure of causation) with it being less taboo. Was it always there and people didn’t admit it (like used to be the case with LGBT)? Are people simply changing their attitudes as society evolves? I don’t know but there is sufficient lack of clarity that I do not think that one can say definitively that it is abnormal.

Your whole point hinges on your baseless assertion that it isn’t normal. Data shows that the proportion of people who have or would consider ENM is not far off of the proportion of people who identify as LGBT. It is not the 100 foot tall man or the definitive outlier that you imagine it to be.

Now cuckolding is a less common subset of ENM. Is it sufficiently out there to be considered abnormal? Perhaps. Certainly Lit isn’t a representative sample. But then neither is the real world where these things are judged harshly and people will not show you their true selves. And that is the point.

 

[Justfantasies]

The point he made was that both that which is normal and abnormal are somewhat subjective. They are not a by-product of strict objective measures (ie your clearly incorrect assertion that it is defined as being in the minority).

To the extent that someone or something deviates very dramatically from all relevant comparisons there is likely to be an increased consensus that it or they are abnormal (again not a matter of being in the minority but as being a true outlier).

But when it comes to something like sexual orientation or proclivity we do not have the clarity we get with something like height because there are so many factors affecting what people are prepared to acknowledge. It wasn’t so long ago that being gay was regarded as a sin and a crime. Not surprisingly few people admitted to it and it was considered abnormal. Nowadays it is considered a legitimate sexual orientation - in the minority but not abnormal.

These days ethical non-monogamy is something that is increasingly occurring and the number of people who say they are open to it is increasingly common. That is occurring coincidently (not sure of causation) with it being less taboo. Was it always there and people didn’t admit it (like used to be the case with LGBT)? Are people simply changing their attitudes as society evolves? I don’t know but there is sufficient lack of clarity that I do not think that one can say definitively that it is abnormal.

Your whole point hinges on your baseless assertion that it isn’t normal. Data shows that the proportion of people who have or would consider ENM is not far off of the proportion of people who identify as LGBT. It is not the 100 foot tall man or the definitive outlier that you imagine it to be.

Now cuckolding is a less common subset of ENM. Is it sufficiently out there to be considered abnormal? Perhaps. Certainly Lit isn’t a representative sample. But then neither is the real world where these things are judged harshly and people will show you their true selves. And that is the point.

"Abnormal" is only objective as a statistical measure -- 10 percent of people are non-monogamous or something like that. On its own its fairly meaningless, although I suspect that most people are non-monogamous at some point in their lives. A more interesting question is whether as couples are married longer and travel more individually, whether non-monogamy will become more the norm

 

[SlutAddicted]

The point he made was that both that which is normal and abnormal are somewhat subjective. They are not a by-product of strict objective measures (ie your clearly incorrect assertion that it is defined as being in the minority).

To the extent that someone or something deviates very dramatically from all relevant comparisons there is likely to be an increased consensus that it or they are abnormal (again not a matter of being in the minority but as being a true outlier).

But when it comes to something like sexual orientation or proclivity we do not have the clarity we get with something like height because there are so many factors affecting what people are prepared to acknowledge. It wasn’t so long ago that being gay was regarded as a sin and a crime. Not surprisingly few people admitted to it and it was considered abnormal. Nowadays it is considered a legitimate sexual orientation - in the minority but not abnormal.

These days ethical non-monogamy is something that is increasingly occurring and the number of people who say they are open to it is increasingly common. That is occurring coincidently (not sure of causation) with it being less taboo. Was it always there and people didn’t admit it (like used to be the case with LGBT)? Are people simply changing their attitudes as society evolves? I don’t know but there is sufficient lack of clarity that I do not think that one can say definitively that it is abnormal.

Your whole point hinges on your baseless assertion that it isn’t normal. Data shows that the proportion of people who have or would consider ENM is not far off of the proportion of people who identify as LGBT. It is not the 100 foot tall man or the definitive outlier that you imagine it to be.

Now cuckolding is a less common subset of ENM. Is it sufficiently out there to be considered abnormal? Perhaps. Certainly Lit isn’t a representative sample. But then neither is the real world where these things are judged harshly and people will show you their true selves. And that is the point.

Exactly. To be clear I am not arguing that cuckolding is normal or abnormal. This aspect of the thread started with me making the point that we generally approach these things on the basis that whatever we deem as normal needs no explanation as it is just in our nature, whereas that which is abnormal reflects some kind of deviation (often implicitly thought of as a defect but not necessarily) that merits investigation and explanation. Simply asking the question "why are you so sure that ENM or cuckolding is abnormal?" offers a different frame of reference that may assist understanding regardless of what one regards as the best answer.

The analogy offered up of standing up every person in the world and comparing heights, including identifying those which are abnormal, is a useful reference point. That scenario is built on perfect and complete information. It still doesn't define just how much of a deviation from the pack represents that which is abnormal, but it does fit a nice neat statistical model where we can identify the normal distribution and standard deviations. But what would be our ability to draw conclusions if all heights were determined by comparing top of head relative to a given elevation while all the people in the sample are standing on uneven ground and some are intentionally sitting, kneeling or standing on their toes so as not to be identified as an outlier?

That is more akin to the data set we have for people engaged in ENM or cuckolding - highly imperfect, incomplete and in some cases intentionally distorted. People engaged in ENM or cuckolding do not readily identify this to the world and people who are interested in these lifestyles exist in a world that aggressively discourages them from doing so or even acknowledging their own desires. The pressures society imposes upon us alters our behaviour from what it would be without those pressures and alters our willingness to be forthcoming and provide good data. The premise that those factors are all part of our environment and we have therefore evolved to the point where our actual being adheres to society's dictates does not hold up. There is ample evidence that those pressures remain to ensure compliance and as soon as they are removed our behaviour has changed.

Like I said, I am not saying that ENM or cuckolding are normal or abnormal. It is certainly IMO outside of that which is generally acknowledged and accepted in society. But so too was LGBT not so long ago and now we accept that it is just a personal preference no more explainable than I why I like vanilla pudding and you prefer chocolate pudding.

Where does that lead us? Nowhere. It is just a different frame of reference. Another possibility. And any time we seek to understand we should try to look at things in as many ways as possible and test every assumption that informs or drives our thought process.

 

[SlutAddicted]

"Abnormal" is only objective as a statistical measure -- 10 percent of people are non-monogamous or something like that. On its own its fairly meaningless, although I suspect that most people are non-monogamous at some point in their lives. A more interesting question is whether as couples are married longer and travel more individually, whether non-monogamy will become more the norm

I think that non-monogamy as a valid lifestyle choice is starting to become more accepted and more broadly considered. How many couples take it up remains to be seen. But if it becomes even half as prevalent as cheating it would enter the mainstream (roughly as common as LGBT).

That is another interesting question. Cheating is sufficiently common that - regardless of what we think of the morals or ethics of it - it is arguably normal or at least it is difficult to make the case that it is abnormal. What is the logic by which ENM (and all of its forms including cuckolding) is abnormal while cheating is normal? Wouldn't that imply that non-monogamy broadly speaking is at least somewhat normal and what makes ENM deemed abnormal is a by-product of society's judgment which is in conflict with the actual data regarding human behaviour?

 

[MissMandy86]

I do know to really cuck a man one has to make him fall in love first

 

[Justfantasies]

I do know to really cuck a man one has to make him fall in love first

Certainly makes it more exciting for the man to see (or eve imagine) his darling enjoying herself with another man

 

[Justfantasies]

Certainly makes it more exciting for the man to see (or eve imagine) his darling enjoying herself with another man. Better still if he chooses the guy for her and insists she fuck him

 

[curiouschattycouple]

We have been discussing this thread and the stag/vixen type of relationship for some time. My wife is adjusting her thought processes about what is normal, acceptable, etc. She has not acted on it yet, but she is enjoying the boost in self confidence from the attention after I encouraged her to be her own woman. She did raise a very interesting point in one of our recent discussions about the societal norms: the female partner of a male's extramarital relationship is called a mistress, and there is no equivalent, gendered, term for the male partner in a female's extramarital affair. This shows how male's affairs were accepted to the point that there was a specific gendered term for the partner, but since women were not to have male extramarital partners, no specific term existed.

I don't own my wife. She doesn't need my permission to do anything. But we do have a partnership, with some rules we agreed to. Changing those rules to properly reflect her autonomy, even if she (or I) doesn't act on them, shows a level of maturity and mutual respect in a relationship. I don't see it becoming a new normal, but it is hardly as unspoken as it would have been previously.

 

[J_Bone]

Years ago when I had my first interaction with a cuck/HW couple, I was early 20s and in school and was approached by a really nice and successful, somewhat wealthy guy in his mid 40s I'd gotten to know that I did landscape work for about fucking his wife. To say I was mildly shocked is an understatement. Cuck/hotwife wasn't really a "thing" at that point.....or at least not widely known. She was at least a decade younger than him, so early-mid 30s and sexy as hell. Once the initial surprise wore off, I accepted.

Without going into details of how it came to fruition and ultimately lasted a couple of years until he got transferred, at one point after I started fucking her, I just asked him why. His response was he loved his wife and wanted nothing more than her to be happy and have everything she wanted. He even equated it to a new sports car or trip or piece of jewelry that she had her eye on. But instead of a car, she decided she wanted me. And he was quite aware that I could do things for her sexually/physically that he could not and wanted her to experience everything she desired.

He never watched even once. It was always just her and I. So I'm not certain that would fall into the definition of cuck or not. Although he did ask and she did give him details. In fact, he even sent us on a couple of trips together, which were amazing not only because of the sex, but getting to travel to some amazing places at that point in my life.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Years ago when I had my first interaction with a cuck/HW couple, I was early 20s and in school and was approached by a really nice and successful, somewhat wealthy guy in his mid 40s I'd gotten to know that I did landscape work for about fucking his wife. To say I was mildly shocked is an understatement. Cuck/hotwife wasn't really a "thing" at that point.....or at least not widely known. She was at least a decade younger than him, so early-mid 30s and sexy as hell. Once the initial surprise wore off, I accepted.

Without going into details of how it came to fruition and ultimately lasted a couple of years until he got transferred, at one point after I started fucking her, I just asked him why. His response was he loved his wife and wanted nothing more than her to be happy and have everything she wanted. He even equated it to a new sports car or trip or piece of jewelry that she had her eye on. But instead of a car, she decided she wanted me. And he was quite aware that I could do things for her sexually/physically that he could not and wanted her to experience everything she desired.

He never watched even once. It was always just her and I. So I'm not certain that would fall into the definition of cuck or not. Although he did ask and she did give him details. In fact, he even sent us on a couple of trips together, which were amazing not only because of the sex, but getting to travel to some amazing places at that point in my life.

I'd guess (with no evidence) that this might be more common among older man/younger woman relationships. The older man is more likely to have matured beyond youthful jealousy and may also be more confident having achieved success in life. And having a substantially younger wife would be used to the idea that they each socialize in different circles sometimes. Also the misalignment between male and female sexual peaks - men pass theirs just as women are entering theirs - is magnified by the age difference. And often there isn't the same sort of mutual dependancy as some couples which reduces the fear of losing someone.

What is interesting to me in the way you characterize it is that it doesn't seem as though any of the three of you saw this as a threat to their marriage in the sense that she might decide to leave him for you. She had a good time with you including an intimate personal relationship (i.e. not purely physical) without that threatening their relationship. Arguably she would have been less satisfied in that relationship and it might have been less stable if he had not afforded her this latitude. I'd suggest that the whole "will she leave me for him" dynamic comes down to the nature of the principal relationship and the ability of the wife and the other man to maintain perspective.

It is also interesting to compare this scenario to some of the other characterizations of the cuckold dynamic (btw just because he didn't watch doesn't change the fact that he is a cuckold IMO). What her husband offer/facilitated for her with you does not seem at all consistent with him hovering insisting on details and the right to reclaim her. In our relationship there is a big difference between the fact that I like to know details and have sex with her after she has been with another man and having a right or rule that says she must offer this - she is generous in her accommodation, but she would never let me impose such a rule or claim such a right. It is always at her discretion.

 

[Abbafan]

I'd guess (with no evidence) that this might be more common among older man/younger woman relationships. The older man is more likely to have matured beyond youthful jealousy and may also be more confident having achieved success in life. And having a substantially younger wife would be used to the idea that they each socialize in different circles sometimes. Also the misalignment between male and female sexual peaks - men pass theirs just as women are entering theirs - is magnified by the age difference. And often there isn't the same sort of mutual dependancy as some couples which reduces the fear of losing someone.

Makes sense. I would think an older fellow might feel like he's not able to satisfy a younger woman as often as he or she would like. He might be less likely to feel jealous than a younger man and be understanding about it. The younger man might feel like he can do what the other man is doing and be bothered that she's going elsewhere.

 

[magicalmoments]

Certainly makes it more exciting for the man to see (or eve imagine) his darling enjoying herself with another man

I can agree that it may make a minority of men excited in a sexual sense, but in the majority of cases I think you'll find that it is more likely to make him excited in a violent sense, to see his darling enjoying herself with another man.

 

[lc69hunter]

I can agree that it may make a minority of men excited in a sexual sense, but in the majority of cases I think you'll find that it is more likely to make him excited in a violent sense, to see his darling enjoying herself with another man.

Maybe a minority, but if the fantasy life between the two has already paved the way, it is exciting in a sexual way. In those other cases, where he is blindsided, his fragile ego (men DO have fragile egos), backed up by those male insecurities (was he bigger than me, was he a better lover, yada yada yada), they will throw away twenty years of a good marriage over one mistake, and everyone loses, husband, wife, children, and families on both sides, all because his fragile ego will not let him forgive and rebuild. I have seen far too many end up that way that should not have. It is sad.

 

[Str4ng3rth4nf1ct1on]

I do know to really cuck a man one has to make him fall in love first

It’s precisely the fact that I love my wife that makes her cuckolding me so powerful. If I didn’t love her it just wouldn’t mean anything to me and I may as well watch some anonymous porn.