Can someone explain why they like being cucked?

[dasgoodshit]

I don't get it. I'm just trying to broaden my horizons- I haven't read any of the psychological aspect of it in the stories I've read about it (but maybe I've read the wrong ones)...

 

[screwher]

I wish I could give you a proper answer. Trust me, I’ve asked myself this same question many times over the years. All I can answer is...it turns me on! There’s nothing hotter than seeing my wife and her boyfriend screwing on our marital bed. And even if I can’t watch, it’s intense just knowing at that moment another man has his cock in my wife’s married pussy!

 

[stiv837]

I really don't think it is possible to explain the appeal to someone. It's something you either enjoy or think its insane.

 

[CuttingEdge]

Most people that have a cuckold fantasy, or have shared their wife openly; have been cheated on by her, or someone else in the past.

While few may want to admit this, deep within us there is this underlying feeling of need to "control" the situation. Because we were so taken off guard by someone in our life absolutely blind-siding us with an affair we never saw coming, and felt was never really deserved, the idea of cuckolding has its appeal. In that, we know what many men in committed relationships don't really know: a person can sleep with whomever they want, marital vows, betrothment and long-term relationships notwithstanding.

Cuckolding therefore limits the vulnerability to being hurt again.

Its not the act of sex that was devastating; it is having someone you love so much, completely betray and humiliate you by having an affair.

So, if we "let" the ones we love have sex with others, something we may subconsciously think is going to happen anyway since we now have this idea planted within us that, "everyone cheats", then knowing who she is sleeping with, where and when; limits our vulnerability. In that, its a defense mechanism.

To some degree, this also happens with guys who may have very beautiful women. We subconsciously may think, "we don't deserve her, and she can always get better, so inevitably she will find another". Again, the reasons for cuckolding are the same: to limit vulnerability by allowing what we feel is inevitable: she will have sex with others.

There is more to it than this, but I have limited time to be on here, and this is the general premise of it. Hopefully in my brevity of a very complex mental condition; that is being painted with a VERY broad brush, you (@dasgoodshit ) can kind of understand it a little bit better? I hope others can jump on here and maybe explain it better than this, but its a start to understanding cuckolding from a phycological point of view.

 

[Justfantasies]

For me it's all in my wife's pleasure and my pleasure when she tells me about it after. I like the adventure of getting her ready for the date and buying her sexy clothes (that is, ones that turn me on) if need be. I don't feel humiliated at all, because we fuck when she comes back and she is always more exciting in bed after she has just been with someone else

Quote Reply

 

[Justfantasies]

Excellent ... just to be clear I don't for one moment suggest that all cuckolds crave humiliation, but it certainly is part of it for many that I've spoken to. It is a fascinating subject

Yes it was never a factor for me . . . more like fascination. And variety.

 

[Str4ng3rth4nf1ct1on]

You”re asking what seems like a simple question, but a really difficult one to answer. Every cuck will have a different perspective on why it turns him on. As with most things sexual there are extremes, from a wife who simply has a higher sex drive than her husband and they agree she has additional lovers, sometimes shared, sometimes not.…..to full on lifestyle cuckolding where a wife is the dominant one in their relationship and cuckolds her husband as her submissive - and everything in between.
I agree with a few comments already made. Sometimes it happens accidentally as such, a wife cheating on her husband and the surprise he experiences when he realises it turned him on.…..leading on to more exploration.

 

[Str4ng3rth4nf1ct1on]

For us/me it started when we first dated and she shared her fetish for abnormally large cocks. I never felt threatened because they were just fantasises. We indulged her and my kink for exhibitionism though and I loved knowing other men got as turned on by her as I did. A couple of years in she came home from a night out with her friends and she confessed she’d sucked another man off. Of course I felt sick and betrayed, but the resultant erection was obvious. I asked for details and it felt like she was sharing one of her fantasies. It was the best sex we’d had, especially given I could taste him when we kissed. The rest is history.
What I will say is (for me) watching the person you love, who means everything to you orgasm on another man’s cock is the most erotic experience I‘ve had.

 

[pixie07]

For me I’m not sure I can explain it. I am submissive by nature and I have a need to be humiliated, I’ve been this way most of my life and don’t ever remember not feeling this way. I’m just lucky to have a wife that has needs that coincide with mine .

 

[Str4ng3rth4nf1ct1on]

Oh and I did want to add. Far from the perception, cucks are not wimps. Quite the opposite. The strength of character a cuck has to have is immense. Our marriage and friendship is stronger for what we do. My wife means everything to me and so does her pleasure

 

[OlderFitterWiser]

I like seeing her enjoy supposedly forbidden fruit. It hasn't happened in a few years but in the past she's even enjoyed her bi side. It has enhanced our sex life.
I do not feel the need to be submissive or weak, I just like to see her enjoy the forbidden pleasure.
Of course we're careful of who she partners with.

I notice since I began writing cuckhold stories on Lit, that it appears to be the same people that write nasty comments. Although most hide behind anominity. I don't bother answering them, because misery loves company.

Where any sexual desires come from is probably a question for a psychologist, but any that doesn't cause harm is probably ok to indulge in. Maybe it's more harmful to repress it.

You'll be a long time dead.

 

[SlutAddicted]

Society is permeated by artificial constructs related to gender and sexual relations. And one of the primary ways these are maintained is by imposing onto men the obligation to maintain these constructs. It can be exhausting. And to some degree embracing the cuckold life allows one to let go of those things so it is a significant relief. I am not saying it is a necessity, but once you do let go of those constructs it doesn't seem so outlandish as it did when I was still trying to maintain those constructs.

Why do those constructs exist? Because in their absence we would have to accept that in the sexual marketplace women have the power, women have far more opportunity and men would not achieve anything approaching equal sexual outcomes. So we have created these artificial social constructs to restrict female sexual opportunity in order to achieve something more like equal sexual outcomes.

Let me offer some examples.

Traditional thinking held that it was normal for a man to occasionally stray. As long as the home was not compromised wives often turned a blind eye. But the opposite was not true. A wife who strayed was evil incarnate. The only acceptable response was to "burn the bitch" and any man who did not adhere to that doctrine was himself punished and ostracized. There is actually no good reason for that. Some will say it is about paternity, but there are other ways to manage that and frankly compelling women to be more secretive has arguably magnified the practical reality of husbands not being the biological father of the children their wives have and not knowing about it. Others will say that women are more naturally inclined towards monogamy whereas "boys will be boys" as a justification for the double standard, but that difference is a fabrication. It is true that jealousy is a natural emotion, but I know of no reason why men would be intrinsically more jealous than women. The difference between how (i.e. the severity thereof) women and men regard infidelity is an artificial construct designed to restrict women from having preferential sexual outcomes.

The idea that women seek monogamy because they need a man to protect and provide is quite obviously a by-product of the fact that women have for much of history been precluded from providing for themselves and ostracized for not being married. Again a means of ensuring that women are beholden to men and abide by the double standard.

As a practical matter we as men have created the circumstances for our own limited sex life. We expect a woman to be sexually engaged, interested and adventurous but only with us which is actually kind of stupid. It is like picking next years first round draft pick exclusively from the people who have never played the sport. We pick a wife based upon her lack of sexual experience and expect her to be a sexual dynamo while rejecting any woman who has already proven that she is a sexual dynamo. Then when our sex life is limited we blame it on her - not only disregarding the silly basis upon which we chose a wife but also ignoring the possibility that she is interested in sex but we aren't really getting her off.

And of course the grand daddy of them all - size doesn't matter. Goodness how much energy has been expended by men rationalizing away the possibility that it could matter even the tiniest bit.

I think that the reality is that women have just as much inclination to be attracted to other men as we do. They are just as inclined to be interested in one or more relatively superficial characteristics (yes some do want to try a big cock). They are interested in expanding their sexual horizons and embracing variety (whether the sex is better or not) - something that no one man can provide. They have more sexual opportunity than we do. And the prospect that they might indulge those opportunities does not mean their partner is inadequate or she is going to leave him. We as men can totally relate to the idea of having a wonderful wife at home and fucking some hot little tart on the side. We may not do it - though that is at least partly correlated with lack of opportunity. We may think it is wrong. But we get it. We understand the urge and we know it isn't rooted in our wife's inadequacy. We just want to have our cake and eat it too. News flash - women are not so different. All the artificial construct telling us they are is a way of playing on our insecurities to enforce a double standard.

Letting go of all that is healthy. Not fighting to convince yourself of the lie that she could never have sexual desire for another or that if we just try hard enough we can be the best of everything all the time is a relief. Doing that and remaining monogamous is just fine. Cuckolding isn't a necessary step to letting go of all the artificial constructs. It is sort of the extreme version of it. But it can also be said that once you let go of those things it doesn't seem so unusual. If a man could have a little outside fun and not have it invade the home life why shouldn't a woman do so as well. And if you want a sexually dynamic woman it is only logical to accept her complete sexuality, not just the part that is oriented towards you. It becomes a very logical trade-off to be with a wonderfully adventurous sexual woman requires that you not try to control and possess her. Such a woman may prefer monogamy, but on balance she is more likely than other woman to want to maintain a variety of sexual partners and to find that to be a source of ongoing stimulation, which also enters her marital sex life.

So why not an open relationship most people will ask? Nothing wrong with that, but what is the purpose? Because if it is to "keep up" then you are back seeking to compel equal outcomes in order to assuage an insecurity that is at least partly artificially created. In my case we did try an open relationship. It didn't work out as well for me because I had fewer opportunities not only with women in general but especially with women prepared to be with a man in an open relationship. Ultimately that which was available to me paled in comparison to my own wife and in comparison to the many other dynamics people have highlighted in this thread. For instance, compare dating a typical woman I might meet (with all of the associated limitations and hang-ups) with watching my wife fuck another man then fucking her myself. There is no question that the latter is more exciting and more appealing to me. Some of that is because of my own association with this particular kink, but even if I stripped all that away and stripped away all the artificial constructs I would still come to the same conclusion. Why would I forego a sexual "10" and a sure thing to chase the prospect of a maybe "6" or "7"? Variety? Sure, but my reality is that the variety available to me just isn't nearly as compelling as what is available to my wife and the experiences that are available are sufficiently inferior to what mw wife offers that it hardly seems worth it. As a mature cuckold I have both stripped away the artificial constructs and added a full gamut of kinks such that my experience is far superior to any available alternative including that of asking my wife to return to monogamy (she would if I asked).

 

[policywank]

Society is permeated by artificial constructs related to gender and sexual relations. And one of the primary ways these are maintained is by imposing onto men the obligation to maintain these constructs. It can be exhausting. And to some degree embracing the cuckold life allows one to let go of those things so it is a significant relief. I am not saying it is a necessity, but once you do let go of those constructs it doesn't seem so outlandish as it did when I was still trying to maintain those constructs.

Why do those constructs exist? Because in their absence we would have to accept that in the sexual marketplace women have the power, women have far more opportunity and men would not achieve anything approaching equal sexual outcomes. So we have created these artificial social constructs to restrict female sexual opportunity in order to achieve something more like equal sexual outcomes.

Let me offer some examples.

Traditional thinking held that it was normal for a man to occasionally stray. As long as the home was not compromised wives often turned a blind eye. But the opposite was not true. A wife who strayed was evil incarnate. The only acceptable response was to "burn the bitch" and any man who did not adhere to that doctrine was himself punished and ostracized. There is actually no good reason for that. Some will say it is about paternity, but there are other ways to manage that and frankly compelling women to be more secretive has arguably magnified the practical reality of husbands not being the biological father of the children their wives have and not knowing about it. Others will say that women are more naturally inclined towards monogamy whereas "boys will be boys" as a justification for the double standard, but that difference is a fabrication. It is true that jealousy is a natural emotion, but I know of no reason why men would be intrinsically more jealous than women. The difference between how (i.e. the severity thereof) women and men regard infidelity is an artificial construct designed to restrict women from having preferential sexual outcomes.

The idea that women seek monogamy because they need a man to protect and provide is quite obviously a by-product of the fact that women have for much of history been precluded from providing for themselves and ostracized for not being married. Again a means of ensuring that women are beholden to men and abide by the double standard.

As a practical matter we as men have created the circumstances for our own limited sex life. We expect a woman to be sexually engaged, interested and adventurous but only with us which is actually kind of stupid. It is like picking next years first round draft pick exclusively from the people who have never played the sport. We pick a wife based upon her lack of sexual experience and expect her to be a sexual dynamo while rejecting any woman who has already proven that she is a sexual dynamo. Then when our sex life is limited we blame it on her - not only disregarding the silly basis upon which we chose a wife but also ignoring the possibility that she is interested in sex but we aren't really getting her off.

And of course the grand daddy of them all - size doesn't matter. Goodness how much energy has been expended by men rationalizing away the possibility that it could matter even the tiniest bit.

I think that the reality is that women have just as much inclination to be attracted to other men as we do. They are just as inclined to be interested in one or more relatively superficial characteristics (yes some do want to try a big cock). They are interested in expanding their sexual horizons and embracing variety (whether the sex is better or not) - something that no one man can provide. They have more sexual opportunity than we do. And the prospect that they might indulge those opportunities does not mean their partner is inadequate or she is going to leave him. We as men can totally relate to the idea of having a wonderful wife at home and fucking some hot little tart on the side. We may not do it - though that is at least partly correlated with lack of opportunity. We may think it is wrong. But we get it. We understand the urge and we know it isn't rooted in our wife's inadequacy. We just want to have our cake and eat it too. News flash - women are not so different. All the artificial construct telling us they are is a way of playing on our insecurities to enforce a double standard.

Letting go of all that is healthy. Not fighting to convince yourself of the lie that she could never have sexual desire for another or that if we just try hard enough we can be the best of everything all the time is a relief. Doing that and remaining monogamous is just fine. Cuckolding isn't a necessary step to letting go of all the artificial constructs. It is sort of the extreme version of it. But it can also be said that once you let go of those things it doesn't seem so unusual. If a man could have a little outside fun and not have it invade the home life why shouldn't a woman do so as well. And if you want a sexually dynamic woman it is only logical to accept her complete sexuality, not just the part that is oriented towards you. It becomes a very logical trade-off to be with a wonderfully adventurous sexual woman requires that you not try to control and possess her. Such a woman may prefer monogamy, but on balance she is more likely than other woman to want to maintain a variety of sexual partners and to find that to be a source of ongoing stimulation, which also enters her marital sex life.

So why not an open relationship most people will ask? Nothing wrong with that, but what is the purpose? Because if it is to "keep up" then you are back seeking to compel equal outcomes in order to assuage an insecurity that is at least partly artificially created. In my case we did try an open relationship. It didn't work out as well for me because I had fewer opportunities not only with women in general but especially with women prepared to be with a man in an open relationship. Ultimately that which was available to me paled in comparison to my own wife and in comparison to the many other dynamics people have highlighted in this thread. For instance, compare dating a typical woman I might meet (with all of the associated limitations and hang-ups) with watching my wife fuck another man then fucking her myself. There is no question that the latter is more exciting and more appealing to me. Some of that is because of my own association with this particular kink, but even if I stripped all that away and stripped away all the artificial constructs I would still come to the same conclusion. Why would I forego a sexual "10" and a sure thing to chase the prospect of a maybe "6" or "7"? Variety? Sure, but my reality is that the variety available to me just isn't nearly as compelling as what is available to my wife and the experiences that are available are sufficiently inferior to what mw wife offers that it hardly seems worth it. As a mature cuckold I have both stripped away the artificial constructs and added a full gamut of kinks such that my experience is far superior to any available alternative including that of asking my wife to return to monogamy (she would if I asked).

This parallels a lot of how it has worked for my husband and I. For couples that choose to venture beyond monogamy and support one another's latitude to avail themselves of the opportunities available to them, the hotwife/cuckold relationship will often be the natural outcome.

I think that men have been so conditioned to regard gender relations and their place in sexual relations in a certain way that they automatically see this relationship dynamic as an effort to restrict the man's options. But the practical reality is that it is more often a by-product of the effort to not restrict the woman's options and the man accepting a clear-eyed view of the situation instead of trying to manipulate it to control for equal outcomes.

 

[Funcouple1980ss]

You’ll have to ask my husband x

 

[Funcouple1980ss]

Great answer

Thanks

 

[Stoicbutfun]

It's an interesting question and I suppose the basic answer is, different strokes for different folks and if you don't get it you probably never will. Although I'm sure there are those that have been 'turned' so to speak.

From my side it's not even remotely close to who I am, BUT ... I absolutely love those who are cuckolds and their Mistresses. Something about them (and I have a good idea what it is) really arouses and impresses Me. I love talking to them and hearing their stories ... in fact I have a great deal of admiration for them, in the same way that I admire true submissives.

I totally agree, there is no need to justify it, and I think from my own experience that it is simply linked to an intense love for a person and as I think has been alluded to, it’s a beautiful thing, I feel i have been very lucky to be part of it!

 

[BBCfan]

I don't get it. I'm just trying to broaden my horizons- I haven't read any of the psychological aspect of it in the stories I've read about it (but maybe I've read the wrong ones)...

If you had told me 7 years ago that it would be my biggest fantasy and created a thrill and connection with my wife on a very close and unique level I wouldn't have believed you. I never got this fetish at all. Thought cuck dudes were freaks (in a respectful way) LOL

How my fantasy "cuck" desires grew was through my previous fetish for many years evolving to include my wife, which really was a unexpected transformation.

It's been 5 years since first sharing my fantasy of seeing her with her BBC lover from before we met, and she just agreed a few days ago to contact him and reconnect.

The thrill I feel and excitement towards my wife is greater than anything I've had before.

 

[dasgoodshit]

Most people that have a cuckold fantasy, or have shared their wife openly; have been cheated on by her, or someone else in the past....

To some degree, this also happens with guys who may have very beautiful women. We subconsciously may think, "we don't deserve her, and she can always get better, so inevitably she will find another". Again, the reasons for cuckolding are the same: to limit vulnerability by allowing what we feel is inevitable: she will have sex with others.

This is what I was looking for, thanks! I still can't imagine doing it myself, but it at least makes enough sense to be able to write about.

sexual desires... that doesn't cause harm is probably ok to indulge in. Maybe it's more harmful to repress it.

Agreed!

 

[dasgoodshit]

@SlutAddicted - First, I just want to say that I'm not picking a fight. You gave a thorough, extremely well thought out response. However, I do have a few questions about some of the things you said. Also, just to let you know, you've given me an incredible idea for a cuck story. I'm not even interested in cucking, yet I know that I have to write it, because the idea is too damn good!

...

Why are you answering this question from a purely male point of view? Women can be cucked also...

...

I'm putting this quote at the top because I'm most interested in your response to the question I have for you:

watching my wife fuck another man then fucking her myself

Why is it not enough to watch her fuck another man? Do you feel the need to fuck her afterwards? Do you feel compelled to take her pussy after being cucked, even if you might sometimes finish in other ways?

So we have created these artificial social constructs to restrict female sexual opportunity in order to achieve something more like equal sexual outcomes.

...

The idea that women seek monogamy because they need a man to protect and provide is quite obviously a by-product of the fact that women have for much of history been precluded from providing for themselves and ostracized for not being married.

(Incidentally, I studied the shit out of evolution and human origins for 6-7 years.)

This all boils down to evolution and the fact that human females have a long gestation period, give birth to one offspring (most of the time), and that offspring have a long period of juvenile development. In a species that has those characteristics, it is a biological imperative for the sex that gives birth, whether male or female, to ensure that their offspring are cared for, and that the partner they select is the best they can find, because they have less opportunity. That's why women make men jump through hoops- they can't help it, because it's built into their DNA. They don't even know why they are doing it most of the time; they just know they have to.

(There are species in which the male carries the offspring during gestation; among those species, the normal m/f roles are reversed.)

Some will say it is about paternity, but there are other ways to manage that and frankly compelling women to be more secretive has arguably magnified the practical reality of husbands not being the biological father of the children their wives have and not knowing about it.

You hit the nail on the head here. Men need to know that their children are their own, because why else should they care for them (from evolutionary perspective, that is). The woman will always care for the offspring, because the offspring will always be hers.

However, if it were a part of the "construct" that women were allowed to sleep around, then men would have to work much, much harder in order to be able to provide. (Again, from an evolutionary perspective. In the age of birth control, yadda yadda yadda...)

(I'm not sure what you mean by "ways to manage [paternity]")

The difference between how (i.e. the severity thereof) women and men regard infidelity is an artificial construct designed to restrict women from having preferential sexual outcomes.

...

They have more sexual opportunity than we do.

I don't know why you say they have more sexual opportunity, unless it is because they are pursuees instead of pursuers. I'm also not sure I even agree, because they are the ones that carry the burden of gestation. If anything, don't they have less sexual opportunity? (Again, evolutionary perspective.)

Also, I'm a little fuzzy on whether or not you believe in equality of outcome or equality of opportunity. Both can be argued against, but I don't see how a person could believe in both of them.

If a man could have a little outside fun and not have it invade the home life why shouldn't a woman do so as well.

Are you saying that most (or many) male cucks also cuck their spouses, or otherwise have other partners on the side?
........

Overall, it seems like you are saying that we should rebel against our instincts and DNA, and that the "construct" of which you speak is simply the "awareness" of the instinctual, genetically predispositioned behavior that led us to where we are today. Is that accurate?

 

[bjlatx]

I just like to watch my wife fuck and I know that she likes big dicks. I don’t have one so I have to let her get a few on the side. The only real rule we have is that I get to reclaim her if I want to.

 

[Escierto]

@SlutAddicted - First, I just want to say that I'm not picking a fight. You gave a thorough, extremely well thought out response. However, I do have a few questions about some of the things you said. Also, just to let you know, you've given me an incredible idea for a cuck story. I'm not even interested in cucking, yet I know that I have to write it, because the idea is too damn good!

...

Why are you answering this question from a purely male point of view? Women can be cucked also...

...

I'm putting this quote at the top because I'm most interested in your response to the question I have for you:

Why is it not enough to watch her fuck another man? Do you feel the need to fuck her afterwards? Do you feel compelled to take her pussy after being cucked, even if you might sometimes finish in other ways?


(Incidentally, I studied the shit out of evolution and human origins for 6-7 years.)

This all boils down to evolution and the fact that human females have a long gestation period, give birth to one offspring (most of the time), and that offspring have a long period of juvenile development. In a species that has those characteristics, it is a biological imperative for the sex that gives birth, whether male or female, to ensure that their offspring are cared for, and that the partner they select is the best they can find, because they have less opportunity. That's why women make men jump through hoops- they can't help it, because it's built into their DNA. They don't even know why they are doing it most of the time; they just know they have to.

(There are species in which the male carries the offspring during gestation; among those species, the normal m/f roles are reversed.)


You hit the nail on the head here. Men need to know that their children are their own, because why else should they care for them (from evolutionary perspective, that is). The woman will always care for the offspring, because the offspring will always be hers.

However, if it were a part of the "construct" that women were allowed to sleep around, then men would have to work much, much harder in order to be able to provide. (Again, from an evolutionary perspective. In the age of birth control, yadda yadda yadda...)

(I'm not sure what you mean by "ways to manage [paternity]")


I don't know why you say they have more sexual opportunity, unless it is because they are pursuees instead of pursuers. I'm also not sure I even agree, because they are the ones that carry the burden of gestation. If anything, don't they have less sexual opportunity? (Again, evolutionary perspective.)

Also, I'm a little fuzzy on whether or not you believe in equality of outcome or equality of opportunity. Both can be argued against, but I don't see how a person could believe in both of them.


Are you saying that most (or many) male cucks also cuck their spouses, or otherwise have other partners on the side?
........

Overall, it seems like you are saying that we should rebel against our instincts and DNA, and that the "construct" of which you speak is simply the "awareness" of the instinctual, genetically predispositioned behavior that led us to where we are today. Is that accurate?

You know what they say. Motherhood is a fact but fatherhood is a matter of opinion!

 

[canopy]

If only I could find a way to get my husband to read the replies to this thread... *sigh*

 

[KateAt55]

Let me get some popcorn

 

[dasgoodshit]

You know what they say. Motherhood is a fact but fatherhood is a matter of opinion!

Reminds me of what the blonde said when the doctor told her she was pregnant.

"Is it mine?"

 

[SlutAddicted]

@SlutAddicted - First, I just want to say that I'm not picking a fight. You gave a thorough, extremely well thought out response. However, I do have a few questions about some of the things you said. Also, just to let you know, you've given me an incredible idea for a cuck story. I'm not even interested in cucking, yet I know that I have to write it, because the idea is too damn good!

...

Why are you answering this question from a purely male point of view? Women can be cucked also...

Because I am a man and I feel that is the perspective that I can speak to best.

...

I'm putting this quote at the top because I'm most interested in your response to the question I have for you:

Why is it not enough to watch her fuck another man? Do you feel the need to fuck her afterwards? Do you feel compelled to take her pussy after being cucked, even if you might sometimes finish in other ways?

No I do not feel the need to fuck her afterwards. What I was getting at there was the basic premise that if I am in the mood to fuck someone and my wife is my preferred candidate that fact is not altered by the fact that she has been with another man. Often when this topic arises guys think in terms of well if she is fucking another guy then I should be able to fuck another woman. And I agree with the should be able to part of that, but it doesn't translate into should feel as though I have to somehow to stay even. When we had an open relationship this was the inflection point at which it evolved into cuckolding. I was chasing women who I found less appealing than my wife and less likely to engage in sexual relations on a consistent basis. I had some success, but they still paled in comparison to my wife. It was quite literally a situation where I was on a date, wishing I was with her then realizing (because she told me so) that if she knew I was at home waiting she would happily make sure to come home from her date in time to be with me - so why am I on this date not really going anywhere when I could be home watching the game, having a beer, knowing my wife will be home later to be with me?

I don't link her having sex with someone else to me needing to reclaim her or any of that stuff. I'm just saying that if I do want to fuck and she is more willing and alluring than any other woman then why not stick with that? There is no reason that the fact that she isn't exclusive to me should change that. If she can satisfy herself, other men and me, well good for her. I am just happy to be in the game.

(Incidentally, I studied the shit out of evolution and human origins for 6-7 years.)

This all boils down to evolution and the fact that human females have a long gestation period, give birth to one offspring (most of the time), and that offspring have a long period of juvenile development. In a species that has those characteristics, it is a biological imperative for the sex that gives birth, whether male or female, to ensure that their offspring are cared for, and that the partner they select is the best they can find, because they have less opportunity. That's why women make men jump through hoops- they can't help it, because it's built into their DNA. They don't even know why they are doing it most of the time; they just know they have to.

(There are species in which the male carries the offspring during gestation; among those species, the normal m/f roles are reversed.)

Agreed but one of the key things about evolution is that it is ongoing. You are speaking of historical circumstances in which: 1) reproduction was the primary purpose of sex; 2) for much of the observed history women were actively precluded from supporting themselves and were banished to the margins of society if they didn't have a man; 3) men refused to take any meaningful role in child rearing. All those things have changed and female behaviour changed almost immediately (in terms of evolutionary timeframes) when those parameters changed.

When the purpose of sex is reproduction the man invests one minute of fun then the woman carries the baby for nine months and raises it for years thereafter. As a result men have greater capacity to perform their role - because women do 99.99% of the work not because men have great capacity. But if we think of sex as a source of pleasure and realize the existence of birth control - both part of the modern evolution of sexual dynamics - then the situation almost completely reverses. Men have limited stamina compared to women and a less consistent ability to provide sexual pleasure (owing to the complexity of the female orgasm). When we look past the historical priority of reproduction to the modern acceptance of sex as a source of female pleasure we see that women have far more capacity and a greater imperative to seek variety.

Another Litster has a cute quip about a bird in a cage in a room full of cats. Imagine you open a small door in the cage through which the bird could exit the cage but the cats can't get in. Now imagine a cat (cartoon no doubt) observing the fact that the bird doesn't leave the cage saying "hmm, fascinating this bird has evolved to want to live in a cage and its focus is to find the best cage." How can we look at that outcome and come to that conclusion without taking into account all the cats and the fact that the cage is in a closed room? Just like how can we make conclusions about what a woman needs or desires to be cared for when we intentionally cut off all of her options by denying her any rights, including the right to earn a living, and threaten to ban her to the fringes of society if she doesn't pair up with a man? How can we conclude that she has evolved to want this when (in evolutionary timeframes) women almost immediately started to throw off the mantle of needing (as opposed to wanting) a man as soon as they acquired the capacity to make a living?