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Can I just rant for a second??

dolf said:
it's not your size, it's your desperation.
plenty of dudes like big women.
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Right. I think that within reasonable limits it is not an isue with most men.

Aquagal said:
Before even getting into a relationship you sound like you might be clingy. Maybe they sense that.
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I think that should be seriously considered here. "Puppies" can be talked outof it somewhat over a period of time but it iss not the sort of quality you want to project.
 
It is natural to be pleasing and willing, but the truth is that men are predators. You have to follow the rules.
 
I call shenanigans and second the evaluation of desperate.

If the "pretty cute" guy is a flat out asshole, why aren't you focusing on guys that may not be model pretty or fashionable but just happen to be good company, caring and interested in a realistic relationship that doesn't involve a workshop on BJ's?

They're out there. But they may not hang out with you if you're busy chasing the assholes. Too high maintenance, too much baggage.

Sounds like someone looking for a trophy partner that doesn't qualify themselves. You don't have to lower your standards, but please realize that your standards are a silly illusion. Get real standards, including sanity and emotional stability. Might not be too bad to work on those things yourself.
 
Elaya said:
I'm just frustrated.. in more ways than one.

I think I'd make a damn good girlfriend. I think I'm pretty good at understanding, communication, sharing work and fun, giving someone their space, not "using someone for money" and definitely try to be low key in not living up to the stereotype of bitchy/ nagy woman.

But guys around here won't take look at me for more than a second.
I live in a fairly major metropolis, and I swear, the guys here won't date anything over a size 6, making a so called romantic life at size 16 pretty much hopeless.

The kicker is.. apparently I'm ready and eager to offer up what apparently a lot of guys want. I'm more than happy to get kinky.. I'm very eager to practice becoming an elite member of the BJ club (which I just invented). I'm very much into giving, and love to read here and elsewhere various techniques and methods, physical and mental. Aside from wanting a fun companion to date, I want someone's body to make my new pastime. I just finish reading "He Comes Next".. and man am I eager to put some of those ideas to use, especially in the areas of fellatio. I'm eager to please... but no one's interested.

Only.. I'm as single as they get.

I guess I"m super grumpy at the moment as there's a pretty cute guy at work.. and I swear he's flirting with me.. but hes the kind of guy where as soon as you show you're interested back.. he turns into a jerk. He chases you.. you look back at him.. he turns all Macho and too cool for you... .

I've never had a long term steady BF. Partly, (mostly?) because of confidence, social anxiety and I am pretty sure, weight. But these last couple of years.. I've been looking, and I've been putting myself out there. I've even tried posting on craigslist looking for a FWB.. the guy I started chatting with canceled dates 9 times out of 10. After 8 scheduled arrangements, meeting in person only once.. I gave up.

I'm so very frustrated. Any advice out there?
THanks.
Click to expand...

You remind me of so many men I encountered during my bizarre year of dating all kinds of men to figure out which men to avoid. Patterns I noticed:

* The most desperate ones were the least emotionally self aware.
* The least attractive and least personally evolved men always had zero awareness of finding partners in their league.
* They fixated on sex and getting off far more than looking for character attributes that would be a fit for girlfriend material, displaying fwb behavior, not boyfriend potential behavior.
* The clingy ones were the most annoying to have a conversation with because the topic never steered from their whining.

Do you want a "boyfriend" or a fuck buddy? You're really just ready for a FWB, and barely.

Perhaps you are a dude? You hit every criteria I had for running for the hills. Funny.
 
Toronto is a tough town to meet interesting people outside of Work, especially if you're in a downtown career position.

And it's tougher still for women who aren't "attractive" in the Size 6, hair and makeup and Holts way you referred to.

So:

1. Forget about sex with anyone at work; become known as the woman who never bones guys from work.

2. This will increase your genuine Work Friendships, which will get you invited to their House Parties...your co-workers mates will then start introducing you to their friends, because you are not a Threat to bone their men...on this score, you don't need to torture yourself down to a Size 6...you can go to a 12 and be attractively non threatening.

3. Join a gym and get to a 12. You'll make Friends there. No boning Gym guys....again, you want access to their Parties & Friends.

4. Find a hobby that stretches you as a person...something you've never done that cool men like to do...take the Motorcycle License Course, for example, then buy an inexpensive bike...or take up Archery...Bowling....Pottery...Painting...Photography...whatever attracts the kind of men you like...or just an activity YOU like.

5. Host a small dinner party 4 times a year at your home for 12 people mixed from the different circles you cultivate.

6. Find an interesting bar to visit once every week or two for 1-2 drinks so you can become "known" to the Staff as an interesting single woman who isn't a drunk, slut or 1 night stand girl. Never stay for more than an hour.

These things taken together will produce 4-8 interesting new men per year in your life who will not threaten or upset your Work or Social circles.

6-12 months from now, you'll probably be in a relationship of some kind.

You're welcome. Have fun.
 
You can't ask if you can rant and then just go ahead and rant. Why ask?

Next time you ask the question, wait for the answer.

And for the record, no you can't rant.
 
dolf said:
it has to be a trick.

if it's not a trick then life is too confusing and i need to lie down.
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I'm feeling queasy. Do I encourage the nice or do I assume that he's trying to rope in the obviously vulnerable?

Ethical dilemma!

He could be doing both and no matter what I choose I'm wrong!

Curses!
 
dolf said:
lance... that was actually... nice :confused:
Click to expand...



That system works for men and women in any community or situation, by the way.

Basically...

do the things you like,
do a new thing every so often,
don't have sex with people from work or your "core" groups,
socialize and be social,
create a pattern that enables you to be seen... but not over-seen.
 
Recidiva said:
I'm feeling queasy. Do I encourage the nice or do I assume that he's trying to rope in the obviously vulnerable?

Ethical dilemma!

He could be doing both and no matter what I choose I'm wrong!

Curses!
Click to expand...
i'm so confused that i'm going to email him vagpics.
 
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