Can I create a Dom?

[oneguy4fun]

Here's something I find intriguing. When a question like this is posed by a guy on a femdom site, many of the women rip into him for being selfish and not thinking of the wife's needs. Now I disagree that the person is being selfish, but I am surprised that in this post no one has brought up the needs of the husband.

My advice is to think about your husband needs. What can he benefit from what you want? What are you going to give in return for what you want? I faced a similar situation in that I desired to be teased, denied, and dominated but my wife was vanilla. However, I know that she loves to be pampered. I sold her on the idea by promising to give her endless massages, treating her like a queen, and taking on more chores. Little-by-little she bought into it and just recently she agreed that we should have a female led marriage (a dream come true for me).

One key point is that this was not like turning on a switch. It was probably about 6 years ago when I first confessed my true desires to her. She played a little, stopped, I encoured her more, and she did more. There were lots of ups and downs for me (sounds like you are having the same experience). We communicated a lot but there were still frustrating times for me because I really wanted it bad and she would only do things every once in awhile. What I have learned is that you have to be patient but persistent. You have to make it fun and desirable for your partner. 6 years ago I would have never imagined that a female led marriage would be a reality for me but eventually it happened.

There are still things that I really want, that she does not do and probably never will. I just have to accept that (but I always keep hope that it could happen). Part of being married is making sacrifices and I am o.k. with that. I am very grateful for what she has given me so far. I hope you can make it work. Good marriages are hard to find these days. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to discuss further.

 

[FurryFury]

Good point. I agree that when you are in a relationship, the needs of your partner should count at least and since I'm a sub MORE than one's own. I believe this regardless of which one is D/s or m/f.

Here's something I find intriguing. When a question like this is posed by a guy on a femdom site, many of the women rip into him for being selfish and not thinking of the wife's needs. Now I disagree that the person is being selfish, but I am surprised that in this post no one has brought up the needs of the husband.

My advice is to think about your husband needs. What can he benefit from what you want? What are you going to give in return for what you want? I faced a similar situation in that I desired to be teased, denied, and dominated but my wife was vanilla. However, I know that she loves to be pampered. I sold her on the idea by promising to give her endless massages, treating her like a queen, and taking on more chores. Little-by-little she bought into it and just recently she agreed that we should have a female led marriage (a dream come true for me).

One key point is that this was not like turning on a switch. It was probably about 6 years ago when I first confessed my true desires to her. She played a little, stopped, I encoured her more, and she did more. There were lots of ups and downs for me (sounds like you are having the same experience). We communicated a lot but there were still frustrating times for me because I really wanted it bad and she would only do things every once in awhile. What I have learned is that you have to be patient but persistent. You have to make it fun and desirable for your partner. 6 years ago I would have never imagined that a female led marriage would be a reality for me but eventually it happened.

There are still things that I really want, that she does not do and probably never will. I just have to accept that (but I always keep hope that it could happen). Part of being married is making sacrifices and I am o.k. with that. I am very grateful for what she has given me so far. I hope you can make it work. Good marriages are hard to find these days. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to discuss further.

 

[DVS]

Here's something I find intriguing. When a question like this is posed by a guy on a femdom site, many of the women rip into him for being selfish and not thinking of the wife's needs. Now I disagree that the person is being selfish, but I am surprised that in this post no one has brought up the needs of the husband.

My advice is to think about your husband needs. What can he benefit from what you want? What are you going to give in return for what you want? I faced a similar situation in that I desired to be teased, denied, and dominated but my wife was vanilla. However, I know that she loves to be pampered. I sold her on the idea by promising to give her endless massages, treating her like a queen, and taking on more chores. Little-by-little she bought into it and just recently she agreed that we should have a female led marriage (a dream come true for me).

One key point is that this was not like turning on a switch. It was probably about 6 years ago when I first confessed my true desires to her. She played a little, stopped, I encoured her more, and she did more. There were lots of ups and downs for me (sounds like you are having the same experience). We communicated a lot but there were still frustrating times for me because I really wanted it bad and she would only do things every once in awhile. What I have learned is that you have to be patient but persistent. You have to make it fun and desirable for your partner. 6 years ago I would have never imagined that a female led marriage would be a reality for me but eventually it happened.

There are still things that I really want, that she does not do and probably never will. I just have to accept that (but I always keep hope that it could happen). Part of being married is making sacrifices and I am o.k. with that. I am very grateful for what she has given me so far. I hope you can make it work. Good marriages are hard to find these days. Feel free to e-mail me if you want to discuss further.

Well, I don't frequent femdom sites so I can't say one way or the other about the first part of your post. I don't think everybody was disregarding the male of the relationship as much as we were trying to explain to the female that you can't change him.

 

[OnceFuturePoly]

{snip}

To everyone else: I took the advice of a friend last night and got rough with HIM in bed. He fought back. This may not seem like much to some of you guys, but he told me to put my mouth to use for a change. When I tried to pin his arms above him he pinched my nipple so hard I screamed. Fun was had by all. I consider this progress.

{snip}

This may be a special case and for unique conditions you don't have, but...

Demonstrate that you are not fragile.

-- Have him spank you to tears and beyond. When he stops, demand that he keep going. Break through his compassion barrier. You almost certainly don't want it as rough as it's going to get, but take it this one time to demonstrate how hard it is for him to get close to your limit.

-- Pick a verbal fight. Call him names. Demean his morality and his chivalry. Provoke him to call you names. Doing it once may make it easier for him to do it again.

("You can't even say the word 'slut' let alone call me one. Say it. Call me 'your little slut'. Again, chickenshit. Tell me what I am, and this time mean it!")

When he breaks and calls you what you want to hear, turn super loving and tell him that you are ___, you love it when he calls you ___, and you want to hear ___ over and over again.

-- Do something obscene you know he will demand that you stop. Parade naked in front of the windows? Hit on his friend? Then tell him you will NOT stop until makes you. "I'm so horny -- you take me right here and right now or I'll keep up until someone does."

Be a real brat? Keep being a brat until you get your spanking. If it's not good enough, be even more of a brat.

-- Do some role play and get his character to do what you want. Prompt him in the middle "You're not calling me a slut, you're telling that school girl that she's a slut. Let yourself go and win an Oscar!" "This nympho WANTS to be tied with her legs open and suffer/enjoy all the things you can use on her as a dildo."


When you've pushed him as far a you can, be as demonstrative grateful as possible so there is NO question that you really want it and he has made a real breakthrough. Make it a time of real connection.

 

[oneguy4fun]

Well, I don't frequent femdom sites so I can't say one way or the other about the first part of your post. I don't think everybody was disregarding the male of the relationship as much as we were trying to explain to the female that you can't change him.

I disagree...she may be able to change him. People do change with the right motivation.

 

[DVS]

I disagree...she may be able to change him. People do change with the right motivation.

We'll just have to agree to disagree. You can't give someone the desire to dominate or be dominated any more than you can make someone gay or straight. If it isn't in them from the beginning, it won't come out.

Sure, if someone has no idea they have the desire, it is possible to bring it out of them. That happens all the time. Many people find out they are submissive or dominant after they have been married to a vanilla partner for years and they start investigating on how to spice up their love life. It might seem like they have been changed, but the urge was always there. It was just triggered by something or someone.

Do you know how many marriages have ended in divorce because one of the partners found out they were kinky and the other partner couldn't reciprocate their desires? If it were possible, I'd think they would change.

 

[oneguy4fun]

We'll just have to agree to disagree. You can't give someone the desire to dominate or be dominated any more than you can make someone gay or straight. If it isn't in them from the beginning, it won't come out.

Sure, if someone has no idea they have the desire, it is possible to bring it out of them. That happens all the time. Many people find out they are submissive or dominant after they have been married to a vanilla partner for years and they start investigating on how to spice up their love life. It might seem like they have been changed, but the urge was always there. It was just triggered by something or someone.

Conceptually I agree with what that but you are presuming that the OP's husband does not have it in him. I guess what I am saying is lets not put him into that bucket just yet. When I first got married I would never have imagined many of the things my wife does with me now. She was very vanilla but over time she has changed.

Do you know how many marriages have ended in divorce because one of the partners found out they were kinky and the other partner couldn't reciprocate their desires? If it were possible, I'd think they would change.

Honestly..I don't think there's much fact behind that DVS. My guess is there are much deeper issues with these marriages.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Gather ye by moonlight three oxcarts of finest graveyard clay. Mix well with the blood of one hundred Christian infants. Perform the ritual ablutions, then, on midsummer's eve, form the bloody clay into the shape of a DOM. In his right hand place a flogger, in his left a tablet bearing the laws of domination. Indite the Tetragrammaton upon his brow with holy implements, then invoke four archangels and the powers of earth, air, fire and water.

 

[DVS]

Conceptually I agree with what that but you are presuming that the OP's husband does not have it in him. I guess what I am saying is lets not put him into that bucket just yet. When I first got married I would never have imagined many of the things my wife does with me now. She was very vanilla but over time she has changed.

I haven't put anybody anywhere. I'm just stating what I know to be true. If the guy has it in him, it's possible to draw it out. If he doesn't have it in him, you can't create it in him. And as for your wife being very vanilla, but changed over time...everybody is vanilla before they realize they aren't.

Honestly..I don't think there's much fact behind that DVS. My guess is there are much deeper issues with these marriages.

There's always a chance for deeper issues. Everybody is different. Once again, we're just going to have to agree to disagree. No need to haggle over this. Enjoy your opinion and I'll enjoy mine.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Gather ye by moonlight three oxcarts of finest graveyard clay. Mix well with the blood of one hundred Christian infants. Perform the ritual ablutions, then, on midsummer's eve, form the bloody clay into the shape of a DOM. In his right hand place a flogger, in his left a tablet bearing the laws of domination. Indite the Tetragrammaton upon his brow with holy implements, then invoke four archangels and the powers of earth, air, fire and water.

I sure hope you have the Consecrated Shield named Derith made of Mammoth Bone laying around, dude. The Archangel Laetril of the Dominion of Fire is coming after your ass for giving away the holy secrets like what you did.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I sure hope you have the Consecrated Shield named Derith made of Mammoth Bone laying around, dude. The Archangel Laetril of the Dominion of Fire is coming after your ass for giving away the holy secrets like what you did.

My 14th level gnome eats archangels for breakfast.

 

[Stella_Omega]

My 14th level gnome eats archangels for breakfast.

Oh you are truly screwed then-- this is a lunch Archangel.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Oh you are truly screwed then-- this is a lunch Archangel.

A Wish spell takes care of that...

 

[Stella_Omega]

A Wish spell takes care of that...

Okay, then, I concede-- you are well prepared.