Can a sub make a good dungeon Mistress??

[Slut_loves_pain]

Advice please!!!
I have considered for a long time doing this, one of the local parlours has an unused dungeon and the owner (who I know very well and trust) has been nagging me to run it for a while. I've read a lot but had no actual experience as a Domme, in my own private life I'm a sub.
But GOD I'd love to give it a go, I certainly know my general disdain for men would make most things really easy.
And hey, moneys money right????

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm not sure a disdain for men necessarily gives you the qualities necessary to be a dungeon mistress, and might possibly be a hindrance at times. There are subs/slaves who become pro dommes or dungeon mistresses etc., and make very good ones...it is dependant on whether you can pull it off, attitude, skills etc. I have had a go at topping/domming pyl because F insisted, and apparently from all concerned I did better than alright, but that being said, it is not something I would choose of my own free will to do simply because it is not who I am despite appearances. You may find you haver a similar ability and even enjoy it....perhaps your friend could arrange for you to have a trial run of sorts to see if you want to continue.

Catalina

 

[Marquis]

No.

There you go.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Yes, a sub CAN make a good dungeon Mistress, or any other kind of Mistress.

That doesn't mean they all DO.

Subbing allows you to experience the receiving end of the whip, as it were, and therefore, you have the knowledge of that role. When a sub takes on a Dom/me's role, they are equipped with that knowledge, and therefore, might be able to better manipulate a situation. Note, I said "might". Some people are unable to play both roles well. I'm not knocking those people, just stating that some people are absolutely one or the other, and cannot make themselves behave in the reverse role. Some CAN behave in the reverse role, but don't enjoy it.

You might find that, through this experience, your orientation, as far as BDSM goes, might change. Rather than being strictly 'sub', you might enjoy the Domme role enough to perhaps consider the label of 'switch'.

That's how it came out of me. I began sub, believing I could never take control, that it was so ingrained in me to be submissive, etc... and now.. *grin* I relish the power, I relish inflicting (ssc) pain, I relish being called "Ma'am", etc. I do, still, though, very much enjoy receiving orders, pain, responsibility, etc. *shrug*

Give it a go. See how you like it. If nothing else, it's an experience to draw from.

 

[RJMasters]

But GOD I'd love to give it a go, I certainly know my general disdain for men would make most things really easy.
And hey, moneys money right????

What a truely fucked up thing to say!

 

[Slut_loves_pain]

why fucked up??

I suppose from a male's angle it could be quite hard to understand.
But if you dont rate men that highly due to your personal experiences with men, it comes easier I think, to call them worm, make them grovel, hurt them.
I think even though I am a sub I may get a kick out of doing this sexually to see men in a position I have been in.
This is all theory not proven and to some may seem fucked up despite the explanation, of sorts

 

[RJMasters]

Re: why fucked up??

I suppose from a male's angle it could be quite hard to understand.
But if you dont rate men that highly due to your personal experiences with men, it comes easier I think, to call them worm, make them grovel, hurt them.

Bullshit.

I would say the same thing if a guy said, hey I have a distain for women, I bet that would make a good Dom. Sure make hurting them easier and fun. What the hell money is money right?

If you got personal issues from past experiences, perhaps you should deal with them instead of turning around and doing the same thing back to other people.

Sounds to me like your not too happy with what happen to you, so what makes you think by you treating others with disdain would in anyway make you different than the men who treated you like that in the past?

But hey, since its for money it makes it all ok. right?

If you wanted to do this as a new experience, I would have had no problem with it at all, though as a sub you might not enjoy it as much as you might think, BUT because your motivation stems from "distain" of men and because its just to make money.

Well if you got to ask why that's fucked up, then I'm wasting my time explaining it to you.

 

[dolf]

hey sweetie.
i kinda agree with RJ, only i'll do it politely
without and respect & caring for your subs you would cease to be a Domme and simply become an abuser. it wouldn't be good for you to constantly replay your fury on men who have never harmed you...and there would be such temptation to take things too far.
if you look at every man you meet as an abuser then you won't sleep any easier for it don't rush into this 'k?
xx

 

[Betticus]

Whoa guys. We do not know her background and are making personal assumptions.

I take this from a different angle. If she is an experienced submissive then she has a clue as to what people seeking a pro want. I have seen that a lot of the guys that are looking for pro domination want to be abused and humiliated and deeply shamed. If she has a disdain for men then it can work to her benefit as it would allow her to slip into a Domme role with them more easily. It doesn't mean that she will be working out all of her past angst on them, but if they get off on that what is the harm?

After all, would it be much different if a Domme were working over a sub who wanted to be humiliated and was paying for it? The Domme might just be feeling a lot of distaste for the man under her heel and enjoy making him beg so why shouldn't she be able to enjoy it too?

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm more with RJ in this as being dominant means to a large extent having control over your own feelings, past influences etc., not acting them out on those who are oblivioous to them. IME most reputable Dom/me's have respect for their submissive counterparts, not dislike or resentment or a pay back attitude...that sentiment usually is an indication of someone who is unsafe and not overly concerned with anyone's well being but their own.

Is this dungeon just for male subs because if it isn't how are you going to interact with male Dominants, Dommes, female submissives/slaves? Speaking from one who has tried the opposite side of the whip, believe me it is far from easy.....there is a heap of responsibility entailed, not to mention having to tune into the sub's feelings, experiences etc....then on top of that mental energy needed to tune in and come up with ideas comes the physical which is not a walk in the park. By the end of a few hours of this I was ready for a break and a damn good session myself to work out all the aches and kinks. As I said before, see if you can be given a trial run first and see how you go before jumping in and taking on the job.

Catalina

 

[Slut_loves_pain]

thats exactly what I might do

because even though I do have an air of general disdain for men, I do have an overwhelming respect for human beings and dont see all men as assholes. All I meant was that I could turn the disdain I DO feel into an illusion of domination.
Basically what Betticus said in far less eloquent words... HOW do you all manage to be so eloquent in all your posts??? All my good work goes into my academic stuff and leaves me with rather juvenile blonde dizzy sounding board posts, lol.
Thankyou for all your advice and thoughts, its very helpful

 

[Kajira Callista]

before i post something im gonna need to swallow back down....do you submit to males or females?

 

[Netzach]

Re: why fucked up??

I suppose from a male's angle it could be quite hard to understand.
But if you dont rate men that highly due to your personal experiences with men, it comes easier I think, to call them worm, make them grovel, hurt them.
I think even though I am a sub I may get a kick out of doing this sexually to see men in a position I have been in.
This is all theory not proven and to some may seem fucked up despite the explanation, of sorts

Well, I think I can speak of this from a fairly qualified stance, and I'm a woman and I can tell you it's not the most sound of ideas.

It might make it easier for about a week, but you will be fed up with your position very quickly. If you do not have patience and compassion and empathy with your clients you should not be in the racket. They are submissives, they are bottoms, they are horny fetishists, but chances are if they have 250 to blow in an hour they are not usually totally stupid.

They will know when you are being driven by issues and when they are being used for your therapy. They will know when you are bored with them. They will know when you are going through the motions.

Can a submissive woman be an excellent professional Top? Absolutely! But the ones I know who take on the role are adept at putting their innate interest in pleasing and facilitating pleasure in other people, serving other people's needs...into a deadly combination with some really good Top skills and a playfully sadistic interest on the side.

Your frustration with men is not going to drive you to be excellent or good at this work. Your desire for a buck is not going to be answered quickly with this work.

 

[Slut_loves_pain]

males

 

[Betticus]

I try to keep in mind that she did mention that it was the owner of this unused dungeon that has been bugging her to run it. Since I don't know the details or her I'm just going out on a limb and assuming that this owner sees something in her. Maybe he/she sees her potential?

Can she be good at it? Who knows.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Re: males

if you have a "general disdain for men"... how do you submit to them?

 

[catalina_francisco]

Re: thats exactly what I might do

All I meant was that I could turn the disdain I DO feel into an illusion of domination.

I wonder if that is how you see domination/submission?

Is there any update, are you going to try it and if so can you keep us updated on your progress.

I think that it would be good for you to dominate a man, I think it will be a learning experience for you.

Francisco.

 

[MissTaken]

Wow, seems like there are two themes here.

Yes, a submissive could be an effective Dungeon Mistress. As has been said, if her focus is on pleasing others, these gentlemen and perhaps ladies would enjoy those things that you would never dream of doing to your Dominant without specific instruction.

I find it ever amazing the things I do and enjoy doing when I know my partner wants them. No, I am not submissive, but I respect scooter and all of my partners past and present enough to be concerned about their pleasure.

Which brings me to what appears to be the second them of this thread. Respect. You need to respect who you are with, at least enough to do what is necessary and frankly, if someone is paying money to spend time with me in an intimate environment, there needs to be some element of respect evident.

Feeling disdain for the dorks you have spent time with in the past, is one thing. Feeling disdain for men in general because of the dorks you have been with tells me you have unresolved issues.

Best of luck (especially in figuring out what my ramblings mean)