Boyfriends

[zeb1094]

SeaCat, right on.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Seeing this thread reminded me of how I liked to push my first wife around. She liked it too. Wer would go to a shopping mall or some other place where most people would be walking, and she would sit in her wheelchair and I would push her around.

 

[cloudy]

I realize such abuse is underreported, but not that much.

I really don't want to be argumentative, Box, but this statement is so wrong, it's not even funny!

More goes UNreported than what is reported. I promise. Trust me on this.

 

[entitled]

One thing that nobody's touched on is the fact that after going out with 'the jerk' it's much harder to trust anybody of that sex. RA and i have been married for nearly 6 years (will be, beginning of next month). He knows i'm just marking time until somebody will hire me.

A male friend of mine came over last night for a while, and i realized that no matter how nice he is, it will be nearly impossible for me to trust him because of what RA had done. One person can have a lasting effect on somebody else. They can make that person live in fear and mistrust for years after leaving their life.

That might be the worst part of it. Once you think you're beyond a person's reach, you realize that they still have at least a nominal hold on your life because it is harder to trust.

 

[zeb1094]

One thing that nobody's touched on is the fact that after going out with 'the jerk' it's much harder to trust anybody of that sex. RA and i have been married for nearly 6 years (will be, beginning of next month). He knows i'm just marking time until somebody will hire me.

A male friend of mine came over last night for a while, and i realized that no matter how nice he is, it will be nearly impossible for me to trust him because of what RA had done. One person can have a lasting effect on somebody else. They can make that person live in fear and mistrust for years after leaving their life.

That might be the worst part of it. Once you think you're beyond a person's reach, you realize that they still have at least a nominal hold on your life because it is harder to trust.

Very true. For years after we were married my wife would have flashbacks, think I was her ex-husband. It happened at the oddest times but mostly at night just after we had finished making love and she was just falling asleep. She would wake fighting to get out from under the covers, yelling and screaming. It took hours of gently holding her until she came back to me. It was very frightening to say the least. It took about 3 years to rid herself of those demons.

 

[yui]

One thing that nobody's touched on is the fact that after going out with 'the jerk' it's much harder to trust anybody of that sex. RA and i have been married for nearly 6 years (will be, beginning of next month). He knows i'm just marking time until somebody will hire me.

A male friend of mine came over last night for a while, and i realized that no matter how nice he is, it will be nearly impossible for me to trust him because of what RA had done. One person can have a lasting effect on somebody else. They can make that person live in fear and mistrust for years after leaving their life.

That might be the worst part of it. Once you think you're beyond a person's reach, you realize that they still have at least a nominal hold on your life because it is harder to trust.

And quite likely, Ent, you and I will never be able to trust with the blind faith that we once could. Perhaps it is simply growing-up, exacerbated by negative relationships, but we aren't the same people we were back when believing was a simpler thing.

 

[Guest]

We Will Be Together Forever by Elizabetht
I love you
- I know you do
You are wonderful
- Yes, I know I am
You make me feel like a queen
- Your supposed to feel like a queen
No one has ever loved me as you do
- I am the man of your dreams
We will be together always
- Oh yes we will
- Marry me
Oh yes, yes I will marry you
- I do
I do
- Why do you need to go to the store?
You said that you wanted steak
- That is not the type of milk that I drink
Its milk, I am sorry I will get the right kind next time
- Why do not you go get it now?
I would love to have children
- Sure
Ouch, that hurt hunny could you be gentle
- Sure next time
Thank you
- Where are my jeans?
Probably in the clean clothes pile
- Why are they not in my drawers?
- Is that too hard to ask
- *SMACK*
I am so sorry
I was taking care of the kids
- What, you cannot take care of the kids and put the laundry away
- What good are you?
- Stupid bitch
I… I am sorry
- Your right you are sorry
Please do not yell at me
*tears*
- It is okay do not cry
- There there
- Everything will be fine
- Just do what I want and tell you to do
Yes Dear
- Why are the kids screaming?
They are just having a day
I will quiet them down
- No, I will
- *SMACK SMACK*
- Now you have something to cry about
- *SMACK SMACK*
No… please
Do not hurt my babies
- *THUMP THUMP*
- Your clothes will cover those
- Do what you are supposed to do
- Don’t make me hit you
- Keep the kids in line
- How did I ever end up with you?
- Stupid
- Dumb
- Fat cow
- You do not need any new clothes
- All your good for is to fuck
- You even suck at that
Please… please stop
*tears*
- *THUMP THUMP THUMP*
- I could kill you and no one would ever know
- No one cares about you
- Stupid brats take all your time
- Why do not we get rid of them?
- *RAPES*
*silent*
- Nothing to say now huh
- That is my RIGHT as your husband
- We will be together forever
*pain and fear*
I know


Dedication:
This is for every single woman that knows this conversation by heart, for every woman that has sat in fear waiting for this conversation, for every woman that is living this conversation right this moment, for every woman that managed somehow to get away from this conversation for good, and for those women that died trying.

 

[Recidiva]

Dedication:
This is for every single woman that knows this conversation by heart, for every woman that has sat in fear waiting for this conversation, for every woman that is living this conversation right this moment, for every woman that managed somehow to get away from this conversation for good, and for those women that died trying.

Thank you.

 

[Guest]

Thank you.

nods slowly tears sliding down her face

 

[yui]

nods slowly tears sliding down her face

 

[sweetnpetite]

Hitting

There are many men- and women too- who think of physical abuse as hitting. Not all physical abusers hit. Sometimes they push, pull, twist, pinch, shove. grab, yank... and think that it's ok because they never hit her. They live in denial. They think they are not abusers. To talk about physical abuse only in terms of hitting and being hit keeps this myth going.

Let's please remember that hitting is not the only kind of physical abuse.


So many woman say, "If a man ever hits me, I'm out"
Don't wait to be slapped or punched. By then it may be too late. By then, you may be desensitised. By then you may truly feel that you deserve it. Then again, he may never actually hit you, he may continue to physically abuse you in other ways while the two of you live in denial.

 

[entitled]

Last night/at some time this morning/whatever i told a very good friend of mine the honest truth - that i'm afraid of him.

He's a good guy. He IS one of the good ones. Even his exes say so, if that tells you anything. But i'm still afraid of him.

It's extremely difficult to tell somebody that you're afraid of them, then have to try to explain. Even though you know in your heart they'd never hurt you, your mind can not wrap itself around the concept. i cried trying to make him see. First time in months.

i'm glad he can't understand.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I've read this entire thread. (Ask me how piqued my evil side is now). I am an archaic guy in many respects. My views on chivalry, on true defense of women, etc... well known. Any of these men, these ex-husbands, I would have gladly travelled hundreds of miles to protect any of you from and if they persisted, would likely kill each of them. I do not suffer men who harm women. I am like my hero in that respect. While I have never repeated his heroism (rescued a rape victim by nearly beating her attacker to death), I know myself well enough to know I would likely repeat it if I saw such circumstances. My evil side that's under control does not react well to misogyny, to abusive men, to etc... and I suspect that if a man insisted on hurting a woman in my presence or made any effort to hinder my defense of a woman who has been harmed in any way, I would likely hurt them and quite likely kill them and thus go to jail for "killing a human" (don't make me laugh).

One of my current roomates was in an emotionally abusive relationship. He didn't hit her, he never hit her, but he would chip at her self-esteem, sleep with other women, but keep trying to "reform" and basically playing on her fears of winding up an old maid. When she was still in that relationship, it took all her effort and the insistance that she would get out completely if he made a single error in judgment to keep me from giving the asshole a piece of my mind in a more than verbal manner. I also told her that at the first sign of physical abuse (because I knew it was a real possibility as he was a hypersexual, big, mental abuser and I could see that a switch into physical abuse wouldn't take much effort) I would take my dagger and I would kill him (it has a lot of sharp bits, he would take a long time to die, time well enough to reflect). Period.

Luckily for my relationship with Johnny Law, she decided to finally take the step out of the relationship herself. It was a happy day.


Some people might say that this mentally abusive relationship was something she should have recognized sooner, that she shouldn't have been dating this thing for three plus years. I agree for her own good she shouldn't have been, but through it all, she would remember good bits. She is an overall good and caring person, so when she tried to get out, asshole would make it seem like he was going to commit suicide and it would be all her fault. He would threaten things and play on her guilt until he could get her into friend mode again so that he could play his "nice" side of his personality, convince her that it would all be okay until she got sucked into the cycle once again. She was made to feel that leaving would bring huge reprecussions on her conscience, that she was less deserving of a give-and-take, and even that she was supposed to give more as everyone told her love is a lot of work. She would say she had flaws too and besides "he loved her" (lie. no one who truly loves can do that. he proved it now by date raping drunk sorority chicks a couple of days after the breakup). And most of all "it wasn't like it was physical abuse."

It took a lot of effort on my part to undo much of the destruction to self-esteem he did to her. Through it all, I understood the desire to kill, to maim. I suspect I know how I would react to a case of physical abuse. It would not be pretty. Hopefully I would stop before death, but I don't think I'm as decent a person as my hero was.

Anyway, on the point of the original question. The idea of "nice guys" and why they seem to fail. One, "nice guys" generally ask less women out. One mark of an asshole is they will ask everyone and their mother out until someone is willing to say yes. Many see this as a test of their prowess and the end result is the conquering of a woman over any genuine feelings of love. "Nice guys" on the other hand don't. They are more like to view relationships in the classical archaic sense (someone to spend a very long time, ideally the rest of their life with). Others may just strongly dislike the "game" of "pursuer vs pursuee" because they feel it denigrates women. ANd nearly all have problems of the Cluehammer variety. The Cluehammer problem is that a "nice guy" is often from an outcast social clique as society favors males who are brutish, evil, and dumb (oh yes, make a statement about how I am just jealous, I like free comedy). Outcasts are generally used to a treatment that is less than kind so they are not used to people being interested in them. They are also socially awkward, sometimes socially retarded so they don't understand signals that socially adept people understand by heart. They also generally have less experience, which makes them rusty on signals and "proper protocol". So most "nice guys" need a jump start to even let them know that someone's interested, which often requires the shape of a Cluehammer. A Cluehammer is when out of frustration, someone essentially points out the fact that they are heavily interested. Until that point, the "nice guy" will be oblivious.

Two, is the problem of "nice guys" sometimes gaining views such as BlackSnake's at the beginning. With all due respect, this viewpoint should be anathema to "nice guys". It is at its heart misogynistic, petty, misguided, and a one way trip to turning a "nice guy" into one of the horde of assholes instead of something special. Once they figure themselves to be a "catch" that "petty misguided women" keep passing over for abusers. Once they believe that they are owed something for their kindness, it's a downhill slope. Roberta Gregory had an incredible story in one of her comic books that outlined an ugly "nice guy" type who ended up being something horrid, a huge asshole and utter scumbag because he believed he was owed something for being nice, that his essential sexism wasn't as much as the flak he got for it. "Nice guys" cannot do these things and remain "nice guys". It's hard sometimes for "nice guys", I can tell. Sitting alone and fearing ending up with no one, watching friends and acquaintances get in bad relationships. However, they cannot blame women for their problems or else they are not a special beautiful thing that women complain of never finding. They are just an asshole and we have a surplus on them.

Three is the fact that a "nice guy" and an asshole can be indistinguishable at early stages. The assholes have learned that they can maximize their hit count if they are "charming" besides just good looking. For long term relationships, many are willing to feign nice if they think they'll get a lot for their trouble later. They may be nice in the beginning but it isn't long before their true character surfaces. Making the problem worse is the fact that some "nice guys" are closet assholes. They've never been assholic, but they are inexperienced. Once they get a relationship or better treatment, they may feel more confident and assholic and think they can "improve" upon what they got. This means they have sacrificed their chivalrous "nice guy" self in order to become an asshole. These people deserve a life alone in the rain.

(Cue LC man-hating moment). Let's be frankly honest. Most men are scum; are assholes. "Nice guys" are a rarity, a minority, and one's who are earnestly nice and consistenly nice even moreso. It's up to these "nice guys" if they want a society where evil doesn't constantly win, where women don't constantly get trapped in abusive relationships to fight the system, to be more than they can be. It is up to "nice guys" to separate themselves from the horde of assholes that have usurped the right to call themselves men and prove to women that "nice guys" are out there and worth pursuing and worth digging like a mofo to try and find. "Nice guys" must do this by fighting misogyny, being supportive to abused women, and staying nice no matter how "lonely" it gets (you're a "nice guy", bear this load of assholic creation, of the sins of man. it'll ensure the purity of your soul).

Most of the all is to never denigrate women in abused relationships as stupid. To be their for them and to try and help them extricate themselves. It'll be hard, but worth it and no matter what, always be willing to defend them. Because while many seem to view chivalry as "archaic", as "a dead and misogynistic practice", I believe, properly applied, it can be the method by which decent men take back what it means to be a man. (end LC man-hating rant, you can take your handsw off your ears now and cease howling old The Who songs).


And a PS to Recidivia. I understand as a sub you really get off on being abused, being called a cheap tawdry slut, and accepting misogyny as lovable quirks, but while that is a fine pursuit if it makes you happy it should never, repeat never be applied to all as if that was right and just. All women shouldn't just learn to deal with an abusive relationship so that they can get their rocks off. Nor should every woman be expected to be able to fight their way out of a relationship if they don't like it. Men can often physically overpower, are given the benefit of the doubt in this society. It is an ill belief in this society that a woman who is unable to fight back somehow "wants" to get raped or get beaten or etc... This is utter BULLSHIT. How many women have been afraid to go to the police after being raped, how many thousands of college girls have accepted the consequences of an alcohol-induced date-raping because "they brought it on themselves" and "who would believe them", how many women have been ill helped from their abusive relationship because it "isn't physical", cannot leave, have kids, can't get a job, have no one to turn too, "it might get better", etc... The number is staggering and is much of the reason for my deep hatred of men. In this shit-stained misogynistic society, a victim has the burden of prood to prove she was attacked, to prove she has been injured, to prove that she isn't a basket case. We hold this view because of a lying belief that the women who get attacked "deserve it" because they are "sluts" who blame poor defenseless men for their "sexual nature". Look at rape trials. What's always on trial is never whether the man is an asshole and did it, but whether the woman was a tawdry slut and a liar and asked him to do it. EVERY DAMN TIME. Call me archaic, call me a radical, call me one of a thousand different names, but I'm sick and tired of hearing people who enjoy being subs denigrate women who don't for not accepting this shit world, for being victims of it, for getting the shit taken out of them. Not everyone can enjoy the system of this society. Not everyone wants an abusive misogynist, not everyone CAN fight their way out of hell. Not everyone even notices that they are in hell, have the self-confidence to realize that this world's view is bullshit, that they don't "deserve" to be treated like shit. And denigration of this type doesn't help. It makes it worse. You love your life, you are lucky and deserving of the happiness you have gotten and you are by no means less of a woman for your enjoyment of those acts, for the way it empowers you as a woman. And while society may frown, that is a beautiful statement that you should feel proud of. THat you are empowered in an act that seems to only empower men. It is a beautiful reversal. That being said, don't shit on the people who can't feel that as empowering, who don't want that. Don't shit on other people's chances for happiness so that you can feel better about your own. You don't need to do that. You're too good of a person to need to do that.


So yeah. Now that I've finished alienating/offending/scaring everyone on the board and possibly the Planet, let me just reiterate a key thing:
If anyone on this thread ever is in any type of abusive relationships and wants defense, help, a sympathetic ear, I offer it freely and gladly by my honour and my duty as a chivalrist.

 

[entitled]

Lc

i you

Just so you know.

 

[SeaCat]

I've read this entire thread. (Ask me how piqued my evil side is now). I am an archaic guy in many respects. My views on chivalry, on true defense of women, etc... well known. Any of these men, these ex-husbands, I would have gladly travelled hundreds of miles to protect any of you from and if they persisted, would likely kill each of them. I do not suffer men who harm women. I am like my hero in that respect. While I have never repeated his heroism (rescued a rape victim by nearly beating her attacker to death), I know myself well enough to know I would likely repeat it if I saw such circumstances. My evil side that's under control does not react well to misogyny, to abusive men, to etc... and I suspect that if a man insisted on hurting a woman in my presence or made any effort to hinder my defense of a woman who has been harmed in any way, I would likely hurt them and quite likely kill them and thus go to jail for "killing a human" (don't make me laugh).

One of my current roomates was in an emotionally abusive relationship. He didn't hit her, he never hit her, but he would chip at her self-esteem, sleep with other women, but keep trying to "reform" and basically playing on her fears of winding up an old maid. When she was still in that relationship, it took all her effort and the insistance that she would get out completely if he made a single error in judgment to keep me from giving the asshole a piece of my mind in a more than verbal manner. I also told her that at the first sign of physical abuse (because I knew it was a real possibility as he was a hypersexual, big, mental abuser and I could see that a switch into physical abuse wouldn't take much effort) I would take my dagger and I would kill him (it has a lot of sharp bits, he would take a long time to die, time well enough to reflect). Period.

Luckily for my relationship with Johnny Law, she decided to finally take the step out of the relationship herself. It was a happy day.


Some people might say that this mentally abusive relationship was something she should have recognized sooner, that she shouldn't have been dating this thing for three plus years. I agree for her own good she shouldn't have been, but through it all, she would remember good bits. She is an overall good and caring person, so when she tried to get out, asshole would make it seem like he was going to commit suicide and it would be all her fault. He would threaten things and play on her guilt until he could get her into friend mode again so that he could play his "nice" side of his personality, convince her that it would all be okay until she got sucked into the cycle once again. She was made to feel that leaving would bring huge reprecussions on her conscience, that she was less deserving of a give-and-take, and even that she was supposed to give more as everyone told her love is a lot of work. She would say she had flaws too and besides "he loved her" (lie. no one who truly loves can do that. he proved it now by date raping drunk sorority chicks a couple of days after the breakup). And most of all "it wasn't like it was physical abuse."

It took a lot of effort on my part to undo much of the destruction to self-esteem he did to her. Through it all, I understood the desire to kill, to maim. I suspect I know how I would react to a case of physical abuse. It would not be pretty. Hopefully I would stop before death, but I don't think I'm as decent a person as my hero was.

Anyway, on the point of the original question. The idea of "nice guys" and why they seem to fail. One, "nice guys" generally ask less women out. One mark of an asshole is they will ask everyone and their mother out until someone is willing to say yes. Many see this as a test of their prowess and the end result is the conquering of a woman over any genuine feelings of love. "Nice guys" on the other hand don't. They are more like to view relationships in the classical archaic sense (someone to spend a very long time, ideally the rest of their life with). Others may just strongly dislike the "game" of "pursuer vs pursuee" because they feel it denigrates women. ANd nearly all have problems of the Cluehammer variety. The Cluehammer problem is that a "nice guy" is often from an outcast social clique as society favors males who are brutish, evil, and dumb (oh yes, make a statement about how I am just jealous, I like free comedy). Outcasts are generally used to a treatment that is less than kind so they are not used to people being interested in them. They are also socially awkward, sometimes socially retarded so they don't understand signals that socially adept people understand by heart. They also generally have less experience, which makes them rusty on signals and "proper protocol". So most "nice guys" need a jump start to even let them know that someone's interested, which often requires the shape of a Cluehammer. A Cluehammer is when out of frustration, someone essentially points out the fact that they are heavily interested. Until that point, the "nice guy" will be oblivious.

Two, is the problem of "nice guys" sometimes gaining views such as BlackSnake's at the beginning. With all due respect, this viewpoint should be anathema to "nice guys". It is at its heart misogynistic, petty, misguided, and a one way trip to turning a "nice guy" into one of the horde of assholes instead of something special. Once they figure themselves to be a "catch" that "petty misguided women" keep passing over for abusers. Once they believe that they are owed something for their kindness, it's a downhill slope. Roberta Gregory had an incredible story in one of her comic books that outlined an ugly "nice guy" type who ended up being something horrid, a huge asshole and utter scumbag because he believed he was owed something for being nice, that his essential sexism wasn't as much as the flak he got for it. "Nice guys" cannot do these things and remain "nice guys". It's hard sometimes for "nice guys", I can tell. Sitting alone and fearing ending up with no one, watching friends and acquaintances get in bad relationships. However, they cannot blame women for their problems or else they are not a special beautiful thing that women complain of never finding. They are just an asshole and we have a surplus on them.

Three is the fact that a "nice guy" and an asshole can be indistinguishable at early stages. The assholes have learned that they can maximize their hit count if they are "charming" besides just good looking. For long term relationships, many are willing to feign nice if they think they'll get a lot for their trouble later. They may be nice in the beginning but it isn't long before their true character surfaces. Making the problem worse is the fact that some "nice guys" are closet assholes. They've never been assholic, but they are inexperienced. Once they get a relationship or better treatment, they may feel more confident and assholic and think they can "improve" upon what they got. This means they have sacrificed their chivalrous "nice guy" self in order to become an asshole. These people deserve a life alone in the rain.

(Cue LC man-hating moment). Let's be frankly honest. Most men are scum; are assholes. "Nice guys" are a rarity, a minority, and one's who are earnestly nice and consistenly nice even moreso. It's up to these "nice guys" if they want a society where evil doesn't constantly win, where women don't constantly get trapped in abusive relationships to fight the system, to be more than they can be. It is up to "nice guys" to separate themselves from the horde of assholes that have usurped the right to call themselves men and prove to women that "nice guys" are out there and worth pursuing and worth digging like a mofo to try and find. "Nice guys" must do this by fighting misogyny, being supportive to abused women, and staying nice no matter how "lonely" it gets (you're a "nice guy", bear this load of assholic creation, of the sins of man. it'll ensure the purity of your soul).

Most of the all is to never denigrate women in abused relationships as stupid. To be their for them and to try and help them extricate themselves. It'll be hard, but worth it and no matter what, always be willing to defend them. Because while many seem to view chivalry as "archaic", as "a dead and misogynistic practice", I believe, properly applied, it can be the method by which decent men take back what it means to be a man. (end LC man-hating rant, you can take your handsw off your ears now and cease howling old The Who songs).


And a PS to Recidivia. I understand as a sub you really get off on being abused, being called a cheap tawdry slut, and accepting misogyny as lovable quirks, but while that is a fine pursuit if it makes you happy it should never, repeat never be applied to all as if that was right and just. All women shouldn't just learn to deal with an abusive relationship so that they can get their rocks off. Nor should every woman be expected to be able to fight their way out of a relationship if they don't like it. Men can often physically overpower, are given the benefit of the doubt in this society. It is an ill belief in this society that a woman who is unable to fight back somehow "wants" to get raped or get beaten or etc... This is utter BULLSHIT. How many women have been afraid to go to the police after being raped, how many thousands of college girls have accepted the consequences of an alcohol-induced date-raping because "they brought it on themselves" and "who would believe them", how many women have been ill helped from their abusive relationship because it "isn't physical", cannot leave, have kids, can't get a job, have no one to turn too, "it might get better", etc... The number is staggering and is much of the reason for my deep hatred of men. In this shit-stained misogynistic society, a victim has the burden of prood to prove she was attacked, to prove she has been injured, to prove that she isn't a basket case. We hold this view because of a lying belief that the women who get attacked "deserve it" because they are "sluts" who blame poor defenseless men for their "sexual nature". Look at rape trials. What's always on trial is never whether the man is an asshole and did it, but whether the woman was a tawdry slut and a liar and asked him to do it. EVERY DAMN TIME. Call me archaic, call me a radical, call me one of a thousand different names, but I'm sick and tired of hearing people who enjoy being subs denigrate women who don't for not accepting this shit world, for being victims of it, for getting the shit taken out of them. Not everyone can enjoy the system of this society. Not everyone wants an abusive misogynist, not everyone CAN fight their way out of hell. Not everyone even notices that they are in hell, have the self-confidence to realize that this world's view is bullshit, that they don't "deserve" to be treated like shit. And denigration of this type doesn't help. It makes it worse. You love your life, you are lucky and deserving of the happiness you have gotten and you are by no means less of a woman for your enjoyment of those acts, for the way it empowers you as a woman. And while society may frown, that is a beautiful statement that you should feel proud of. THat you are empowered in an act that seems to only empower men. It is a beautiful reversal. That being said, don't shit on the people who can't feel that as empowering, who don't want that. Don't shit on other people's chances for happiness so that you can feel better about your own. You don't need to do that. You're too good of a person to need to do that.


So yeah. Now that I've finished alienating/offending/scaring everyone on the board and possibly the Planet, let me just reiterate a key thing:
If anyone on this thread ever is in any type of abusive relationships and wants defense, help, a sympathetic ear, I offer it freely and gladly by my honour and my duty as a chivalrist.

Sounds familiar.

Cat

 

[LadyCibelle]

LC....tons of for you.

 

[blueyedprinces2]

"Oh... and as long as we are there.....
Wanna know why some of us women don't look at the nice guys.... or guys that others think are nice guys.... throw us into a crowded room with a bunch of people... make sure there are PLENTY of those waif skinny girls running around that for some reason seem to turn heads... and then ask us plumper girls again why we at times take 'what we can get' even if its the bad boy.

Take off your blinders.... sometimes the nice girls are packaged inside of something that you might not look at..... when guys start seeing with their hearts instead of their cocks.... maybe... some of this will stop."


AMEN and HALLELUJAH, Sister! I'd give you a big old hug if you were here!

 

[Boxlicker101]

"Oh... and as long as we are there.....
Wanna know why some of us women don't look at the nice guys.... or guys that others think are nice guys.... throw us into a crowded room with a bunch of people... make sure there are PLENTY of those waif skinny girls running around that for some reason seem to turn heads... and then ask us plumper girls again why we at times take 'what we can get' even if its the bad boy.

Take off your blinders.... sometimes the nice girls are packaged inside of something that you might not look at..... when guys start seeing with their hearts instead of their cocks.... maybe... some of this will stop."


AMEN and HALLELUJAH, Sister! I'd give you a big old hug if you were here!

I absolutely agree, 100%. If you read my stories, that's what they are about, besides being smut. I might say the same thing for girls and women. Being good-looking and having a sharp car doesn't equal being a good person. And, as I have always said if girls and women were to take more initiative, they would find more of the good guys, who are bound to be less aggressive than the assholes.

I don't know where some women get the idea that men are attracted to "waif skinny girls". I remember Twiggy, who was an object of scorn and derision among men in the sixties, much like Ally McBeal was a few years ago. Most men prefer women who are built like women.

 

[BlackSnake]

*nods vigourously*

What he said x2


*hugs* entitled

I'm still getting use to my new job, that's the only reason I hadn't got back to this thread.

entitled, I've seen women in your situtation before. It's a difficult thing. Sadly, in some cases, the women become less likely to trust men. I can't go around beating the crap out of every guy that treat women in this manner. I might couldn't do it physically anyways, or end up in jail, but I wish I could sometimes. I'm sorry for your situation.

Now flame-on! Going back to "the jerk" after you have gotten away from him "physically" is heart breaking to watch.

He says that his was depressed, because he was having a hard time finding work, and that when he did, he was under a lot of pressure from the jerk who supervised him. He didn't mean to lash out at you or to become so distant. Please forgive him. He never let it happen again.

Problem is its the four or fifth time he has done this, but still you need to believe him (not want to). He is the father of your children and they love and miss him so much. They cry went he leaves and can't go with him. You are the problem to them and they tell you that they hate you for making their father go away.

Trust in this from a child of a broken marriage. They don't hate you. They just don't understand, and you can't make them understand. I figured that my mother must have been wrong, when I found out the extent my mother was going through to keep us from my father. He was a Marine that turned policeman. I needed my father to teach me things that I ended up learning on the streets.

When I got to the point where I could talk to my father, I thought my mother was completely wrong. I even joined the police department, so I could be just like him. He gave me advice and I done a good job as a policemen. Then he died on the job. I was angry and crushed, so much so that I had to leave the police force.

The truth comes when your mind isn't clouded with crap. My sister called me and told me that I had another brother. I figured that she was hinting that I should give my older brother a call, because my mother is way too old to have more children and my father is dead. Then she said our dad's son, so I thought she was talking about the son my father had from his second marriage who lived near me, but she wasn't making much sense. She then told me that our father had a son by another woman and the boy was a month older than her. She said that our mother didn't know about the boy.

Okay, I'm not believing anything at this point. A child born a month before my sister means that the woman was pregnant at the same time as my mother. You can hardly take a shit without other people smelling it, during the time and in the area where I grew up. How could she not know? My aunts on my father side of the family knew, but my mother side that she didn't have a clue.

My mother maintain that their divorce came about as a result of her shooting him after he hit her during an arguement. All bullshit! That's what children are going to find out and they won't be that forgiving when they find out that their childhood was clouded with crap.

Mothers don't do their children any favors when they stay with abusive husbands and boyfriends. This is all real life drama.

Here is my plite:

My wife told me about this girl who is in an abusive (physical and mental) relationship. My wife told me this, because I'm a sucker for women and she wanted me to help. She got the girl to sneak over to our place for diner. I cooked to impress the girl as to how great I am (ya know the drill – steaks cooked openly on the gritle in the kitchen with grilled chopped onions, bell-peppers, and mushrooms). It only took two Martinis before my wife had the girl telling my her tail.

I was ready to go after the guy, but I am old enough to know better. I came up with a simple plan. I’d go with the girl to get her and her child’s things and bring them back to our place. Not problem. Went as smooth as silk. I gave her my cell to call him and break the news to the guy. The jerk told her that he was glad she was gone, so he wouldn’t have to kick her out. That made her cry.

I figured that if we could help her get on her feet, she would be fine. We’ll this girl got her a decent job working for a credit collections agency and was able to get her a car within a month. She also got an apartment.

I felt good about helping her out until my wife told me that she had hooked back up with the jerk and was going back through the same thing.

But she is not the only woman that fall back into the same trap. They just half to be with the jerks. I can no longer feel sorry for them. Once a jerk always a jerk.

 

[Guest]

*jaw tightens reading some of the replies to this posting*

For anyone that wishes to know.... the poem that I posted here yesterday has been put up by Lit (the speed of posting during contests is blinding)

.... you are loved ....
to those that need it more then any other words today

 

[LadyCibelle]

*jaw tightens reading some of the replies to this posting*

For anyone that wishes to know.... the poem that I posted here yesterday has been put up by Lit (the speed of posting during contests is blinding)

.... you are loved ....
to those that need it more then any other words today

Don't despair sweetie....what people need is education from those of us who have walked in those boots...giving them contempt wouldn't serve any purpose but only defeat the objectives.

Keep your head high, put a smile on your face and know that in that sea of people....WE are not alone!!!

 

[Guest]

Don't despair sweetie....what people need is education from those of us who have walked in those boots...giving them contempt wouldn't serve any purpose but only defeat the objectives.

Keep your head high, put a smile on your face and know that in that sea of people....WE are not alone!!!

Oh no...we are not alone.... and each step we take.... another holds onto our hands and lets us bring out with us towards the sun

 

[LadyCibelle]

Oh no...we are not alone.... and each step we take.... another holds onto our hands and lets us bring out with us towards the sun

Yea..that's the spririt.

 

[entitled]

Mothers don't do their children any favors when they stay with abusive husbands and boyfriends. This is all real life drama.

But she is not the only woman that fall back into the same trap. They just half to be with the jerks. I can no longer feel sorry for them. Once a jerk always a jerk.

*after much snipping*

This is why i'm trying to get a job, to get away from him. If i don't have a job, and simply leave, they would stay with him. That is NOT an option.

Just as you said that women that have been in abusive relationships don't trust men, it seems that you can't trust women that happen to be in abusive relationships. It's a good thing that you did what you could to help this person out, and i respect you for it, but there's no reason to think that all of us are that way. It is easy to become jaded to situations like that. That's understandable.

i just hope you realize that there are some of us that truly don't enjoy the situation and wouldn't go back to the person - once it clicks that they're the source of the problem.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Good man, Blacksnake, for supplying the very needed material support. The point at which a woman leaves an abusive relationship (or attempts to) is one of the points at which serious violence is most likely. A good "escape plan" and a stalwart friend are the best preparation.

Shanglan