Boyfriend issues

[bisexplicit]

Yeah, whiny is not sexy or seductive. I don't blame you.

You don't want to end up acting as his therapist, as that's eventually going to kill all your desire for him, and maybe even your respect and admiration.

Does he have other friends he can talk with? Or not talk with? Maybe he just needs to go out and have a good time now and then, instead of living in his head.

Unfortunately he doesn't.
Hes excellent at making small talk, striking up random conversations with strangers, etc...basically, incredibly outgoing. But, when it comes to actual intimate and long lasting relationships those are few...basically, I'm it.

 

[Revel_Less]

Has it occured to you that he might need help beyond a shoulder to cry on?

While there are many potential causes for a bad day, I can't really think of any that would lead to bad day after day (at least none that don't include conspiracy theories).

Perhaps he has a neurological disorder (and that isn't as bad as it sounds). Most 'high performing' neurological disorders are easily treatable with therapy and/or medication.

 

[Vandren]

He basically is reacting things out that he spent his life doing with his (alcoholic) mother. Except he becomes her.

These two sentences are ones I'm not clear on, but they seem to be sending up red flashing flags. What exactly do you mean by he's "reacting things out that he spent his life doing with his (alcoholic) mother. Except he becomes her"?

Taking into account that I'm no psychiatrist or councillor, nor do I play one on TV, my immediate intrepretation (which I won't share atm, as it may be way off) sent up major warning flags at that description.

 

[bisexplicit]

Has it occured to you that he might need help beyond a shoulder to cry on?

While there are many potential causes for a bad day, I can't really think of any that would lead to bad day after day (at least none that don't include conspiracy theories).

Perhaps he has a neurological disorder (and that isn't as bad as it sounds). Most 'high performing' neurological disorders are easily treatable with therapy and/or medication.

I agree...I think there are bigger issues at play here, too. However,
1) Finacially he cannot afford to pay to see a therapist (and Canada doesn't consider mental health part of its universal health care system).
2) He refuses to take medication (Hes been on it before, we argue about him going back on it, etc.).

 

[Revel_Less]

I guess you have to decide if it is worth fighting over.

Each person has their own limits and pet peeves.

Some people want someone to just listen, so that they can hear their own words and better sort out a problem on their own, while others want opinions/advice. Since I am not sure which of those categories you fall into, I think I am going to have to follow Vandren's example and abstain from opinion.

-RL

 

[silverwhisper]

bi: i'm sorry, but i'm completely out of helpful things to add to this discussion that you'd be interested in hearing. is there at least any indication if this situation is temporary or not?

ed

 

[bisexplicit]

Should be relatively temporary.







Actually, I apologize for this whole thread altogether. I just need to stop being such a whiney baby. Thanks guys for all your advice, though.

 

[silverwhisper]

it's OK, bi: after all, this thread is merely a bunch of 0s and 1s on the literotica server. :>

ed

 

[chris9]

If it helps you at least a bit, the thread is useful and you shouldn't feel sorry for it.
Maybe you can send him a letter explaining how you are feeling about his whining all the time WITHOUT blaming him. Be understanding but make it clear that you are in this relationship, too and that you want to make the best of it. From your example of the phone call it seems to me that you are unable to comunicate person to person as he feels everything you say is against him. He might not even realize it. By reading it he can think about what you say and feel quietly without having to reply right away.
At least writing letters to my bf if I can't discuss something because I feel like I start crying right away or feel uncomfortable saying it always helped us a lot.

 

[Ezzy]

I agree...I think there are bigger issues at play here, too. However,
1) Finacially he cannot afford to pay to see a therapist (and Canada doesn't consider mental health part of its universal health care system).
2) He refuses to take medication (Hes been on it before, we argue about him going back on it, etc.).

You might concider having a word with a doctor or looking online at the meds he was on. Lots of meds are used to treat different things some in mental health some not under mental health.

So you might find his meds can be used to cure "in growing" toenails as well as depression. You then need to talk to his doctor about prescribing for the "secondary" reason rather than the mental health aspect.

There may be a holistic non drug option, herbal or vitamin base that could help, my sister and one of my former girlfriends were bi-polar, there were things that helped them, including St Johns Wort and SAM-e my sister also used some of the vitamins etc mentioned in here have a look and see if it helps.

I am assuming that it is driven by depression. If not and you want to say what it is I will go back to the books for you.

 

[SweetErika]

So what kind of responsibility is he taking? He's refusing to seek treatment. He's blaming and manipulating you. What kind of effort is he making to not have so much to rant about? How many repair attempts does he make when you're fighting? How much effort is he putting into making sure your needs are met or that you take care of eachother? What is he doing to add to the relationship in a positive manner?

Actually, I apologize for this whole thread altogether. I just need to stop being such a whiney baby.

I hope that's insincere. If it's not, it might be wise to take a closer look into why you feel like a whiny baby for wanting to have some of your needs met and a healthy relationship.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Should be relatively temporary.


Actually, I apologize for this whole thread altogether. I just need to stop being such a whiney baby. Thanks guys for all your advice, though.

This is totally up to you on how you accept this all. Think about how long this all has been going on, and think about how much longer it could go on for. After awhile, you're most likely going to start to resent him for the way that he's been acting, and after his problems get better, he will still treat you this way.

I've got a perfect example for you here on this. I had a boyfriend at one point (he's now an ex for these reasons). I listened to him complain and go on about how horrible his day was, how rotten his job was, how his parents treated him like he was 8 years old, etc. Everything that happened in a day made his days absolutely rotten. I got sick of listening to him one day (he could do something about all the stuff but he wouldn't) and started to avoid him. I didnt even realize I was doing it until after the fact. He started getting extremely clingy and whiny when I started turning to my friends to fulfill my emotional needs where he wasnt. The way he started acting really irritated me to no end. It got to the point where I got so fed up with the way he was acting that I broke up wtih him, although agreed to be friends so not to completely crush him (we were engaged at the time and had been together almost 2 years). And you'd think he would get better about the way he was acting, but he got worse. The whining continued, and got worse. He started on about how he never had any money, his parents, that I broke up with him, how he was never going to get married and have a family now, and so on. I got so irritated that the only way to get him to stop was to quit talking to him completely. He refused to get any professional help and refused to do anything about any of his problems (especially since he could). I just decided one day that I was not going to do it anymore, that I couldnt do it anymore.

Just keep in mind, there will be a point where you will break. And you say that you're supposed to move in with him. If you're having doubts about that, then dont move in with him. You may get stuck somehow and your situation could very easily get worse then.

 

[EJFan]

You're easy.

that's because these days, if i wanted to see a vagina, i'd have to draw my own on paper.

they're still made the same, right?

 

[silverwhisper]

oo, you're outta luck, EJfan: they changed the design after the 1980 model year, man...



ed

 

[bisexplicit]

EJ: Didn't you know that they started growing feathers instead of fur?

 

[silverwhisper]

he must not spend enough time in am pics... :>

ed

 

[Lyrical Fool]

He refuses to take medication (Hes been on it before, we argue about him going back on it, etc.).

I'll second the comments about not being a psyciatrist, but this stands out so much to me, so I'll offer the same comments I offered a friend of mine who was in a similar situation.

Chances are, it's not going to work. If he doesn't love himself enough to take medicine (which I'm assuming is required, disregard if it's not) that helps him increase his own quality of life, how good do you think the chances are of him actively participating in a fullfilling shared life with you?

He sounds selfish and, honestly, ill. Changers rarely talk about changing (Makes me think of South Park's "I Can Change,"); they simply do it.

Has he always been this way? A recent development? People take time, expend energy on what's important to them. If it was important to him to take care of himself, take care of your needs, he would be doing it. It's that simple.

You say leaving him is not an option, because you love him.

Sometimes, as the song goes, love just ain't enough.

I've seen enough friends involved with people like him, hell, I've loved enough people like him.

And it's a choice I've made, not to expend energy on relationships in which there is no balance.

But we all have our own choices to make.

 

[wicked woman]

This thread reminded me of this thread

 

[Bacteriophage68]

Wake Up Call

Tread through these waters........I'll be the way. (I'll be the way!) Your skin is pale, my bodies cold. I can hear...so spill my blood! And the skies turn scarlet red. Say so long, say goodnight...if just so nod your head. To catch me if I fall into the night! When up deep down in my....I can hear you, as you fade....say so long, say goodnight, to catch me if I fall into the night! Wake me up, from this nightmare...

 

[Ricwilly]

that's because these days, if i wanted to see a vagina, i'd have to draw my own on paper.

they're still made the same, right?

Ya, well except the oriental ones.
(jeese I can't believe I typed that)

 

[Ricwilly]

Really I didn't mean nothin by it, I work for a Japanese company.

 

[Ricwilly]

For what its worth, Bi. I've been around alcohol affected people all my life and if I've learned anything its that I can only work of myself and let others do the same, or not.