SensualGent69
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Boudoir Bloopers
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LibraryVixen
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Of course I am.You're such a naughty girl!
Scheherazade73
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It was Valentine's Day and I was dressing for my then honey, who was a big fan of lingerie. So I had the full kit: black lace panties, garter belt, stocking, etc. as well as some delightful 5" sparkly shoes - the kind you can only wear in the privacy of your home or other very specific places. I was getting dressed while he kept his eyes closed...it was a thing, don't ask.
Well. Somehow as I was fastening my garter my lower back gave out. (I think my trainer had pushed me too hard earlier in the week and I have notoriously tight hamstrings leading to lower back strain.) I was in incredible pain but determined to give him his VDay show. I was doubled over in pain, laughing, trying to fasten a very stubborn garter - it was a total mess. Not hot, not romantic, and I had to lose the shoes because they were aggravating the situation. He finally looked because I was giggling and saying "ow,ow" in between my giggles. He took sympathy on me for the hurt back and took care of me quite nicely
So not a total wash.
Well. Somehow as I was fastening my garter my lower back gave out. (I think my trainer had pushed me too hard earlier in the week and I have notoriously tight hamstrings leading to lower back strain.) I was in incredible pain but determined to give him his VDay show. I was doubled over in pain, laughing, trying to fasten a very stubborn garter - it was a total mess. Not hot, not romantic, and I had to lose the shoes because they were aggravating the situation. He finally looked because I was giggling and saying "ow,ow" in between my giggles. He took sympathy on me for the hurt back and took care of me quite nicely
So not a total wash.
RuReal
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Wow yeah these are great and I have a few.
1. This one still makes my wife laugh. We were having sex in bed and one of the cats starts sniffing my ass. Being that we were in the middle of things I ignored it big mistake when I feel a sand paper tongue lick one of my ass cheeks. That ended the fun with me shooing the cat the wife laughing so hard that it forced me over the edge.
2. Wife and I were messing around in the shower and she was down on her knees servicing me. It had been a while since she had done this and it was feeling all kinds of good as in mind blowing good. I hit the edge and went over my head felt like it would fall off and then I had this sharp pain from the underside of my cock. I did not make a comment on it as she moved her mouth from my unit it started getting worse so I feel down there and my hand comes away with blood. She had accidentally scrapped some of the sensitive skin around the head of my unit... I say scrape, but there was a small strip of skin. Best orgasm I had I suspect masked the hell out of the pain at first.
Was a very good laugh after indeed.
3. The little old lady waved at me. I was with a girlfriend at the time in a slightly older house with one of those large picture windows in the front. The back of the couch was against the window and my girlfriend was sitting on the high backed couch sucking my cock like nobody's business and I had my arms rested on the back of the couch. I had my eyes closed because it was feeling good at one point I think or I was looking down at her I cannot remember which, but when I looked up there was this little old lady smiling at me from outside the window and she waved at me. I waved back a bit stunned while in the back of my head wondering what she thought was going on. She could not see the girlfriend at all so I guess she just figured I was leaning against the couch or something.
4. Last story for now and this one is not my own but someone I worked with. He came into work one day chest all wrapped up. We asked him more than once what had happened to him and at first he said nothing. A few months later he finally opened up and explained to us that he was having sex with his wife with her legs wrapped around his torso and she broke one of his ribs.
Never looked at him the same way again.
R
1. This one still makes my wife laugh. We were having sex in bed and one of the cats starts sniffing my ass. Being that we were in the middle of things I ignored it big mistake when I feel a sand paper tongue lick one of my ass cheeks. That ended the fun with me shooing the cat the wife laughing so hard that it forced me over the edge.
2. Wife and I were messing around in the shower and she was down on her knees servicing me. It had been a while since she had done this and it was feeling all kinds of good as in mind blowing good. I hit the edge and went over my head felt like it would fall off and then I had this sharp pain from the underside of my cock. I did not make a comment on it as she moved her mouth from my unit it started getting worse so I feel down there and my hand comes away with blood. She had accidentally scrapped some of the sensitive skin around the head of my unit... I say scrape, but there was a small strip of skin. Best orgasm I had I suspect masked the hell out of the pain at first.
Was a very good laugh after indeed.
3. The little old lady waved at me. I was with a girlfriend at the time in a slightly older house with one of those large picture windows in the front. The back of the couch was against the window and my girlfriend was sitting on the high backed couch sucking my cock like nobody's business and I had my arms rested on the back of the couch. I had my eyes closed because it was feeling good at one point I think or I was looking down at her I cannot remember which, but when I looked up there was this little old lady smiling at me from outside the window and she waved at me. I waved back a bit stunned while in the back of my head wondering what she thought was going on. She could not see the girlfriend at all so I guess she just figured I was leaning against the couch or something.
4. Last story for now and this one is not my own but someone I worked with. He came into work one day chest all wrapped up. We asked him more than once what had happened to him and at first he said nothing. A few months later he finally opened up and explained to us that he was having sex with his wife with her legs wrapped around his torso and she broke one of his ribs.
Never looked at him the same way again.
R
LibraryVixen
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Haha!! Some of those lingerie items take a magician to put on.
LibraryVixen
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Oh wow! Those are great. My favorite is the little old lady waving. Haha!
I once had an ex give me a blowjob when I was on an official work call from home. I felt like Hugh Jackman in swordfish, except for that I was panting and moaning a bit as I approached climax and my colleague at the other end of the line figured out.
Oh well. It was fun!
Oh well. It was fun!
LibraryVixen
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Oh wow...that could be awkward lolI once had an ex give me a blowjob when I was on an official work call from home. I felt like Hugh Jackman in swordfish, except for that I was panting and moaning a bit as I approached climax and my colleague at the other end of the line figured out.
Oh well. It was fun!
Yes indeed. I must commend you on starting this thread, naming it so intelligently and giving all of us an opportunity to laugh at ourselves (or at others) for all the awkward situations we've been in.
Some other experience of mine involves flatulence from the other party, but I'd rather not say it simply because I'm sure it happens all the time.
PS - I like libraries and I cannot lie!
Some other experience of mine involves flatulence from the other party, but I'd rather not say it simply because I'm sure it happens all the time.
PS - I like libraries and I cannot lie!
Scrubber
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Ru Real's cat story reminds me of a rare moment some years ago when the other half was getting a bit amorous while we were in bed one morning. One of the dogs broke into the bedroom, leapt onto the bed, stuck its nose to within half an inch of his erection and stared really hard at it with an expression of "WTF is THAT?" Really looked like this emote:
Needless to say the erection subsided pretty fast.
Needless to say the erection subsided pretty fast.
country0129
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That's so HOT!
While my ex wife and kids were away on an extended stay, I asked this really foxy gal from next door to come over and share a spliff. We did, and of course, got the munchies. I had some tortilla chips; so I made some nachos: cheese and sliced jalepenos. Somewhat later, while I was ....er...um...well...feasting at the "Y," the title exclamation was ...er...sorta...YELLED by my paramour....
And all the time I thought **** I **** was the cause and was sorta puffed up with pride until she damned near broke my neck, pushing me away.
Never did get to finish what I wanted to there.....
While my ex wife and kids were away on an extended stay, I asked this really foxy gal from next door to come over and share a spliff. We did, and of course, got the munchies. I had some tortilla chips; so I made some nachos: cheese and sliced jalepenos. Somewhat later, while I was ....er...um...well...feasting at the "Y," the title exclamation was ...er...sorta...YELLED by my paramour....
And all the time I thought **** I **** was the cause and was sorta puffed up with pride until she damned near broke my neck, pushing me away.
Never did get to finish what I wanted to there.....
Chaingun
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Once this guy told me he would never feel comfortable farting in front of a woman unless he was married to her. So he farts during sex and I couldn't resist and asked..."Was that a proposal?"
LOL
When my first wife and I were dating, I went out to spend the weekend with her at her parents house (big old farmhouse on 160 acre hog farm). We had managed to sneak away to the orchard and numerous other places to engage in amorous activities, and that night I was given her younger brother's room right next to her's to sleep in. About 2 or 3 in the morning she came in the room and being young - one thing lead to another and after words we fell asleep completely naked on top of the covers.
About 6 in the morning she woke up and put her nighty back on to sneak back to her room. I got up and went downstairs where her dad was, already up. He handed me a cup of coffee and very matter of factly said, "You guys might want to consider closing the door if you're going to do that again."
All I could say was, "yes sir"
About 6 in the morning she woke up and put her nighty back on to sneak back to her room. I got up and went downstairs where her dad was, already up. He handed me a cup of coffee and very matter of factly said, "You guys might want to consider closing the door if you're going to do that again."
All I could say was, "yes sir"
LongDrySpell
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lunar eclipse
I am a BBW, and years ago I was dating a really, really skinny guy (6'2" 135 lbs.). We were at my neighbor's apartment with her and her boyfriend watching movies, and we ran out of beer. The two of them left to walk to the store for more, and a few minutes after they left my guy grabbed my hand and led me across the hall to my apartment. We closed the door but didn't lock it, and went into the bedroom - didn't bother to close that door.
When my neighbor got back with the beer, she wondered where we had gone, and walked into my apartment to get us. She said she knocked, but we didn't hear her. My guy had me bent over the bed, fucking me from behind, just inside the bedroom door, when she came around the corner and saw us. She called it a "lunar eclipse" - his skinny little bare ass, and my big round one protruding on either side!
I am a BBW, and years ago I was dating a really, really skinny guy (6'2" 135 lbs.). We were at my neighbor's apartment with her and her boyfriend watching movies, and we ran out of beer. The two of them left to walk to the store for more, and a few minutes after they left my guy grabbed my hand and led me across the hall to my apartment. We closed the door but didn't lock it, and went into the bedroom - didn't bother to close that door.
When my neighbor got back with the beer, she wondered where we had gone, and walked into my apartment to get us. She said she knocked, but we didn't hear her. My guy had me bent over the bed, fucking me from behind, just inside the bedroom door, when she came around the corner and saw us. She called it a "lunar eclipse" - his skinny little bare ass, and my big round one protruding on either side!
LibraryVixen
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Oh wow...that's awkward! But funny. LOL
LibraryVixen
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Bahahahahahah that's awesome.Once this guy told me he would never feel comfortable farting in front of a woman unless he was married to her. So he farts during sex and I couldn't resist and asked..."Was that a proposal?"
islander01
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First time a woman with a tongue piercing went down on me. I was enjoying the novelty when her peircing came unscrewed and she started choking on the ball. No one was hurt and we both cracked up about it.
LibraryVixen
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hahaha yikes! I had a pierced guy one time and we were having sex but I kept worrying the whole time it was going to come loose lol
Novita76
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this isnt as bad as some so far but you might all get a chuckle out if it.
it was my first year working for the carnival, i was 23 at the time, and NOT single, my bf was with me. We travelled around to a new town every week. Back then we didnt have bunkhouses to stay in, so alot of us had tents and vans and what not to sleep in. i ended up meeting this really hot guy from liverpool england, who worked for the same guy i used to. ( i mentioned that boss in another thread /blush)
anyway, with my bf's ok, the hottie brit and i went back to the van he was sleeping in. It was like the big cheesy '80's vans, but no artwork on the out side. we ended up fooling around and then fell asleep together.
the next morning we woke up to the van moving, as we went through the drive through of Mc'Ds. LOL his boss, my old one, needed to go somewhere and it was his van, so he just hopped in and drove away. he did buy us breakfast though
it was my first year working for the carnival, i was 23 at the time, and NOT single, my bf was with me. We travelled around to a new town every week. Back then we didnt have bunkhouses to stay in, so alot of us had tents and vans and what not to sleep in. i ended up meeting this really hot guy from liverpool england, who worked for the same guy i used to. ( i mentioned that boss in another thread /blush)
anyway, with my bf's ok, the hottie brit and i went back to the van he was sleeping in. It was like the big cheesy '80's vans, but no artwork on the out side. we ended up fooling around and then fell asleep together.
the next morning we woke up to the van moving, as we went through the drive through of Mc'Ds. LOL his boss, my old one, needed to go somewhere and it was his van, so he just hopped in and drove away. he did buy us breakfast though
xBuxombabex
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1. An ex was giving me a tit fuck - I was lying flat on my back & when he came it splattered all over my face & totally filled up one of my eye sockets - I couldn't see to find a tissue & had to wait until he'd stopped laughing his head off & helped me to clean up!
2. Hubby & I hadn't been dating long and were fooling around at his house one night. He slipped his fingers inside me & all was most enjoyable - until it started burning like hell down there - he'd been cutting chillis before I arrived & not washed his hands properly! Ouch!
2. Hubby & I hadn't been dating long and were fooling around at his house one night. He slipped his fingers inside me & all was most enjoyable - until it started burning like hell down there - he'd been cutting chillis before I arrived & not washed his hands properly! Ouch!
Dogma52
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Many years ago, I was in the Police Academy and got to spend the night in a hotel rather than the barracks. One of the female recruits decided to spend the night with me and.....well, things went very well.
We spent hours in carnal bliss, she was so wet, I must have been at my best. We fell asleep in each others arms, covered in sweat and other bodily fluids.
When we woke up in the morning, were both covered in blood and the sheets looked like a murder scene! Menstrual periods can start at the worst of times.
I just left a note of explanation and a large tip for the housekeeper.
We spent hours in carnal bliss, she was so wet, I must have been at my best. We fell asleep in each others arms, covered in sweat and other bodily fluids.
When we woke up in the morning, were both covered in blood and the sheets looked like a murder scene! Menstrual periods can start at the worst of times.
I just left a note of explanation and a large tip for the housekeeper.
HSigurdsson
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This made me snort in - now - humorous recollection. Had the same experience years ago with a good lady friend. She invited me over for chili for dinner and "entertainment" thereafter. The entertainment got started before dinner. But ended pretty fast after she began a wonderful hand job that got called on account of penile ignition! Or so it felt - as she'd been preparing high Scoville Unit peppers for the chili pot!
LibraryVixen
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Hahahahaha...how embarrassing...unless you're in to that sort of thingMany years ago, I was in the Police Academy and got to spend the night in a hotel rather than the barracks. One of the female recruits decided to spend the night with me and.....well, things went very well.
We spent hours in carnal bliss, she was so wet, I must have been at my best. We fell asleep in each others arms, covered in sweat and other bodily fluids.
When we woke up in the morning, were both covered in blood and the sheets looked like a murder scene! Menstrual periods can start at the worst of times.
I just left a note of explanation and a large tip for the housekeeper.
singledad68
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This isn't that funny to me, but maybe for some of you it will be.
My ex was raised catholic and I guess because of that really only liked missionary. after being married a couple of years she was willing to start doing other positions.
We went out one night and were a tad bit tipsy and she agreed to let me do it with her on the bed missionary but me standing on the side of the bed. It was a great view and I was getting into it so much I started talking to her. I had never talked during sex before. I said things like "oh baby, you like this don't you. You like how long I'm lasting don't you. I love looking and seeing my go in and out of you"
Apparently I shouldn't have done that....she started crying. I mean tears boo hoo crying....said that I was treating her like a porn star hussy and that if I wanted that kind of sex I would have to get a prostitute because no lady would like that.
Needless to say, that was the beginning of a spiral downhill in our relationship, both sexual and non.
My ex was raised catholic and I guess because of that really only liked missionary. after being married a couple of years she was willing to start doing other positions.
We went out one night and were a tad bit tipsy and she agreed to let me do it with her on the bed missionary but me standing on the side of the bed. It was a great view and I was getting into it so much I started talking to her. I had never talked during sex before. I said things like "oh baby, you like this don't you. You like how long I'm lasting don't you. I love looking and seeing my go in and out of you"
Apparently I shouldn't have done that....she started crying. I mean tears boo hoo crying....said that I was treating her like a porn star hussy and that if I wanted that kind of sex I would have to get a prostitute because no lady would like that.
Needless to say, that was the beginning of a spiral downhill in our relationship, both sexual and non.
