Boudoir Bloopers

[LibraryVixen]

It was my first time with this particular girl. We were in the midst of what I believe the kids refer to as "the throes of passion" - doing it doggy style - and I was doing some deep, long, thrusting action, thinking of myself as quite the casanova.

I then took things too far and slid all the way out, then thrust forward too vigorously just as she shifted her position. The tip of my cock impacted, with full height-of-sex force, somewhere on her upper thigh. This is actually REALLY PAINFUL. I had to spend the next ten minutes examining myself to make sure I hadn't in fact managed to shatter my penis.

I think you just incitited a collective sharp intake of breath from every guy who reads your post. Yikes!

 

[LibraryVixen]

I hooked up with a colleague (female type one each) at a club when I was in this man's Army. I drove her the barracks and she was giving me a mighty fine blowjob in the car in the parking lot when I looked out the window and noticed it was shift change. Dozens of soldiers heading back to the barracks after a long day at work paraded past me in the car.

The next day one of them asked me, "hey, Sarge, what were you doing sitting in the car all by yourself last night at shift change?"

"um.... I wasn't alone ..."

"oh. ". Delay. "OH!"

Ha! Awesome. Especially the "oh." delay "OH!"

 

[sunshinegirl05]

Love this thead .

Great idea.

 

[LibraryVixen]

One morning while have wake-up sex with my then boyfriend, I was being silly and tickling him as I was sitting on him. He decided to get me back and went to 'throw' me to the other side of the bed with the intention of then crawling on top of me and exacting his revenge...yeah...he forgot which side of the bed he was on...

So when he 'threw' me - I landed on my back...on the floor. We laughed until we cried and then made breakfast....

Hahahahaha!!! Glad you didn't get hurt. I love those silly moments that lead to fits of laughter.

 

[Chaingun]

One of my fraternity brothers earned his nickname after admitting that he'd had to resort to a non-traditional anal lubricant for his first time with the sorority girl that he dated once or twice.

His room mate then had a fraternity jersey made for him with his new nickname on the back where his real name should have been. First time he wore it out in public, I watched for her reaction and really wished I had a way to record her reaction the first time she noticed that his jersey said, "Grape Jelly".

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

This was long ago with an ex boyfriend
I was on my knees...uhmm..giving him a hummer
We were both really getting into it...he was pulling my hair( two braided pigtails)..... etc
All off a sudden he shrieks....and pulls away....catching my teeth as he pulled out..ge was a biggggg boy...lol
I look up and say what da fuck
And only then do I see his mother
Aaaaaccckkk
She was so flustered all she could manage to stammer was
Ooohh uhm " hi vee...your hair is cute that way

 

[BongoGal]

I passed gas directly into an ex-bf's face as I came hard from his oral ministrations. It went unmentioned at the time, but he brought it up years later, long after we had broken up.

 

[BongoGal]

It's not my blooper, but a friend of mine once walked into her boyfriend's dorm room wearing just a bathrobe, locked the door behind her, went up to her boyfriend and started hugging and kissing him, dropped her robe to the floor, and said something like, "I need you to fuck me." That was when she heard a throat-clearing cough. She turned and noticed her bf's brother sitting in an easy chair. In her frantic haste to get her robe back on, she managed to trip herself up and fall down in front of the now-guffawing brother.

Fun fact: that brother is now her brother-in-law.

 

[someoneyouknow]

I was grocery shopping with my then gf and we stopped at the magazine rack to see what was there. I can't remember which women's magazine it was, but I was reading these kind of stories and one has stuck with me.

Girl and her guy were going at it doggie style. Things are getting heated and he pulls back then thrusts forward. Only problem was they both moved at that instance and he went in the other hole.

She, obviously, said it hurt like hell though he realized what happened and quickly withdrew. I mentioned this to my now ex and she commented that's why she'd never let me do that.

 

[DogInTheSnow]

Two for you!

The first: I was just getting home from work and my (then-) girlfriend was frisky. So we just stripped down right in the front hall and started fooling around. After a few minutes of play we stepped into the living room and got on the couch, her riding cowgirl on top. It was great, she was really getting off on the hot and fast intensity, when all the sudden she started to cum. She bucked her hips hard and let a massive fart rip as her muscles started to twitch. She was nearly crying from embarrassment and I was nearly crying from laughing so hard.

Second story: My girlfriend and I were having one of those sessions where you have to do every position you can. We were sweating and moaning and the sheets and pillows were long gone. In one of the position changes she rolled over so she was face down and ass up. When I positioned behind her I didn't realize I was at the edge of the bed and as I moved close to bury myself inside her my knee clipped the edge and I bailed! She wouldn't let me be on top for a few days just to harass me! Apparently I can't be trusted to stay on the bed now!

 

[LadyVer]

LOL I love reading these stories!

 

[Scentofawoman]

Hubby and I were newly weds and having sex in the middle of the afternoon. In walk mother in a law and her BFF. She no longer has keys to our house even after all these years.

 

[ndoorfin]

A friend of mine was screwing his girlfriend on a table and she was going nuts 'she is loving this' he thought and just went harder and harder which made her scream
he was thinking yea I'm the man
she had skin caught between the join of a fold out table
you should never tell your friends when these things happen

 

[flyboy71]

Back in the day........

It was a hot summer night, a long night out at the bars, sneak quietly into my g/f house, start going at it in the doorway, she is on top, and we have a great time! The next morning her mother tells her she saw everything and watched for a while. I didnt step into that house for a loooong time after that one!

 

[LibraryVixen]

Bahahahahaha......these are great. I'm loving everybody's stories.


I thought of another one. My father-in-law showed up at our hotel room on our wedding night because the husband had accidentally left one of his bags behind and father-in-law thought he might need it. Yeah...that was awkward.

 

[Carter_81]

My ex gf and I were in the throes of passion on her bed, having just swapped positions and the usual bed creaking away. Well her bed creaked just a bit too much, the box spring slid and CRASH down her bed goes. After that moment of checking to ensure we were ok, both of us just fell down laughing until we got up, put the bed together, and went right back at it.

 

[texasace]

It's not my blooper, but a friend of mine once walked into her boyfriend's dorm room wearing just a bathrobe, locked the door behind her, went up to her boyfriend and started hugging and kissing him, dropped her robe to the floor, and said something like, "I need you to fuck me." That was when she heard a throat-clearing cough. She turned and noticed her bf's brother sitting in an easy chair. In her frantic haste to get her robe back on, she managed to trip herself up and fall down in front of the now-guffawing brother.

Fun fact: that brother is now her brother-in-law.

You might relate to, and enjoy this one...

I was 24 and just recently discharged after 4 years in the US Air Force. I spent 3 of those years in London, and had a chance to visit much of Europe where I experienced just about everything. I enrolled in a small college in Pennsylvania, and with my experience, and age, I was thought of as a big man on campus.

I was dating a lot, and one particular girl was super hot. A 19 year old tennis player that had the best pussy muscles I had ever experienced before or since. I think the running kept her in great shape, and her muscles toned. I could lay perfectly still, and she would milk my dick without even pumping. She could even do it so well, that occasionally after the first cum we would leave my cock in and after a few minutes she mould be able to massage it with her pussy muscles and make it hard again. Two cums without taking it out was great. Understand, this was not all the time, but when it happened, it was great.

One night when her roommate was going home for the weekend, Dee and I were naked on the couch, and I was treating her to my specialty... eating her pussy. I had learned to be slow and deliberate, and not to rush things. Since we knew that her roommate wouldn't be coming home, we didn't have to rush things. This was a luxury because most of our action was in my car, and we often had to rush.

We had just reached the point where we switched to the 69 position... that was always after her first or second orgasm. She liked to suck me off while I finished eating her out. Dee was on top, stroking and sucking my fat 7 inch cock, and I had my face buried in her delicious pussy.

The door opened and in walked Judy. We were busted. No way to hide. We didn't even have a blanket or any clothes to pull over us. Judy stopped for a moment like she was going to say something, then she turned and walked right by and went to bed in the next room. Dee and I started to laugh, and couldn’t stop. It took a while for Dee to make me cum… because one of us would start to laugh again. I hoped that Judy would come back and join us, or that Dee would invite her to join… but no such luck.

I think Judy told every girl on campus, and of course they told their boy friends, because I got more questions and ribbing from the guys, and more flirty smiles and attention from the girls. I can't thank Judy enough, I damn near had to fight them off... and I loved every minute of it.

Judy and I got it on a few times when she was doing her student teaching at a nearby town. She confessed that when she went into the bedroom, she listened with an ear to the wall, while she played with her pussy till she had a strong orgasm before going to sleep.

Since Dee was a red head, and Judy a blond… Judy would often ask if blonds tasted better than red heads. I would always answer that to do a proper taste test, I would have to have them both together, and taste one and then the other… it never happened.
__________________

 

[LibraryVixen]

These stories are great! Keep em comin...

 

[jeff_is_smiling]

Two stories for amusement:

First story: My ex and I went to my mom's courtyard residence and used the complex swimming pool and sauna. In the sauna, since we were alone mid-morning of mid-week, she started rubbing me and removed my trunks. She then went down on me. She hadn't been doing it more than 3 or 4 minutes when the sauna door opened, and an elderly gentleman started walking in. He glanced up and saw her head bobbing up and down quickly, then looked at me and simply said, "Oh, excuse me..." and walked out again. My ex didn't know that we had been caught...lol..until I told her afterwards when we noticed an elderly man was staring at us from across the pool...lol....

Second story: My ex had this "thing" about fucking standing up - she just didn't like it at all. But one time I convinced her, and she let me know that this would be THE last time we did this. Because I typically asked about it and always got the same message back - no way - that when she actually said YES, I was VERY excited. I bent her over quickly and started inserting myself into her...and once I got all the way in and started stroking hard - it happened. I got THE most excruciatingly painful cramp in the arch of my foot imaginable. End of fucking standing up - end of fucking at all at that time. Coitus interruptus frustratingus....

 

[LibraryVixen]

Oh the cramping!!! I've been there. A butt cramp in the middle of a heated session is no fun!!


I thought of another mishap...the time I tore ligaments in my rotator cuff while giving head...I guess I got a little to vigorous and into it and my right shoulder just sort of popped. For the record...I kept going, he finished, and didn't even know anything until a few days later when I complained of it hurting. LOL

 

[LadyVer]

Oh the cramping!!! I've been there. A butt cramp in the middle of a heated session is no fun!!


I thought of another mishap...the time I tore ligaments in my rotator cuff while giving head...I guess I got a little to vigorous and into it and my right shoulder just sort of popped. For the record...I kept going, he finished, and didn't even know anything until a few days later when I complained of it hurting. LOL

Wow. Never heard of a rotator cuff injury caused by giving a BJ! (I've had rc surgery so I know what the pain is like).

Great thread, LV!

 

[LibraryVixen]

Wow. Never heard of a rotator cuff injury caused by giving a BJ! (I've had rc surgery so I know what the pain is like).

Great thread, LV!

I think it had more to do with my position and whatnot. But at the time I just thought I had strained it.

Glad you like the thread.
We're both LV

 

[MrsMellowCake]

OK so I was 19..and with the first ex-Mrs Cake. We were at my house, I lived with my parents at the time, but the place was empty. So anyway...we're going at it in my little single bed making a lot of noise, oblivious to everything else going on. And when we finish, I get up to go to the bathroom and almost trip over a silver tea tray just inside the door with tea, sandwiches and biscuits on...all topped off with a note saying "thought you'd need some refreshments after that, love Dad x"

 

[LibraryVixen]

OK so I was 19..and with the first ex-Mrs Cake. We were at my house, I lived with my parents at the time, but the place was empty. So anyway...we're going at it in my little single bed making a lot of noise, oblivious to everything else going on. And when we finish, I get up to go to the bathroom and almost trip over a silver tea tray just inside the door with tea, sandwiches and biscuits on...all topped off with a note saying "thought you'd need some refreshments after that, love Dad x"

That. Is. Epic.

 

[VA_Boy]

First sexual partner....getting busy on her couch....I feel something cold and wet between my butt cheeks...her dog got "nosey" Mood Killer! Plus I could not get that scene out of my head every time her dog licked her face, LOL.