Boudoir Bloopers

[singledad68]

ok, here is a funny one to me lol

When I was 19 and in the navy some friends of mine had an apartment and I would hang out with them. Little did I know one weekend they hooked me with someone from their home state of Minnesota. We hit it off pretty good and after our friends went to bed I was going to leave. She asked me to stay and that made me very happy.

We were fooling around and it was completely black, I mean I couldn't even see her face it was so dark. She said we couldn't have sex, but she would give me a tit job.....She had rather large breasts and this of course excited me. I had never done this before. Well I told her I was about to cum and when I did she started gasping and chocking.....I had no idea why....when she caught her breath, she said that I had cum up her nose, LOLOL.....I felt very bad but we laid there and laughed about it.....we are still friends to this day.

 

[RNJAG]

A friend of mine one time was in a work crew. One of the "older guys" (60ish) in his crew picked up a wonderful date one nite. My buddy got bounced to another room so the old man could have his way with his lady. Next morning he (old man) was all smiles. That is until breakfast, He would only say that he had to go back to the hotel, wouldnt say for what but that he had to go back.

A few weeks later he was able to convince the old guy to tell why he had to go back. Apparently they both had dentures and he grabbed the wrong ones and didnt notice until he started to eat breakfast. Seems a little far fetched, I know, but Dave swears its 100% true.

 

[LibraryVixen]

Hahahaha at least y'all were able to laugh bout it.

 

[muffguy]

my stories

Many years ago I got with this girl at the bar, We went back to her place and started getting amorous, slowly taking off the clothes kissing, feeling and just generally taking things slow. After the first slow one, I was going to make the next one count, I was hammering away and it felt like someone had popped me on the head with a hammer, after the stars cleared (her laughing hysterically) I looked to see a 5" clay flower pot and dirt all over the pillows and in the sheets. I had to go look in the mirror to make sure I didn't cut my skull open. When I returned she had cleaned the bed but could not stop laughing.

Another time I was with a girl from work, we were going at it I was on the bottom, I thought it would be cool to do a porn star sort of thing and flip her over so she'd be on the bottom and I could do some serious banging, As I rolled her over we got a bit out of line with the bed and I ended cracking the side of my face (eyebrow) on the headboard this time there was profuse bleeding and of course her laughing about it. Being as how this was a secret liaison, I told everyone I had run into the corner of the wall as I was going to the bathroom. Awwwww the good times remembered

 

[LibraryVixen]

Many years ago I got with this girl at the bar, We went back to her place and started getting amorous, slowly taking off the clothes kissing, feeling and just generally taking things slow. After the first slow one, I was going to make the next one count, I was hammering away and it felt like someone had popped me on the head with a hammer, after the stars cleared (her laughing hysterically) I looked to see a 5" clay flower pot and dirt all over the pillows and in the sheets. I had to go look in the mirror to make sure I didn't cut my skull open. When I returned she had cleaned the bed but could not stop laughing.

Another time I was with a girl from work, we were going at it I was on the bottom, I thought it would be cool to do a porn star sort of thing and flip her over so she'd be on the bottom and I could do some serious banging, As I rolled her over we got a bit out of line with the bed and I ended cracking the side of my face (eyebrow) on the headboard this time there was profuse bleeding and of course her laughing about it. Being as how this was a secret liaison, I told everyone I had run into the corner of the wall as I was going to the bathroom. Awwwww the good times remembered

Hahaha the ole "I ran into the wall excuse." nice. These were funny. Thanks for posting.

 

[LibraryVixen]

So yesterday I had the second worst sex I've ever had in my life. It was awful. Let me just start by saying that if you don't actually NEED a magnum condom, don't buy a magnum condom. Because that bitch will come off and get lost in the deep recesses of my vag...Then we'll be stopping to do an excavation that will require you to cram 4 fingers up in there and that shit hurts...seriously, I've had gynecological exams that were more pleasant. Also if it's been a full hour of straight up penis-in-vag fucking and you still haven't cum yet, I'm gonna have to tap out. He fingered me like he was trying to claw his way out of a collapsed mine shaft. Ended the night by saying "We don't make good sex together." I guess sometimes the sexual chemistry just isn't there.

 

[VA_Boy]

One night I had the "romantic bedroom" thing going by surrounding the bed with candles. We got going and I tossed a pillow out of the way, and it landed on a candle. Of course I was not paying attention, till large flames shot up in the air I grabbed it and ran to the kitchen with my hard on bouncing off my legs Dropped it in the sink, turned on the water and doused the flames. Went back in and finished like a champ

 

[sereneone4u]

One night I had the "romantic bedroom" thing going by surrounding the bed with candles. We got going and I tossed a pillow out of the way, and it landed on a candle. Of course I was not paying attention, till large flames shot up in the air I grabbed it and ran to the kitchen with my hard on bouncing off my legs Dropped it in the sink, turned on the water and doused the flames. Went back in and finished like a champ

Rocky theme playing in my head, lol.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Okay, I have few but here's one for now! I was with a girl, and we just started dating, so we were still exploring new things in bed. We were going at it, after hours of fondling each other, on the couch watching a movie. I was getting close to cumming, and she asked me if I wanted to fuck her tits. I had been dreaming about doing that for some time, as she was very well endowed. I started thrusting my cock between her tits, for all I was worth. When I released, it shot out and right then she looked down as the semen hit her right in the eye. She then said "Honey you shot my eye out" I started too laugh so hard right then. She didn't think it was funny and I am sure it burned. I then reminded her of the movie we just watched. " A Christmas Story " it took her a couple of days to admit if it was the other way around she would have laughed too!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Two short stories:
One time we were having sex in the shower and I moved the shower head toward the showere curtain because it was distracting. We ended up knocking the shower curtain off the wall and water went everywhere.

This happened to a roommate of mine at the time. He was dating a girl that was very vocal when they had sex. I had some friends over and a couple of them were standing outside the door listening to the action. All of a sudden the roommate ran out of the bedroom and into the bathroom naked. We could hear the water running, and then he must have went in the shower. His girlfriend came out of the bedroom, and told us don't tell him I told you this. He was going to have some anal play, and thought he grabbed some lube, but in the darkness, grabbed a bottle of icy hot instead. That couldn't have felt too good.

 

[FuckinNudeGuy]

A girlfriend and I used to make use of the back roads a lot while in high school. One night we were sixty-nining in the front seat (love bench seats!) with her on top. We were going at it pretty heavily, and at one point I opened my eyes to see her ass above me glowing with a golden aura. Suddenly she jerked her head up, and we saw a flashlight shining in. How we hadn't heard the car pull up behind us, I'll never know. OK, I DO know, but anyway... We were scared shitless and scrambling to cover up, sure the cops had us, when we heard bellowing laughter outside the window. She suddenly saw who it was - her adult brother (whom I had never met!) recognized the car, and pulled over to give us a hard time. Who knows how long he stood there watching her sucking my cock before turning on the light.

When I finally "officially" met him, I could hardly look him in the eye. My girlfriend was so pissed at him!!

I've got one or two more, but will have to share later.

 

[LibraryVixen]

Anybody had any mishaps lately?

 

[VaGentleOne]

I have enjoyed reading about the fun moments and plan on adding to this very soon. Great thread and just shows you never know when a moment will happen.

 

[rachel7824]

My most embarrassing rendezvous was with a man who swore he would make me squirt... which I never had. So at this point he is a man on a mission. I'm on my back and he's got maybe 3 fingers inside me going to town... and it is just not working, I'm not even close to orgasming let alone squirting. All the sudden he stops and says, "How did that feel? You just squirted for the first time!" In disbelief I ask, "What?" and he repeats the same thing. I'm trying to fathom how he possibly thought I squirted, and he's asking me still if it felt good. I just went with it, and said it felt amazing... and we never slept together again!

 

[Kalamain]

Ok...

So... Many years ago I was with my first real sexual partner and we were going at it in my SINGLE bed for a change... before that we had only been used to her bed which was a double.

So me being all adventurous and strong decided to be a real man and pick her up with me still inside of her and roll to my left so she would be on top with out pulling out and... Yeah... You know whats going to happen right?

In the midst of passion I hadn't noticed that this was MY bed and I didn't have any room on this bed for that kind of acrobatics.

We tumbled off the bed... I hit my head on the corner of the bedside table I then landed on the floor flat on my back, right on top of a couple of hardback books that jammed right into my back with her still on top of me . Oh fuck that was painful.

Yeah... We kinda stopped going at it at that point. For me the room was going dizzy and I was having a hard time breathing... Not only that, I kinda lost my stroke when she was utterly pissing herself with laughter.

Luckily nobody else was home.
But she did have some fun making up stories about how I came to get my REALLY nasty bruising.