Blurt Thread III - Emporium of Unexpected Exclamations & Revelations

[DesEsseintes]

Bwahahahahaa I'll film it.

The face on the belly that is, not the birth.

Don't film the birth, no.

 

[Miles Long]

The tears of a clown

 

[multitalentman]

Bwahahahahaa I'll film it.

The face on the belly that is, not the birth.

I would love to see it!
P.s. a well placed ice cube makes the little munchkin run in the opposite direction.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Don't film the birth, no.

*giggles*

you're telling me that you can consume twice your body weight in hard liquor without batting an eye, but you can't stomach a little pushing and grunting and slightly-larger-than-usual wet spot on the sheets?

Lightweight.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Love laying here watching my belly wiggling around with this little munchkin's sweet moves. *happy sigh*

so excited for you, Rainy. good times!

 

[multitalentman]

*giggles*

you're telling me that you can consume twice your body weight in hard liquor without batting an eye, but you can't stomach a little pushing and grunting and slightly-larger-than-usual wet spot on the sheets?

Lightweight.

Seriously? You always have to pull the "I gave birth card "don't you? Lol!

 

[DesEsseintes]

*giggles*

you're telling me that you can consume twice your body weight in hard liquor without batting an eye, but you can't stomach a little pushing and grunting and slightly-larger-than-usual wet spot on the sheets?

Lightweight.

I'm not telling you that, no.

I'm saying that birth is revolting, painful and inefficient. The sooner we invent artificial wombs the better.

 

[Miles Long]

I love it when men complain about the birth process.

I've been through one and that was enough for me.

 

[DesEsseintes]

I love it when men complain about the birth process.

Not on my own behalf! I missed the crucial moment anyway, much to my disgust, thanks to her being rushed to hospital and him being born in the ambulance...but no woman should have to go through that.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

we need to have Birth Movie Night.

 

[DesEsseintes]

I found labour excruciating, exhausting, and so fucking long, but also empowering and one of the most memorable experiences I'll ever have and one of my greater achievements. Let's see if I'm still saying that in a couple of months though hey.

I'm sure you will. After sinking a few well earned whiskies.

All the same - it would be a hell of a lot easier to get a text from the maternity ward saying that your baby had been born, and would you like to pick it up at some point later that day.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

And miss all the fun? No way!

It's too bad the factory is closing it's doors, I'm very entertaining during labor.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I tell you what, I am positively gagging for a glass of Bubbles.

If there is not one of those and a ham sandwich on fresh white bread with just a smidgen of mustard pickle waiting for me the minute this little human is out...well.. I may kill someone.

Oh, yes. I always make sure to have a turkey and swiss with avacado waiting for me.

I have pics of that, too.

 

[Saucyminx]

I tell you what, I am positively gagging for a glass of Bubbles.

If there is not one of those and a ham sandwich on fresh white bread with just a smidgen of mustard pickle waiting for me the minute this little human is out...well.. I may kill someone.

Have you informed Crazy Penis of this? I would hate for him to be done in, when he will probably be useful post birth.

I didn't want food after. I just wanted about a gallon of water to drink, and to sleep. Might be the huge bowls of Cookie Crisp cereal I ate as soon as I went into labor both times. Thing is, I don't even like Cookie Crisp cereal.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Have you informed Crazy Penis of this? I would hate for him to be done in, when he will probably be useful post birth.

I didn't want food after. I just wanted about a gallon of water to drink, and to sleep. Might be the huge bowls of Cookie Crisp cereal I ate as soon as I went into labor both times. Thing is, I don't even like Cookie Crisp cereal.

Heh.

I consumed about a hundred cinnamon Teddy Grahams during my last labor. While my people sat chillin' and mocking me in the living room, i lapped the house like a turtle with its tail on fire: not very fast, but incredibly determined. Every time i made it back to the living room, I'd grab a few teddies and wash them down with a swig of sweet tea. It also gave the midwife the chance to see how i was doing without her following me around and getting in my way. Cause i can be just the tiniest bit irritable during labor.

My oldest daughter still teases me about my labor-induced paranoia. 'I swear, Mom, we weren't laughing at you.'

Okay. Riiight.

 

[multitalentman]

It sounded adorable im sure.

 

[Saucyminx]

Heh.

I consumed about a hundred cinnamon Teddy Grahams during my last labor. While my people sat chillin' and mocking me in the living room, i lapped the house like a turtle with its tail on fire: not very fast, but incredibly determined. Every time i made it back to the living room, I'd grab a few teddies and wash them down with a swig of sweet tea. It also gave the midwife the chance to see how i was doing without her following me around and getting in my way. Cause i can be just the tiniest bit irritable during labor.

My oldest daughter still teases me about my labor-induced paranoia. 'I swear, Mom, we weren't laughing at you.'

Okay. Riiight.

I get a little bitchy during labor too. I stalked into the hospital, refused a wheel chair with a shooing motion, and did laps around an older couple in the elevator, the whole way up to the 9th floor. They were going to watch their daughter pop one out. They asked if I was in labor--don't know what clued them in. I remember saying something about how I'd rather pop out my left eye with a grapefruit spoon than have a bunch of people pissing me off while i was trying to give birth, then continued walking in a circle around them. They got a little quiet after that.

 

[midwestyankee]

I was perfectly calm and unperturbed throughout all three labors. I don't know what all this pissing and moaning and bragging is about.

 

[Saucyminx]

I was perfectly calm and unperturbed throughout all three labors. I don't know what all this pissing and moaning and bragging is about.

You are an inspiration sir.

*doffs imaginary cap*

 

[Miles Long]

2 files and 2 calls. I can do this.

 

[midwestyankee]

You are an inspiration sir.

*doffs imaginary cap*

Hell, the only time I even fainted was the first time I heard the description of an epidural.

 

[Saucyminx]

I missed out on the drugs both times.

My ex fainted when they were trying to put an iv in my wrist and were digging around with the needle.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I don't like pain and I don't like needles.

I prefer to set land speed records and push until my eyes pop out.

No grapefruit spoon required.

 

[midwestyankee]

Big bad sadist, you!

I still wouldn't inflict needles or sharps of any kind on anyone else, but I've since been cured of my personal fear of needles. Been stabbed and poisoned so many times in the last 18 months that if I'd held onto the fear I'd be in a looney bin by now.

 

[Saucyminx]

I still wouldn't inflict needles or sharps of any kind on anyone else, but I've since been cured of my personal fear of needles. Been stabbed and poisoned so many times in the last 18 months that if I'd held onto the fear I'd be in a looney bin by now.

Yank

I often think a small, quiet stay in the looney bin might be beneficial to me, or a month long vacation in the South of France, or hell, even hiding under my bed for a week or two.