Birth Control?

[HuberKun]

Ok, my boyfriend and I have been waiting to have sex until we were married (we had our reasons) but we have recently decided that we dont want to wait anymore. We are in love and we are going to get married so...why wait? (god I sound like a silly teenager here >.<).

Anways, there are two problems. The main one is he is in Japan and I am moving there in about 6 weeks. We can both speak Japanese, but probably not enough to go to teh doctors and get birth control and their condoms are...well..its not recomended that americans use them for various reasons.

I would really like to get some safer form of birth control (I have no issues with STDs since we are both virgins, its not even an issue...we are disease free). Like the pill or a implant...my biggest desire, however is an IUD. I know there risks and have researched a lot about them. They have gotten a lot better the past couple of decades and its one of the best forms (plus, it lasts for ten years, woo!). Unfortunately, I am a 22 year old who has never had a kid and some doctors wont put in an IUD in someone like me. They are also super expensive.

What would be your recommendations for me? I would like something simple, and something that I can get in Japan and would go into effect within 6 weeks. I know you can get birth control pills for like 9 months and bring them to Japan and then maybe have someone mail them too you after that. But what about the other options. I just need to ask SOMEONE because I am so completely unknowledgable about this matter.

 

[johnph22]

Can you just take some with you? buy them before you leave?

 

[HuberKun]

Well, thats what I was thinking. But, the goal is to stay there for a minimum of one year up to three...so I would need a LARGE supply. Ya know?

 

[johnph22]

I am no expert, but can you order them online somewhere? Trojan.com or something.

Maybe have a good friend at home send them to you.

 

[HuberKun]

I am no expert, but can you order them online somewhere? Trojan.com or something.

Maybe have a good friend at home send them to you.

Er...well I was thinking of something beyond condoms. I dont like the only 85% effective by line I have read across the internet (then again, it IS the internet). I realize its better than nothing and will be taking some with me...

but Im curious about the rest of the BC stuffs.

 

[johnph22]

I was with a married woman once and she had her tubes tied. already ahd three kids, didn't want more. I think that is a little more than you want.

My advice, if you want 100% safe, not gonna get preggo, then there is only one thing..............no sex. Condoms fail, the pill fails, nothing is 100% but no intercourse. Personally, that sucks, so condoms for me.

I hope that wasn't oversharing.

 

[Undomiel]

But would using the pill and condoms together not be nearly 100% safe? (sorry I'm throwing in my own question here)

 

[Brainboyz]

But would using the pill and condoms together not be nearly 100% safe? (sorry I'm throwing in my own question here)

Pill is like 95% effective, the condom is only 86% effective (http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html). So combined, they have a 99.3% effective rate. Still have a 7/10ths chance of getting pregnant.

 

[johnph22]

Pill is like 95% effective, the condom is only 86% effective (http://www.fda.gov/fdac/features/1997/conceptbl.html). So combined, they have a 99.3% effective rate. Still have a 7/10ths chance of getting pregnant.

A friend of mine conceived a child under those odds............

 

[Brainboyz]

A friend of mine conceived a child under those odds............

Yup, almost a 1% chance to get pregnant each year. People bet on worse odds in Vegas and expect a return.

 

[Pyro Paul]

My advice, if you want 100% safe, not gonna get preggo, then there is only one thing..............no sex. Condoms fail, the pill fails, nothing is 100% but no intercourse. Personally, that sucks, so condoms for me.

oddly enough the pill is~ 99.8% effective depending on body differental. If you get pregnate while on the pill you either 1, body finaly reacted to the hormoneal release the pill enduces and counter acts it (a 1 in 1000 chance) or 2, you Did it Wrong. i seriously doubt any of you would want to hear a long human sexuality 101 spiell of how it is extreamly effective so... yeah.

most birth control pill companys will send you it where ever you go, but the sad thing is the further you go out the more it costs (they dont cover shipping and handling. but they will send it, your just another dollar in their pocket) you would really have to talk more to the sales people of any concroseptive, as well as a trained phisitian.

in the world of controceptives, there are plenty of 100% fail safe things that will not make you pregg... but unfortunatly life has a way of breaking through barriers, and all people react diffrently to all situations, for instance, guy gets a vasectomy, by all medical science he is now steril, his body found away to not only undo the vasectomy but fully bring the vas dermis back togeather as if it wasnt cut at all. his was a one in a million case of that possibly happening. you just gotta try your best and hope the odds are enough.

 

[SweetErika]

When I lived abroad, I was able to see a doctor who spoke English, and he prescribed an equivalent pill (which was WAY cheaper than it was here, I might add). If I were you, I'd visit my local Planned Parenthood because you'll need a pelvic and physical and all of that good stuff anyway, and talk to them about your best solutions.

You can buy a year's worth of pills before you leave (the caveat is the first one or ten you try may not work for your body side-effect wise), but I'm sure the clinician would be happy to write down all of the information and give you an extra prescription for a doctor in Japan. Can your bf possibly find out about how much pills cost over there (he should be able to ask a pharamacist, perhaps even call a tourist hotel and ask if they know of pharmacies with English-speaking staff, if necessary) so you can decide whether or not to buy them here or there?

Depending on your financial situation and location, you may even be able to get a years-supply of pills at PP for free. If nothing else, they will be at a greatly reduced cost. If you go through health insurance, you will have to apply for a waiver of their supply limit (most will only give you a 30-day supply at a time), so I'm betting Planned Parenthood is the most cost-effective, easiest solution.

Until last year, we used the pill AND condoms most of the time (now we're just using condoms, which my doctor feels is a very effective method when used properly). In about 9 years of having sex, I've never been pregnant, I think a condom only broke once (but, I was on the pill), and one might have slipped off once or twice. As long as you use them properly and combine it with another method like the pill or a diaphragm, you should be fine.

As a side note, I think it's a great decision to have sex before marriage. Just from the boards, there have been lots of horror stories from people who have waited only to find out they're sexually incompatible. It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and it's a carefully considered decision, so you really can't go wrong.

Good luck, and have a great time in Japan!

 

[Jagged]

Congrats about deciding to take your love to physical leve. It is very sweet and it is not silly. Looking back on past loving sexual relationships I can only recommend the pill and condoms. One lover I had was on the pill and she dealt with it very well so we had wonderful sex. Another we used condoms most of the time and she kept track of her fertile days. Not every woman's body is like clock work though...One friend got the scare of her life when she was two weeks late before she got her period. The latter I recommend if your in a solid relationship. Neither cheat and you know each other very well......and can deal with the issue of possible pregnancy. As to condoms buy various types. A pity you weren't together before him going away. There are many companies that sell in bulk and do mail order....So take some samples try them out....and then order.

Sex is alot of fun and wonderful with someone you love over and over again. Deal with this side of it then go on to enjoy learning to love each other in a new way.

 

[fr34k_n45ty]

I would try to find a doctor that speaks english if you want to get you bc there or if you want to get it here i'd try to find something that would keep for the whole time your there. You might be able to do some research to find a doc online thats in japan. I wish you luck. Another idea is to use condoms along with the natural birthcontrol method of tracking your cycle ( I dont know much about it but it has a small failier risk when used by itself) I wish you luck at finding something that works for you.

 

[pplwatching]

plagiarising myself from another post

my biggest desire, however is an IUD. I know there risks and have researched a lot about them. They have gotten a lot better the past couple of decades and its one of the best forms (plus, it lasts for ten years, woo!).

IUDs are fabulous in the sense that they give an amazing amount of sexual freedom to couples without the hassle or side effects of the Pill. IUDs are not a silver bullet. There's a lot of information to be had on the web. http://www.ppcentwa.org/fact/bcm/iud.html for example.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but the fine print in the literature actually means something, as my wife and I found out to our surprise. The words 'very effective' and 8 out of 1000 mean nothing when you're looking at a positive p-test. My wife and I went through a miscarriage while using an IUD for birth control.

You may already know this, but the issue with your MD inserting an IUD is not actually your age (assuming you're legal to be posting here). When an IUD fails you can be left sterile. There's a big psychological difference between not being able to have more kids and not being able to have ANY kids. An IUD does not truly prevent fertilization of eggs. I've read that it slows sperm down, but it really makes the environment in the womb very 'hostile' for the fertilized egg when it is released from the tubes. In most cases this prevents it from attaching to the womb. Most is not all, as my wife and I discovered. Once in a while you get an egg that's bound and determined to attach itself in spite of the IUD. When that happens, all bets are off. It is possible to have a normal pregnancy, but the chances of an ectopic (in the tubes) pregnancy go way up. Ectopic pregnancy can be life threatening to the mother, and usually requires an operation to remove the egg. This complication has a high chance of leaving a woman sterile, and is the primary reason most MDs won't insert an IUD in someone who does not already have children

Add the extra cramping from the IUD and we give it two thumbs down.

 

[lizaveta]

I'm a big fan of the Fertility Awareness Method, which is like natural family planning except it doesn't frown on back-up methods of birth control or rely on abstinence.

"Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler is the ultimate how-to of FAM, and it will run you about $20 in any bookstore. You will learn how to chart your temperatures, cervical fluid and cervical position to determine when you're fertile, when you've ovulated, and when you're infertile again. This way you'll have the extra protection of knowing when conventional birth control is enough, and when abstinence (or fifteen back-ups lol) might be a better way to go.

I've practiced FAM for over ten years within my marriage without a pregnancy, and now that we're getting ready to start our family it should be helpful there, too.

Obviously, none of this will be helpful to you if you decide to go a hormonal route, but if you don't, I highly recommend the book and the method. If nothing else, at least you'll know more about your fertility than you ever learned in health class.

Best of luck to you, and congrats on taking the plunge! And of course, feel free to PM me if you have any questions.
Liza

 

[pplwatching]

Okay, things are getting a bit misleading here.

I'm a big fan of the Fertility Awareness Method, which is like natural family planning except it doesn't frown on back-up methods of birth control or rely on abstinence.

There's a name for people who practice the rhythm method ... PARENTS. Sperm can live for many unpredictable days inside of you after unprotected sex. If your timing is not perfect, you'll have live sperm inside of you when you ovulate.

As a side note, I think it's a great decision to have sex before marriage. Just from the boards, there have been lots of horror stories from people who have waited only to find out they're sexually incompatible. It sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders and it's a carefully considered decision, so you really can't go wrong.

This line of thinking bothers me. First, marriage is about a lot more than just sex. I've heard a lot more horror stories about money management, respect, trust, and parenting issues than I have issues about sex. That issue really doesn't have much to do with her posting, so I'll leave it at that.

Saying that she really can't go wrong is grossly misleading. She's obviously thought a lot about this, but she has to always remember that sex is first and foremost about making babies. The fact that it's a lot of fun is secondary. So here we go into off-topic unsolicited advice. What's critically important here is that an unexpected pregnancy could be a catastrophy. The mistake here lies in the assumption that birth control efficacy has any relationship to that fact.

I assume that if you were ready to be married, and ready to take responsibility for an unexpected pregnancy, then you'd already be married. You really should be working backwards from the assumption that you will become pregnant if you have sex (as opposed to the assumption that you won't). Now ask yourself if this is a problem. Are you ready financially and emotionally for a baby? Would you stay and raise the baby in Japan? Go home and have the baby without the father? Get married?

Don't focus on birth control rates. Focus on what you'll do when you get pregnant. If being pregnant is not an issue for you or your partner, then have fun. Only if it's not an issue can you choose a birth control method that will minimize the likelyhood of pregnancy.

 

[lizaveta]

Okay, things are getting a bit misleading here.

There's a name for people who practice the rhythm method ... PARENTS. Sperm can live for many unpredictable days inside of you after unprotected sex. If your timing is not perfect, you'll have live sperm inside of you when you ovulate.

Yes, thank you for skipping the rest of my post and making a common joke out of ignorance. Way to prove your point there, Sparky.

Did I at any point mention unprotected sex? Did she? Did ANYONE?

And you're the ONLY one who mentioned the rhythm method.

The rest of your post makes a good point, that pregnancy can occur no matter what form of birth control is used, but I'm pretty sure everyone else has already brought that up. That's pretty much what all those percentages mean up there.

Please don't piss me off today by taking cheap shots at something you obviously know nothing about. I have just quit smoking, and I'm about to start running people over with my car.

 

[pplwatching]

Did I at any point mention unprotected sex? Did she? Did ANYONE? ... And you're the ONLY one who mentioned the rhythm method.

Generally speaking, "unprotected sex" refers to birth control other than condoms (assuming vaginal sex). Most of the contexts that I've seen it used in refer to protection from STDs. Women on birth control who do not use a condom are referred to as having unprotected sex. If you object to my context, fine, but I hardly think it's worth snapping at me over.

According to http://www.contraception.net/resource_centre/rhythm_method.asp
What is the Rhythm Method?
The rhythm method, also known as "fertility awareness," is a method of birth control that uses the menstrual cycle to predict your most fertile time of the month - that is when you are most likely to become pregnant. Once you have identified your most fertile time you simply don't have sex or use a barrier method of birth control during that time period.

Edited for clarification :
FAM is a bit of a misnomer because the actual term is fertility awareness methods (plural). There are a number of methods that can be classified as FAM. All are based on understanding when you are ovulating, based on observing "symptoms" of ovulation. Hormonal birth control works by supressing ovulation, which more or less eliminates the symptoms of ovulation on which FAM would be based.

From http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/fam.htm

Effectiveness
The effectiveness of FAM for birth control varies, depending on the dedication and motivation of the woman and her partner, the length of time she has been using it and the regularity of her menstrual cycle. Combining multiple techniques such as those discussed here for observing fertility increase the effectiveness. Of 100 women who limit vaginal intercourse during their fertile time, between 2 to 20 will become pregnant during the first year.

FAM is based on statistical probabilities. Alone it has a up to 20% failure rate because sperm may be present during ovulation.

Hormonal birth control, however, really only reduces the chances of ovulation. There is still a chance that you will ovulate based on dosage (especially with the MiniPill) and how reliably you take it. I know 2 women who became pregnant while on the pill, and both claim they were very consistant. You are left with the fact that you will become pregnant if you ovulate when live sperm are present. The ideal redundant solution will either prevent sperm from reaching eggs in the first place, or kill them on the way (E.g. barriers or spermicide).

It all boils down to knowing if you absolutely can not become pregnant. If so, then abstinance is your only choice.

 

[HuberKun]

This line of thinking bothers me. First, marriage is about a lot more than just sex. I've heard a lot more horror stories about money management, respect, trust, and parenting issues than I have issues about sex. That issue really doesn't have much to do with her posting, so I'll leave it at that.

Saying that she really can't go wrong is grossly misleading. She's obviously thought a lot about this, but she has to always remember that sex is first and foremost about making babies. The fact that it's a lot of fun is secondary. So here we go into off-topic unsolicited advice. What's critically important here is that an unexpected pregnancy could be a catastrophy. The mistake here lies in the assumption that birth control efficacy has any relationship to that fact.

I assume that if you were ready to be married, and ready to take responsibility for an unexpected pregnancy, then you'd already be married. You really should be working backwards from the assumption that you will become pregnant if you have sex (as opposed to the assumption that you won't). Now ask yourself if this is a problem. Are you ready financially and emotionally for a baby? Would you stay and raise the baby in Japan? Go home and have the baby without the father? Get married?

Don't focus on birth control rates. Focus on what you'll do when you get pregnant. If being pregnant is not an issue for you or your partner, then have fun. Only if it's not an issue can you choose a birth control method that will minimize the likelyhood of pregnancy.

Well, we arent going to get married just to have sex. This is something we both talked about and are talking about. Maybe we are thinking too much about it, but we both want to be ready to take the plunge. I havent posted about whta we talked about, just about my question about birth control. That is only ONE aspect of deciding to 'take the plunge.' It is a big step and its not about making babies.

Of course Ive thought about what I would do if I got pregnant. I mean, Ive obviously been thinking about it and the ramifications. However, THIS is not where I want to talk about that. THIS is where I want to talk to experienced people about methods to prevent pregnancy. And I definately understand that abstinence is really the only 100% garunteed method to prevent pregnancy. However, I need to knwo about birth control so I can decrease my chances of it happening. Plus, I like to hear personal stories from people, like the person talking about their problems with the IUD. Things I was aware of, but that I still wanted to hear about.

Im not mad, but I feel like you are assuming Im an ignorant young girl trying to rush into things. Obviously Im not, but deciding the best way to go about things. Maybe it takes the spontaneous romance out of my first time, but whatever...Id rather know all the facts then come up preggers. My boyfriend is the same way and finding out things on his end (since he's the one actually in Japan right now).

Im not upset with you or anything, because you have good advice that I will be taking into consideration too...but I just wanted to say my piece.

I WILL be talking to a doctor about my options and what s/he thinks is best, but right now I just want personal opinions and I have been getting plenty and I thank you guys for that.

 

[dollface007]

pplwatching , any birth control method a couple uses involves risk and/or sacrifice. You seem to criticize the IUD, which is 98 (or something) percent effective and the most common form of contraceptive on Earth, as much as you do the rhythm method. If she goes on the pill she might gain weight or throw up every time she takes it. Or if she uses condoms, she might be allergic to the latex. Or if she uses spermicide, she might get a yeast infection from the chemical reaction with her vagina. Or she might have an ectopic pregancy no matter what she does. I'm not trying to minimize the hardship you and your wife have gone through. In fact, I'm truly sorry. I just think that you should keep in mind that contraception involves CHOICE. What's wrong for one person might be right for the other. Knowing about the risks is useful, but criticism of others' choices (when they're only suggestions...not prescriptions) is not cool.

 

[pplwatching]

Im not mad, but I feel like you are assuming Im an ignorant young girl trying to rush into things.

Nah, I was just pointing out the issues I had with the specific advice that you were given. Here's my experiences in a nutshell :

41 years old, married 11 years.

Oral contraceptive : My wife went through a few before she found one that didn't screw with her moods and body weight. It took about a year and a half to sort it all out (we didn't have kids until 4 years into our marriage). I wouldn't recommend starting right before travel.
Failed hormonal contraceptive : No personal experience other than knowing 2 women who got pregnant and one who had an ovarian cyst attributed to hormonal birth control.
Failed IUD : Personal experience and know others
Failed condom : Personal experience with a broken condom without pregnancy, and a friend who's broken condom resulted in a pregnancy.

From this side of 40 I'm skeptical of any birth control. We presently use condoms and are very careful to store them appropriately and watch expiration dates.

 

[Eilan]

Yup, almost a 1% chance to get pregnant each year. People bet on worse odds in Vegas and expect a return.

But a tubal is considered permanent and there's still a 1% (maybe less) chance of pregnancy.

An IUD does not truly prevent fertilization of eggs. I've read that it slows sperm down, but it really makes the environment in the womb very 'hostile' for the fertilized egg when it is released from the tubes. In most cases this prevents it from attaching to the womb. Most is not all, as my wife and I discovered.

I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that some IUD's do prevent fertilization by causing the cervical mucus to thicken. Some of them release hormones. And, like you said, they are also intended to prevent implantation of the blastocyst. And most isn't all, but that can be said of ANY BC method (I'm not counting abstinence).

The rhythm method and the fertility awareness method aren't the same thing. Granted, some women are more well-suited for methods like this than others, particularly those who have very regular cycles, but women who aren't using a BC method that suppresses ovulation should KNOW their bodies regardless.

I'm sure if this thread stays on page one long enough, we'll find horror stories regarding every method of BC out there.

 

[pplwatching]

Knowing about the risks is useful, but criticism of others' choices (when they're only suggestions...not prescriptions) is not cool.

My issue was with statements like "You really can't go wrong" and general misinformation, not with the advice.

 

[pplwatching]

I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that some IUD's do prevent fertilization by causing the cervical mucus to thicken. Some of them release hormones.

Yes, but that is a secondary function. Ours released hormones.

The rhythm method and the fertility awareness method aren't the same thing.

Fertility Awareness Methods are generally presented as a menu of things to do. You pick and choose. The rhythm method is a FAM.

I'm sure if this thread stays on page one long enough, we'll find horror stories regarding every method of BC out there.

That would probably be the best thing that could happen. It's one thing to be educated on the the statistics, but it's another to be educated on what can go wrong. My wife and I learned that education the hard way.