Bend Over, Bitch!

[sincerely_helene]

Sorry, anal lovers; It was strictly a metaphoric title.

Single submissives: How do you handle situations that don't offer any possible resolve without confrontation? Do you actually address the issue, or just let it alone even knowing you are going to suffer certain unfair repercussions by doing so?

If it is your nature to avoid conflict, how do you prevent yourself from becoming a "victim" of society when problems arise?

 

[graceanne]

For me it depends on the repurcussions - and how pissed I am. If it's a complete stranger and all that will happen is that I'm mad I'll generally just let it go. If it's someone I know I'm more likely to say something. And once again, if depends on the repurcussions. I'm more likely to get pissed if I know that K's gonna get pissed. It's one of those 'shit rolls down hill' things. Like last week I lent my sister 100 dollars for her rent. She lost her purse the day she was supposed to get it back to me. (And this is not the first time she's lost her purse with a wad of money in it - she's a complete ditz.) I knew K was gonna yell, so I yelled. My biggest worry was telling him.

 

[BeachGurl2]

Like Gracie, it really depends on the situation. Some things I'll just walk away from and forget about. But I've learned the hard way (abusive marriage) to set boundaries and stick to them. So if it's something that infringes on those boundaries, I'll absolutely speak up. I have no problem saying NO when I feel strongly about something. And if it has to do with my kids, I'm definitely a mama tiger about it. Just because I avoid conflict doesn't mean that I can't stand up for myself when necessary. Sure, it's uncomfortable, but I've learned that I feel better when I make myself do it.

 

[graceanne]

Like Gracie, it really depends on the situation. Some things I'll just walk away from and forget about. But I've learned the hard way (abusive marriage) to set boundaries and stick to them. So if it's something that infringes on those boundaries, I'll absolutely speak up. I have no problem saying NO when I feel strongly about something. And if it has to do with my kids, I'm definitely a mama tiger about it. Just because I avoid conflict doesn't mean that I can't stand up for myself when necessary. Sure, it's uncomfortable, but I've learned that I feel better when I make myself do it.

Oh, if we're talking about kids I don't have any problem defending boundarys. I've had K pull me away from someone who's ass I was chewing once. I think he was afraid someone would call the police if I told her to kiss my fucking ass one more time. *shrugs*

 

[BeachGurl2]

Oh, if we're talking about kids I don't have any problem defending boundarys. I've had K pull me away from someone who's ass I was chewing once. I think he was afraid someone would call the police if I told her to kiss my fucking ass one more time. *shrugs*

I can definitely relate to that. I've been in several socially unacceptable situations because someone dissed my kids. And with my oldest at 18 now, I've even had to go at pervs talking nasty about her at shows - she's a hiphop dancer. Hey, what can I say?

 

[graceanne]

I can definitely relate to that. I've been in several socially unacceptable situations because someone dissed my kids. And with my oldest at 18 now, I've even had to go at pervs talking nasty about her at shows - she's a hiphop dancer. Hey, what can I say?

hehe I would love to be there when they realize that you're her mom and they just dissed you before them. LOL

 

[alice_underneath]

Sorry, anal lovers; It was strictly a metaphoric title.

Single submissives: How do you handle situations that don't offer any possible resolve without confrontation? Do you actually address the issue, or just let it alone even knowing you are going to suffer certain unfair repercussions by doing so?

If it is your nature to avoid conflict, how do you prevent yourself from becoming a "victim" of society when problems arise?

Growing up, I was burdened with too much responsibility, too soon. For various reasons, I keenly felt the need to take care of my mother and sisters in a host of different ways.

I was angry and combative. Each day when I walked out the door of my home, I came out swinging. It is my nature to avoid conflict, and I despise it. But a girl does not always get to choose the roles that she must play.

Over the years, my combativeness gradually evaporated. Perhaps I became more mature, or just plain exhausted. I really don't know.

These days, the repurcussions must be quite significant for me to fight back against an obnoxious or threatening person. Most often, I will simply walk away. And what I have found is that picking my battles carefully leaves me with the strength to defend myself when it is truly necessary.

Your reference to "single" submissives made me smile. Growing up, I had no faith in men as mates or parents. So I have always longed for an older brother to look after me. And at the risk of appearing completely loony, I will tell you that an imaginary brother has existed in my head since I was a very young girl.

In learning to walk away from conflict, this imaginary brother has helped me quite a bit. I picture his fist slamming into the bully's face, just before my brother turns and tells me that everything will be ok.

Alice

 

[shy slave]

Growing up, I was burdened with too much responsibility, too soon. For various reasons, I keenly felt the need to take care of my mother and sisters in a host of different ways.

I was angry and combative. Each day when I walked out the door of my home, I came out swinging. It is my nature to avoid conflict, and I despise it. But a girl does not always get to choose the roles that she must play.

Over the years, my combativeness gradually evaporated. Perhaps I became more mature, or just plain exhausted. I really don't know.

These days, the repurcussions must be quite significant for me to fight back against an obnoxious or threatening person. Most often, I will simply walk away. And what I have found is that picking my battles carefully leaves me with the strength to defend myself when it is truly necessary.

Your reference to "single" submissives made me smile. Growing up, I had no faith in men as mates or parents. So I have always longed for an older brother to look after me. And at the risk of appearing completely loony, I will tell you that an imaginary brother has existed in my head since I was a very young girl.

In learning to walk away from conflict, this imaginary brother has helped me quite a bit. I picture his fist slamming into the bully's face, just before my brother turns and tells me that everything will be ok.

Alice

Very often we don't get to choose the roles we play, situations or other people more often than not choose for us.

There may be an element of people needing to 'label' in order to interact at a particular level with us.
For example..'She is level headed, this situation needs that, she is the person to turn to'

In another group I am in, one member is seen as loud, showy, joking, blonde. When I needed someone she was the last person I expected support from, but she was there, everyday without fail.
Its easy to label people when we only see a small facet of their personality, even easier to do it online.
How we cope with the labels people give us, shape us even further into the people we are and become.

Walking away or smiling when the urge to attach your fist to someones face or yell at them takes a deep breath, self confidence and maturity (although maturity is not an age thing). Imagining someone else slamming them instead and telling you its ok, thats class.

That said: Alice I like you, the more I read of your posts, the more I realise your both a little quirky and a little wierd, but I like you.
Is that a suitable label for now?

 

[alice_underneath]

Is that a suitable label for now?

Quirky, weird, and likable work just fine.

Thanks, shy slave.

Alice

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Oh, if we're talking about kids I don't have any problem defending boundarys. I've had K pull me away from someone who's ass I was chewing once. I think he was afraid someone would call the police if I told her to kiss my fucking ass one more time. *shrugs*

oh my Gracie !!! Good for you............

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

In learning to walk away from conflict, this imaginary brother has helped me quite a bit. I picture his fist slamming into the bully's face, just before my brother turns and tells me that everything will be ok.

Alice

awwwwww Alice......hugs

 

[Xelebes]

I wait... until it is perfect time to snap.

 

[jadefirefly]

I kind of have the added bonus of moderate social anxiety, which puts me in the situation of not always being willing to speak up for myself. I even have a hard time addressing store clerks while shopping, or asking for help in a shop. I tend to avoid confrontational situations by being as polite and helpful as I can, usually.

If someone really is angry at me, and is wanting to chew me out over something, though, I will bite back if I have to. Anyone who thinks that I'll roll over and play doormat when they're being unfair has another think coming.

But those occasions are few and far between. Normally I just smile a lot and hope everyone goes away. Which is funny -- I get a lot of higher-up's at my work telling me they're very happy with how much I smile.

 

[graceanne]

My mom, evidently, blows kisses at people who flip her off.

*snort* I bet that's funny.

 

[BeachGurl2]

It is an interesting thought, though, how our being submissive also makes us sometimes more "agreeable". At least that's true for me. I'm one of those people who is always smiling, pleasant, hate to ask for assistance, hate to bother people. I think that's one of the things that makes me much more volatile when I do get upset. All that Ms. Nice Girl time that builds up, maybe.

 

[jadefirefly]

All that Ms. Nice Girl time that builds up, maybe.

Exactly. Makes us much uglier when we finally snap.

 

[DVS]

Sorry, anal lovers; It was strictly a metaphoric title...

It's not nice to pull such trickery.

 

[jadefirefly]

I was wondering when we'd see you pop in here...

 

[DVS]

I was wondering when we'd see you pop in here...

Yes, well...talk about disapointed! I was looking forward to some anal action. Oh well.

 

[Marquis]

Ah, yes, I see. Fascinating stuff....

*cough*

carry on.

 

[BeachGurl2]

I'm thinking maybe we should just hang a sign that says "Sub Convention" on the door. Oh, but then they won't drop in anymore, and it's so much fun to tease . . . um, I mean, see them dropping by, isn't it?

 

[~Blacklace~]

*grins*
I wasnt thinking anal, so much as a hot red bottom

 

[BeachGurl2]

Ah, yes, I see. Fascinating stuff....

*cough*

carry on.

Well, thanks for that . . .

 

[graceanne]

It is an interesting thought, though, how our being submissive also makes us sometimes more "agreeable". At least that's true for me. I'm one of those people who is always smiling, pleasant, hate to ask for assistance, hate to bother people. I think that's one of the things that makes me much more volatile when I do get upset. All that Ms. Nice Girl time that builds up, maybe.

Im like that too. I hate to bother people. Maybe that is why I get so mad when I do.

 

[jadefirefly]

Im like that too. I hate to bother people. Maybe that is why I get so mad when I do.

I don't think that I get mad -because- I've bothered someone, just when that someone really deserves to be gotten mad at.

I do get annoyed, though, when someone who is -supposed- to be there to help isn't available without my being forced to bother them, like in a shop where you can't get any help without pestering the lazy person behind the counter? Because it's one thing when they come over to -me- and ask if I need help, it's quite another when I have to track them down, disturb whatever they're doing, and make them do stuff for me. :/