Being autistic and random stuff

[PMarky2]

My better half dumped this article into my inbox earlier today...

https://asdmarriage.com/2024/04/28/...rJT2QkvsZS2YzUP6De_aem_Xiv9p2F90dm8uojs06Malg

The message I took from that is that she blames me for her autoimmune issues which is something I do not need to handle right now on top of having strained the relationship with BAF, and the anxiety/depression issues I have.

 

[PMarky2]

Once you accept a label, you implicitly accept every assumption that come with that label.
In my opinion, the majority of psychologists and psychiatrists are frauds, parasites, con men.
Same with most of the pills they push: a scam to make money and prey on vulnerable people.
It is fine to ask for an opportunity to prove oneself.
I object when this becomes a DEMAND to be included regardless of objective merit.
Define yourself by what you CAN do, not by a disability label.
I am an engineer, not I am an autistic engineer.
If you can produce results, no one will give a fuck outside of that.

I am sort of in the middle on this one. The label is useful in the sense that it identifies the way in which I respond differently to others in social situations, but it should not used to devalue what I can contribute in other areas. It is also not useful in the way in which it enables folks to label, reject, or devalue me.

 

[stickygirl]

Once you accept a label, you implicitly accept every assumption that come with that label.
In my opinion, the majority of psychologists and psychiatrists are frauds, parasites, con men.
Same with most of the pills they push: a scam to make money and prey on vulnerable people.
It is fine to ask for an opportunity to prove oneself.
I object when this becomes a DEMAND to be included regardless of objective merit.
Define yourself by what you CAN do, not by a disability label.
I am an engineer, not I am an autistic engineer.
If you can produce results, no one will give a fuck outside of that.

Given this and your other posts in Politics since you rejoined on Thursday, I can see you're a rehashed Lit troll. Sorry not sorry, but no one takes offence because you're irrelevant - like a housefly at a window. Off to iggyland.

 

[Strixaluco]

My better half dumped this article into my inbox earlier today...

https://asdmarriage.com/2024/04/28/...rJT2QkvsZS2YzUP6De_aem_Xiv9p2F90dm8uojs06Malg

The message I took from that is that she blames me for her autoimmune issues which is something I do not need to handle right now on top of having strained the relationship with BAF, and the anxiety/depression issues I have.

That article has at least 2 problems - didn't care to read it carefully enough to find more.

It labels "differing social, emotional, and interactional expectations for marriage" that neurodivergent people have as solely negative. Whereas I've seen articles by marriage counsel that conclude how especially the interactional style of autistic people can, in fact, be something neurotypicals should learn from. Including not assuming and talking things out explicitly.

It also seems to fail to discuss that "mismatched relational needs, differing standards for practical concerns" etc can, in fact, be a compatibility issue and not just fault of the ND partner.

It discusses ND partners as a problem instead of just different. It fails to note that for a ND person, the NT partner can be a source of huge stress - that we could make headlines like "When marriage with a neurotypical makes us sick".

 

[Strixaluco]

Depression, even chronic depressions aka dysthymia is disproportionately conmon amon autistic people. I saw this video being recommended, and it made me suspect that being autistic makes us vulnerable for the mechanism of dysthymia. Our thinking often being all-or-nothing is in my opinnion definitely one factor, and then us not necessarily being allow to be who we are.

Anyone feeling like being chronically depressed - or perhaps even being depressed often, could benefit of watching this. It doesn't tell just what dysthymia is and how it's formed, but also what should be done to cure it. Meds usually won't work!

For the record - I would probably not fill the diagnostic criteria right now, as I've been happy since meeting my partner, but still I recognised I've had and probably still have some of those issues and need to work with it. So keep it your threshold low for watching it.

 

[PMarky2]

That article has at least 2 problems - didn't care to read it carefully enough to find more.

It labels "differing social, emotional, and interactional expectations for marriage" that neurodivergent people have as solely negative. Whereas I've seen articles by marriage counsel that conclude how especially the interactional style of autistic people can, in fact, be something neurotypicals should learn from. Including not assuming and talking things out explicitly.

It also seems to fail to discuss that "mismatched relational needs, differing standards for practical concerns" etc can, in fact, be a compatibility issue and not just fault of the ND partner.

It discusses ND partners as a problem instead of just different. It fails to note that for a ND person, the NT partner can be a source of huge stress - that we could make headlines like "When marriage with a neurotypical makes us sick".

Not just me then. I thought that those two basic premises were, if not wrong, then heavily skewed against the ND partner. The unspoken presumption being that 'autism is a sickness that cannot be fixed' not 'autism is a condition that brings with it unique challenges and gifts.' I would honestly say that the problems caused by the challenges outweigh the advantages it gives me in terms of retaining and processing information, but it is the hand I have been dealt.

To state the obvious, ND/NT communication is difficult, and is probably one of the major stressors in my life. I am fine when people take care to say what they mean, but when I have to deal with hints and unspoken presumptions, I can be clueless. My wife will often drop hints... 'wouldn't it be nice to go on a cruise?' My brain goes 'yes, I suppose so' and moves swiftly on. Then a few weeks later I get attacked out of what I regard as left field with 'we never go on vacation...' because I have not picked up on the cruise idea. Something a lot clearer like, 'We need some time away. Let's take a river cruise. I need you to do this, this, and this' should or would get the desired result. If I am content and rested I can make a pretty good attempt to navigate Normie-world, but it is exhausting because I have to think through much of the non-verbal stuff that NTs do not have to think about.

On the other hand, being with BAF is easy. She usually explains what is going on, but the fact that she disappeared recently without saying anything was a major shock. She reappeared last Sunday, and after the usual 'Hi, how are you? I've missed you' conversation she told me that she had been really busy at work, had been spending Sundays with her old home school/college friends, and that she would see me again at Easter. All of which was good and clear. I am going to miss her in the meantime, but at least there is a time limit, and I have the opportunity to get into a better headspace. I have overstressed the friendship in the last few months by being clingy. That is always a danger when I start doom spiraling. Hopefully, I will be forgiven and the relationship and be rebuilt on a better basis as there is a basic sympathy there.

 

[Strixaluco]

To state the obvious, ND/NT communication is difficult, and is probably one of the major stressors in my life. I am fine when people take care to say what they mean, but when I have to deal with hints and unspoken presumptions, I can be clueless.

This reminds me of something... While the need for clear communication is seen as an autistic trait, I also remember a "speech for the women" from a university student union feast (with all the formalities of the past). The speaker bluntly told women that for men, "Little hints won't make it. A bit bigger hints won't do. Even big hints won't work. Even OBVIOUS hints will be missed. Say what you mean, straight out!"

And I have to say, it has worked wonderfully even with NT men. So your wife shouldn't blame it just on autism. (You're free to quote that part of speech, made by a neurotypical man!)

 

[stickygirl]

There was a new program on UK TV, Ch5 this evening 'Are you Autistic?' fronted by a GP with an interest in autism. It included contributions from autistic people, as well as researchers into everything from the historical descriptions of autism, to mapping brain activity in very young children.

I found the initial conclusions from the brain activity interesting. It demonstrated that autistic brains are unable to filter out repetitive and irrelevant noises but showed an increase in stimulation that could generate an emotional response, whereas NT brains became less affected over time. Previously it had been thought that autistic children first exhibited traits in social interactions and intolerance to sensory stimulation was just a sideshow.

The GP and others had clearly been asked to give the editors extra 'nodding footage' which looked anything but NT, nodding furiously like automatons throughout. They also focussed on the stimming of their participants in a rather ham-fisted way "Look, here's what these people do with their hands!" Overall the 50 minute program tried to cover too much: addressing everything from perceived over-diagnoses to providing accommodations and support.

You know that a public opinion backlash is brewing when such topics reach mainstream TV - just as they have done with trans issues and vaccinations. They'll be after us soon enough.

 

[Strixaluco]

We're having a HVAC renovationin the housing complex, starting probably after the summer. The timetable will not be known until May. Nor whether they are doing from A1 to E50 or vice versa. So no idea what time of the year I'll be escaping to my parents - it's a lot easier during the summer when they move to summer cottage for almost half the year. And whether I'll have to empty my cellar locker or not (it's 2,5 m2 full of stuff and i can't afford to rent storage).

The regulars in this thread probably know how that works for an autistic person. I'm becoming a total stress ball.

 

[Noor]

There was a new program on UK TV, Ch5 this evening 'Are you Autistic?' fronted by a GP with an interest in autism. It included contributions from autistic people, as well as researchers into everything from the historical descriptions of autism, to mapping brain activity in very young children.

I found the initial conclusions from the brain activity interesting. It demonstrated that autistic brains are unable to filter out repetitive and irrelevant noises but showed an increase in stimulation that could generate an emotional response, whereas NT brains became less affected over time. Previously it had been thought that autistic children first exhibited traits in social interactions and intolerance to sensory stimulation was just a sideshow.

The GP and others had clearly been asked to give the editors extra 'nodding footage' which looked anything but NT, nodding furiously like automatons throughout. They also focussed on the stimming of their participants in a rather ham-fisted way "Look, here's what these people do with their hands!" Overall the 50 minute program tried to cover too much: addressing everything from perceived over-diagnoses to providing accommodations and support.

You know that a public opinion backlash is brewing when such topics reach mainstream TV - just as they have done with trans issues and vaccinations. They'll be after us soon enough.

I hope they don’t go after us.

 

[stickygirl]

I hope they don’t go after us.

Me too, but I know how quickly the 'football-stand' mentality is adopted in the UK. I hear that phrase 'Well everyone's a bit autistic' too often, along with 'people love to be special'.

Having said that... my cousins are teachers and cite troublesome parents who insist their child requires unnecessary diagnosis for imagined problems. My cousins have an autistic son, so apart from being professionals, they have first hand experience too.

Those rare incidence become common currency in the school gate gossip and so we hear 'everyone's being diagnosed these days' because everyone watches Fox News or other Murdoch outlets. Alternatively everyone's got autism... because of vaccines...

 

[Noor]

Me too, but I know how quickly the 'football-stand' mentality is adopted in the UK. I hear that phrase 'Well everyone's a bit autistic' too often, along with 'people love to be special'.

Having said that... my cousins are teachers and cite troublesome parents who insist their child requires unnecessary diagnosis for imagined problems. My cousins have an autistic son, so apart from being professionals, they have first hand experience too.

Those rare incidence become common currency in the school gate gossip and so we hear 'everyone's being diagnosed these days' because everyone watches Fox News or other Murdoch outlets. Alternatively everyone's got autism... because of vaccines...

Yikes! That’s pretty scary

 

[Strixaluco]

I hear that phrase 'Well everyone's a bit autistic' too often

To that particular one, my go-to is "everybody forgets something sometimes too, yet not everyone has dementia."

 

[PMarky2]

It hit me this morning that my happiest part of the day is first off in a morning when I am the only one awake, and it is quiet in the house. There is just birdsong, the sound of the occasional passing car, the tap of the keyboard, and my thoughts. For me, it is the calm part of the day before coping and masking commence.

I am hoping that my recent meltdown has not damaged my relationship with BAF permanently, and that the current relative lack of contact is just a phase whilst we recover. Our last contact - post-meltdown - was positive, so I am cautiously optimistic.

I'm starting therapy Friday to see if I can get my anxieties under better control, and to talk out some of my problems. I am tired of carrying it all.

 

[PMarky2]

Me too, but I know how quickly the 'football-stand' mentality is adopted in the UK. I hear that phrase 'Well everyone's a bit autistic' too often, along with 'people love to be special'.

Having said that... my cousins are teachers and cite troublesome parents who insist their child requires unnecessary diagnosis for imagined problems. My cousins have an autistic son, so apart from being professionals, they have first hand experience too.

Those rare incidence become common currency in the school gate gossip and so we hear 'everyone's being diagnosed these days' because everyone watches Fox News or other Murdoch outlets. Alternatively everyone's got autism... because of vaccines...

Spectrum disorders are difficult to consistently diagnose, and autism is particularly difficult because we all present in a slightly different way. I do think that like ADHD and related conditions, it is not well understood by the general population, and you pretty much need to be autistic or live with someone who is autistic to understand what it really means.

 

[Strixaluco]

It hit me this morning that my happiest part of the day is first off in a morning when I am the only one awake, and it is quiet in the house. There is just birdsong, the sound of the occasional passing car, the tap of the keyboard, and my thoughts. For me, it is the calm part of the day before coping and masking commence.

Oh my... I used to love quiet mornings, too, until early adulthood. Waking up calm and energetic at the same time. One of those lovely mornings was the first week in my own home with my then-boyfriend. I woke up before 7, without alarm, and started to wash the dishes to have them ready to be used after the moving hassle. Sunshine, silence and own home....

I think I'd still love mornings, if they weren't physically challenging these days.

 

[stickygirl]

An interview tagged to Gina Rippon's book, The Lost Girls of Autism. Having read similar research I didn't find anything new in the interview but it's good to see it mainstream on YT.

One take-away comment I'm going to keep was the term 'labels and that labels are for jars and not for people... BUT labels are to do with identity and helping people find their tribe for mutual support. [ 16.00 ] I think the Cis-Typical world likes dismissive slurs to shut down discussion and 'labels' is one I've heard several times recently.

 

[Strixaluco]

One take-away comment I'm going to keep was the term 'labels and that labels are for jars and not for people... BUT labels are to do with identity and helping people find their tribe for mutual support. [ 16.00 ] I think the Cis-Typical world likes dismissive slurs to shut down discussion and 'labels' is

People, including many doctors, try to fit people into neat boxes.

But we don't have neat boxes to name. Instead labels are, in fact, more like names given to multidimensional blurry blotches that overlap. And humans may be somewhere in the middle of those blotches, not perfectly aligned at all.

The same goes for very many labels, including for example the different things going on in the BDSM world. Having a word for what you do is practical for finding like-minded people, but then you still need to ask, what it is their stuff like in reality.

 

[stickygirl]

People, including many doctors, try to fit people into neat boxes.

But we don't have neat boxes to name. Instead labels are, in fact, more like names given to multidimensional blurry blotches that overlap. And humans may be somewhere in the middle of those blotches, not perfectly aligned at all.

The same goes for very many labels, including for example the different things going on in the BDSM world. Having a word for what you do is practical for finding like-minded people, but then you still need to ask, what it is their stuff like in reality.

Perhaps a bit like visiting sections of a library: Natural History is then split into Marine; Invertebrates; Things that float in the sea and look like snot. In that sense it's a drill down to find the detail. In a colloquial sense labels have become a shorthand for 'requiring special attention for spurious reasons of which I am sceptical'...

 

[Strixaluco]

Perhaps a bit like visiting sections of a library: Natural History is then split into Marine; Invertebrates; Things that float in the sea and look like snot. In that sense it's a drill down to find the detail. In a colloquial sense labels have become a shorthand for 'requiring special attention for spurious reasons of which I am sceptical'...

That's a very much top-down way of thinking.

Whereas we autistic often rather think bottom-up, starting with the details. Which then, often leads to the realisation that labels don't work that neatly.

 

[PMarky2]

That's a very much top-down way of thinking.

Whereas we autistic often rather think bottom-up, starting with the details. Which then, often leads to the realisation that labels don't work that neatly.

Yep. I tend to accumulate a massive amount of detailed information before I do something with it in terms of formulating a theory, categorization, etc.. I am capable of the 'big picture/top down' type of thinking, but it is a product of my academic training, and is not my natural habit of mind. I am absolutely deadly speaking off-the-cuff because I will tend to overwhelm folks with detail to the point that they have switched out before I get to the juicy bit.

And now for something completely different...

First session with the therapist was positive. I was a little nervous about being assigned a female therapist, but that did not prove to be a problem. She's cute, but not distracting, so the potential dangers there are minimal. I was surprised how much we covered in fifty minutes. Kleenex was only required once, whereas I was thinking I would need the whole box. The breakdown point was when she asked me about children, and I had to admit I had been happily childless until quite recently, but now being childless hurts so much I cry if I have to speak of it.

 

[Strixaluco]

The breakdown point was when she asked me about children,

I know, it can hurt like hell. I just yesterday sorted the maternity clothes and some baby clothes my sister had saved for me. I never got to use them, and now it's too late.

 

[PMarky2]

View attachment 2526760

I know, it can hurt like hell. I just yesterday sorted the maternity clothes and some baby clothes my sister had saved for me. I never got to use them, and now it's too late.

Hug appreciated! Hug back.

Even after four years it is an incredibly powerful, raw emotion. The switch flipped one day when I was talking to BAF. Put into unspoken words, my brain screamed 'you will make a wonderful mother one day. I'd have loved to have had kids with someone like you.'

 

[Strixaluco]

Hug appreciated! Hug back.

Even after four years it is an incredibly, powerful, raw emotion. The switch flipped one day when I was talking to BAF. Put into unspoken words, my brain screamed 'you will make a wonderful mother one day. I'd have loved to have had kids with someone like you.'

It doesn't ever really stop hurting, unfortunately... Moments like that pop out of nowhere.

And then theres the 2nd round. Not getting grandkids. Which only recently has even become a topic of discussion.

 

[thør]

US Health Secretary Robert F Kennedy Jr has pledged "a massive testing and research effort" to determine the cause of autism in five months.

Are there any folk that will wager real money that he will be successful?