BDSM leakage

[intothewoods]

"where are you going?"

"my cousin's wedding, she's marrying this total alkie, I can't STAND him, but my mother's gonna kill me if I'm not there. God, I hate Ohio." *

*involves neither cousin, alkie, wedding, nor Ohio.

Ha. Love it. This actually comes up for me more with family. I try to just duck calls that weekend if I can.

 

[Netzach]

Ha. Love it. This actually comes up for me more with family. I try to just duck calls that weekend if I can.

Oh yeah. In those cases his college friends. Always his college friends.

 

[Keroin]

So how does everyone deal with awkward questions/situations with friends, family or colleagues?

What awkward situations? I don't really get into the details of the inner workings of my relationship with family or colleagues, or casual friends. I certainly don't talk about my sex life. The closest would be a situation where he has made the decision about something, and I'm not going to say, well, he has the final world. I would just say, oh, he decided that one. Or, we decided x was for the best. I just kind of skate around the issue, and really, it's not like I'm obligated to share every little thing, so it's no big deal. The other potential issue would be if we're going away for the weekend to an event. That happens rarely, but I just say we're going away just the two of us, or something like that.

What she said. What awkward situations? Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

I don't do public events so that makes it even easier.

Some of this might be an age/social circle issue. In college, talking about sex was pretty common. I'm not going to go to a PTA meeting and start chatting about being good, giving and game! LMAO. And I don't talk about that stuff at work either. I used to be a lot more open with work friends when I was much younger, but these days I so appreciate having a private life. There's still plenty to gossip about - mostly kids, pets, fixing up the house. Usual bullshit.

This too. Damn. you're on a roll today, ITW! Honestly, the older I get the less I feel compelled to share the intimate details of my life with others.

And if you really want to keep something secret, the best way to do that is to only tell one other person...then kill that person.

 

[intothewoods]

Oh yeah. In those cases his college friends. Always his college friends.

Oh, that's good. Why didn't I think of that?

 

[intothewoods]

What she said. What awkward situations? Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

I don't do public events so that makes it even easier.



This too. Damn. you're on a roll today, ITW! Honestly, the older I get the less I feel compelled to share the intimate details of my life with others.

And if you really want to keep something secret, the best way to do that is to only tell one other person...then kill that person.

Ha ha. I spent a weird period of time in my life wanting to feel like I fit in at my work. And then one day at a new place it kind of clicked. I don't need to be friends with the people I work with. I'm friendly and we all get along fine, but I don't need anyone's approval to be me on a personal level, kwim?

 

[graceanne]

Some of this might be an age/social circle issue. In college, talking about sex was pretty common. I'm not going to go to a PTA meeting and start chatting about being good, giving and game! LMAO. And I don't talk about that stuff at work either. I used to be a lot more open with work friends when I was much younger, but these days I so appreciate having a private life. There's still plenty to gossip about - mostly kids, pets, fixing up the house. Usual bullshit.

Yeah, the closest to a 'sex talk' me and the other PTA moms has is when our kids teacher got flowers for her birthday (she got married that summer) and I said 'wow, you can tell she's newly married. flowers and all.' and everyone laughed.

As I said above, "If you ask me a question, I'm going to answer it. Just remember that you asked the question."

Or mine "Do you really want to know the answer to that?" *raises eyebrows*

I suppose the big problem for me is colleagues. I'd hav no qualms in telling friends or family if needed. But the girls at work are the usual young, free, single 'all men are bastards and we should put them in their place'. When the situation about working extra shifts/nghts out come up, and I am no permitted to go, how do I answer/make an excuse?

Mads and I work in the same mall. It'll become gossip in seconds, as well as all the snide comments about female liberation and not being a stepford wife...

Why make 'i would but I can't because' excuses. Tell them you don't want to go out; you don't like the club scene, you don't drink, you aren't in the mood, you don't want to go, you don't believe in mixing your social and work life ....

 

[graceanne]

Ha ha. I spent a weird period of time in my life wanting to feel like I fit in at my work. And then one day at a new place it kind of clicked. I don't need to be friends with the people I work with. I'm friendly and we all get along fine, but I don't need anyone's approval to be me on a personal level, kwim?

That's always been my view, when I was working. Sometimes keeping things separate helps maintain drama-free work relationships. Just because you work at the same place doesn't mean you're gonna be buds everywhere else, anymore than riding the same bus to and from work, every day, means you're gonna invite the creepy guy at the back seat home to meet your family.

 

[Keroin]

Ha ha. I spent a weird period of time in my life wanting to feel like I fit in at my work. And then one day at a new place it kind of clicked. I don't need to be friends with the people I work with. I'm friendly and we all get along fine, but I don't need anyone's approval to be me on a personal level, kwim?

Ditto.

The exception would be if you work at a job where RL social networking is important. But then, I would expect that your PYL would understand that and would allow some measure of flexibility.

Come to think of it, I don't think I possibly could have maintained a power based relationship when I was starting out in the biz. Or I could have but then I never would have been successful in my career. My job was my master, so to speak.

Interesting.

 

[Keroin]

...anymore than riding the same bus to and from work, every day, means you're gonna invite the creepy guy at the back seat home to meet your family.

So, you're saying I shouldn't have done that?

 

[intothewoods]

Ditto.

The exception would be if you work at a job where RL social networking is important. But then, I would expect that your PYL would understand that and would allow some measure of flexibility.

Come to think of it, I don't think I possibly could have maintained a power based relationship when I was starting out in the biz. Or I could have but then I never would have been successful in my career. My job was my master, so to speak.

Interesting.

That's true - there are companies who are really into bonding. I definitely do a lot of social networking, but it's pretty superficial.

 

[Keroin]

That's true - there are companies who are really into bonding. I definitely do a lot of social networking, but it's pretty superficial.

When you get started in the biz, one of the things you are expected to do is to go watch other people doing stunts on set. Sometimes you might help out, setting up boxes or whatever, but mostly you just stand around, for hours...and hours...and hours...trying to be much cooler than you actually are and enjoying such witty banter as "Training much?", "Oh yeah, tons. You?", "Yeah, all the time.", "Hey is that a new flavour of protein bar you're eating?" Etc.

Often the stunts you go to watch happen at night...in the winter...so you are also tired and freezing. Cod bless Starbucks. And usually there is no place to sit, not that you would sit because that would make you look lazy.

And then you have to explain to your mate why you're going out at 1am, (not to work just to "hang out" with a bunch of guys), and that you have no idea when you'll be home.

 

[TypicalDeviant]

"where are you going?"

"my cousin's wedding, she's marrying this total alkie, I can't STAND him, but my mother's gonna kill me if I'm not there. God, I hate Ohio." *

*involves neither cousin, alkie, wedding, nor Ohio.

So does he. So do I. Doesn't everyone?

 

[the captians wench]

I suppose the big problem for me is colleagues. I'd hav no qualms in telling friends or family if needed. But the girls at work are the usual young, free, single 'all men are bastards and we should put them in their place'. When the situation about working extra shifts/nghts out come up, and I am no permitted to go, how do I answer/make an excuse?

Mads and I work in the same mall. It'll become gossip in seconds, as well as all the snide comments about female liberation and not being a stepford wife...

And what the hell is wrong with being a stepford wife?

Yeah, I just about failed a senior project because I did my "career portfolio" on being a house wife.

"where are you going?"

"my cousin's wedding, she's marrying this total alkie, I can't STAND him, but my mother's gonna kill me if I'm not there. God, I hate Ohio." *

*involves neither cousin, alkie, wedding, nor Ohio.

Hey, there's good stuff in Ohio! Namely me.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Honestly, the older I get the less I feel compelled to share the intimate details of my life with others.

I've been that way from day dot. I've always hard a compulsion of sorts, to not reveal things, to not let people in.

Issue being though, that once someone is *in* I don't know when to stop sharing. And I say far too much. And sometimes it's gross.

 

[FungiUg]

So, you're saying I shouldn't have done that?

Only if your family is creepier than he is, in which case it's revenge!

 

[FungiUg]

This is one of the nice things about having boundaries with work colleagues.

Actually, this reminds me that there was a time I did run into this with work colleagues. But that was during the time that NZ was brining in the law to make spanking children illegal. My work colleagues were going on about how "harmless" beating children was, and I finally snapped and told them that I had suffered extreme abuse as a child and could they please shut up on the subject.

I wasn't so much interested in sharing my experience as just not having to put up with their own loud opinions though.

So not really BDSM, but certainly a bit of leakage going on there.

 

[FloggingMolly]

The average age in my work place is about 21. It's all women, and there's a very strong 'we're all mates who party together, get hammered, then sleep with people we've just pulled' mentality. Working in fashion retail aimed at 16-25 year olds, this seems to be fairly stanar environment. I spend all day on the shop floor with them, I'm not lucky enough to have my own office or even cubicle. Sex is almost the exclusive topic of conversation, and they hav no boundaries. Within two days of starting there, I knew what size all their boyfriends cocks were, who like what in bed etc. I hear it all the time.

Though you may see it as sad, I do want to fit in and have common ground. I've worked places where I've been the odd one out, an have hated every damn day. My sanity is worth more than that. I don't mind talking about sex, hell the actual handcuffs/spanking etc wouldn't bother me to discuss, and wouldn't be of more than a passing interest to them. But the D/s lifestyle stuff is much harder.

I also don't want to be seen as unflexible when it comes to overtime etc. I've been there 6 or 7 weeks. I have a 26 week probation period in which they can decide they just don't want to bother keeping me on.

 

[rosco rathbone]

I enjoy dropping sinister hints.

 

[sweepthefloor]

I am going back tonight to the place I come from, and that is the Irish bar down the street. The last time I got tipsy in there, my lips got loose, I am sure old Irish Frankie will not remember a word I said, but I know I was spilling kink from my mouth. I asked him if he ever raped his ex wife! I leaked a little and he picked up: He kept calling me a drunk little cunt bitch, and guess what? I think I liked it. No one ever dared talk to me like that, especially there. I stayed by his side the whole night. When 3 Italians walked into the bar and tried flirting with me, Frankie told them if they wanted to talk to me they had to each drink a pint of Guinness stout. I think I liked that too, and they drank it, miserably. Then he told me, you can leave with the nice Irish boy at the end of the bar that has been sending you drinks, but you are not leaving with those Italians (he called them guaps, which I never heard the word before). We ended the night with him twirling me around in my dress. He also played spoons on his knee and on my back; I think I would have liked that on my ass.

 

[Seurat]

Looking back through this; I think that those in the know have kinks of their own that have been shared, and nobody else knows whether or not to take comments seriously, so they don't.

Caspar Milquetoast or perverted kinkmeister, we all look the same. When dressed in normal clothes, at least.

 

[intothewoods]

The average age in my work place is about 21. It's all women, and there's a very strong 'we're all mates who party together, get hammered, then sleep with people we've just pulled' mentality. Working in fashion retail aimed at 16-25 year olds, this seems to be fairly stanar environment. I spend all day on the shop floor with them, I'm not lucky enough to have my own office or even cubicle. Sex is almost the exclusive topic of conversation, and they hav no boundaries. Within two days of starting there, I knew what size all their boyfriends cocks were, who like what in bed etc. I hear it all the time.

Though you may see it as sad, I do want to fit in and have common ground. I've worked places where I've been the odd one out, an have hated every damn day. My sanity is worth more than that. I don't mind talking about sex, hell the actual handcuffs/spanking etc wouldn't bother me to discuss, and wouldn't be of more than a passing interest to them. But the D/s lifestyle stuff is much harder.

I also don't want to be seen as unflexible when it comes to overtime etc. I've been there 6 or 7 weeks. I have a 26 week probation period in which they can decide they just don't want to bother keeping me on.

It's not either or. I have boundaries at work, but I get along well with everyone. It sounds like you can share about your sex life, but just keep the D/s stuff to yourself. An important thing to remember is there is a distinction between privacy and secrecy. You have a right to keep certain things private, but don't feel or act like you're hiding something shameful.

As far as the overtime goes, that's something you have to work out with your PYL. My only point was that there's no reason to tell them he is the reason you can't do it.

 

[the captians wench]

The average age in my work place is about 21. It's all women, and there's a very strong 'we're all mates who party together, get hammered, then sleep with people we've just pulled' mentality. Working in fashion retail aimed at 16-25 year olds, this seems to be fairly stanar environment. I spend all day on the shop floor with them, I'm not lucky enough to have my own office or even cubicle. Sex is almost the exclusive topic of conversation, and they hav no boundaries. Within two days of starting there, I knew what size all their boyfriends cocks were, who like what in bed etc. I hear it all the time.

Though you may see it as sad, I do want to fit in and have common ground. I've worked places where I've been the odd one out, an have hated every damn day. My sanity is worth more than that. I don't mind talking about sex, hell the actual handcuffs/spanking etc wouldn't bother me to discuss, and wouldn't be of more than a passing interest to them. But the D/s lifestyle stuff is much harder.

I also don't want to be seen as unflexible when it comes to overtime etc. I've been there 6 or 7 weeks. I have a 26 week probation period in which they can decide they just don't want to bother keeping me on.

I can totally get this.

It wasn't until I adopted a "I could really give a fuck" attitude that people stopped taking me seriously when I made the occational slip.

People who aren't in a simular situation are never going to understand why I plan my day around being home and on the computer by 6:30pm every night. Nor are they going to understand why I hoard money and live very tightly in order to spend my vacation time with some man I met online. They don't understand, and they never will, and I don't really care. We've kind of turned it into a joke around work. The new manager made a comment to some one "what is it like internet dating?" and I just looked at my GM and grinned.

I know what it's like to want to fit in with your co workers. I also know what it's like to never really be accepted. But there is a ballance there. You don't need a reason to not go out with them other than the fact that you are married and have obligations they don't. They'll make comments about how you should tell him you are going out and stand up to him and you'll just laugh and shrug and say "see ya tomorrow". They'll talk about how much it must suck to be so owned by a man, and you'll go home and enjoy just how owned you are.

Still friends, still blending, still seperate.

I am going back tonight to the place I come from, and that is the Irish bar down the street. The last time I got tipsy in there, my lips got loose, I am sure old Irish Frankie will not remember a word I said, but I know I was spilling kink from my mouth. I asked him if he ever raped his ex wife! I leaked a little and he picked up: He kept calling me a drunk little cunt bitch, and guess what? I think I liked it. No one ever dared talk to me like that, especially there. I stayed by his side the whole night. When 3 Italians walked into the bar and tried flirting with me, Frankie told them if they wanted to talk to me they had to each drink a pint of Guinness stout. I think I liked that too, and they drank it, miserably. Then he told me, you can leave with the nice Irish boy at the end of the bar that has been sending you drinks, but you are not leaving with those Italians (he called them guaps, which I never heard the word before). We ended the night with him twirling me around in my dress. He also played spoons on his knee and on my back; I think I would have liked that on my ass.

Gotta love the Irish.

 

[jaga7337]

my family knows about my life choices and when i meet someone i am usually pretty upfront about who i am

 

[Netzach]

The average age in my work place is about 21. It's all women, and there's a very strong 'we're all mates who party together, get hammered, then sleep with people we've just pulled' mentality. Working in fashion retail aimed at 16-25 year olds, this seems to be fairly stanar environment. I spend all day on the shop floor with them, I'm not lucky enough to have my own office or even cubicle. Sex is almost the exclusive topic of conversation, and they hav no boundaries. Within two days of starting there, I knew what size all their boyfriends cocks were, who like what in bed etc. I hear it all the time.

Though you may see it as sad, I do want to fit in and have common ground. I've worked places where I've been the odd one out, an have hated every damn day. My sanity is worth more than that. I don't mind talking about sex, hell the actual handcuffs/spanking etc wouldn't bother me to discuss, and wouldn't be of more than a passing interest to them. But the D/s lifestyle stuff is much harder.

I also don't want to be seen as unflexible when it comes to overtime etc. I've been there 6 or 7 weeks. I have a 26 week probation period in which they can decide they just don't want to bother keeping me on.

So don't discuss the power part of it if it's just going to confuse them. Make it about dick size.

As for overtime concerns, that's probably a good discussion topic for you and your Dominant party, if it's creating conflict with his directions and the bottom line to which we are all enslaved, eh?

 

[rosco rathbone]

I am going back tonight to the place I come from, and that is the Irish bar down the street. The last time I got tipsy in there, my lips got loose, I am sure old Irish Frankie will not remember a word I said, but I know I was spilling kink from my mouth. I asked him if he ever raped his ex wife! I leaked a little and he picked up: He kept calling me a drunk little cunt bitch, and guess what? I think I liked it. No one ever dared talk to me like that, especially there. I stayed by his side the whole night. When 3 Italians walked into the bar and tried flirting with me, Frankie told them if they wanted to talk to me they had to each drink a pint of Guinness stout. I think I liked that too, and they drank it, miserably. Then he told me, you can leave with the nice Irish boy at the end of the bar that has been sending you drinks, but you are not leaving with those Italians (he called them guaps, which I never heard the word before). We ended the night with him twirling me around in my dress. He also played spoons on his knee and on my back; I think I would have liked that on my ass.

Excellent tale.