Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
And your point would be .... what, exactly?
Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,154
I have slowly started to le things slide a bit more as time has passed. Especially during my "Human Sexuality Class" my last year of college. However, there have been some road bumps.
One bump being my super vanilla friend. I say super vanilla because he thinks kinky people are "fucked up in the head" -a direct quote from him. Oddly enough he is the most open about his sex life out of my group of friends. Take for instance the other night... he called my buddy who I was driving to a bar with, and said he couldn't make it to the bar with us because he had to go have sex with his girlfriend in the shower. And then went on to describe the reasons he had to go do it there and the actual positions he was hoping to use. Same guy said it was a bit messed up and weird that I tried tying up a past girlfriend of mine. But tell him a good story about very "standard" sex and he'll listen intently.
The other bump actually came from the aforementioned Human Sexuality course. We were told to be open as much as we wanted to in the class since every student was supposed to keep what was said during class confidential. Well it wasn't the case. During a discussion about anal sex, I told a story about how I was scolded by a group of 3 girls at a party for admitting (during the drinking game "Never Have I Ever") that I had anal sex with a girl. The girls berated me verbally for about 45 minutes until the party ended and I left. So I tell that story in Human Sexuality Class. Some girls in the class then went on to misunderstand my story and tell bunch of my fraternity brothers that it was me who actually took it up the ass. So the people on campus who were 1) told to keep the things said in class confidential; 2) are supposed to be the most sexually open and open-minded, were the ones spreading rumors about me across campus.
I guess that's what I get for trying to ease out my interests....
Wow, Dave that second story is awful. Poor you. Tough way to learn a lesson - and not the lesson I'm sure that was intended for that class!
I used to share more when I was young. "Guess what I did?" bubbling out over lunch with a girlfriend sort of thing. Eventually I stopped doing that for a few reasons. First, because it came back to bite me in the ass a few times. Second, because I started wondering just what was motivating me to blab about my sex life and I wasn't exactly happy with the answers.
BiBunny
Moon Queen & Wanderer
- Joined
- Dec 7, 2005
- Posts
- 12,527
My friends know what I do. If I honestly thought I couldn't tell them because they'd judge me, then what the hell would I want them as friends for? I work at home, so I don't have to worry about co-workers. And I tell my family as little about my life as I can get away with, so I never have to worry about anything slipping out there.
There are very few lines for me to cross, but I've never crossed them and don't imagine I ever will. The idea of talking about anything even remotely related to sex with my family is enough to make me feel queasy.
There are very few lines for me to cross, but I've never crossed them and don't imagine I ever will. The idea of talking about anything even remotely related to sex with my family is enough to make me feel queasy.
Homburg
Daring greatly
- Joined
- Aug 28, 2007
- Posts
- 13,578
The BDSM factor is significantly less likely to come out than the poly factor in my life. Overall, it causes less reactions as well. My close friends know that I'm kinky, but all of my friends that are local know I'm poly. Can you guess which one spawns more judgement?
Lemme give you a hint, people mind far less that idea that you tie your partner up, than the in-your-face reality of the third person in your relationship. The former they can ignore if they try, but the latter is sitting at the table eating dinner with them.
I don't share because I want to. I share because short of some major bullshit combined with a lot of behavioural modification, people WILL figure out that we do things a little bit differently. It's just a consequence of deciding to live together, and, well, we chose it. *shrug*
Personally, I don't care overmuch. My friends tend to be rather open-minded people overall, and I am firmly of the opinion (like BB) that the ones that aren't, aren't worth keeping as friends. It has caused problems before, but not insurmountable ones.
The other major tactic I use is a simple one. If people (usually family) start to ask questions that are hedging towards untoward, I say, "If you ask me a question about this, I'm going to tell you. But once you get the answer, I want you to remember that YOU asked." To date, it has worked beautifully.
Lemme give you a hint, people mind far less that idea that you tie your partner up, than the in-your-face reality of the third person in your relationship. The former they can ignore if they try, but the latter is sitting at the table eating dinner with them.
I don't share because I want to. I share because short of some major bullshit combined with a lot of behavioural modification, people WILL figure out that we do things a little bit differently. It's just a consequence of deciding to live together, and, well, we chose it. *shrug*
Personally, I don't care overmuch. My friends tend to be rather open-minded people overall, and I am firmly of the opinion (like BB) that the ones that aren't, aren't worth keeping as friends. It has caused problems before, but not insurmountable ones.
The other major tactic I use is a simple one. If people (usually family) start to ask questions that are hedging towards untoward, I say, "If you ask me a question about this, I'm going to tell you. But once you get the answer, I want you to remember that YOU asked." To date, it has worked beautifully.
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
Shit. Offer to help someone with something and what do you get? Grief!
Wait a minute...does twisted mean perverted? Oh, well, that's different. Thanks!
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
The Human Sexuality course story sounds like it should be a part of the feminism thread...as evidence of what's wrong with some women. It's sad what some people will do when they get into groups. They feel safe and do more than they would, if alone. The ultimate group of this kind is called a mob.I have slowly started to le things slide a bit more as time has passed. Especially during my "Human Sexuality Class" my last year of college. However, there have been some road bumps.
One bump being my super vanilla friend. I say super vanilla because he thinks kinky people are "fucked up in the head" -a direct quote from him. Oddly enough he is the most open about his sex life out of my group of friends. Take for instance the other night... he called my buddy who I was driving to a bar with, and said he couldn't make it to the bar with us because he had to go have sex with his girlfriend in the shower. And then went on to describe the reasons he had to go do it there and the actual positions he was hoping to use. Same guy said it was a bit messed up and weird that I tried tying up a past girlfriend of mine. But tell him a good story about very "standard" sex and he'll listen intently.
The other bump actually came from the aforementioned Human Sexuality course. We were told to be open as much as we wanted to in the class since every student was supposed to keep what was said during class confidential. Well it wasn't the case. During a discussion about anal sex, I told a story about how I was scolded by a group of 3 girls at a party for admitting (during the drinking game "Never Have I Ever") that I had anal sex with a girl. The girls berated me verbally for about 45 minutes until the party ended and I left. So I tell that story in Human Sexuality Class. Some girls in the class then went on to misunderstand my story and tell bunch of my fraternity brothers that it was me who actually took it up the ass. So the people on campus who were 1) told to keep the things said in class confidential; 2) are supposed to be the most sexually open and open-minded, were the ones spreading rumors about me across campus.
I guess that's what I get for trying to ease out my interests....
Well, the women probably weren't feminists. Just stupid.
W
where
Guest
it was an observation...
The other bump actually came from the aforementioned Human Sexuality course. We were told to be open as much as we wanted to in the class since every student was supposed to keep what was said during class confidential. Well it wasn't the case. During a discussion about anal sex, I told a story about how I was scolded by a group of 3 girls at a party for admitting (during the drinking game "Never Have I Ever") that I had anal sex with a girl. The girls berated me verbally for about 45 minutes until the party ended and I left. So I tell that story in Human Sexuality Class. Some girls in the class then went on to misunderstand my story and tell bunch of my fraternity brothers that it was me who actually took it up the ass. So the people on campus who were 1) told to keep the things said in class confidential; 2) are supposed to be the most sexually open and open-minded, were the ones spreading rumors about me across campus.
I guess that's what I get for trying to ease out my interests....
if that had been one of our classes, the blabbermouths would have got thrown off the course. Did the college take no action?
Shit. Offer to help someone with something and what do you get? Grief!
Wait a minute...does twisted mean perverted? Oh, well, that's different. Thanks!
shaddup... you love it!
DVS
A ghost from your dreams
- Joined
- Apr 17, 2002
- Posts
- 11,416
That's beside the point. Let's see you come to Kansas and tell me that...to my face.
Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,154
I think that if BDSM is more of a lifestyle then this makes sense. Or, as in your case, H, your "kink" is going to be obvious and visible to the world at large.
But for me, my friends don't need to be accepting of my BDSM, or BDSM in general, nor would I insist that they be - if I were to tell them about it, which I won't. I would hate to limit the kinds of friends I have because of that. As it is, I have a wide circle of friends with diverse lifestyles and beliefs. I don't agree with every aspect of their life and I'm sure they don't agree with every aspect of mine but that makes for interesting relationships, in my opinion.
intothewoods
Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2007
- Posts
- 10,966
I make a distinction between real friends and acquaintances. I am friendly with lots of people, but I only discuss the intimate aspects of my relationship with close friends (er, other than on this board, lol). It would be difficult for me to be friends with someone who really disapproved of my sex life or bdsm in general. I mean, to me, sex is one of those things that "to each his own" works very well for, as long as no one else is getting hurt (har har, you know what I mean). If you're sex-negative, ehhh I don't think we're a good friend match.
Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,154
Hm, I kind of disagree. I have some very strong feelings about religion and politics but I also have friends - real friends, not acquaintances - who are right wing, Christian Republicans. We've had some heated and fun debates, and we're still friends.
I like the energy of having people in my life who don't think the way I do.
Cattypuss
Miaow
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
- Posts
- 3,666
I had a neck injury and asked my boss if I could go for a therapeutic massage for an hour mid-afternoon as that was the only time I could get one.
When I got back to the office my boss said "How was the massage?" and without thinking I replied "Really helpful but REALLY brutal - it got to half-way through and I kind of wished we'd agreed a safeword before we started".
I think that's the only "leakage" I've ever had.
When I got back to the office my boss said "How was the massage?" and without thinking I replied "Really helpful but REALLY brutal - it got to half-way through and I kind of wished we'd agreed a safeword before we started".
I think that's the only "leakage" I've ever had.
Cattypuss
Miaow
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2001
- Posts
- 3,666
Same here.
W
where
Guest
I had a neck injury and asked my boss if I could go for a therapeutic massage for an hour mid-afternoon as that was the only time I could get one.
When I got back to the office my boss said "How was the massage?" and without thinking I replied "Really helpful but REALLY brutal - it got to half-way through and I kind of wished we'd agreed a safeword before we started".
I think that's the only "leakage" I've ever had.
eek indeed!
At a family get together I said I should spank my BIL. Oops!
that's what prompted the thread, a similar comment by me. I don't discuss my sexual kink with anyone other than the one I share it with. and anonymously here of course.
intothewoods
Truth seeker
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2007
- Posts
- 10,966
I have right wing Christian friends too. Just a few. Although they're all pervs.
No, seriously, I appreciate diversity in my friends, but I feel like certain kinds of intolerance are too much for me. I'll be honest though -- I have very few friends who are Republicans. There are certain views that just turn my stomach to such a degree that it's difficult to maintain a closeness with that person. It depends on the person, how they handle themselves in discussions, their openmindedness, the topic, how personal it is for me, etc.
FloggingMolly
Not even sure anymore
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2010
- Posts
- 1,447
Nearly today.
The girls from work are having a girls night out at the end of the month, no partners allowed (most of them are serially single). I know that I won't be permitted to go, which is fine, because I get very out of control when I drink. So they're going on about it, and I try the 'no money' excuse. They said I should lie about how much I get paid, then go out and say they bought the drinks. Very hard not to reply with 'I'd get the rod if I try that' or 'no, I can't come out because my Daddy doesn't want me to'.
So hard in an environment where female supremacy is expected, and my 1950's style relationship values make them think I'm pathetic and under the thumb
The girls from work are having a girls night out at the end of the month, no partners allowed (most of them are serially single). I know that I won't be permitted to go, which is fine, because I get very out of control when I drink. So they're going on about it, and I try the 'no money' excuse. They said I should lie about how much I get paid, then go out and say they bought the drinks. Very hard not to reply with 'I'd get the rod if I try that' or 'no, I can't come out because my Daddy doesn't want me to'.
So hard in an environment where female supremacy is expected, and my 1950's style relationship values make them think I'm pathetic and under the thumb
Keroin
aKwatic
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2009
- Posts
- 8,154
I have right wing Christian friends too. Just a few. Although they're all pervs.
Well, for me, I feel that most people's dislike of BDSM is based mainly in fear and ignorance. And I understand how they feel that way; the images out there of BDSM are, in large part, pretty scary, especially if you know nothing about it. Goodness knows I certainly didn't consider myself "one of them" until recently. I had no idea that the things I enjoyed fell under that umbrella because visually I fall well outside of what I've seen of BDSM. Combine that with the prudish message we've been fed all of our lives about what kind of sex is "normal" and "good" and it's no wonder we're thought of as deviants.
I can't blame most people for their feelings about BDSM and that certainly isn't a deal breaker for me when it comes to friendship. IMO, there are far more important issues.
Also, I kind of like that BDSM is taboo. I like that it isn't mainstream and accepted. I like having something in my life that's "naughty".
I get what you're saying about intolerance, yes, that can be a tough one. I guess I move in such a wide array of circles and I've lived in places where people think and act so very different from our N American norm that I've learned to let a lot of things "slide".
W
where
Guest
I usually say I'm on my period. Not because I have that kind of relationship, I can go out and get totally bladdered every night if i want, but I am just very insular and anti-social.
D
Daddy2mylilgirl
Guest
Leakage? No.
Having a family member spy, violate my girl's privacy, and break her trust to find out? Yes.
Having a family member spy, violate my girl's privacy, and break her trust to find out? Yes.
FloggingMolly
Not even sure anymore
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2010
- Posts
- 1,447
Hahah nope, that wouldn't work either... oooooh possibly medication though! But they'll still pull 'oh just come out and not drink'
FloggingMolly
Not even sure anymore
- Joined
- Mar 15, 2010
- Posts
- 1,447
Insta-death tbh. Mads has gone mental at his family over me for much less.
D
Daddy2mylilgirl
Guest
It's just hard when she has to live with him, we're in a LDR, she's in college, and it's her own father who did it.
