goddamhippy
Experienced
- Joined
- Jun 9, 2008
- Posts
- 36
This is going to be a somewhat redundant post as its pretty much all been said and the OP isn't likely to come back.
However since i read this post last night i haven't been able to get it out of my head. I am a emerging Dom, but my wife and I started out a slightly kinky vanilla. So I thought I'd offer up a staid middle class british vanilla perspective.
My wife had two children when we got back together (Looong story for another thread) 6 and eight years old. At the time I was a stoner and she was coming out of a loveless marriage. from the very start I made it clear that if the kids were not put first then there was no future in the relationship. To start with I only saw my love when the kids were with their dad. When I did finally meet the kids, it was under very specific circumstances. I met them and their mother in a park and we played on the swings, kicked a ball around and generally made sure that it was about them, not us.
It took us a year and a half to move in together after that point, mainly because I was being soo cautious. When we did finally move in together it was relatively painless, because we took great care to ease me into their life.
I can't even begin to imagine how I could have done this whilst attempting to live a 24/7 lifestyle. For several reasons above and beyond hiding rope and toys from them...
1. at the ages of 6 and 8 their characters and family dynamic are virtually fixed with routines which, if disturbed, can be incredibly distressing.
2. walking into a single mum household and expecting to take charge is an astonishing thing to expect. The children will not readily accept your authority in the same way the mother does and will always look to her for the final say. needless to say these completely undermine the position of the expectant dom.
3. even if the children accept you at this age, if you are still around for puberty, seriously, god help you! the powerplay during puberty is bad enough in vanilla relationships.
her kids are now passing through puberty and our relationship is still together, my wife and i have started exploring our D/s sides. even now we only do this when the kids are at their dads. We have a 4 year old between us and we do everything to ensure that he does not see any aspect of our sexual side ( although there was that time when he found the pink vibrator and said "daddy, have you got a new water bottle?" *don't respond, act calmly, take it away*)
In short, recklessness of this nature around children is ultimately destructive and incredibly harmful. That the OP has brought up children shows that there is a slight awareness of the possible damage the situation could do, still, I find myself shaking my head in disbelief at the prospect of someone inserting themselves in to a family after such a short time, whether or not a BDSM lifestyle is involved.
However since i read this post last night i haven't been able to get it out of my head. I am a emerging Dom, but my wife and I started out a slightly kinky vanilla. So I thought I'd offer up a staid middle class british vanilla perspective.
My wife had two children when we got back together (Looong story for another thread) 6 and eight years old. At the time I was a stoner and she was coming out of a loveless marriage. from the very start I made it clear that if the kids were not put first then there was no future in the relationship. To start with I only saw my love when the kids were with their dad. When I did finally meet the kids, it was under very specific circumstances. I met them and their mother in a park and we played on the swings, kicked a ball around and generally made sure that it was about them, not us.
It took us a year and a half to move in together after that point, mainly because I was being soo cautious. When we did finally move in together it was relatively painless, because we took great care to ease me into their life.
I can't even begin to imagine how I could have done this whilst attempting to live a 24/7 lifestyle. For several reasons above and beyond hiding rope and toys from them...
1. at the ages of 6 and 8 their characters and family dynamic are virtually fixed with routines which, if disturbed, can be incredibly distressing.
2. walking into a single mum household and expecting to take charge is an astonishing thing to expect. The children will not readily accept your authority in the same way the mother does and will always look to her for the final say. needless to say these completely undermine the position of the expectant dom.
3. even if the children accept you at this age, if you are still around for puberty, seriously, god help you! the powerplay during puberty is bad enough in vanilla relationships.
her kids are now passing through puberty and our relationship is still together, my wife and i have started exploring our D/s sides. even now we only do this when the kids are at their dads. We have a 4 year old between us and we do everything to ensure that he does not see any aspect of our sexual side ( although there was that time when he found the pink vibrator and said "daddy, have you got a new water bottle?" *don't respond, act calmly, take it away*)
In short, recklessness of this nature around children is ultimately destructive and incredibly harmful. That the OP has brought up children shows that there is a slight awareness of the possible damage the situation could do, still, I find myself shaking my head in disbelief at the prospect of someone inserting themselves in to a family after such a short time, whether or not a BDSM lifestyle is involved.
