bdsm addiction

[bdsm_lover]

Hi everyone.

Recently I have been fantasizing about tying my wife up and dominating her. Spanking, whips, invading her pussy and asshole with objects, dildos etc. Having her crawl around on all fours doing my will, punishing her for not.

Im worried what she will think though. How can I slowly introduce it without scaring her off? I have tied her up and blind folded her and teased her before and she does like a bit of spanking when doing doggie. But how do I step it up a notch?

Plus she looks after our baby all day and gets no help except from me before and after work. So she is always tired and doesnt really want sex much. How can I help her to relax and get to thinking more about sex?

Any advice would be muchly appreciated.

 

[BiBunny]

You can't "get" her to do anything. You can, however, talk to her about what's on your mind and see where things go from there.

 

[bdsm_lover]

Im sorry bunny for the mis communication in my previous message.

I dont really want to "get" her to do anything, more wanting to know how to step it up a notch without scaring her off and trying to help increase her sexual interest without pressuring her into anything and maybe some tips from women on how to help unwind after looking after a bub all day.

I cant help but feel a little defensive from your comment making out as if I am trying to force her into things.

 

[seela]

Well, an easy way out is to whisper all kinds of naughty things about your fantasies to her when she's blindfolded and feeling hot and bothered. You don't need to jump into the deep end of the pool straight away, but tell her what you would like to experience. I probably wouldn't talk about whips and chains from the get-go, but rather say "harder spanking" or something like that, since you said she likes light spanking.

You can also try just spanking her a bit harder the next time you're doing it, going for it a bit longer than just a couple of smacks. Pinch, slap and tickle her to see if that gets her going. I'm pretty sure you know her well enough to tell if she's enjoying it and wanting more or not.

After you've seen how she reacts to that kind of stuff during sex, you might feel more comfortable talking about it to her outside a sexual setting. Talking about it makes it easier (IMO), but I guess you could just gently guide her into the world of your fantasies just by taking action and upping the game when you feel like she's ready for it. I'm sure there are lots of people who have never really discussed their sexlife with each other and still have all kinds of kinky sex.

But personally I'd talk, because somehow, to me, it seems to be the easier way.

 

[bdsm_lover]

Well, an easy way out is to whisper all kinds of naughty things about your fantasies to her when she's blindfolded and feeling hot and bothered. You don't need to jump into the deep end of the pool straight away, but tell her what you would like to experience. I probably wouldn't talk about whips and chains from the get-go, but rather say "harder spanking" or something like that, since you said she likes light spanking.

You can also try just spanking her a bit harder the next time you're doing it, going for it a bit longer than just a couple of smacks. Pinch, slap and tickle her to see if that gets her going. I'm pretty sure you know her well enough to tell if she's enjoying it and wanting more or not.

After you've seen how she reacts to that kind of stuff during sex, you might feel more comfortable talking about it to her outside a sexual setting. Talking about it makes it easier (IMO), but I guess you could just gently guide her into the world of your fantasies just by taking action and upping the game when you feel like she's ready for it. I'm sure there are lots of people who have never really discussed their sexlife with each other and still have all kinds of kinky sex.

But personally I'd talk, because somehow, to me, it seems to be the easier way.

Hi Seela

First of all, thanks for the advice, it seems easier to try new things while all hot n horny than to talk about them when not though. I will try these things next time we are going for it : ) and see how she reacts. Its so hard to get back into the swing of things after having a baby. She is constantly tired and never seems to want it. When I am lucky enough though I always try something a little kinky whether that be spanking her arse in doggie or tying her wrists to the head board, or making her beg for me.

I guess where I'm stuck at the moment is trying to help her sexual interest come back. I know that if she is horny enough she will probably try lots of things... What are some things I can do to try and relax her at the end of the day? We don't really get to bed until after 10pm and if I try to massage or anything it makes her fall asleep pretty much straight away : ( She has told me before she likes it when I take charge so should I just try and do what I want even if she is tired?? I suppose the most she can say is nah I'm too tired. But is she not making any advances because I dont just do it and she is waiting for me to and just too shy to say??? I should probably ask her this myself but we never seem to have to time to. And when she does talk it is complaining about the state of the world and bitchy friends and I can't really bring it up then.

Hmmmm, sorry for spilling but I have had no one to talk to really for about 2 yrs. My partner has shown some interest in bondage and discipline and I would love to try and explore this more with her as I feel it would bring us closer and make something exciting in lives again that doesnt involve a baby. hahaha.

I am constantly on my phone at work looking up bondage porn and reading about bdsm. When I even just sit next to my wife, my body craves to have her on all fours looking up at me with innocent eyes wanting to please me and I can't stop thinking about how her sexy white skin would look bound in leather straps. It makes me want to explode. I crave this so much when I am near here my hands actually start to shake.

Please any advice.... Thanks in advance

 

[eastern sun]

I'm assuming it's your first baby, and if so, your wife is going through a genuinely difficult and exhausting transition. It is really common for women to lose sexual interest, and pay less attention to their husband, as their body serves this new baby. Her breasts and vagina mean something else to her at the moment, and her energy is probably totally focussed on keeping that baby alive and happy.

The good news is even if she shows no interest in sex, she probably really does want attention. It can be the most tedious thing in the world to spend your day with an infant. Be patient, and move incredibly slowly - give yourself a two-year plan, her body won't be fully healed from childbirth for a number of months.

Touch her now. Gently. Recognize that her body feels different to her. Don't be upset if she doesn't want to give you her breasts and vagina right away. Talk to her. Enter her world. Find out what she's feeling physically and emotionally, and help her find some ease and comfort. If she feels like you are paying attention to her, and not just making another physical demand of her (like the baby), she might be more responsive. Once she relaxes with you physically, introduce your ideas gently and playfully. She might really like the contrast of the "adult" activities with the rest of her day, but may need a more gentle mental shift - so she doesn't feel like she's abandoning the baby and being a "bad mom." And know - be certain of the fact - that the baby - and later the children - will wake up and need attention right when you're in the most compromising positions.

If you can recognize that the two of you might be living in different worlds at the moment, you will have more success in the long run if you join her in her world and then slowly introduce her to yours. Be patient.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Talking is a must, trying to just spring it on her at this point in time might have the opposite effect to what you are hoping for. That being said though, if she is really tired from taking care of your baby, and sex is not something she feels like right now, you might need to wait awhile. A big step to bringing that moment forward and winning her respect and gratitude could be to offer even more help if possible, or even going a step further and if it is a possibility asking her how she would feel about a night or weekend off if there is a trusted family member willing and able to give you both a little time to just be together. Possibly take her somewhere nice away from home and all the thoughts of what she should or could be doing, and spend some quality time with her without pressuring for sex or expecting a full on dirty wekend....she might want nothing more than to snuggle with you and catch up on sleep. Even so, when the time is right, she will remember your thoughtfulness and generosity.

Catalina

 

[Cattypuss]

I'm assuming it's your first baby, and if so, your wife is going through a genuinely difficult and exhausting transition. It is really common for women to lose sexual interest, and pay less attention to their husband, as their body serves this new baby. Her breasts and vagina mean something else to her at the moment, and her energy is probably totally focussed on keeping that baby alive and happy.

The good news is even if she shows no interest in sex, she probably really does want attention. It can be the most tedious thing in the world to spend your day with an infant. Be patient, and move incredibly slowly - give yourself a two-year plan, her body won't be fully healed from childbirth for a number of months.

Touch her now. Gently. Recognize that her body feels different to her. Don't be upset if she doesn't want to give you her breasts and vagina right away. Talk to her. Enter her world. Find out what she's feeling physically and emotionally, and help her find some ease and comfort. If she feels like you are paying attention to her, and not just making another physical demand of her (like the baby), she might be more responsive. Once she relaxes with you physically, introduce your ideas gently and playfully. She might really like the contrast of the "adult" activities with the rest of her day, but may need a more gentle mental shift - so she doesn't feel like she's abandoning the baby and being a "bad mom." And know - be certain of the fact - that the baby - and later the children - will wake up and need attention right when you're in the most compromising positions.

If you can recognize that the two of you might be living in different worlds at the moment, you will have more success in the long run if you join her in her world and then slowly introduce her to yours. Be patient.

What she said.

 

[seela]

I didn't think about the part of just having had a baby at all. I don't have any kids myself, so I don't know how it changes things, how you view your own body and priorities, but the exhaustion must be pretty overwhelming at least at the beginning.

Cat and ES have offered marvelous insight, yet again!

 

[DVS]

I agree that she's now thinking of the baby and not you. She's in new mommy mode. It's just how it goes, when you have a baby. Mentally and physically, she's caring for that new baby.

Now, if you want her to have more energy and eventually have time for sex, I think the best thing you can do is help her any way you can, to give her more time and energy. If that means doing some household chores that she would normally do so she can spend more time with the baby, I think she would see that as you trying to help at first, then see you in a sexy light, as she gets more of her energy back.

Personally, I think if you try to get her to spend sexual time with you now, because her energy level is low, she will just turn it off. Just experience the baby with her, show interest in helping with any little thing you can to make her day easier and after a while, she will come back to you. It won't be a fast transition because mommy mode has priority right now. That will have to continue for a while.

Now, once she gets some more energy, and wants to spend time with you again, I'd be slow in how you go about introducing her to things. Again, like it's already been said, maybe some light bondage, light spanking, then maybe increase the length or severity, depending on how you read her reactions. As she responds to you, I might suggest tying her up and stimulating her clit and other sensitive areas, while you have her as a captive audience. A blindfold would add to the sexual tension.

When she gets aroused, become a bit of a Dom and softly whisper into her ear a few things that you'd like to do to her. If she's not into it and still low on energy, you can at least give her some things to think about the next time she's got some time in-between feedings and diaper changes for thoughts of her own. Don't take her away from the baby, or she will resent it. Plan your attack at times she won't have to worry about the baby, like sleep time.

Something you might try, but I don't know if you and she have mutual friends. She will confide in her woman friends about things she might not with you. If you can talk to her friends, they might give you some insight. Keep helping her with chores like washing dishes or picking up around the house. Above all, don't rush her. It will happen.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Hi Seela

First of all, thanks for the advice, it seems easier to try new things while all hot n horny than to talk about them when not though. I will try these things next time we are going for it : ) and see how she reacts. Its so hard to get back into the swing of things after having a baby. She is constantly tired and never seems to want it. When I am lucky enough though I always try something a little kinky whether that be spanking her arse in doggie or tying her wrists to the head board, or making her beg for me.

I guess where I'm stuck at the moment is trying to help her sexual interest come back. I know that if she is horny enough she will probably try lots of things... What are some things I can do to try and relax her at the end of the day? We don't really get to bed until after 10pm and if I try to massage or anything it makes her fall asleep pretty much straight away : ( She has told me before she likes it when I take charge so should I just try and do what I want even if she is tired?? I suppose the most she can say is nah I'm too tired. But is she not making any advances because I dont just do it and she is waiting for me to and just too shy to say??? I should probably ask her this myself but we never seem to have to time to. And when she does talk it is complaining about the state of the world and bitchy friends and I can't really bring it up then.

Hmmmm, sorry for spilling but I have had no one to talk to really for about 2 yrs. My partner has shown some interest in bondage and discipline and I would love to try and explore this more with her as I feel it would bring us closer and make something exciting in lives again that doesnt involve a baby. hahaha.

I am constantly on my phone at work looking up bondage porn and reading about bdsm. When I even just sit next to my wife, my body craves to have her on all fours looking up at me with innocent eyes wanting to please me and I can't stop thinking about how her sexy white skin would look bound in leather straps. It makes me want to explode. I crave this so much when I am near here my hands actually start to shake.

Please any advice.... Thanks in advance

It´s a really good idea to help her get some time on her own by sharing work.
Waiting until bedtime might not be the best idea if she is really tired then.
Most of all though, I think you should tell her the bolded part.

 

[bdsm_lover]

The only time we get together without having to do something with the bub or house duties is bed time : (

Everyone that gets help from family members with their kids, make sure they know you appreciate it because it is so hard without help...I guess as bub gets older she will be easier to look after. I talked with her about paying a baby sitter on the weekend but thinks we should wait till she is a yr old.So hopefully we only have a couple more months : )

Cant wait to take her somewhere nice!

About the+2yr+thing.+Is+that+for+each+kid?+GOD.+We+want+3+kids.+Does+that+mean+i+will+have+to+wait+6yrs?+I+will+be+30+then!

Do+people+even+still+have+sex+at+that+age?+lol.+Just+kidding.+I+guess+my+fantasies+will+have+to+stay+in+my+head+for+the+moment.+

Its+so+hard+though+with+her+in+her+tiny+shorts+and+no+bra+with+her+nipples+showing+through+getting+around+the+house+not+knowingly+teasing+me+the+whole+time+we+are+together.+hahaha.+Theres+only+so+much+a+mans+hand+can+do+to+his+cock.+haha.+

Before+we+had+bub+we+would+do+all+sorts+of+other+kinky+stuff.+She+even+let+me+fuck+her+with+vegies+one+night.+I+cant+wait+till+we+go+back+to+those+kinds+of+things.+Please+someone+who+has+had+kids+tell+me+that+they+keep+their+kinkyness+after+.+

 

[bdsm_lover]

Sorry about the + signs. Im using my phone and dont know how that happened : (

 

[eastern sun]

Please+someone+who+has+had+kids+tell+me+that+they+keep+their+kinkyness+after+.+

We kept our kinkiness. But we lost touch with it for a little while after the babies were born, and have had to shelve our sexuality for periods of time as other issues with the kids took priority. And I really did (and still do) struggle with feelings that "good moms" don't do some of the things I do. We've been together for 25 years, and our oldest son just turned 15.

You should tell her how much she excites you. She would like to hear it, even if she acts like you're a pain in the ass. And keep telling her what you see in her. If you're patient, you might discover she's heard everything you said and jumps right into it when circumstances lighten up.

(By the way, I just mentioned the two-year plan to give you an idea of what she's going through physically. It takes time to recover from childbirth. But that doesn't mean "no sex" or "you have to be tender and gentle all the time." Women's bodies are really strong. And she will have her own trajectory. It just means you need to be aware of what she's experiencing, and be patient. I know a lot of couples who stopped having sex in the first few years of their children's lives - not entirely because of physical limitations, but because it was such a source of conflict - and it became a big issue for them over time.)

 

[IrisAlthea]

Yes, there can be kink after kids and even after thirty.

 

[CutieMouse]

I'm going to be polite and ask how old the baby is before offering my opinion...

The only time we get together without having to do something with the bub or house duties is bed time : (

Everyone that gets help from family members with their kids, make sure they know you appreciate it because it is so hard without help...I guess as bub gets older she will be easier to look after. I talked with her about paying a baby sitter on the weekend but thinks we should wait till she is a yr old.So hopefully we only have a couple more months : )

Cant wait to take her somewhere nice!

About the 2yr thing. Is that for each kid? GOD. We want 3 kids. Does that mean i will have to wait 6yrs? I will be 30 then!

Do people even still have sex at that age? lol. Just kidding. I guess my fantasies will have to stay in my head for the moment.

Its so hard though with her in her tiny shorts and no bra with her nipples showing through getting around the house not knowingly teasing me the whole time we are together. hahaha. There's only so much a mans hand can do to his cock. haha.

Before we had bub we would do all sorts of other kinky stuff. She even let me fuck her with vegies one night. I cant wait till we go back to those kinds of things. Please someone who has has kids tell me that they keep their kinkiness after.

 

[bdsm_lover]

thankyou for your politness!

Our bub is 10 months old. She is gorgeous!

 

[shy slave]

I am struggling to understand if the OP is serious.
A new baby, exhausted wife who has no support and he wants to get kinky?

Surely it's a joke.

No- one can be that selfish and foolish.

Wonder how long before she smacks him around the back of the head with a baby bottle travelling at hundred miles an hour.

 

[bdsm_lover]

We do not have a "new " baby. Our bub is nearly a year old.

How long exactly should I wait?

Maybe I should wait until our bub has left home? Is that better?

We have both expressed that we want to try new things so its not just me wanting to get my jollies off.

My wife wants to "get kinky" as well. So I was just wanting to know how to help her and myself at the same time.

Yes she is exhausted but so am i. I work full time and when in not working im looking after bub or house duties. I have no time for recreation and she doesnt either.

fuck everyone who has treated me like a cunt. your assholes. i will not use this forum if this is how i am treated.

i came here for help from like minded ppl who i thought were open minded and non judgemental.

i bet if society told you that it wasnt normal to breath you would hold your breath until you fucking died.

 

[janeyruth]

And that is the end of that, I suppose. Geez, you try to help a guy and he runs off in a snit, shouting insults all the way out the door. I'll bet he has erectile dysfunction issues...

https://lh4.googleusercontent.com/_A1oLfP4j-nI/TWBFCm0tcuI/AAAAAAAADBg/anZQR4fI_qQ/s512/sore%20loser1.jpg

 

[DVS]

We do not have a "new " baby. Our bub is nearly a year old.

How long exactly should I wait?

Maybe I should wait until our bub has left home? Is that better?

We have both expressed that we want to try new things so its not just me wanting to get my jollies off.

My wife wants to "get kinky" as well. So I was just wanting to know how to help her and myself at the same time.

Yes she is exhausted but so am i. I work full time and when in not working im looking after bub or house duties. I have no time for recreation and she doesnt either.

fuck everyone who has treated me like a cunt. your assholes. i will not use this forum if this is how i am treated.

i came here for help from like minded ppl who i thought were open minded and non judgemental.

i bet if society told you that it wasnt normal to breath you would hold your breath until you fucking died.

I was under the impression that the baby was a new born. I'm not married, but I'd think you can start talking about getting together once you have the energy. Until then, with no energy it's really just a lot of talk about sex.

I don't see how people have treated you like a cunt. Maybe I'm not reading the posts in the same way you are. How are we treating you like a cunt?

Well, there might be a few who thought you were a troll. We get our share of those from time to time. Some people tend to jump on new posters as if they're trolls, because trolls always have 1 or 2 posts to their name. Still though, I don't see how you have been mistreated. If anything, maybe misunderstood?

 

[Stella_Omega]

People haven't cared enough about him to read his mind.

People aren't telling him what he wants to hear.

Buddy, listen to me.

ONE YEAR of less sex is nothing in the big scheme of a lifetime together.

TWO years of such is nothing much.

Make sure this "WE" you're assuming really IS "we" and not just you making selfish baby demands and her agreeing to get you off her back, because I've seen that as often as anything else.

 

[PrettyProse]

Hi Seela

First of all, thanks for the advice, it seems easier to try new things while all hot n horny than to talk about them when not though. I will try these things next time we are going for it : ) and see how she reacts. Its so hard to get back into the swing of things after having a baby. She is constantly tired and never seems to want it. When I am lucky enough though I always try something a little kinky whether that be spanking her arse in doggie or tying her wrists to the head board, or making her beg for me.

I guess where I'm stuck at the moment is trying to help her sexual interest come back. I know that if she is horny enough she will probably try lots of things... What are some things I can do to try and relax her at the end of the day? We don't really get to bed until after 10pm and if I try to massage or anything it makes her fall asleep pretty much straight away : ( She has told me before she likes it when I take charge so should I just try and do what I want even if she is tired?? I suppose the most she can say is nah I'm too tired. But is she not making any advances because I dont just do it and she is waiting for me to and just too shy to say??? I should probably ask her this myself but we never seem to have to time to. And when she does talk it is complaining about the state of the world and bitchy friends and I can't really bring it up then.

Hmmmm, sorry for spilling but I have had no one to talk to really for about 2 yrs. My partner has shown some interest in bondage and discipline and I would love to try and explore this more with her as I feel it would bring us closer and make something exciting in lives again that doesnt involve a baby. hahaha.

I am constantly on my phone at work looking up bondage porn and reading about bdsm. When I even just sit next to my wife, my body craves to have her on all fours looking up at me with innocent eyes wanting to please me and I can't stop thinking about how her sexy white skin would look bound in leather straps. It makes me want to explode. I crave this so much when I am near here my hands actually start to shake.

Please any advice.... Thanks in advance

Having had a baby myself, I know how it is to not really have the sexual desire right after. After that six weeks you're supposed to wait, it's hard after that to feel like you're sexy. Let her know you still think she's beautiful and sexy. Women like to hear that. And pamper her even if you don't want sex. If you do selfless acts of kindness, she'll take notice and be more willing to give you what you want when you want it. Talk to her about what you want from her when you're about to have sex and tease her a lot. I know I love it when my husband takes charge, even if I'm tired, but I don't know how your wife is. If she's expressed interest in that kind of play, though, you should try some new things.

Is there someone who can watch your baby while you two have a date night? That will make a big difference. Maybe you can plan a date and then rent a room for a few hours at the end of the night and have a little fun there. Keeping the romance is important, especially in trying to get her to have that desire to have sex again. It was hard for me, mostly because every time my husband and I would have sex, it would be painful - to the point where I couldn't derive any pleasure from it.


I wish you luck. But know that in a few months, she'll start to feel like she wants it again. Getting into the swing of having a baby and balancing a sex life is tough. But I'm sure you both will get used to it. It will probably take a little bit of time, but know that it will pass.

 

[CutieMouse]

We do not have a "new " baby. Our bub is nearly a year old.

How long exactly should I wait?

Maybe I should wait until our bub has left home? Is that better?

We have both expressed that we want to try new things so its not just me wanting to get my jollies off.

My wife wants to "get kinky" as well. So I was just wanting to know how to help her and myself at the same time.

Yes she is exhausted but so am i. I work full time and when in not working im looking after bub or house duties. I have no time for recreation and she doesnt either.

fuck everyone who has treated me like a cunt. your assholes. i will not use this forum if this is how i am treated.

i came here for help from like minded ppl who i thought were open minded and non judgemental.

i bet if society told you that it wasnt normal to breath you would hold your breath until you fucking died.

"Nearly a year old" is still "new". Having a 10 month old means being on call and touched 24/7. There isn't much mental energy left for sex, much less physical.

... and the OP's posts remind me of one of the reasons why I'm divorced. Dear god man. I've had a higher sex drive than every lover I've ever had (and dry spells lasting much longer than 10 months) and I don't whine as much as you.

Signed,

Mother of Five

 

[catalina_francisco]

We do not have a "new " baby. Our bub is nearly a year old.

How long exactly should I wait?

Maybe I should wait until our bub has left home? Is that better?

We have both expressed that we want to try new things so its not just me wanting to get my jollies off.

My wife wants to "get kinky" as well. So I was just wanting to know how to help her and myself at the same time.

Yes she is exhausted but so am i. I work full time and when in not working im looking after bub or house duties. I have no time for recreation and she doesnt either.

fuck everyone who has treated me like a cunt. your assholes. i will not use this forum if this is how i am treated.

i came here for help from like minded ppl who i thought were open minded and non judgemental.

i bet if society told you that it wasnt normal to breath you would hold your breath until you fucking died.

Yep, glad to see I was not off base yesterday (despite some jumping on me for questioning your ability to take requested advice among other things) when I dared to suggest it was not your wife who needed a wake up call, it was you. You are rude, ignorant, immature and a spoiled brat as far as I can see. You want everything your way, no matter what is going on for your wife or child or anyone else, and despite continually insisting you are asking for advice, like I said yesterday, you do not want advice, you want people to tell you everything you do and say is right and you are simply wonderful. News here is those are not qualities which make a good PYL or partner.

Catalina