Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Accidentally burnt your toast? Butter can be used like paint. Simply keep applying until you can no longer see the burnt pieces.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're not good at first aid, rub dirt into any cut until it smells like cheese. The doctor will then take it seriously and you'll get decent medical attention, bandages and vaccinations.

 

[stickygirl]

If you bf complains your vag smells of cheese, tell him it's a special topping like he loves on his pizza and he'll give your bits a good licking

 

[Trubbycat]

Show your hygienist your appreciation by thrusting your boner up when she tilts the chair back.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Worried about tar buildup in your lungs from smoking? Switch over to vaping isopropyl alcohol, it'll break up that gunk.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Moving but don’t have a truck? Go to a dealership and seem interested in one but hesitant since you’ve never driven a truck. A lot of dealerships will let you ‘try it out’ for the weekend.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Guys, if your woman grabs a knife in the middle of an argument, grab a jar of mayonnaise. Her feminine instinct will kick in and she will just make you a sandwich.

 

[cascadiabound]

Moving but don’t have a truck? Go to a dealership and seem interested in one but hesitant since you’ve never driven a truck. A lot of dealerships will let you ‘try it out’ for the weekend.

this actually seems like pretty good advice!

 

[mnbreastluver]

When asked for a favor, do it horribly. You'll never get asked for another one again.

Be favor free!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Whenever possible, you should drive in the left lane at the same speed as the person one lane over..

People get lonely. You should always try to cheer people up by driving right next to them in the lane and maintaining that speed. Try to get their attention and make funny faces to cheer them up. People behind both of you will most certainly join in, making funny faces to the people next to them and so on. Do this to make a brighter tomorrow for everyone. Also remember, to make it sure to maintain the speed limit or even slower so you both can enjoy your funny faces longer.

 

[bigtallman]

Never ask your wife anything about how her day went. It will just force her to relive the crappiness that was her day and she'll be pissed at you for that.

 

[smtst5]

Go ahead and send that dick pic. She will love it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If anyone tells you they’re expecting a baby, immediately look confused and ask them “How did that happen?” This shows a polite interest in the details of their life.

 

[Mrtenant]

When deciding on choosing someone for an important job, using the old potato counting song is a surefire method of getting the right person.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you share your password with a friend, like for instance, me, you'll never have to remember them!

**For legal reasons, this is a joke.**

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to save money, for the next wedding you're invited to, buy a dildo as a gift. they will be so shocked that they will ignore the fact you spent little on it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Every time you go jogging, carry a car door with you. that way when you get hot, you can roll down the window!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you drive on the opposite side of the highway, there are no speed signs facing you. Therefore, you can go as fast as you want.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Save your dead batteries to swap them out with tv remote batteries at hotels.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The best way to break a hoarding addiction is to replace it with a drug addiction. Soon you’ll be forced to sell your stuff to buy drugs.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If the bar's restroom has a clean mirror, fresh urinal cakes & quilted toilet paper, you're probably paying too much for your drinks.

For the best $$ bargains, try to find a bar with broken teeth on the floor & a stack of napkins by the (non-flushing) toilet.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Avoid getting rear ended by driving against the flow of traffic so that you can see the cars coming and don’t have to worry about them sneaking up on you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re ever in court and the judge yells “Order in the courtroom”, you’re expected to place your order. Like burgers, fries etc. No matter how big and successful the judge is, they never forget the days of flipping burgers back in the day. They’ll appreciate you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you hit someone’s car when opening your door, move forward or backward a bit so that you can prove that your door doesn’t line up with the damage.

 

[stickygirl]

Peeing on your hands guarantees a sterile liquid in which to wash them.