Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

First impressions are important. When meeting someone, be sure to immediately let them know that you're not a pervert. If they don't believe you, ask them "Do THESE look like the genitals of a pervert to you???"

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want a free haircut? Walk in a barber shop, get a haircut, leave without paying. What are they going to do?, tape it back?

 

[mnbreastluver]

The side of a Domino's Pizza box says that the drivers never carry over $20.00 on them, so decline to tip them and let them know it is for their own safety.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Hate mowing? Ignore it long enough and the city will cut it for you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want your family members to stop barging into your room, make sure to stare at them and start masturbating furiously as soon as they come in. There is a good chance they'll start knocking from the next time.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Label your sugar container "SALT" to get rid of sugar ants.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you really want to secure your password use ******** everywhere

*hackers will curse you to hell*

 

[Mrtenant]

Trust texas police to save you or a loved one when you are in danger

 

[Trubbycat]

Have some fun with your mother in law. Throw twenty loose condoms in her purse for when she's rummaging for her phone or wallet in public.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Do you have trouble making "small talk" at house parties? Here's a helpful hint: the medicine cabinet in the bathroom is full of good ideas. From genital warts to a hydrocodone addiction, there's no telling what you & the host might have in common. So take a peek & make some new friends!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Are you nervous and you have to give a speech? Try imagining the audience naked. If this isn't working, tell the audience you are trying to imagine them naked. They will laugh and you'll feel relaxed.

 

[Trubbycat]

farting in the deep end and racing the bubbles up builds Olympic swimmers' endurance.

 

[Leigh81]

If on a 3+ week driving vacation across North America with your SO, a Corvette is a good choice. Loads of room

 

[mnbreastluver]

To know if you are splashing hot oil on your shirt while cooking, cook shirtless to make sure.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Are your socks soaking wet and you want them dry? Try putting them in a microwave for several minutes.

They'll still be wet, but now they're also scalding hot! Use your steaming hot socks to threaten someone else for their dry socks.

 

[Trubbycat]

Strange women on the bus love wet willies.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

Don't be afraid to hydrate with pool water while swimming

 

[Mrtenant]

Hang out with assholes, they are always a great source of encouragement.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of being told you are a bland conversationalist? Randomly throw in some herb and spice references to anything you say.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Gas is expensive. save at the pump by using your friends, family, or old flames phone numbers to steal their built up gas rewards.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The best place for a first date is the beach, because if they wear a giant floppy hat you'll know they're a vampire. Follow me for more dating tips.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Nothing ruins a trip to the beach (or a picnic) like bugs. So make sure you bring a decaying cow corpse: Simply leave the rotting carcass by the other families & presto, no more bugs for you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you pick your food up, and it's too hot, shove it in your mouth so it stops burning your fingers

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're struggling with bad posture just pretend that your nipples are lasers and try to aim for people's heads

 

[cubbyfire04]

If your toaster catches fire, don't attempt to unplug it. Just fill up the sink and throw it in.