Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Bring a jellyfish with you in public so if you need to pee and there is no toilets you can plant the jellyfish on the footpath to sting someone and then you pee on the sting for them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

How to win any internet argument

Just make an alt and agree with yourself, its crazy how people change their opinion once they find themselves a minority, gaslighting is really effective.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Prevent on the job accidents--wear your chastity belt!

 

[mnbreastluver]

A mixture of sour cream and mashed up blueberries makes excellent imitation bird shit to splash on your neighbours car after he’s washed it

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you often find yourself low on energy, add uranium to your diet and the radiation energy will give you a boost.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

If romantic comedies have taught us anything, it is that perseverance is the key to a chicks heart. Follow that crush for the next 13 years, make an appearance wherever she is at, show up randomly at their home to announce your feelings, tell her you have no life plans other than focusing on her, leave gifts in her car and home, no just means try harder, stalking always results in a fairytale ending eventually.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always carry a Reverse Uno card in your wallet, as soon as somebody asks for something stupid, present them with the card & ask them to do it themselves!

 

[HotBrand]

Who needs a rod and bait to go fishing?

Just squat over the water, dip your penis in, and pull out whatever bites.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to tell a secret to someone and are afraid they may betray your confidence, say "off the record" just before. They are now legally obligated to keep your secret.

 

[HotBrand]

If you are performing adequately, you will not be fired from your workplace.

Read another way: if others are performing worse than you, you will not be fired from your workplace.

Make it your mission to relentlessly undermine everyone else and sabotage their efforts.

This will ensure that everyone else performs piss-poor - thus securing your place at the company with your mediocre work ethic.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're late for work, leave early. No point being late twice in a day

 

[HotBrand]

Do you think your workplace is lax with fire safety?

Glue shut the emergency fire doors.

If people die in a fire, it's on the company, not you.

 

[stickygirl]

Spread a little happiness each day - wipe your jizz on your gf's knickers

 

[HotBrand]

If you had an argument with your partner, and want a better day tomorrow, try waking up on the other side of the bed.

If you had to roll over them to do so, this is a small price to pay.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want your kid to be popular? Name them Karen for school-wide recognition!

 

[VoraciousValue]

Listen to that VoraciousValue guy on Literotica. He's got a different view of the world.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Feed your cows chocolates for a supply of chocolate milk.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Looking to escape your 9-5? Simply wait until 5pm, they'll just let you walk out like that. No security, no nothing.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to go vegan but don't want to give up milk, produce your own milk by taking prolactin

 

[HotBrand]

Show your friend how wonderful it is to have a feline friend by throwing a cat at their face.

 

[HotBrand]

If you want to get away with a crime, train a parrot to say "I did it!", and leave it at the scene.

Since they've got a confession, the police won't look further into it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you can't afford rent, then buy a house

It's easy, can't afford rent? Have a shitty landlord? Use that money to go and buy a house.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're not sure if your new gf is on the pill, check her handbag when she's not looking

 

[stickygirl]

If you're not sure if your new gf might have thrush, suggest live yoghurt for dessert and have a pot in your jacket. She'll appreciate your caring nature

 

[stickygirl]

If your bf wants to try anal, say yes but cover the mattress in plastic sheeting and explain you're a bit loose right now