Bad Random Life Tips.

[Deleted member 1300976]

Buy premium gas and fill up your tank to 3/4 full, then top off with water.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're caught jaywalking, simply inform the officer that your name is not Jay and you'll be legally allowed to go without a ticket.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your doctor asks if you’re breastfeeding your newborn, tell them you’re raising them vegan.

 

[HotBrand]

Intensive care units are the best place for selling your commercial "Death Date" calculator.

To give patients that extra dose of realism, have the "time remaining" changed from "years" to "hours".

They'll appreciate the laugh.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you only put $30 of gas in your car each time you go to the pump the price will never go up

 

[mnbreastluver]

Like rare steak? get it for free by going to farms and taking bites out of random cows.

Also make sure you wear red when you do this.

The thing about bulls getting angry when they see red has been debunked.

 

[HotBrand]

Ask your partner if they want children someday.

If so, it's a good time to tell them about the affair you've had, and the child now expected.

 

[HotBrand]

Attend hospital patients at their bedside.

Give them your opinion as to whether they should elect for surgery or not, as a doctor.

Don't tell them your doctorate is in literature.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't have enough money for something you need? Try checking your wallet for money. Not enough money in there? Check someone else's wallet.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Go ahead and munch on that alligator. He won't bite. . . .

 

[mnbreastluver]

Not getting enough breaks at work? Just take up smoking. You'll be able to take all the breaks you want.

 

[stickygirl]

Don't cross a river and make your clothes wet. Leave your clothes neatly on the other side and then they'll be there waiting for you

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you're dating a blind person and they break up with you, just fake a new voice and date 'em again.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Neighbors really pissing you off? Place a sign in their yard that says "Fill Wanted" while they're off at work.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Put pebbles or marbles in your gas tank so it doesn't cost as much to fill it up.

 

[HotBrand]

Rummage through your neighbours' curbside trash and move any recyclables into the appropriate bin.

They'll love your burning desire to help them help the planet.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Go to Trafalgar Square in London with a megaphone and proclaim:


"England sucks!!!"

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't like changing your clocks for Daylight Savings Time? Stop changing them in protest. Go about your normal routine like the change never happened.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to come off as a down to earth guy on the first date? Take her to McDonald’s. This way she’ll understand that you’re careful with your money.

 

[Justadesperatewifeandmom]

Want that rock hard body that we all dream about? Start by going to the gym. Then find that guy with that body that you can learn from. Walk straight up to him with a smile, and ask if he wants to get hard with you. He will totally assist with your workout.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Withdraw your 401 K and buy yourself lavish toys in case the stock markets plummets.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of paying high gas prices to drive to work? Release a bunch of bees at your place of work until they are forced to move. Do this over and over until they end up in walking distance from your house.

 

[VoraciousValue]

Want to come off as a down to earth guy on the first date? Take her to McDonald’s. This way she’ll understand that you’re careful with your money.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Buy a few goldfish and name them all grandma. Whenever you want to take a day off of work or get out of something you'd rather not do, flush one and tell them your grandma drowned.

 

[HotBrand]

Do you have a failing business?

Take out insurance and "accientally" burn the place down the next day.

The insurer will be delighted to have had you covered at just the right time!