Bad Random Life Tips.

[stickygirl]

If your bf wants to try fisting, suggest he goes first and produce a boxing glove.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Drunk and got the spins in bed? Throw out the anchor. One hand on the wall one foot on the floor no more spins.

 

[HotBrand]

Help your partner overcome their arachnophobia by waking them to spiders all over their body.

They'll thank you one day.

 

[HotBrand]

Teach your partner the value in self-reliance by doing a 'Trust Fall' with them.

Don't catch them.

They'll learn.

 

[Sweet_Lara]

When in doubt, whip it out

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you need money, try panhandling inside a strip club.

 

[HotBrand]

If you never say "I love you", you're leaving room for the relationship to grow.

Never give in. Never surrender

https://33.media.tumblr.com/afb49231b307e3dc5919bf8ca722d2d0/tumblr_mw1et0IUz21r5k9koo5_r2_250.gif

 

[HotBrand]

Hey! Man! Are you going on a first date?

Without a word, put down a plaster casting of an intimidatingly large penis on the dinner table.

They'll assume it's a mould of your own and become *super* into you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to write a book but you think it will take too long? Just start at chapter 10 and you'll get done sooner.

 

[mnbreastluver]

With gas prices soaring just siphon some out of a churches bus.

 

[Deleted member 1300976]

If you’re unsure if it’s loaded, check by looking down the barrel.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you don't wanna remember people's pronouns, just say 'it'.

Since this is a universal pronoun it will not offend any group.

 

[HotBrand]

Keep a broken thermostat in your bedroom which is fixed to 6C/42F.

If anyone seems unimpressed by the size of your penis, you can just point to the thermostat.

I mean, the evidence is right there!

 

[Deleted member 1300976]

Soft lead is a perfect substitute for chewing tobacco

 

[VoraciousValue]

Why yes, that pencil sharpener is calling to your penis. . . .

 

[Deleted member 1300976]

Sometimes the best shortcuts are driving down a one way road in the wrong direction.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Do NOT buy any pictures from the Jigsaw Company. I don't know why, but it always fall apart in shipping. Sure, the pictures are very pretty on the cover, but mine was LITERALLY in hundreds of pieces. wtf??

 

[HotBrand]

If you want a more competitive jog, run in the middle of a lane, and block the cars behind you so they can help you keep pace.

If they're beeping at you, it just means they're supporting your efforts.

 

[HotBrand]

Let your bread go completely green with mold and it'll count as one of your five per day!

 

[lilmissdarling]

Simple. Lick the fork before stabbing it into the socket.

 

[hulmule]

If it's got Tit's or wheels, it's going to give you headaches.

 

[HotBrand]

Shopping with a trolley cart is actually the pedestrian's version of 'Dodgems'.

Run around the store and crash into everyone you can. They'll love it!

 

[oneblueye]

"assume everything, trust no one
take rest and pleasure where you can."

 

[HotBrand]

Nervous for a first date?

Preparation is key.

Learn EVERYTHING you can about that person beforehand by any means necessary, then reveal as many details as you can about them during the date.

They'll love how passionate you are and respect your bold initiative in getting to know them.

 

[mnbreastluver]

With rising gas prices, thieves siphoning gas out of other people's cars may become a problem again. Save yourself some grief by putting a Tesla emblem on the back of your car. That way, gas thieves won't even realize you have a gas tank.