Bad Random Life Tips.

[VladPuptin]

Car batteries are water soluble. Dispose of them in your nearest body of water

 

[Shenanigans90]

If you are running late to the theater and can’t get the seats you want then scream fire.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Always have affairs with people who have the same name as your partner. If you accidentally shout out their name during sex, your partner will not notice

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

Magnify Your Phone's Screen By Putting It In A Glass Of Water

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you are caught speeding, make sure to point out that in order for the cop to catch up, they had to go faster than you to catch up. This will nullify the ticket and allow you to be on your way.

 

[SirConradPeckereye]

If you need to work on something electrical and don't know where the breaker pannel is, simply kink the wire like a water hose to stop the flow of electricity

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

"when danger comes--, and it will...
BE RUTHLESS in your answer."

 

[oneblueye]

hey...

"ASSUME EVERYTHING,
TRUST NO ONE,
TAKE REST AND PLEASURE WHERE YOU CAN."


Bubbos

 

[mnbreastluver]

Make your passwords “I don’t know” that way if you’re ever tortured for the answer, you’ll pass a lie detector test.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Being attacked by a bear? Try to feel for its nipples as it’s eating you. Polar bears have only 4 nipples while grizzlies have 6. Once armed with this information, you’ll feel much smarter.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Smoke some crack between now and the Superbowl so when the middle-aged woman at the Superbowl party hogs the Buffalo Chicken and proclaims it's"like crack" you can say"No Karen, I have done crack and it is nothing like “Buffalo Chicken Dip."

 

[WishesforRome]

Smoke some crack between now and the Superbowl so when the middle-aged woman at the Superbowl party hogs the Buffalo Chicken and proclaims it's"like crack" you can say"No Karen, I have done crack and it is nothing like “Buffalo Chicken Dip."

This may be my favorite thread in The Playground, and probably have read every post but get so distracted I never think of anything nearly as funny to post.. will try later but for now, thank you to all for sharing your humor!!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Never give your wife and/or girlfriend a sex toy that's bigger than your shlong. Otherwise, you're basically admitting that YOU are the problem.

 

[stickygirl]

^^
Make sure you put cheap batteries in her sex toy that are dead after 15 minutes. She'll learn she has to orgasm in a timely manner and not expect attention all night, when you should be sleeping.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to overcome your fear of ghosts? Remember this: if ghosts can touch you, you can touch them back in dirtier ways. The ghost will be freaked out and hide from you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Make more time for yourself! Hold your penis with your shirt when you pee. Due to the cloth barrier, there will be no hand-to-genital contact so you don't have to wash your hands afterward. This trick saves you at least 2 minutes a day, which adds up to 12 hours per year!

 

[NaughtyPartyGirl]

Don't wear a bra when you run a marathon.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Duct tape your gooch before tucking in for the night so in the a.m when you want to hit the snooze button rip that tape off for a quick jolt of wakey wakey

 

[Trubbycat]

Toothpaste is an excellent lubricant.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of being broke? Fall into gambling addiction. You’ll probably win eventually.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you see someone accidentally cut their finger on a knife, be sure to tell them after the fact that knives are sharp. People love being told the obvious.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Tired of drying yourself off after showering? Simply cover yourself in water-proofing shoe spray and go weeks without having to waste time toweling yourself.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you see a product in the supermarket with eg “20% extra free”, open the packet and eat the free bit, leaving the rest for the next customer. Security can’t touch you and they know it.

 

[Cymru9696]

Put your life savings into crypto

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wear an old hockey mask and carry a small chainsaw when you go shopping for groceries to gain extra social distancing. Technically legal and will lessen odds of getting sick.