Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

If you accidentally dial the wrong number and feel bad about hanging up on them, when they answer just say "hello... We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty policy" then they'll hang up on you.

 

[baculum]

A dog that is snarling and growling just wants attention. Put your hand in it's mouth and pet it.

 

[stickygirl]

Carry pig testicles in a clear plastic bag for when someone says 'grow some balls' then you can reply 'big enough?'

 

[VoraciousValue]

Battery acid is always an important part of this complete breakfast.

 

[stickygirl]

If you trim off the end of your penis, just below the bud, you can encourage fresh growth

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Changing your car tyres is just a myth brought about by rubber plantation owners

 

[Jada59]

Want sex but your BF is too tired? look in the personals. Find a Lit. guy for phone sex and have it right in the bed, next to your BF!

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Cure your low sex drive by tying a medium sized pidgeon to the top of your head nightly.

 

[English_guy_bkk]

Men! Want a lady to melt?
Constantly breathe in so it hurts and wear cuban heels

 

[mnbreastluver]

Leave your food in the fridge for a long time for it to grow more food. World hunger solved.

 

[stickygirl]

If your glass is always half empty, switch to a smaller glass

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you drive fast enough, cameras used by the police can’t catch your license plate.

 

[vidiman]

It will pass, like a mild flu....

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want to ensure you get home safely from the bars? Buy an Uber and Lyft window marker (the light up ones) and turn them on as you drive away. Cops will be less likely to monitor your vehicle as you leave the bar.

 

[TheMrBurns]

Want to add a little spice to your kissing? Don't shy away from tonguing the lesser known eroginous zones such as the nostrils, under the eyelids, and the tear ducts.

 

[mnbreastluver]

For a Proposal: Tell your girlfriend you ate a screw and the doctor needs you to sift through your feces and see if it comes out over the next couple days. Actually swallow a ring. Conveniently break both your hands. Make her sift through the said fecal matter and find the ring. True love

 

[Ziggins]

Save money by not buying deodorant. It is no longer needed due to social distancing.

Berlin Wants People To Stop Wearing Deodorant On Public Transport

 

[baculum]

An electric soldering iron will permanently remove that pesky pubic hair.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Want a larger girth? Get your penis stung by a wasp and it will swell.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you sell both of your kidneys, you'll have enough money for the rest of your life.

 

[Unquoted]

The video of your colonoscopy will make your facebook page unique.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Put your mobile phone number on your phone's lock screen so if you lose it, the person who finds it can call you and return it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Make a really long, narrow dildo with measurements up the side so you can measure the depth of your vagina.

 

[stickygirl]

Bad advice only please
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0967/9806/products/GRS_Large_Set_450_x_450_540x.jpg?v=1545099923

Tampons make a popping sound when they're pulled out of the vagina? Don't believe me? Surprise your partner as she sleeps, for hours of bedtime fun.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bad advice only please
https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0967/9806/products/GRS_Large_Set_450_x_450_540x.jpg?v=1545099923

Tampons make a popping sound when they're pulled out of the vagina? Don't believe me? Surprise your partner as she sleeps, for hours of bedtime fun.

With the different thicknesses I bet you could play a tune.