Bad Random Life Tips.

[mnbreastluver]

Need a zero interest loan? Sell something valuable on Paypal and simply dont send it out. The resolution process takes weeks to months. Thanks Paypal.

 

[stickygirl]

Fed up of expensive toothpaste? Mix ammonia with sugar and you have a perfect paste.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re running in the woods trying to escape a mass murderer, use a leaf blower to blow all the leaves away from your feet so you don’t step on them because that would give away your position.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're worried about axe murderers, leaving a couple outside your front door. That way they'll be so grateful they won't murder you

 

[mnbreastluver]

When trying to comfort a person suffering from depression, just keep telling them how miserable your own life is. They will focus on your problems and forget about their own.

 

[stickygirl]

Train drivers are obliged to stop for passengers outside of stations, to pick up the fare. Make sure to stand in the tracks so they can see you

 

[mnbreastluver]

Acquire man boobs to increase your chances of sleeping with a lesbian.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Only open doors with your ring finger, then you can safely and sanitarily pick your nose with the other 4 fingers.

 

[baculum]

Ran out of tequila at your party? Not a problem. Chlorine bleach can be used in place of tequila
in any mixed drink. As an added bonus, the margarita puke will be self-sanitizing.

 

[stickygirl]

If you're tired of men not keeping a 2m distance, skip using sanitary towels and they'll not only stay out of your way, they'll even let you go to front of the line

 

[stickygirl]

Shop-lifting can be carried out legally by putting stolen goods in someone's else's jacket and pick-pocket them later

 

[DarkSimian]

Want people to notice you? Make a Klan hood out of a Confederate flag

 

[mnbreastluver]

Get attention from girls at the bar by putting one of those big realistic dildos in your pants and "forgetting" to zip your fly. Casually brush up against all the hotties as you walk around showing off. You can't get in trouble because you're not actually exposing yourself!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Wear your underwear over bermuda shorts for a new and bold fashion statement.

 

[stickygirl]

If you get flashed by a perv in the bushes, run at them with your scissors, screaming "Please let that be suede"

 

[baculum]

Perform a public service.
Test your neighbor's car alarms by walking through your neighborhood late at night hitting parked cars with a stick.
If an alarm doesn't go off, bang on their front door until they answer. Then remind them to arm their alarm to prevent
possible theft or vandalism. They'll thank you for your diligence.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Keep small screws in your belly button for easy and quick access.

 

[stickygirl]

Shaving all the wood from a pencil will mean you never have to sharpen it again

 

[mnbreastluver]

To stop unwanted erections, put a leech on your penis.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Are you nervous? Don't be nervous.

 

[sally_sparrow]

No matter what, if it rhymes, then it is true.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Listen to horrible music when going through something terrible in your life.

 

[DeckardNYC]

How can airplane glue be so bad if it holds stuff together? Sniff away, Johnny!

 

[sally_sparrow]

When in doubt, mumble.

 

[NeonSubtlety]

A girl you really like at work? Just invite her to taco night at your folks' place. Chicks fucking love minced beef.