Bad Random Life Tips.

[barefootgirl69]

Tired of getting up early for work every morning? Simply stay awake all night and, boom! No more alarm clocks!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to save money on transportation, quit your job.

 

[19jimbo99]

Smoke crank.. all your problems will be gone ..

 

[mnbreastluver]

Looking to loose that little extra belly fat? Take up cocaine to suppress your appetite and make you want to stay up and run for hours on end.

 

[19jimbo99]

Pelaton and coke,,, match made in hell....

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't clean your house. That way you never have to do cleaning chores.

 

[kurrginatorX]

The reason volcanoes continue to erupt is because we have gotten out of the habit of offering virgin sacrifices.

 

[stickygirl]

Wear extra thick clothes if you swim in winter to avoid hypothermia

 

[frustratedthoughts]

During those snowy winters, make sure to wrap your windshield wipers with sandpaper before you go in for the night. The sandpaper will make cleaning the ice off your windshield a breeze the next day!

 

[mnbreastluver]

Don't want people touching you? Gently apply some pepper spray to your skin. When they touch you, it rubs onto their skin harshly and they'll burn. then they won't touch you anymore.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Pooping your pants is actually a great way to get out of things. Need to get out of a social event? Shit yourself. Need to get out of work? Shit yourself. Losing in an argument? Shit Yourself. Nothing else brings out the same mixture of concern, disgust or pity. No one will doubt you and no questions will be asked probably.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Another winter weather tip. Want BBQ in Fargo in January? Bring your grill inside. You can slow roast that brisket while heating your house at the same time. You will sleep like a baby afterward as well.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Use LSD while pregnant to give your future newborn baby a permanently chill vibe.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Use cocaine after the baby is born to help shed that pesky baby weight fast

 

[mnbreastluver]

To get the best sleep you’ve ever had, sleep in your car while it’s on in the garage, the vibrations will be very soothing.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Use a hole punch and attach a couple of condoms to your key chain that way you will never be caught unprepared if the mood strikes.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Trying to get your little gremlin to stop sucking the illustrious titty milk out of your breasts? Cut your nipples off, so that the child will have to stop sucking them.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Save time and calories in the morning by replacing your coffee creamer with toothpaste.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Broke? Steal money from the mafia, they won't be able to tell the cops.

 

[frustratedthoughts]

Want to throw a great birthday party for your 5 year old and his 11 friends? Substitute space cakes for the cupcakes. Just make sure you have plenty of snacks for later.

 

[mnbreastluver]

People moaning at you for drinking too much ? Become a severe alcoholic and chances are they’ll just pity you instead.

 

[stickygirl]

Itchy bottom leaving you with smelly fingers? Use someone else's fingers and you'll be free of the problem for good.

 

[kurrginatorX]

Kids driving you insane and you need a break? Try Valium. Not for you, of course. Give it to the kids.

 

[beachbaby179]

Ever wanted to see China? Now is your chance. Airfares are cheap for some reason.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Got a runny nose? Use your cat as a tissue.