Bad Random Life Tips.

[enQji]

Call your black friend "n*ggah". It's ok, we say that to eachother all the time. And if the "h" at the end sounds weird to you, go ahead use the hard R. Nobody really cares.

 

[Baldo_bearded]

Late in the morning and in a hurry? Your windshield really only need a 2 inch "visor scrape" to be perfectly functional.

 

[LeSabreur]

You really, really don't need to pull out when she says that. The odds of an "accident" are a million to one.

 

[latecomer91364]

Never underestimate the ability of your face to put out a campfire.

Just ask Fire Marshall Bill.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If there are scary lights lighting up your car's dashboard, just put post it notes on them. If you can't see the warning lights the problems aren't real!

 

[LeSabreur]

If it burns when you pee, just drink more water...you'll be fine.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Guys, when your woman says “We need to talk,” remind her that sex is more fun and ask “Can we fuck instead?” Sex guaranteed.

 

[LeSabreur]

If you sneak a bumper sticker on your wife's car that says "Do Me In The Butt," you will have the most hilarious stories to tell!

 

[angelofthenorth]

When life gives you lemons, be thankful it wasn't syphilis

 

[ericalauren]

Someone once told me to lie to the DMV about my height. He told me to say that I’m two inches taller than I actually am. So weird.

 

[Mrtenant]

Always hug people while sporting a boner. Everyone loves it.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The only way to get rid of a white wine stain is to pour red wine on it.

 

[LeSabreur]

You want the thrill of a lifetime? Drive 100 miles per hour while getting your wing-wang sucked and try not to spill your drink.

 

[Trubbycat]

If you want to make friends with a woman squeeze her boobs and yell “honk!”

 

[latecomer91364]

Ignore the IRS when they require an audit. The government is big and incompetent, and they'll soon forget about you.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Guys, when you get into an argument with your woman, instead of pointing 1 finger, point 2 fingers. This would subconsciously remind her of all the times you used those 2 fingers to pleasure her, throwing her off balance and helping you to win the argument.

 

[grumpyoldperv]

Always insult her family when in an argument with your wife.

 

[knowhergne]

Always insult her family when in an argument with your wife.

Fuckin' learned that the hard way lol

 

[NudieUser]

Buy gifts for your partners siblings on their birthday instead of for them - show them that it’s not just about them on their “special day”.

 

[Wonderer67]

Don’t drive your truck over 14” of ice and snow, thinking 4WD Low will get you out and that you’ll just smoosh the snow down and away.

It did get me out, but just barely. I wouldn’t try that again!

My wife gave me a “told you so look “ when I was able to get out.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Send Shenanigans90 your boob pictures for good luck.

 

[Trubbycat]

Dangerous animals are easily tamed by unexpectedly waking them up to play.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Deal with your fear of dogs by jumping into the wolf exhibit at the zoo

 

[mnbreastluver]

Guys, on your first date, casually complain that how every time you go for groceries, you get stopped by security because they think that you have stolen a kielbasa and your hiding it in your pants.

 

[Shenanigans90]

Self pity is the easiest way into a woman’s panties.