Bad Halloween Limerick Thread.

[ABSTRUSE]

There once was a chap named Mickey
who thought he was exceptionally tricky
But on Halloween night
He died from a fright
A zucchini stood in place of his dickey.


Lame.........Next?

 

[Salvor-Hardon]

A slutty nurse is fantasy fodder
And a sexy vampire is no bother
Neither's the witch
that makes my loins twitch
cause cold Halloween night are now hotter!

 

[ABSTRUSE]

A slutty nurse is fantasy fodder
And a sexy vampire is no bother
Neither's the witch
that makes my loins twitch
cause cold Halloween night are now hotter!

YAY!!!!

 

[oggbashan]

I want to have a fuck this Halloween
A real woman, you know what I mean
A doll made of plastic
Can be fantastic
Until she punctures her spleen

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I want to have a fuck this Halloween
A real woman, you know what I mean
A doll made of plastic
Can be fantastic
Until she punctures her spleen

I knew you wouldn't disappoint me.

 

[oggbashan]

A limerick is requested by Abs
I wish her partner would keep tabs
On Abs requests for a lay
When not part of fusion-ay
Or else I might nickname her Mabs

That bad enough for you?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

A limerick is requested by Abs
I wish her partner would keep tabs
On Abs requests for a lay
When not part of fusion-ay
Or else I might nickname her Mabs

That bad enough for you?

Horrible!...that's why you're king.

 

[Jen24]

Ahem

I apologise in advance for this doggerel, but you did say BAD Halloween Limericks.

“There was a Romanian vampire,”
I gather you round the campfire,
“They called him the Sucker,
A bloodthirsty fucker,
A murderer, rapist and liar.

“He’d break into bedrooms of maids
In aerial night-time raids,
He’d fly in through the window
And approach them on tiptoe,
Before enacting his sadistic charade.

“The virgins shook with fear and then pain
As he made his lust quite plain.
He boinked them when they were supine,
Then turned himself lupine
And doggystyle fucked them again.

“The girls were quite taken aback
By this sudden, animalistic attack,
Once he’d deflowered them
He went on to devour them
Leaving their loved ones to cry out ‘Alack!’

“Ven Helsing was out on the hunt
He thought vampires a terrific affront.
He discovered the lair
Then sat on a chair
To await the murderous cunt.

“The Sucker arrived late that night
Van Helsing braced himself for the fight.
He drew out his stake
Launched himself at the rake
And gave him a profound and terrible fright.

“The stake went into his heart then was gone,
The vampire survived to fight on.
‘Don't put a stake in my heart
You need to put a stake up my arse’
And he laughed and he thought that he’d won.

“Van Helsing then had an idea:
How he could live and prolong his career.
He pulled down his pants
Struck a menacing stance
And thrust his cock up the vampire’s rear.

“The Sucker's roar was incredibly loud,
Up from the village it drew a big crowd,
Van Helsing’s twelve inch friend
Proved to be the vampire’s end
And of it he was understandably proud.

“Here at last is the moral of the story:
If you would like to obtain glory
Then anally rape Nosferatu
Go on, you know you want to,
It’s fun if a little bit gory.”

 

[Guest]

My sexual need most intense
I truly can find no defense
His lustful techniques
Easily spread my back cheeks
While both he and my joy are immense


Oh - Halloween? OK.


A vampire hunting for prey
Came across a profoundly good lay
His lust so in need
He forgot how to feed
As he lit up the night into day

 

[rachlou]

There was an old witch from Kildare
who struggled to manage her hair.
She decided to wax
from front through to back
so now she's totally bald down there!

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

There was a young fellow named Vladimir
an anemic, just like his dadimir
his habit irrugular
(chomping on jugular)
started an s&m fadimir

 

[scriptordelecto]

A warlock had run out of lotion
And decided to mix up a potion
He instead had a slip
And fractured his hip
So now he jerks off in slow motion

 

[Guest]

One Halloween a man named Bare,
Warm and furry and covered with hair,
spooked a timid frail chemist,
and caused quite a tempest
and woke up naked and covered in Nair.

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

When out at the Halloween fair,
If you laugh at my costume, beware
I'll say "nice to meet you"
and kick you and beat you
and steal all your candy -- so there.

 

[scriptordelecto]

When out at the Halloween fair,
If you laugh at my costume, beware
I'll say "nice to meet you"
and kick you and beat you
and steal all your candy -- so there.

Mwaaa Haaa! I bow in the presence of greatness!

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

And...

I was tripping one halloween night
with my stoner friend (Michael Q. White)
It was mellow and placid
but the six tabs of acid
soon kicked in, and gave us a fright

 

[shereads]

Here lies our departed friend Biff
Who died in a fall from a cliff
At midnight it's said
Biff will rise from the dead
We hope he's impressively stiff.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

You guys are so keen.

 

[oggbashan]

T'aint easy to find a rhyme for ABSTRUSE
Though Halloween is ripe for textual abuse
I'll do what I'm able
To find a fit table
And if I fail, proffer my humble excuse

 

[Black Tulip]

A horny old witch in Nantucket
was casting a spell in her bucket,
but all she got
was a drunken sot,
so she desperately started to fuck it.

-----------

It's the worst I can do for you.

 

[Remec]

There once was a Halloween night
That was full of mischief and fright
A vampire regarded the crowd,
Then muttered aloud,
"I think I'll step out for a bite."

 

[Dr_Strabismus]

A swan-necked Parisian tart
To Count Dracula once lost her heart
But her garlicky breath
Kept her safe from undeath,
So alas it was doomed from the start

 

[Explaura]

ick

A pizza faced girl from St. Kitts
For Halloween dressed up her tits
as 2 dogs of dalmation
it caused a sensation
as the spots were just black tinted zits


eek. bad Laura

 

[sincerely_helene]

chanced upon two witching schemers
they had contests to see who was meaner
one pulled up my frock
the other gave me a cock
but both wished me a happy helene wiener

 

[Liar]

Through a haze dr Jekyll reminisces,
realize with the good morning kisses,
both with envy and pride
that last night mr Hyde
must have given it good to the missus.