aussies

[SecretScribe]

stand in line ss!

Not sure you want me standing in line ... I have such a bad case of gas recently ...

 

[Gil_T2]

despite last nights lack of sleep I find myself here at this time of night ready to chat...... might have something to do with the phone call from the hospital, the EX has had a cardiac eposode so they have now decided to open her up again and check on the surgery they completed last Friday........any one have a joke to share while I wait for the hopsital to ring back with the resaults ???

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to
him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had
sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied. Jane explained to him what sex
was. Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she
said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it
properly." She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here,"
she said. "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth,
stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty
kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed
like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
"What did you do that for?"

"First check for bees."

 

[Gil_T2]

Well my dial ups almost up so here is a thread to check.

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=268407

Hope it helps TREV.

 

[nostress]

When Jane initially met Tarzan of the Jungle, she was attracted to
him, and during her questions about his life, she asked him how he had
sex. "Tarzan not know sex," he replied. Jane explained to him what sex
was. Tarzan said, "Oh, Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree." Horrified, she
said, "Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it
properly." She took off her clothes and lay down on the ground. "Here,"
she said. "You must put it in here." Tarzan removed his loincloth,
stepped closer with his huge erection, and then gave her an almighty
kick right in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed
like an eternity. Eventually she managed to gasp for air and screamed,
"What did you do that for?"

"First check for bees."

Thanks Gil, thats just what I needed.

you would of been impressed at the bike rally, there was a guy there on a 1976 Honda CB 360 complete with a home made side car and he had the ladys all over him......he is 81 years old, guess that means there is still hope for the rest of us

 

[Don K Dyck]

despite last nights lack of sleep I find myself here at this time of night ready to chat...... might have something to do with the phone call from the hospital, the EX has had a cardiac eposode so they have now decided to open her up again and check on the surgery they completed last Friday........any one have a joke to share while I wait for the hopsital to ring back with the resaults ???

Hang in there Nostress . . . the winners are the ones who get up one more time . . .

This big Texan went to Israel to inspect a kibbutz. His guide was pointing out the boundaries of the property; the hill to the north, the creek to the east, the fence to the south and the road to the west.

"Why boy", says the Texan, "My cattle ranch in Texas is sooo BIG . . . that I can get in my car, start at the south boundary, drive AALLLLL day . . . and STILL not get anywhere near the north boundary".

"Yes", said the little Israeli guide. "I had a motorbike like that once too".

 

[nostress]

Hang in there Nostress . . . the winners are the ones who get up one more time . . .

This big Texan went to Israel to inspect a kibbutz. His guide was pointing out the boundaries of the property; the hill to the north, the creek to the east, the fence to the south and the road to the west.

"Why boy", says the Texan, "My cattle ranch in Texas is sooo BIG . . . that I can get in my car, start at the south boundary, drive AALLLLL day . . . and STILL not get anywhere near the north boundary".

"Yes", said the little Israeli guide. "I had a motorbike like that once too".

thanks Don
with the jokes and reading a few stories on here I am passing the time quiet well

 

[Ladybird]

I'm here for you Trev..

LETTER FROM GOD

After having been commissioned by God to take a survey of how man was doing on Earth, St. Peter now stood before his boss ready to present his findings.

"Tell me, St. Peter, what have you found out?" God asked.

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you this, but the people are behaving in a sinful manner. There's drugs, alcohol, murders, you name it - another Sodom and Gomorrah. But the worst is this new obsession with oral sex.
According to my survey, 88% of the population is doing it.
Even four out of five dentists recommend it.
I'm afraid the oral sex thing has reached epidemic proportions on Earth."

"Hmmm," God said thoughtfully, "Do you have any recommendations as to what should be done to put an end to this sexual perversion?"

"I think we should send a message to everyone on Earth who engages in oral sex. The contents of that message should tell them exactly what will happen to them on Judgment Day if they do not stop this type of activity", replied St. Peter.

"That is an effective solution," God stated, "but I think that instead of punishing those 88% who practice oral sex, we should reward those 12% who refrain from it. Let's send a letter that's personally signed by me to each one of those good people."

And so they did.





Do you know what the letter said?
(Scroll down)










No?
(Scroll down a little more)

















Hmmm ...You didn't get the letter either, huh??

 

[Ladybird]

And here's another... hang tight hon.

A West Australian buys a round of drinks for all in the bar because, he
announces, his wife has just produced a typical West Australian baby boy
weighing 25 pounds.

Congratulations showered him from all around, and many exclamations of
"WOW"! were heard. A woman faints due to sympathy pains.

Two weeks later, he returns to the bar. The bartender says, "Say, you're
the father of the typical West Australian baby that weighed 25 pounds at
birth. How much does he weigh now?"

The proud father answers, "Seventeen pounds." The bartender is puzzled,
and concerned. "What happened? He already weighed 25 pounds at birth."

The West Australian father takes a slow swig from his long-neck Swan Lager
beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans into the bartender and
proudly says, "Had him circumcised."

 

[warrior queen]

morning all

tried several times to get on last night but the site was down.... then i gave up and went to bed instead

sounds like most had a good weekend - i spent sat and sun engaged in the usual debauchery..... no, no, not that kind! get your brains up off the edge of the gutter!
i drank, enjoyed the view at the ex's place (must post a pic so you get the idea!), and generally ate far too much excellent food

but i would have settled for the 'other' kind of debauchery instead!!!

 

[mortalwombat]

Not sure you want me standing in line ... I have such a bad case of gas recently ...

i'll make sure i'm well ahead of you!

 

[australwind]

Afternoon, Batty How goes it in the Batty Burrow today?

 

[Xstatic]

WQ has her own thread now...

It seems some of the GB'ers know good people when they see them...

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?t=385486

 

[nostress]

the ex is still in an induced coma in intesive care but her vital signs have gone from stable to improving so the out look is a little better.
she will be needing more surgery later.

and now I am off to bed, its been a very long few days, thanks everyone for the TXTs of suport

 

[Ladybird]

the ex is still in an induced coma in intesive care but her vital signs have gone from stable to improving so the out look is a little better.
she will be needing more surgery later.

and now I am off to bed, its been a very long few days, thanks everyone for the TXTs of suport

That's great news Trev.

Take care and sleep well my friend.

 

[Don K Dyck]

the ex is still in an induced coma in intesive care but her vital signs have gone from stable to improving so the out look is a little better.
she will be needing more surgery later.

and now I am off to bed, its been a very long few days, thanks everyone for the TXTs of suport

Good one NOstress . . .

 

[mortalwombat]

the ex is still in an induced coma in intesive care but her vital signs have gone from stable to improving so the out look is a little better.
she will be needing more surgery later.

and now I am off to bed, its been a very long few days, thanks everyone for the TXTs of suport

good to hear trev-hope all goes well. i feel a little guilty now-i forgot i had your no and could text you-sorry!

 

[nostress]

good to hear trev-hope all goes well. i feel a little guilty now-i forgot i had your no and could text you-sorry!

no need to feel guilty, the out look is getting better and better so I think we can now get off this subject and back to talking about sex before this thread closes right down ......although, and I mean this in a nice way.....I would prefer to talk with the ladys about sex

 

[australwind]

This sounds more like the Trev we know and love!



Shame he doesn't want to talk to you about sex, Batty....he might find out a few things he didn't know!

 

[nostress]

This sounds more like the Trev we know and love!



Shame he doesn't want to talk to you about sex, Batty....he might find out a few things he didn't know!

Thats a good point, I can always do with new ideas

 

[mortalwombat]

This sounds more like the Trev we know and love!



Shame he doesn't want to talk to you about sex, Batty....he might find out a few things he didn't know!

more likely i'd learn something

 

[australwind]

Well .........

1. I'm a lady.

2. I can talk.

3. I know a little about sex.

4. I have been known to illustrate my talks.



Can I be of any help?

 

[nostress]

Well .........

1. I'm a lady.

2. I can talk.

3. I know a little about sex.

4. I have been known to illustrate my talks.



Can I be of any help?

I read some of your storys the other night and found them very informative.

 

[nostress]

more likely i'd learn something

looks like Austral has offered to help us both learn a few new things, we will just have to take it in turns to pump her.......for information I mean

 

[australwind]

I read some of your storys the other night and found them very informative.

Did you?

Have you not read them before this?

I like the way people who know me, play" guess which one is based on truth" and "which of the characters is me"?

 

[mortalwombat]

I read some of your storys the other night and found them very informative.

I did the same