Ask A Porn Shop Retail Associate Anything

[BlueSugar]

Ummm... okay, a good anal lube to use with a silicone toy?
No allergies.

System Jo Men H2o - sure it says 'men' on the bottle, but last I checked all genders had an anus. This has quickly become my fav water based anal lube.
System Jo H2o Anal - This was great until Jo Men came out.
Sliquid Sassy - This is my go to, when the other 2 aren't available.
Bad-Dragon has a very slippery water based lube.
Maximum - another thick water based.
Pjur had an H2o Gel that is awesome too.

I don't like Swiss Navy or Gun Oil (Pink is made by the same company as Gun Oil) because they have a nasty taste no matter where it goes.

Lelo's lube is fab, so is Wicked's Jelle. These are ok for anal, it is great for vaginal.


Never use silicone lube with silicone toys. EVER.

Unless you encase the toy in a condom and knot the condom over the toy so it is totally sealed in the condom.

Then you can use hybrids - those are delightful for anal.
System Jo's hybrid is a fav.
So is Sliquid's Silk.
Pink Unity is another great hybrid.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

The guy who mops out the jerk off booths between occupants -- how much money does he make?

 

[BlueSugar]

How often are nipple pasties sold? How often do bridal parties come (not cum) in the shop? Have you ever caught someone actually masterbating? Tell a funny customer story.

*masturbating.


Dancers and Ravers usually buy the pasties, we sell a few sets a week. Sometimes I'll be stocked with them for months and then poof, gone in a weekend. There is no rhyme or reason. Same thing for gloves and dental dams.

Bridal parties are seasonal. The bachelorette section is ransacked during Wedding Season.

I've caught several people masturbating in the shop over the years. Usually they throw us money to let them do their thing. We set rules and if they can't abide by them, they are banned from the shop. No orgasms downstairs. More often than not, they just go upstairs (we have booths).


... hm ... funny customer story ...

Some 18-20 yr old came in giggling with a bunch of his friends thinking he was the shit, clearly the ring-leader. He comes up to the counter (which is 6ft high) and yells up to us "Yo, where the leather masks and big black dildos at?!" His friends start snickering - but without skipping a beat I leave the counter, grab the kid's arm, drag him to the back, all fake excited to show him exactly where they were. All the while babbling about how OK it is to be gay, how his boyfriends were cute, the right lube for a gangbang etc...

He couldn't get away from me fast enough.
I thought he shit himself.
The tripped over one another trying to leave.
Idiots.
We call this "Sex Shop Justice".

We shame jerk boyfriends for not buying lube with an anal toy. We tell their girlfriends to peg them first. We refuse to help rude people.

One of my favorite calls is around Easter - some lil old lady, without fail, will call the shop and ask if we sell live rabbits (because our ad says "ITS RABBIT SEASON").

We're also listed in Games and DVDs for some odd reason, in the phone book. I enjoy telling people that they've called a porn shop and we don't have the newest Call of Duty.

Our number is also VERY close to a church/nursing home's number.

We punk prank callers back.

Never a dull moment.

 

[BlueSugar]

The guy who mops out the jerk off booths between occupants -- how much money does he make?

Few hundred a week. It gets cleaned every morning.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Few hundred a week. It gets cleaned every morning.

What type of person does that job? anytime I feel frustrated at work I think to myself, "Well at least I ain't the splooge guy at the porno shop."

 

[BlueSugar]

What type of person does that job? anytime I feel frustrated at work I think to myself, "Well at least I ain't the splooge guy at the porno shop."

This was actually covered earlier in the thread. Amazing how often this question comes up.

Gotta think of it this way - job security. lol

 

[BlueSugar]

This thread just might be the best thread bump of a formerly obscure thread that's ever happened on the GB.

Thankies.

Knowing how the GB operates past and present - that is a damn good compliment lol

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

This was actually covered earlier in the thread. Amazing how often this question comes up.

Gotta think of it this way - job security. lol

LOL... i had no idea there were so many people like me who wonder about this.

 

[tiny_tits]

System Jo Men H2o - sure it says 'men' on the bottle, but last I checked all genders had an anus. This has quickly become my fav water based anal lube.
System Jo H2o Anal - This was great until Jo Men came out.
Sliquid Sassy - This is my go to, when the other 2 aren't available.
Bad-Dragon has a very slippery water based lube.
Maximum - another thick water based.
Pjur had an H2o Gel that is awesome too.

I don't like Swiss Navy or Gun Oil (Pink is made by the same company as Gun Oil) because they have a nasty taste no matter where it goes.

Lelo's lube is fab, so is Wicked's Jelle. These are ok for anal, it is great for vaginal.


Never use silicone lube with silicone toys. EVER.

Unless you encase the toy in a condom and knot the condom over the toy so it is totally sealed in the condom.

Then you can use hybrids - those are delightful for anal.
System Jo's hybrid is a fav.
So is Sliquid's Silk.
Pink Unity is another great hybrid.

Thanks

Awesome thread

 

[TwinkleStars]

*masturbating.


Dancers and Ravers usually buy the pasties, we sell a few sets a week. Sometimes I'll be stocked with them for months and then poof, gone in a weekend. There is no rhyme or reason. Same thing for gloves and dental dams.

Bridal parties are seasonal. The bachelorette section is ransacked during Wedding Season.

I've caught several people masturbating in the shop over the years. Usually they throw us money to let them do their thing. We set rules and if they can't abide by them, they are banned from the shop. No orgasms downstairs. More often than not, they just go upstairs (we have booths).


... hm ... funny customer story ...

Some 18-20 yr old came in giggling with a bunch of his friends thinking he was the shit, clearly the ring-leader. He comes up to the counter (which is 6ft high) and yells up to us "Yo, where the leather masks and big black dildos at?!" His friends start snickering - but without skipping a beat I leave the counter, grab the kid's arm, drag him to the back, all fake excited to show him exactly where they were. All the while babbling about how OK it is to be gay, how his boyfriends were cute, the right lube for a gangbang etc...

He couldn't get away from me fast enough.
I thought he shit himself.
The tripped over one another trying to leave.
Idiots.
We call this "Sex Shop Justice".

We shame jerk boyfriends for not buying lube with an anal toy. We tell their girlfriends to peg them first. We refuse to help rude people.

One of my favorite calls is around Easter - some lil old lady, without fail, will call the shop and ask if we sell live rabbits (because our ad says "ITS RABBIT SEASON").

We're also listed in Games and DVDs for some odd reason, in the phone book. I enjoy telling people that they've called a porn shop and we don't have the newest Call of Duty.

Our number is also VERY close to a church/nursing home's number.

We punk prank callers back.

Never a dull moment.

My spell check didn't pick that up, the fucker!

Love the stories and thanks for the answers.

I've gone with boyfriends to sex shops and I would say loudly to embarrass them, "Hey sweetie! Here's that butt-plug you wanted so much!" Or something like that. You ever have customers do that?

 

[mguyinmd]

Do you sell or have you tried any Lelo products? Wife swears by them. The Soraya is her favorite

 

[BlueSugar]

My spell check didn't pick that up, the fucker!

Love the stories and thanks for the answers.

I've gone with boyfriends to sex shops and I would say loudly to embarrass them, "Hey sweetie! Here's that butt-plug you wanted so much!" Or something like that. You ever have customers do that?

Customers do that to partners and friends all the time - we pop over to remind them that behind every joke is some truth - and continue making an awesome sale

 

[CandiCame]

*masturbating.


Dancers and Ravers usually buy the pasties, we sell a few sets a week. Sometimes I'll be stocked with them for months and then poof, gone in a weekend. There is no rhyme or reason. Same thing for gloves and dental dams.

Bridal parties are seasonal. The bachelorette section is ransacked during Wedding Season.

I've caught several people masturbating in the shop over the years. Usually they throw us money to let them do their thing. We set rules and if they can't abide by them, they are banned from the shop. No orgasms downstairs. More often than not, they just go upstairs (we have booths).


... hm ... funny customer story ...

Some 18-20 yr old came in giggling with a bunch of his friends thinking he was the shit, clearly the ring-leader. He comes up to the counter (which is 6ft high) and yells up to us "Yo, where the leather masks and big black dildos at?!" His friends start snickering - but without skipping a beat I leave the counter, grab the kid's arm, drag him to the back, all fake excited to show him exactly where they were. All the while babbling about how OK it is to be gay, how his boyfriends were cute, the right lube for a gangbang etc...

He couldn't get away from me fast enough.
I thought he shit himself.
The tripped over one another trying to leave.
Idiots.
We call this "Sex Shop Justice".

We shame jerk boyfriends for not buying lube with an anal toy. We tell their girlfriends to peg them first. We refuse to help rude people.

One of my favorite calls is around Easter - some lil old lady, without fail, will call the shop and ask if we sell live rabbits (because our ad says "ITS RABBIT SEASON").

We're also listed in Games and DVDs for some odd reason, in the phone book. I enjoy telling people that they've called a porn shop and we don't have the newest Call of Duty.

Our number is also VERY close to a church/nursing home's number.

We punk prank callers back.

Never a dull moment.

1: I don't understand what that guy thought was going to happen. At all.

2: People might not know they need lube. It seems obvious but I'll go without if I have to. So I don't get why you need to "shame" rather than "explain". You don't even know it's for her.

3: To be fair, it's apparently super difficult to tell if somebody's having gay sex or playing Call of Duty if you're standing outside the door and can only hear them.

 

[CandiCame]

My spell check didn't pick that up, the fucker!

Love the stories and thanks for the answers.

I've gone with boyfriends to sex shops and I would say loudly to embarrass them, "Hey sweetie! Here's that butt-plug you wanted so much!" Or something like that. You ever have customers do that?

You guys shop so much differently than I do. I go to a sex shop the same way I go to... any shop? I don't get why that would be embarrassing. Is there something wrong with his ass or something? You're offering him a product that you went to a specialty store to buy. That would be like waling into a gamestop and being embarrassed because somebody offered you a game.

 

[BlueSugar]

Do you sell or have you tried any Lelo products? Wife swears by them. The Soraya is her favorite

I Love my Lelo:
Mona 2
Lilly
Ida 2
Oden 2
Gigi
Siri
Luna Beads

In that order. I am not a fan of the insignia line. Too many crevices and unnecessary shape changes for my liking.

The Mona and Ida Wave just came out - I want the Mona Wave. I have no interest in the new Siri.

Lelo rings are ok ... they were good until JeJoue's Mio came out. I have JeJoue's Mimi next to my bed <3

WeVibe needs to catch on that we are putting their Tango Vibe into cock ring sleeves - that not everyone likes the WeVibe shape. They just came out with a Gspot toy and an Anal toy to slip their Tango in. They're ok. The Gspot toy seems like a stab back at Lelo for stealing their 'wevibe' design (they sued). Tisk Tisk.

Edited to add: We have all of the Lelo products in the shop. We-Vibe, Fun Factory, Njoy, Jimmy Jane etc... too.

 

[BlueSugar]

You guys shop so much differently than I do. I go to a sex shop the same way I go to... any shop? I don't get why that would be embarrassing. Is there something wrong with his ass or something? You're offering him a product that you went to a specialty store to buy. That would be like waling into a gamestop and being embarrassed because somebody offered you a game.

I do and don't wish we were all that mature.

It is the worst around halloween when everyone is looking for a fake rubber dick to be a streaker. They ask why our dildos are so expensive, and we explain that this is a sex shop. They might think dildos are funny - but it is actually serious business. They leave confused.
Whatever.

 

[TwinkleStars]

Customers do that to partners and friends all the time - we pop over to remind them that behind every joke is some truth - and continue making an awesome sale

Ok, I know you can help me with this then.....

I've bought dildos before and except for a very long dp dildo (used for two ladies, etc.), I have issues trying to find the proper dildo. I have a tipped uterus and cannot use the curved ones. I haven't any allergies and I like the smooth 'jelly' type ones. Money is an issue so I don't want to break the bank in finding one. What do you recommend?
Oh, and the suction cup ones really do work for a better grip??

 

[BlueSugar]

1: I don't understand what that guy thought was going to happen. At all.

2: People might not know they need lube. It seems obvious but I'll go without if I have to. So I don't get why you need to "shame" rather than "explain". You don't even know it's for her.

3: To be fair, it's apparently super difficult to tell if somebody's having gay sex or playing Call of Duty if you're standing outside the door and can only hear them.

2. We shame AFTER we explain and they think they are still right= no warm up is necessary, no lube is necessary, spit is fine, shoving it in is fine, going slow is for pussies. etc. We rip these people a new one.

 

[TwinkleStars]

You guys shop so much differently than I do. I go to a sex shop the same way I go to... any shop? I don't get why that would be embarrassing. Is there something wrong with his ass or something? You're offering him a product that you went to a specialty store to buy. That would be like walking into a gamestop and being embarrassed because somebody offered you a game.

This was in my 20's and the guys weren't always so open-minded. I was trying to make them laugh and relax so we could find something.

 

[BlueSugar]

Ok, I know you can help me with this then.....

I've bought dildos before and except for a very long dp dildo (used for two ladies, etc.), I have issues trying to find the proper dildo. I have a tipped uterus and cannot use the curved ones. I haven't any allergies and I like the smooth 'jelly' type ones. Money is an issue so I don't want to break the bank in finding one. What do you recommend?
Oh, and the suction cup ones really do work for a better grip??

Double ended silicone dildo by NS Novelties, Esprit.

Don't cheap out on what goes IN your body.

What about suction cups? They're cool

 

[CandiCame]

This was in my 20's and the guys weren't always so open-minded.

I'm not understanding how that has anything to do with openmindedness.

Unless you were trying to shame him into something he wasn't comfortable with by announcing it publicly so he's look like a pussy if he backed down. And that's notsomuch funny as it is abusive and manipulative.

 

[TwinkleStars]

I'm not understanding how that has anything to do with openmindedness.

Unless you were trying to shame him into something he wasn't comfortable with by announcing it publicly so he's look like a pussy if he backed down. And that's notsomuch funny as it is abusive and manipulative.

Go back and reread what I changed in the post.

 

[BlueSugar]

I'm not understanding how that has anything to do with openmindedness.

Unless you were trying to shame him into something he wasn't comfortable with by announcing it publicly so he's look like a pussy if he backed down. And that's notsomuch funny as it is abusive and manipulative.

Doing this is like tickling your partner to get close to them but still annoying them in some little way. It is a part of the game - unless it is done maliciously - which it usually isn't.

Lighten up CandiCame

 

[TwinkleStars]

Double ended silicone dildo by NS Novelties, Esprit.

Don't cheap out on what goes IN your body.

What about suction cups? They're cool

I was just confirming what you said in the thread earlier about suction cups. You said it makes for a better handle of the toy, correct?

 

[CandiCame]

2. We shame AFTER we explain and they think they are still right= no warm up is necessary, no lube is necessary, spit is fine, shoving it in is fine, going slow is for pussies. etc. We rip these people a new one.

The idea that someone like that could possibly exist goes beyond shame. It literally makes me want to kill myself. How the fuck could you deal with something like that? That's a red flag. That's a sign of psychopathy that means that person is probably an abuser. They show you shit like that in psychiatrist offices. You can get arrested for shit like that. It shows a complete lack of empathy that is literally illegal, and that is in the DSM as a warning sign for psychopathy. It's a form of domestic abuse.