Ask a MtF TG a question

[AlexBailey]

. Pretending to be a boy was the weird act.

That really strikes a chord with me. I remember feeling that way even as a kid.

I always felt like I was presenting wrong when I had to dress as a boy, like it would be normal for me to wear the same dresses and tights and have long braids like my sister. I still feel the same for the most part.

For me it wasn’t so much that I wanted to actually be a girl, just that I wanted to be “one of the girls.” (Does that make any sense to anyone but me?)

The first time I brought it up to a counselor back in the ‘80s he labored on the subject, asking all kinds of questions about my ‘romantic interests.’ At that time I was already very attracted to tomboys, but it seemed like he kept trying to get me to admit to being gay.

 

[stickygirl]

That really strikes a chord with me. I remember feeling that way even as a kid.

I always felt like I was presenting wrong when I had to dress as a boy, like it would be normal for me to wear the same dresses and tights and have long braids like my sister. I still feel the same for the most part.

For me it wasn’t so much that I wanted to actually be a girl, just that I wanted to be “one of the girls.” (Does that make any sense to anyone but me?)

The first time I brought it up to a counselor back in the ‘80s he labored on the subject, asking all kinds of questions about my ‘romantic interests.’ At that time I was already very attracted tomboys, but it seemed like he kept trying to get me to admit to being gay.

There's been a lot of discussion about cis-gender actors playing trans folk because I guess film companies want to play safe with established names. What they don't realise is that trans folk are brilliant actors who play a role from an early age!

 

[Crios]

Interesting interview of Laverne Cox
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle...pc=U531&cvid=71cfa339e7b74df89951f4f067fc39ba

 

[stickygirl]

Interesting interview of Laverne Cox
https://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle...pc=U531&cvid=71cfa339e7b74df89951f4f067fc39ba

I think ( I hope ) it's a generational thing. People under 30 have had more access to information about gender; they've maybe struggled their own gender questions when they were teens so they are more accepting and less judgemental. There's always going to be outliers, just as some people can't accept gays and lesbians but nothing would make me happier than someone shrugging when they discover you're trans.

I wrote a small example of that into my Goalposts story. Vicki is trans and casually mentions she's dating a cis girl at her sports club. Her mother says 'Oh that's lovely. I'm so happy for you both. Would you like some toast?' Vicki's Mum is so cool!!

 

[stickygirl]

Woohoo new trans ally singer Charlotte Church!
edited interview with Pink News
"...But even Church admits she had her perceptions challenged in recent years when debate over queer and trans lives became increasingly toxic in the UK, as individuals and groups sought to divide the TQ+ from the LGB and stoke hatred towards trans people.
“I’ve been taught a lot about trans voices and trans women,” she admits, saying that as discussions around trans lives grew ever louder, she initially felt “a defence of womanhood”.
“I’m a huge supporter of trans rights and everything that has happened in the last couple of years, but I’ve also been on a journey myself with it.
“I wasn’t sure at the beginning, and there was a defence of womanhood that I felt, but over time, and as I’ve heard more trans people speak, and as I’ve researched myself, I understand a lot more now."

Charlotte Church has a message for the Tory government and it’s really quite simple: “I’d tell them to mind their f**king business and stop putting laws on people’s bodies.
“Without allowing people personal responsibility and personal freedom, we’re just… contravening the laws of nature.”
https://thepinknews.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/11/charlotte-church-pop-dungeon-759x1024.jpg

 

[stickygirl]

My latest story Goalposts 2 is posted in Romance and includes a link to #playproud, a charity that helps promote access to sports for LGBTQ+ folks. Head over and leave a score and a comment is always welcome.

 

[stickygirl]

https://64.media.tumblr.com/ec4d275188e59410095797153f87e093/dec8a7d8e4039134-f2/s540x810/d90489fa32b5e9108edcb831feeaf7d3b37d6a77.jpg

Lovely Sophie, telling it like it is

 

[stickygirl]

TLDR = Laws first, then rules

I've posted elsewhere about the amended gender recognition laws passed recently in the Scottish parliament. Inevitably there has been push back to attempt to block progress, using scaremongering to garner support.

The media in the UK has found its exception - a transitioning prisoner charged with raping two women, being remanded to a female prison (Cornton Vale). Further stories have emerged that the individual enrolled on a beauty course at a college, where they were so disruptive they were expelled from the course.

So much for the push back. I get it - we're all shocked by the prospect of a person with a penis "running rampant" in a female prison. The media and the naysayers use nonsense scenarios as plausible outcomes because they have an agenda ... to sell newspapers, advertising space, votes. It's disingenuous and fake.

The prison service, weirdly, does not corral prisoners into a herd, milling freely with no restriction to each other's cells or common spaces. Every prisoner is assessed for the risks they present to themselves and other inmates. Supervision is what the prison service is paid for.

In this case, the female prison management rejected the individual and sent them to a male prison, saying they should never have been sent to a female prison, given the crime for which they have been charged.

The problem is not that the gender recognition law is flawed, but that procedures at prisons need to be revised in the light of it. When a food additive is proven to be harmful, the rules for food handling are revised, we don't dismiss the evidence that tartrazine is harmful because it doesn't fit existing rules. Cart v Horse.

'Sarah Armstrong, a professor of criminology at Glasgow University, said she was surprised that concern over the safety of women in prison was "focused on this one, very exceptional case" given the "scathing" reports from the European Committee on the Prevention of Torture after previous visits to Cornton Vale.'

Prof Armstrong said: "We hear the committee saying women are being held in segregation for such long periods and with no mental health support - one women gnawed her arm to the bone. I'd love to hear those who care about the safety of women showing up for the issues that are really facing women in prison."

When this case first emerged a few days ago, my first thought was to find a parallel. Where else in society do we restrict the freedoms and rights of the majority because of the actions of a few? Well, guns in the UK is the obvious one. What about cars - do we ban cars because they kill people? Can just anyone install natural gas in their home?

The list is endless, but rules and procedures are backed up by laws, they don't supersede them. If the alleged rapist is found guilty, they will be convicted and the procedures will need to be adapted to fit the new law. That is how it works. Foretelling the imminent break down of society from an armchair or podium is bullshit and people that feed on it? ... draw your own conclusions.

Just going to pop this update here from the BBC news 29th Jan
"As the first minister pointed out last week, we must not allow any suggestion to take root that trans women pose an inherent threat to women.
"Predatory men are the risk to women. However, as with any group in society, a small number of trans women will offend and be sent to prison.
"Therefore, I hope that the measures.... will offer reassurance in the ongoing ability of the prison service to manage trans individuals and ensure the safety of all prisoners."

 

[stickygirl]

Trans and sports
Here we go again! I spotted a Sky News article today wrt British Athletics ( don't know who they are exactly ). The story focussed on the introduction of an 'open' category for competitions, to preserve the nature of cis gender female sports. An open category being a catch-all, for cis-men and women and trans athletes. Well that'll work, right?!
Amongst the suggestions from FINA is that transgender women competitors to have completed their transition by the age of 12. By the age of 12...?! What do they mean by transition in this context isn't made clear, but I'll take a guess this is for physical and not mental changes, they mean hormonal changes: either blockers or maybe even hormone therapy.
This apparent concession is a locked door, because I can't think of any country allowing cross-hormone therapy before 16yrs, except in the most unusual circumstances: maybe 5% of trans women ... out of 1% of the whole population who actual undergo hormonal therapy at any age ... who might go on to be athletes. The chances become vanishing small.
I'm not an athlete, but I love playing sport and taking part when I get the chance. The problem is that local clubs and schools, who have nothing to do with national or Olympic sport, take their lead from FINA and IOC for guidance and trans kids will become barred from even local participation. Instead we are pushed out and spotlighted as cheats and pariahs not just in sport, but by inference, in every aspect of society. Fuckers.

 

[coati]

Instead we are pushed out and spotlighted as cheats and pariahs not just in sport, but by inference, in every aspect of society. Fuckers.

Trans people and migrants are taking the brunt of scapegoating by bullies during the current mass psychosis. I can't help but see the similarities between these two attacked groups. They want to be themselves and live in peace as they seek a better life, but they are confronted by the worst and most selfish aspects of the human psyche.

 

[stickygirl]

Lit really has changed since I first got here. There's so much anger here, so much division.

I've got to say I've thought numerous times about deleting my stories, which mostly feature trans characters. I'm not looking for compliments or flattery, but I often wonder if Lit is the right place for them.

Just occasionally I get a bit of feedback that makes it worthwhile staying. Without giving away too much, I had a PM from a baby trans who played sports and had read my Goalposts stories. They said it was the first story they'd read that "got it" and that understood the issues facing trans people taking part in sport. So I guess it made a difference to that person.

All the same, the atmosphere is not the same and hardly conducive to writing romance. So my note to self is to spend less time here - it's just too acrimonious for me.

Looked in again today, 28th. I'm glad I've made the decision. I miss the occasional humour but I can talk about cakes and snow anywhere. IRL I don't have to witness all the 'isms that thrive here and that leak from the page to your soul. It's never easy to break habits and hangouts but pubs I used to go to change too and you move on and find someplace else where you are welcome.
I'm done with pointless arguments at Lit and spring is coming.

 

[Bathtubbill]

Lit really has changed since I first got here. There's so much anger here, so much division.

I've got to say I've thought numerous times about deleting my stories, which mostly feature trans characters. I'm not looking for compliments or flattery, but I often wonder if Lit is the right place for them.

Just occasionally I get a bit of feedback that makes it worthwhile staying. Without giving away too much, I had a PM from a baby trans who played sports and had read my Goalposts stories. They said it was the first story they'd read that "got it" and that understood the issues facing trans people taking part in sport. So I guess it made a difference to that person.

All the same, the atmosphere is not the same and hardly conducive to writing romance. So my note to self is to spend less time here - it's just too acrimonious for me.

Don't let hate drive you out, and use the ignore button liberally

 

[coati]

So my note to self is to spend less time here - it's just too acrimonious for me.

Whenever you do stop by, it's always good to hear what you have to say.

But I hear you.

 

[Paradox]

Lit really has changed since I first got here. There's so much anger here, so much division.

I've got to say I've thought numerous times about deleting my stories, which mostly feature trans characters. I'm not looking for compliments or flattery, but I often wonder if Lit is the right place for them.

Just occasionally I get a bit of feedback that makes it worthwhile staying. Without giving away too much, I had a PM from a baby trans who played sports and had read my Goalposts stories. They said it was the first story they'd read that "got it" and that understood the issues facing trans people taking part in sport. So I guess it made a difference to that person.

All the same, the atmosphere is not the same and hardly conducive to writing romance. So my note to self is to spend less time here - it's just too acrimonious for me.

Seems to be the way of the world today. A small percentage of jerks spoil it for everyone.

 

[Crios]

Lit really has changed since I first got here. There's so much anger here, so much division.

I've got to say I've thought numerous times about deleting my stories, which mostly feature trans characters. I'm not looking for compliments or flattery, but I often wonder if Lit is the right place for them.

Just occasionally I get a bit of feedback that makes it worthwhile staying. Without giving away too much, I had a PM from a baby trans who played sports and had read my Goalposts stories. They said it was the first story they'd read that "got it" and that understood the issues facing trans people taking part in sport. So I guess it made a difference to that person.

All the same, the atmosphere is not the same and hardly conducive to writing romance. So my note to self is to spend less time here - it's just too acrimonious for me.

Looked in again today, 28th. I'm glad I've made the decision. I miss the occasional humour but I can talk about cakes and snow anywhere. IRL I don't have to witness all the 'isms that thrive here and that leak from the page to your soul. It's never easy to break habits and hangouts but pubs I used to go to change too and you move on and find someplace else where you are welcome.
I'm done with pointless arguments at Lit and spring is coming.

I've enjoyed your posts, @stickygirl. Sad to see you step back but I fully understand. Take care!

 

[stickygirl]

I've enjoyed your posts, @stickygirl. Sad to see you step back but I fully understand. Take care!

Cheers. I'm not saying 'that's it, I'm off' but I definitely need a break from all this acrimony

 

[stickygirl]

I was annoyed during the USA vs England World Cup soccer final that Megan Rapinoe was so damned good, but I do respect her. Even more so after the TIME Women of the Year award her the title, which she dedicated to the trans community. With prominent lesbian celebrities lending us support it makes life just a little better.

Can someone find me a celebrity gay man doing the same? Honest question because there must be one, it's just I can't think of them...

 

[stickygirl]

I feel a bit of a fraud now, having read through this page and the kind words people have offered, after I said I was stepping back from Lit. Thank you. However, as you can see I'm still here. I can't explain why I felt like that - I guess it was a random set of events, comments, emotions - you know - Life. However I've taken the time to pretty much drop out of certain forums and threads that I still find very negative, so that's a move in the right direction. I've tried other sites and they each offer something different, but Lit folk are the right brand of wacky to me.

Which kinda brings me to the next topic to blurt ... back to autism.
I just watched an excellent doc on BBC tv, about Christine McGuinness who I'd never heard of before. Apparently she's a 'celeb' , so because it's not something that interests me, I'd never heard of her before. She was diagnosed autistic at 34, having had a successful modelling and celeb career. The program gave her access to speak to the top psychs focusing on female autism, which lent the program credibility, but it was her conversations with other autistic women I found the most moving. The more I learn about it and how other people experience their autism, the more often I find myself going check, check, check - that's me too.

In the program I heard about other women who'd had eating disorders, who'd self-harmed, who had particular hyper-sensitivities such as smells, sounds, touch or just a bit of each. I learned how, because autistic people and girls in particular, accept that their own choices are often over-ruled that it leaves them open to sexual abuse. One set of researchers found 90% of autistic women had experienced rape, sexual abuse or domestic violence.

When I'm enlightened by such revelations it's a relief because 'I'm not alone' but on the other hand I'm angry because 'Why did no one ever tell me? Why did it take so long to discover my autism?'.

This isn't a bleeding heart post ( that would be a typical autie excuse to say nothing for fear of drawing attention to me, me, me ... ) I can just tell there are so many people at Lit who exhibit autistic traits, but who might not understand their own condition. If you're a woman, don't expect the online questionnaires to work for you, because they're mostly designed around typical male diagnosis patterns. If you've had eating disorders, or been run around any number of other psychological problems and possibly medicated for them, but no one has checked you for autism, then give it some thought. It isn't so awful as some people make out! You can begin to find out who you really are. Don't turn up late for your own life.

 

[Bathtubbill]

Welcome back @stickygirl , keep on keeping on
As for the documentary I haven't seen it but I do know she's the ex wife of Paddy McGuinness from top gear.
Lack of diagnosis of health problems is a major issue which will only get worse with the NHS failing in the UK

 

[stickygirl]

Sport
It's no surprise that the World Athletics council has 'voted' to ban trans women from elite female competitions if they have undergone male puberty. They aren't the first sports body to reach that decision: the IOC washed its hands of the subject by saying individual sports councils needed to declare their own policies. At the same time the WAC have included athletes with DSD who might have naturally higher levels of testosterone and have reduced the acceptable level of T from 5 nanomoles to 2.5 nanomoles per litre.

There are various methods of recording these amounts. Previously the 5 nmol/L only affected a tiny number of trans athletes, but this new hurdle will affect hundreds, if not thousands of cis-gender athletes with varying degrees of DSD. Baby vs Bath Water.

For comparison
Averages
for cis women 0.5 - 2.5 nmol/L ( reaching a peak around 20 yrs then declining with age )
for cis men 1 - 35 nmol/L
Another measurements often used is nanogram/deci litre ng/dL and, depending on what you're measuring, one ng/dL is three times ( x3 ) one nmol/L
Averages for cis woman T level = 15-70 ng/dL OR 0.5 to 2.5 nmol/L.

I am still confused by this message, because initially I understood the WAC's ruling was for elite competitions and I accept that. Maybe such a public pronouncement can be feted as a triumph by the anti-trans brigade and calm the rhetoric? Today's media headlines have twisted the ruling, claiming transgender athletes are banned from ALL sport and I can't believe even a twat like Lord Seb Coe would support that.

What these rulings fail to address is that while it sounds fair to exclude trans women 'if they have undergone male puberty' there are a vanishingly small number of trans women who can legally avoid it. The 'male puberty' qualifications is bullshit and they should be honest enough to say ALL trans women.

Coincidentally, a UK children's trans charity has published findings about the sports activities of trans youth - what sports/how often/what barriers they faced etc. I found it heartening because it showed that trans kids are currently able to take part in schools sports, even though they face barriers in doing so. Once they step outside the school gates however they will find themselves banned from all competitions. What competition organiser will risk legal challenges by going against the perceived rulings? Since I'm an author at Lit you can read my story Goalposts for an illustration - there's even sex in it!!

I wonder how long it will be before other minorities face being expelled from white cis male hetero activities? Maybe Florida will ban black people from competing because they run faster? Gay men will have separate locker rooms because gay is infectious? Maybe autistic people people will be banned from libraries because they like books? This tide of segregation and division being pushed by the political right has only one conclusion and history is where we can find the answers, provided the school board has not already banned those books.

 

[stickygirl]

That last line. Even though I am an old cis white man - all of them perplex me. Old people refusing to embrace change. White people refusing to acknowledge their privilege and history. Cis people for assuming everyone on earth is cis yet feeling so defensive about anyone who is different. Finally, men for being examples all over the globe for how not to behave.

I skimmed a thread in Politics crowing about a cycle race won by a trans woman. Like they give a shit - when did any of them own a cycle?! If the rules aren't fair, change the rules - don't blame the competitors who will have abided by the rules.
I get the unfairness thing, but the trickle down will be local clubs and schools who will also ban trans kids because of parents and fear of litigation.

 

[stickygirl]

'King’s College London (KCL) professor Dr John Armstrong’s research application into trans-feminine athletes was rejected last week after a bias was identified by officials.
'Evidence of the professor’s bias towards ‘gender-critical’ rhetoric is clear to see on his social media, where he routinely interacts with anti-trans activists.
'Most recently, he has retweeted several posts from the notorious trans-exclusionary pundit Kellie-Jay Keen-Minshull, known as Posie Parker, who recently gained attention for her tour across Australia.'
Report from Pink News

At every level. You'd think a professor commissioned to undertake such research would realise he'd be scrutinised - he'll most likely call it cancel culture

 

[stickygirl]

Well wow, I found a new best thing
I don't get Netflix so don't mock if you've seen it already but
Feel Good
The story of a non-binary person in love. It's beautifully written and very funny. Now I want to see it all!!
I think my non-ovaries exploded

 

[stickygirl]

Just watched what you sent. I haven't heard of it either until now.

The creator or writer or whatever is apparently is also in recovery from addiction too (or "recovered" if you prefer, but I refrain from past tense). So, the Mae character comes from a place of lived experience.

I'll fess up and admit I've watched the first three episodes back to back: a mix of emotions - awkward cringe and black humour laughter and yes, writing from a dark place of experience. The Narcotics Addiction group scenes are bizarrely funny. Great cast and decent production.

I found Mae through the comedy tv show Taskmaster where she is currently a contestant. My jaw dropped "Who. Are. They?!" It's a popular show in the UK and will give them a much wider recognition. Her season two of Feel Good is on Prime but is £14 and I can't afford that

 

[stickygirl]

No law against hate speech in Australia - I didn't know that.
Here's a impassioned speech made at the Australian National press club by activist Georgie Stone