Ask a Dom

[ThorkelGriersen]

No Guilt

I am in agreement with catalina francisco. I am definately a MASOCHIST. I have done far more painful things to myself than any Dom ever has. The Dom does not have to be bigger, stronger- or anything like that. But the road to psychological control can only be through physical pain. I dealt with any guilt problems at an early age. Actuall, there was never any real guilt -only a. feeling of being very differnt. I thought at one time that I could "cure" myself if only I experienced extreme pain. The pain that would so much it would force me to stop. BUT: the more extreme the pain the deeper into the world of masochism I went. There simply was no way back and I accept that -And have never regretted it for one moment.

 

[Joe Schmoe]

My way to explain was more than likely not the best or clearest because I was not trying to throw a blanket over every sub. I have come across enough that would submit and found it easier for them to simply by taking on a physical level. The guilt factor had been mentioned enough to tell me this is a part of the psyche of some.

 

[LadyAria]

I really liked your questionaire. I have taken the liberty of formating it into an excel file. This may prove a bit easier to use. I also added a few items.

Anyone can feel free to pm me if you would like a copy as unfortunately Lit does not allow the uploading of an excel file (please let me know if there is a way to accomplish this). Otherwise I guess you will need to send me your regular email address to get the file.

Also, if you notice that anyone of your "favorites" are missing from the list. I will be happy to update it and re-post the newer more complete version!

You will find that the list will scroll when used on the computer, keeping the instructions in plain view, and I think that will make it easy to fill out.

Please let me know about any suggestions/adds.

Have Fun!

Seaturtle50

Wonderful, I'll pm you shortly with my email address. I'm most curious to your additions. Thank you for being so tenative. I find questionaires to be helpful. I've taken on some introductions in our community and it helps me to get my mind around the whole situation with so many new individuals/couples.

Everybody, please do let Seaturtle know if anything is missing. It will make the questionaire more useful

Seaturle, please do share all updates.

 

[LadyAria]

I would like to add to this. My experience has found that those .......I like this thread and think you have done a marvelous job and have lived up to one of our responsibilites as a dominant to the community LadyAria. I applaud you.

Thank you for sharing your opinion. I appericate the compliment and feedback. There is so much we can share to bring all of our experiences closer to Nirvana.

I found your perspective on humilation interesting. I, personally, find humilation and mindfucking very stimulating. (I know no one brought up mindfucking. So, I will leave it be for now.) Generally, punishment begins with verbal abuse with my subs. I gauge my harshiness by his/her experience. The humilation piece can be a form of foreplay. Like warming up before the game is for baseball players

Humilation can definitely be used to break mental boundaries and overcome prior conditioning. It has many purposes in training. Foremost, I think it is to force the sub into accepting the "choice decision". It shows the sub the reality of how deep the decision runs and how obedience is not always easy.

:::Steps up on soap box:::

(This is general and not directed to anyone in particular. I have to remind myself of this all the time. )

Humiliation can have a positive or negative psychological effect on the sub. Know your sub and use caution. As Dom(me), you are responsible for growth and development. Correct use of humiliation can be a wonderful tool to use in training. Also, it can be potentially damaging. Please be sure that the loss of self-esteem stays under control and does not pervade aspects of life where it is unwanted. It can carry risk if it is repeated daily. It is the responsibility of the D/s to consider the long-term self-esteem issues involved and to be sure that this kind of play does not lead into nonconsensual areas. Consider the risks in advance and periodically reevaluate the situation.

:::Steps down from soap box:::

 

[LadyAria]

Indeed Ma'am thank you

Thank you. I like your signature...very beautiful statement of commitment.

I'm not sure if I have ever mentioned this, but it never seizes to amaze me the number of insightful, intelligent and committed submissives I have met on Literotica. However, I am curious as to why the truely loyal ones are predominately female with male Doms (redundant, but don't want to lose anyone)? They show their love in thier profiles, their pictures, their signatures and their stories.

Is this a trend on here or are the sub males with femDommes/Doms or females with femDommes in relationships just hiding from me?

 

[LadyAria]

I am in agreement with catalina francisco. I am definately a MASOCHIST. I have done far more painful things to myself than any Dom ever has. The Dom does not have to be bigger, stronger- or anything like that. But the road to psychological control can only be through physical pain. I dealt with any guilt problems at an early age. Actuall, there was never any real guilt -only a. feeling of being very differnt. I thought at one time that I could "cure" myself if only I experienced extreme pain. The pain that would so much it would force me to stop. BUT: the more extreme the pain the deeper into the world of masochism I went. There simply was no way back and I accept that -And have never regretted it for one moment.

You sound devine...what is the definition of extreme pain? Are we talking medical play?

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Pain

You sound devine...what is the definition of extreme pain? Are we talking medical play?

Among other things, yes. I had an experience when I was around 12-13---actually the 6th grade. I did something really stupid. I was experimenting and used small bulb syringe to induce air into the uretha. Hell, in those days I was buying Betty Page from under the counter- most people had never heard of BDSM. Well, the next day I was bleeding and I h0ped it would soon quit. It didn't so on the third day I told my father that I had a problem. HE thought it might be serious and called a doctor. Of course, I didn't confess what had caused the problem. The doctor said to go to the hospital. On the way my father stopped the car to ask if I had been involved with a girl who might have a disease. He said my mother wouldn't know. This I think was pretty cool of him. I said no and he said OK.

The next day the doctor didnt show up until after lunch. He said he would need and X-ray and asked the floor nurse if one could still be scheduled. She came back to say the schedule was complete fot the day but if necessary she would try to find someone. I was told that it would be taken care of after 3 PM. When I arrived on the floor no one seemed to be around. There was one woman in the X-ray center. Very attractive - about 35 years old. She said she would have to use a dye and gave me a small gas mask attached to a chain on a leather cuff on my left wrist. (I remember all this like it was yesterday.) She said to breath deeply and I should soon be numb. I experienced no effect and said I didn't think there was anything in the cylinder. She said, "Oh you should be ready to pass out by now." I then tried to unscrew the cylinder and she snatched it out of my hand and said, "I have restraints for your type" and showed me black leather cuffs. I gave up.

She used what looked like a large hypo with a large -at least a 1/2 " diamater tube attached. She inserted it forcefully and I was shaking all over. I don't think that I screamed. She took the X-ray and a couple of nurses showes up. She talked with them for some time. The ureathea tuble was still partialy inserted and I was helpless on the table - app 3' square with stirrups. When they left she unscrewed the cylinder and said I will show you. Nothing dropped out. She said, "Well I guess you were right, I must have forgotten to load it." She then smiled and walk to the door to call an orderly to return me to my room.

After I returned to my room, I said to myself, "Just wait till he doctor comes in tomorrow. I'm going to tell him exactally what that bitch did." Later that night I started thinking about the whole thing and then the fantasy started. I imagined her entering the room in the middle of the night and telling me the X-ray didn't come and that she needed me to cooperate to do it over again. I eagerly agreed.

The next day the doctor said I had an inflamed prostate. Nothing serious. He said: Sometimes the X-ray procedure is slightly unconcortable I hope you didn't experience any difficulty. I replied that there had been no problem and if it ever needed again I sure that I would be more than happy to have the same person since she had made it so easy.

True story. ( I once started telling this to a close friend in the local community and he said, Please stop. You're making me ill.)

One man poison is.............

 

[LadyAria]

Among other things, yes. I had an experience when I was around 12-13---...True story. ( I once started telling this to a close friend in the local community and he said, Please stop. You're making me ill.)

One man poison is.............

Interesting...I think I've played this scene before without the x-ray...catheter instead, warm water, alcohol and some small gauge needles. Long time ago for me, though. I'm go through phases of preferred play. Medical play peaked in 2001 or 2002. I was doubling with another Domme who was a nurse. We went a little crazy . Those were some fun days.

I'm in a electric phase right now. I love loosely tying my one smaller female sub and using the cattle prod. Her whole body just jiggles and jumps across the floor. The smell in the air and the blue light. It is so erotic. I hurt my right arm last week and still have some numbness. I thought I had done killed us both at the time. she wants to do it again though. I think she is enjoying the extra attention from me. (I have three subs and do a lot of work with others that takes me away from them. I'm actually thinking of gifting my other girl for Christmas. I think she'd be happier with this older man I know.) I'm trying to see who in my circle who can sit in the next time for safety. After our last accident, I'm want to be extra careful.

Just so everyone knows, I openly admit my mistakes so others can learn. First, don't buy used cattle prod from local auction. Second, make sure the handle is in good condition. Third, don't let it get to heated up from long period of use. sub was fine...I was the one that got a trip to the hospital.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Mistakes

If I had a buck for all the mistakes I've made I'd probably be rich. Hope you are feeling better now

Many years ago there was a place in NYC called Raven that published some really good stuff. They moved to SF (new owners? I think). Anyway they put out a line of 16mm films, later to video. They are no longer asround but a few of their best titles are out on DVD. Cheap-$10-12 at a local Fetish store. They all begin with a scene where something goes wrong, which they use as a teaching tool for safe play. A lot more needs to be done for newbbes who aren't aware of what can go wrong. Edit: add Info--In SF Raven became known as House of Milan or HOM for short.


Well, we all have a lot to learn.

Get better soon!!!!!

 

[kayte]

Good afternoon LadyAria ~ I know I told you I visit your thread and that I find it so insightful: both from your posts and those from the people sharing their experiences and their questions.

Hoping this thread has a long run.

 

[LadyAria]

If I had a buck for all the mistakes I've made I'd probably be rich. Hope you are feeling better now

Many years ago there was a place in NYC called Raven that published some really good stuff. They moved to SF (new owners? I think). Anyway they put out a line of 16mm films, later to video. They are no longer asround but a few of their best titles are out on DVD. Cheap-$10-12 at a local Fetish store. They all begin with a scene where something goes wrong, which they use as a teaching tool for safe play. A lot more needs to be done for newbbes who aren't aware of what can go wrong. Edit: add Info--In SF Raven became known as House of Milan or HOM for short.


Well, we all have a lot to learn.

Get better soon!!!!!

Those videos sound interesting. What's the name of the DVDs?

I'm better now. The Doctor said I was lucky I didn't get permanent nerve damage and maybe I should consider healthier hobbies. (Tip #2 -never lie to the doctor about how you hurt yourself) The irony of that comment was he kept giving me the eye during the exam and asked me all the typical BDSM curious questions. I think my physical appearance really confused him too. I gave him a party card just in case. I wouldn't be surprised to see him show up one weekend.

 

[LadyAria]

Good afternoon LadyAria ~ I know I told you I visit your thread and that I find it so insightful: both from your posts and those from the people sharing their experiences and their questions.

Hoping this thread has a long run.

Thank you. I hope you will become a regular. Maybe you can share some of those stories around your lovely avatars

 

[kayte]

Thank you. I hope you will become a regular. Maybe you can share some of those stories around your lovely avatars

Good evening LadyAria ~ Well this one's story is rather public knowledge and has been discussed on other threads, so it should be ok.

It is nice to get pictures when we get some time together, but that works better with a photographer...

When in Indy during the summer we met up with two women I knew from posting with them here on Lit.

They were very interesting in shooting some pictures... The ropework wasn't very tight, but you don't want to scare people off either.

Is this the kind of comment you were looking for?

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

HOM videos

The one that I have at hand is entitled "Special Request"-there is very little info on it. Just distributed by Sunshine Films. This is the story of female yuppie executive who does self bondage and finally decides to seek a real dom. IN the cautionary tale she hangs a key on a string through a loop in the ceiling and fasterns the other end around a candle. When the candle burns down the string is burned and the key falls down so she can free herself. Only problem--the candle goes out. --There is a company in Germany that time locks 30 minutes to 3 hours designed for self bondage. OK unless the building catches fire!! There is one video they did that is super and I can't remember the title. The owner of the shop said he could order it if I could remember. He is really cool and has made custom items for me. If you ever neeed such and can't find it I can PM his web site.

 

[LadyAria]

Good evening LadyAria ~ Well this one's story is rather public knowledge and has been discussed on other threads, so it should be ok.

It is nice to get pictures when we get some time together, but that works better with a photographer...

When in Indy during the summer we met up with two women I knew from posting with them here on Lit.

They were very interesting in shooting some pictures... The ropework wasn't very tight, but you don't want to scare people off either.

Is this the kind of comment you were looking for?

The rope wasn't very tight. That is not what I want to hear.

So, any tips for meeting people online for offline fun? Did they join you for scene play? Were they both subs?

 

[LadyAria]

The one that I have at hand is entitled "Special Request"-there is very little info on it. Just distributed by Sunshine Films. This is the story of female yuppie executive who does self bondage and finally decides to seek a real dom. IN the cautionary tale she hangs a key on a string through a loop in the ceiling and fasterns the other end around a candle. When the candle burns down the string is burned and the key falls down so she can free herself. Only problem--the candle goes out. --There is a company in Germany that time locks 30 minutes to 3 hours designed for self bondage. OK unless the building catches fire!! There is one video they did that is super and I can't remember the title. The owner of the shop said he could order it if I could remember. He is really cool and has made custom items for me. If you ever neeed such and can't find it I can PM his web site.

I would love that. Send me his site.

I must admit most of my porn in japanime these days. They are just so creative. Not that I have much time for porn.

 

[kayte]

The rope wasn't very tight. That is not what I want to hear.

So, any tips for meeting people online for offline fun? Did they join you for scene play? Were they both subs?

I know that, but one does need to make sure to not offend or scare others off...

We didn't all play that time. Hoping we can get together again. Geographic distance is such a challenge!

As far as meeting people for online fun, I'm no expert at it. I have developed some relationships, but those always take time...

I have made a number of friends online, many I get together with locally for lunch or dinner...

 

[kayte]

Good afternoon everyone.

Figured to move this to the top of the "stack".

 

[LadyAria]

Good afternoon everyone.

Figured to move this to the top of the "stack".

Thanks, Kayte.

 

[LadyAria]

*Bump*

 

[kayte]

Good afternoon everyone!!

Hope it is a fantastic weekend for all!

 

[gregor2001us]

LadyAria wrote: "Is this a trend on here or are the sub males with femDommes/Doms or females with femDommes in relationships just hiding from me? "

Reply: I am not hiding... I am a sub male with a wife/Domme partner. I have enjoyed this thread and contributed some.

 

[LadyAria]

In response to the private message I received about scarfing, I will post this for everyone to view. I think you are uncomfortable with a public post. So, I will leave it up to you to respond. It was a very thoughtful inquiry and I hope I can provide you will *some* of the answers you seek.

First, you are not alone in being aroused by strangulation and it isn’t just a male fetish. Many women who have rape fantasy often add the element of asphyxiation by the aggressor. Honestly, I believe it is more common then people believe, but the very real possibility of accidental death makes it a taboo subject.

Second, it is believed for many people that cutting off one's air supply will increase the intensity of orgasm during masturbation (AEA) or intercourse with another person (BCP).

I understand you are experimenting with AEA. In all good conscious, I can’t give you tips on this. Honestly, it is a vicious cycle of more elaborate traps to get the fix. Death isn’t the worst thing that can happen. I’ll leave it at that.
I have engaged with BCP. Though neither is safe, BCP has a lower statistical death rate.

My personal preference for BCP is liquid latex and breathing straws. Other types of BCP include:

Queening/Kinging (smoother with genital)
Hand over the mouth and pinch the nose (variations with gags, balls, etc)
Gasmasks (with or without bladder) or manufactured hoods
Bags/Plastic wrap
Compression of the chest
Pressure on the Trachea (strangulation/ hanging)
Pressure on the carotid artery

In terms of safety, neither BCP nor AEA is “safe”. You are always risking killing yourself/your partner, going to jail for killing your partner or sending your partner to jail for killing you. The press is not kind to AEA or BCP deaths. However, the media will never be kind to anyone in the BDSM lifestyle if they can exploit it for better ratings.

I include an attached article on “The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play” by Jay Wiseman. He, also, wrote the book S&M 101. He has agreed to make this article publishable as long as it is not altered. He cares about people in the BDSM lifestyle and is a brilliant man.

 

[LadyAria]

LadyAria wrote: "Is this a trend on here or are the sub males with femDommes/Doms or females with femDommes in relationships just hiding from me? "

Reply: I am not hiding... I am a sub male with a wife/Domme partner. I have enjoyed this thread and contributed some.

Darling, yes, there you are and you have contributed. Thank you for speaking up

 

[catalina_francisco]

I include an attached article on “The Medical Realities of Breath Control Play” by Jay Wiseman. He, also, wrote the book S&M 101. He has agreed to make this article publishable as long as it is not altered. He cares about people in the BDSM lifestyle and is a brilliant man.

That article is on one of the threads here somewhere but from memory was about 6-12 months ago, possibly longer.

Catalina