Ask a Dom

[LadyAria]

Right now the list of friend I have ia back to 0 so that means no play partners unless I beg someone to play with me. If I new someone that wanted to do a medical scene I would volunteer. The 31 we are again going to talk about needles and play piercings so I know I will be there.

Oh, you just hit a sore memory. I know I told someone, but I'm not sure where. Did I tell you story of the human puppet I use to date? This guy was way too into piercing. I use to pierce him at first and it was pretty erotic. Then, he went to far one night and literally hung himself by the rings in his skin and wanted me to use him like a marionette. I thought he was going to flay himself. I have a pretty strong stomach, but that was one night I tossed my cookies when the skin started to pull from his weight. Beware of the people who enjoy piercing too much! I don't think I've gotten into that since.

I am nausea just thinking of him.

 

[DVS]

Oh, you just hit a sore memory. I know I told someone, but I'm not sure where. Did I tell you story of the human puppet I use to date? This guy was way too into piercing. I use to pierce him at first and it was pretty erotic. Then, he went to far one night and literally hung himself by the rings in his skin and wanted me to use him like a marionette. I thought he was going to flay himself. I have a pretty strong stomach, but that was one night I tossed my cookies when the skin started to pull from his weight. Beware of the people who enjoy piercing too much! I don't think I've gotten into that since.

I am nausea just thinking of him.

I'm with you on that. I'm not into knives or needles of any kind. I'm phobic about them, for some reason. I didn't really know just how bad I was until I saw the movie "A Man Called Horse" for the first time. Great movie, but that one scene still haunts me. LOL.

I have a strong stomach, too. Gore doesn't bother me. But, there's just something about needles, hooks and such piercing the skin that give me the eebeejeebees. Must have been something in our childhood...ya' think?

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Three Of A Kind

I'm with you on that. I'm not into knives or needles of any kind. I'm phobic about them, for some reason. I didn't really know just how bad I was until I saw the movie "A Man Called Horse" for the first time. Great movie, but that one scene still haunts me. LOL.

I have a strong stomach, too. Gore doesn't bother me. But, there's just something about needles, hooks and such piercing the skin that give me the eebeejeebees. Must have been something in our childhood...ya' think?

Needles don't really bother me; BUT the suspension stuff really grosses me out. There was a guy in SF who did extreme suspensions with his Domme as "Performance Art;" he died a few years ago. Really extreme stuff. I've seen some of this. Definitely not my thing.

BTW, in addition to the movie "A Man Called Horse," the J Lo movie "The Cell" of a few years back had some extreme suspensions.

Actually, I don't get it. There is pain, I'm sure, but there is some type of intoxication that I think is really the key to people who do this.

 

[LadyAria]

I'm with you on that. I'm not into knives or needles of any kind. I'm phobic about them, for some reason. I didn't really know just how bad I was until I saw the movie "A Man Called Horse" for the first time. Great movie, but that one scene still haunts me. LOL.

I have a strong stomach, too. Gore doesn't bother me. But, there's just something about needles, hooks and such piercing the skin that give me the eebeejeebees. Must have been something in our childhood...ya' think?

A Man Called Horse, I haven't seen that. The hook thing just gives me the willies. I think of how the skin changed colors when it stretches like that...*shiver*

I can't do the gun mindfucks or excess piercing now. Your adversion could be a thing from your childhood or maybe just good sense? In this day and age, it is hard to trust a sub to play extremes. I know I ended a relationship because the girl wanted to go further and I just wasn't comfortable. It isn't worth my life to get her off. I heard of crazy types turning on thier Doms claiming assault. I'm a polyamorist and any sub is replacable, but my alpha.

 

[kayte]

Thank you. I hope you are well. My regards to your Sir as always.

{{{{{{{Lady Aria}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you Ma'am. I pass them on when I talk to Him. Or maybe I should save this one for when I see Him Thursday.

Hope your 4th was a good one.

 

[LadyAria]

{{{{{{{Lady Aria}}}}}}}}}}}

Thank you Ma'am. I pass them on when I talk to Him. Or maybe I should save this one for when I see Him Thursday.

Hope your 4th was a good one.

{{{Kayte}}}

Wonderful! Thursday...I do hope the two of you have a grand time and enjoy your time together

Happy 4th to you too.

 

[DVS]

Needles don't really bother me; BUT the suspension stuff really grosses me out. There was a guy in SF who did extreme suspensions with his Domme as "Performance Art;" he died a few years ago. Really extreme stuff. I've seen some of this. Definitely not my thing.

BTW, in addition to the movie "A Man Called Horse," the J Lo movie "The Cell" of a few years back had some extreme suspensions.

Actually, I don't get it. There is pain, I'm sure, but there is some type of intoxication that I think is really the key to people who do this.

I never saw "The Cell" and now I probably won't. LOL.

I agree that there is something else in it, for those who enjoy those extreme suspensions. And, more power to them, if that's their thing. I'm sure there is maybe a large release of endorphins or something else that fulfils them.

I remember something I saw on TV. It was a Ripley's Believe it or Not piece, I think. The idea was to get a number of people and create a human mobil with suspension hooks in their backs. I think there were 10 or so people involved and the story took it from the insertion of the hooks, sanitation, etc. and then the actual act.

They had a crane to hold them all up for a period of time to make it a record. They were sucessful, and other than the closeups of the hooks in their backs, these people seemed like normal, caring and sane people. LOL. Both male and females were involved.

Because there were so many people involved, some had to wait until the others were "hooked up" and that also bothered me. The first ones connected had to hang there in waiting, while the others were "hooked up". It was all very up and up and I enjoyed seeing it. But, from a distance...from a distance!

 

[kayte]

{{{Kayte}}}

Wonderful! Thursday...I do hope the two of you have a grand time and enjoy your time together

Happy 4th to you too.

Thank you so much. We are both so looking forward to it.

 

[DVS]

A Man Called Horse, I haven't seen that. The hook thing just gives me the willies. I think of how the skin changed colors when it stretches like that...*shiver*

I can't do the gun mindfucks or excess piercing now. Your adversion could be a thing from your childhood or maybe just good sense? In this day and age, it is hard to trust a sub to play extremes. I know I ended a relationship because the girl wanted to go further and I just wasn't comfortable. It isn't worth my life to get her off. I heard of crazy types turning on thier Doms claiming assault. I'm a polyamorist and any sub is replacable, but my alpha.

"A Man Called Horse" is a great movie. An old one, though. Richard Harris stared in it. There was only one scene during a right of passage for Indian braves to show they were ready to be a man.

A sharpened bone is pushed into the skin and under a rib on both sides of their chest. Then, they are suspended from those bones for a duration of time. This isn't just skin, so maybe not as unsightly for some to see. But, no pain killers are involved in the real ritual. Can I get an "ouch" from the group?

As to my phobia, I call it that, because I don't like sharp things, either. And, maybe it's a good phobia to have. And, showing just how much of a phobia it is, I'd much rather be killed with a gun than stabbed with a knife. I know either act would be painful, but just seeing the knife go into my body would kill me, I think. LOL.

 

[LadyAria]

Needles don't really bother me; BUT the suspension stuff really grosses me out. There was a guy in SF who did extreme suspensions with his Domme as "Performance Art;" he died a few years ago. Really extreme stuff. I've seen some of this. Definitely not my thing.

BTW, in addition to the movie "A Man Called Horse," the J Lo movie "The Cell" of a few years back had some extreme suspensions.

Actually, I don't get it. There is pain, I'm sure, but there is some type of intoxication that I think is really the key to people who do this.

Hey, I missed this post the first time around.

{{{Thorkel}}}

Piercing doesn't bother me. I enjoyed having mine done. It is the suspension potential I avoid so it is not longer a part of my relationships. I don't want to reopen that door afraid what road it may lead me.

The only part of the cell I remember is the disembowelment on a rotating spit. I don't recall the suspensions, but I do not doubt it.

I'm sure there are reasons behind the attraction, but it isn't for me. It is really a whole different experience to be near someone when they are doing it. OMG, it has to be on my top 5 list of tramatic experiences.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Hey, I missed this post the first time around.

{{{Thorkel}}}

Piercing doesn't bother me. I enjoyed having mine done. It is the suspension potential I avoid so it is not longer a part of my relationships. I don't want to reopen that door afraid what road it may lead me.

The only part of the cell I remember is the disembowelment on a rotating spit. I don't recall the suspensions, but I do not doubt it.

I'm sure there are reasons behind the attraction, but it isn't for me. It is really a whole different experience to be near someone when they are doing it. OMG, it has to be on my top 5 list of tramatic experiences.

I too shy away from the pierced suspension. The only suspension I like is the harness type. A hook or two in the ceiling studs go a long way toward making me happy!

Eb

 

[leeroy jenkins]

I never saw "The Cell" and now I probably won't. LOL.

I agree that there is something else in it, for those who enjoy those extreme suspensions. And, more power to them, if that's their thing. I'm sure there is maybe a large release of endorphins or something else that fulfils them.

I remember something I saw on TV. It was a Ripley's Believe it or Not piece, I think. The idea was to get a number of people and create a human mobil with suspension hooks in their backs. I think there were 10 or so people involved and the story took it from the insertion of the hooks, sanitation, etc. and then the actual act.

They had a crane to hold them all up for a period of time to make it a record. They were sucessful, and other than the closeups of the hooks in their backs, these people seemed like normal, caring and sane people. LOL. Both male and females were involved.

Because there were so many people involved, some had to wait until the others were "hooked up" and that also bothered me. The first ones connected had to hang there in waiting, while the others were "hooked up". It was all very up and up and I enjoyed seeing it. But, from a distance...from a distance!

I own The Cell and the suspension in that is from there suits they wear so have no fear there DVS, but then again one of my co workers in a few days I think will be looking to do what you described seeing on TV. I guess there is a fairly active group that does suspensions and is quite good at it here in Arizona. I have now thought about this but not sure I could do it.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Suspension

I too shy away from the pierced suspension. The only suspension I like is the harness type. A hook or two in the ceiling studs go a long way toward making me happy!

Eb

Oh yeah, see my AV. Pulled up on tip toes-Actually with the arms and feet both with spreader bars and then whipped. The stretched-out-body puts all the muscles under tension and magnifies each hit.

Tends to lead to some real screaming and begging and pleading-the good part. But, of course, hate it when it is happening.

 

[FurryFury]

I found The Cell to be icky but not because of any suspension, which is something I fantasize about. I found it icky because it put me in the mind or tried too of an icky person. Plus the film wasn't well written or acted as far as I could tell. It wasn't art. It wasn't amusing. It wasn't sexy for me.

Fury

 

[Ebonyfire]

Oh yeah, see my AV. Pulled up on tip toes-Actually with the arms and feet both with spreader bars and then whipped. The stretched-out-body puts all the muscles under tension and magnifies each hit.

Tends to lead to some real screaming and begging and pleading-the good part. But, of course, hate it when it is happening.

Love the pic. I find it hard to keep a straight face whenever I see a rope hammock too. With a little alteration, you can make a very affordable harness.

Eb

 

[DVS]

I found The Cell to be icky but not because of any suspension, which is something I fantasize about. I found it icky because it put me in the mind or tried too of an icky person. Plus the film wasn't well written or acted as far as I could tell. It wasn't art. It wasn't amusing. It wasn't sexy for me.

Fury

As an enticment...I have 10 foot ceilings in my livingroom and kitchen. In the livingroom, I have an eyebolt screwed into a ceiling beam. I've been thinking of putting one in the kitchen ceiling. There are so many toys in a kitchen, you know. Metal toys...violet wand type toys.

I think the bolt in the livingroom ceiling is calling your name...yes, I just heard it. Listen closely. It's hard to hear, but...yes, there it goes again.
Ooooooh, FurryFury... Oooooooh, baby... Come to me... FurryFury... Come to me...

Hear it? See what I mean? What else do you need to hear? Naked and suspended from a 10 foot ceiling...my hands probing and caressing your naked body...my bag of nasty toys ready to poke prod and mark your ass with red welts, zap your pussy with static electricity, buzz your clit with a vibe, plug your ass with a lubed butt plug...Oh, be still my cock.

Oh, listen...there it is again.
Ooooooh, FurryFury... Oooooooh, baby... Come to me... FurryFury... Come to me...Tied and helpless...naked and squirming...

The porch light is always on...

 

[Ichiriko]

Forgive a newbie for butting in but I just remembered having seen The Cell a while back. Doesn't the serial killer guy suspend his victims using hooks in their backs...? And doesn't he also bleach them? Or did I hallucinate that bit? Been a long time since I saw the movie...

DVS, I also saw a similiar thing to what you're describing...may have been the very same. I think it was on Ripley's. They were making a sort of human mobile of suspended people. And weren't they purely suspended by their skin, too? Or mostly, if not completely. *shudders* braver people than me! I personally have a bit of a mental block about anything that pierces the skin.

LadyAria, I've been lurking around this board for a while before joining, and this was a thread I kept coming back to. Your contributions are so informative and exude the kind of common sense that is vital to safe, enjoyable play. I just wanted to tell you what a great thread this is

And while I'm here I might as well ask a question. On one of the checklist-type documents that lurk in various places on the net, I saw an item listed that confused me. The item was 'injections'. Now, this isn't something I'm ever likely to participate in (like I said, phobia of needles and sharp things) however I did wonder how it worked from a health and safety POV. Chiefly I wondered what one would actually inject during such a scenario...? Or is this type of play only possible with people who are, EG diabetic and require injections anyway?

 

[MorfeuV]

O-Kee-Pa !

"A Man Called Horse" is a great movie. An old one, though. Richard Harris stared in it. There was only one scene during a right of passage for Indian braves to show they were ready to be a man.

A sharpened bone is pushed into the skin and under a rib on both sides of their chest. Then, they are suspended from those bones for a duration of time. This isn't just skin, so maybe not as unsightly for some to see. But, no pain killers are involved in the real ritual. Can I get an "ouch" from the group?

If I'm not mistaken I think that is called "O-Kee-Pa".

I think the more hooks in the body the less intense the pain is.

Suspensions are mostly used for meditation and gaining a higher level of spiritual fulfillment or awareness. To some it is a very sacred and respected practice and is done on a regular basis. Suspension can also be used as a symbolic tool and represents an important event in life- such as representing one's passing from childhood to adulthood or the bond two people may share. - Wikipedia

 

[catalina_francisco]

If I'm not mistaken I think that is called "O-Kee-Pa".

I think the more hooks in the body the less intense the pain is.

ammre, one of our long established posters here could probably add to this conversation as she has real experience with such suspension methods, though not sure she participates from a Native American traditional model. I admire her for going there, think I would pass out at the imminent possibility.

Catalina

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

The Cell-Suspensions

I own The Cell and the suspension in that is from there suits they wear so have no fear there DVS, but then again one of my co workers in a few days I think will be looking to do what you described seeing on TV. I guess there is a fairly active group that does suspensions and is quite good at it here in Arizona. I have now thought about this but not sure I could do it.

In the movie there are two different suspensions. In the lab where J Lo enters the mind of the bad guy played by Vincent D'Onofrio, the suspension is from the leather suits.

HOWEVER, the Vincent D'O character kills his victims and then suspends himself on hooks over the bodies to masturbate. On the DVD check the beginning of chapter 5, or 15 minutes in (if you're on VHS). Creepy guy, to say the least.

I'll pass.

 

[FurryFury]

As an enticment...I have 10 foot ceilings in my livingroom and kitchen. In the livingroom, I have an eyebolt screwed into a ceiling beam. I've been thinking of putting one in the kitchen ceiling. There are so many toys in a kitchen, you know. Metal toys...violet wand type toys.

I think the bolt in the livingroom ceiling is calling your name...yes, I just heard it. Listen closely. It's hard to hear, but...yes, there it goes again.
Ooooooh, FurryFury... Oooooooh, baby... Come to me... FurryFury... Come to me...

Hear it? See what I mean? What else do you need to hear? Naked and suspended from a 10 foot ceiling...my hands probing and caressing your naked body...my bag of nasty toys ready to poke prod and mark your ass with red welts, zap your pussy with static electricity, buzz your clit with a vibe, plug your ass with a lubed butt plug...Oh, be still my cock.

Oh, listen...there it is again.
Ooooooh, FurryFury... Oooooooh, baby... Come to me... FurryFury... Come to me...Tied and helpless...naked and squirming...

The porch light is always on...

I like the sound of that DVS!!!

*smiles*

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

Wow, this thread has seen some action in my absence. Before I reply to anyone, I had a PM on introducing BDSM. I believe there are a few posts earlier in the thread about this subject, but I think I'll just give a basic spill just in case any lurkers want similar advice.

I respect everyone's privacy and never state anyone's name without consent. You are always free to self idenitify. In this situation, I think it is best I not even post the original message out of respect for them. Even if I have the thread, I always welcome pm's.

I believe in recruiting and growing our community. The more of us there our to represent the greater our voice is in helping people understand our lifestyle choices. As you become more comfortable with your life choice, think about giving back by join groups to educate others. Keep abreast of legal issues impacting our lifestyle. Voting is important and education is paramount. Okay, I'll put the soapbox away!

Introducing BDSM to your partner:

I would choose a day he or she is in a good mood and hasn't had to deal with work or other stressors. Make a nice dinner in your common home or in the presenter's place working toward a relaxing atmosphere. Let them eat and gently broach the subject of sexual fanatasies. Let them open up about some of their own desires. If they do not volunteer BDSM leading fantasies like domaniance, bondage, light spanking or blind folding. Speaking up about what has crossed your mind as of late. You may reference a magazine article, website or even a movie. This is a risk as you may not know what the response will be, but you could be pleasantly surprised by their response. Allow space for reaction and to absorb the information about your desires. I would not attempt to continue to explore the desire that night even if they are positive. Give it between 3 days to 2 weeks to broach the subject again. It really depends on the reaction. If they had a strong negative reaction, you may just wish to find another partner to fulfill those desires. If he or she is receptive, have another conversation to explore a potential scene.

First, you will need to agree on a safe word. This is a word that you both know will instantly stop. Do not use words like 'stop' or 'no', because they can be highly erotic to scream in scene. Try weird words like rainbow or bannana pudding.

Second, create some clear boundaries prior to scene. They are just inital guidelines and can grow with your exploration as you push your limits. Make an agreement with your partner that if your boundaries change during a scene, you are able to say so by appending the safe word. The questionaire somewhere in this thread was is a device which may be useful in new relationship to help define each others boundaries and get the sexual conversation flowing. It isn't required, but can help things along with inital shyness.

Next, discuss whether your scene is to include sex or just training. Some people chose to only include sex in aftercare while others enjoy it during scene and some never consumate a sexual relationship with thier Dom(me).

Let go of expectations. It is rare anyone gets it right the first time. Fanatasy can be better then reality. Just enjoy the moment and don't be afraid to rework, replay or exclude parts of a planned scene if either partner is not enjoying it. Don't be afraid to step out of the moment with the safe word to find your voice.

Set aside a specific time period when you will not be distrubed. Turn off phones, lock doors or even rent a room away from the everyday noise of life. This is a fantasy and should be approached with absolute attention.

Do some research ahead of time to see what is out there both of you can enjoy together. There are some great non-fiction books and even classes offered through alternative life style papers/groups. In my town, we utilize the gay and lesbian center for seminars.

Shop for toys and learn how to properly care for them. Whips and floggers can break skin and you need to learn to santize for safety. Always provide time to sterlize all toys post scene and seal them for future use. Dishwashers are safe for most toys unless leather or otherwise stated on the package. Boiling and a vingear/water mixture can be other means for cleaning.

If you are interested in meeting other people that are into BDSM, there are many groups who offer support. Look into your local BDSM club scene, munches or alternative lifestyle social group. They will have access to a dungeon or hold seminars and play parties. There is also a list somewhere back in this thread.

 

[MorfeuV]

oOo

If I wanted to bring some of my fantastic ideas into a regular relationship it would be kind of hard becuase my "sexual fantasies" have nothing to do with sex.

"Um... yeah, kiss your feet? Can you choke me with my bikechain?"

 

[babiesmiles]

Wow, this thread has seen some action in my absence. Before I reply to anyone, I had a PM on introducing BDSM. I believe there are a few posts earlier in the thread about this subject, but I think I'll just give a basic spill just in case any lurkers want similar advice.

I respect everyone's privacy and never state anyone's name without consent. You are always free to self idenitify. In this situation, I think it is best I not even post the original message out of respect for them. Even if I have the thread, I always welcome pm's.

I believe in recruiting and growing our community. The more of us there our to represent the greater our voice is in helping people understand our lifestyle choices. As you become more comfortable with your life choice, think about giving back by join groups to educate others. Keep abreast of legal issues impacting our lifestyle. Voting is important and education is paramount. Okay, I'll put the soapbox away!

Introducing BDSM to your partner:

I would choose a day he or she is in a good mood and hasn't had to deal with work or other stressors. Make a nice dinner in your common home or in the presenter's place working toward a relaxing atmosphere. Let them eat and gently broach the subject of sexual fanatasies. Let them open up about some of their own desires. If they do not volunteer BDSM leading fantasies like domaniance, bondage, light spanking or blind folding. Speaking up about what has crossed your mind as of late. You may reference a magazine article, website or even a movie. This is a risk as you may not know what the response will be, but you could be pleasantly surprised by their response. Allow space for reaction and to absorb the information about your desires. I would not attempt to continue to explore the desire that night even if they are positive. Give it between 3 days to 2 weeks to broach the subject again. It really depends on the reaction. If they had a strong negative reaction, you may just wish to find another partner to fulfill those desires. If he or she is receptive, have another conversation to explore a potential scene.

First, you will need to agree on a safe word. This is a word that you both know will instantly stop. Do not use words like 'stop' or 'no', because they can be highly erotic to scream in scene. Try weird words like rainbow or bannana pudding.

Second, create some clear boundaries prior to scene. They are just inital guidelines and can grow with your exploration as you push your limits. Make an agreement with your partner that if your boundaries change during a scene, you are able to say so by appending the safe word. The questionaire somewhere in this thread was is a device which may be useful in new relationship to help define each others boundaries and get the sexual conversation flowing. It isn't required, but can help things along with inital shyness.

Next, discuss whether your scene is to include sex or just training. Some people chose to only include sex in aftercare while others enjoy it during scene and some never consumate a sexual relationship with thier Dom(me).

Let go of expectations. It is rare anyone gets it right the first time. Fanatasy can be better then reality. Just enjoy the moment and don't be afraid to rework, replay or exclude parts of a planned scene if either partner is not enjoying it. Don't be afraid to step out of the moment with the safe word to find your voice.

Set aside a specific time period when you will not be distrubed. Turn off phones, lock doors or even rent a room away from the everyday noise of life. This is a fantasy and should be approached with absolute attention.

Do some research ahead of time to see what is out there both of you can enjoy together. There are some great non-fiction books and even classes offered through alternative life style papers/groups. In my town, we utilize the gay and lesbian center for seminars.

Shop for toys and learn how to properly care for them. Whips and floggers can break skin and you need to learn to santize for safety. Always provide time to sterlize all toys post scene and seal them for future use. Dishwashers are safe for most toys unless leather or otherwise stated on the package. Boiling and a vingear/water mixture can be other means for cleaning.

If you are interested in meeting other people that are into BDSM, there are many groups who offer support. Look into your local BDSM club scene, munches or alternative lifestyle social group. They will have access to a dungeon or hold seminars and play parties. There is also a list somewhere back in this thread.

Great post as always Lady Aria

 

[LadyAria]

If I wanted to bring some of my fantastic ideas into a regular relationship it would be kind of hard becuase my "sexual fantasies" have nothing to do with sex.

"Um... yeah, kiss your feet? Can you choke me with my bikechain?"

It is all a matter of sensation. Who says it has nothing to do with sex? My most erotic moments in life have little to do with the actual act of sexual intercourse.