Ask a Dom

[LadyAria]

Great post as always Lady Aria

Thank you, babiesmiles. Good to see you as always. Hope your birthday was a good one

 

[LadyAria]

The porch light is always on...

Reminds me of the motel 6 commericals.

Maybe you can start a little BDSM notel motel

 

[adventurous_1]

entrigued and aroused

First of all...thank you so much for this thread LadyAria. I have been devouring as much as I can since I found the thread. I am learning some of the ins and outs I am curious and have found lit to be a place to explore. As curious as I am, it is also reassuring to see safety at the top of the list about responsible play. I also have to say that your comment about DVS having newbies on their knees begging to serve...I do believe I can see how that can happen. *sigh* Just a wave to all and thanks again.

 

[LadyAria]

First of all...thank you so much for this thread LadyAria. I have been devouring as much as I can since I found the thread. I am learning some of the ins and outs I am curious and have found lit to be a place to explore. As curious as I am, it is also reassuring to see safety at the top of the list about responsible play. I also have to say that your comment about DVS having newbies on their knees begging to serve...I do believe I can see how that can happen. *sigh* Just a wave to all and thanks again.

Yes, DVS is our regular Dom heartthrob around here.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

In the movie there are two different suspensions. In the lab where J Lo enters the mind of the bad guy played by Vincent D'Onofrio, the suspension is from the leather suits.

HOWEVER, the Vincent D'O character kills his victims and then suspends himself on hooks over the bodies to masturbate. On the DVD check the beginning of chapter 5, or 15 minutes in (if you're on VHS). Creepy guy, to say the least.

I'll pass.

OK you got me there I forgot that part.

 

[DVS]

Yes, DVS is our regular Dom heartthrob around here.

Heartthrob, huh? Well, could someone enlighten the submissive women on collar me? LOL. I'm not getting any younger, ya' know.

But, I do sincerely appreciate you saying that, LadyAria. And, we Aries Doms need to stick together. After all...who better to put in charge of a squirming naked body than an Aries?

 

[DVS]

OK you got me there I forgot that part.

OK, so I'm back to not wanting to watch it, again. Nuf said.

 

[DVS]

Reminds me of the motel 6 commericals.

Maybe you can start a little BDSM notel motel

Something like Hotel California? You can check in, but you never check out?

Listen...if you can figure out a way to do this legally, I'm all for it. That's a big 10-4!

 

[Ebonyfire]

Listen...if you can figure out a way to do this legally, I'm all for it. That's a big 10-4!

It has been done. There used to be a couple in New Jersey. With different themes. The fixed equipment was there, but you had to bring your own toys. Maybe someone else here remembers them.

Eb

 

[babiesmiles]

Thank you, babiesmiles. Good to see you as always. Hope your birthday was a good one

Yes Thank you ! It was quite nice

 

[FurryFury]

Wow, this thread has seen some action in my absence. Before I reply to anyone, I had a PM on introducing BDSM. I believe there are a few posts earlier in the thread about this subject, but I think I'll just give a basic spill just in case any lurkers want similar advice.

I respect everyone's privacy and never state anyone's name without consent. You are always free to self idenitify. In this situation, I think it is best I not even post the original message out of respect for them. Even if I have the thread, I always welcome pm's.

I believe in recruiting and growing our community. The more of us there our to represent the greater our voice is in helping people understand our lifestyle choices. As you become more comfortable with your life choice, think about giving back by join groups to educate others. Keep abreast of legal issues impacting our lifestyle. Voting is important and education is paramount. Okay, I'll put the soapbox away!

Introducing BDSM to your partner:

I would choose a day he or she is in a good mood and hasn't had to deal with work or other stressors. Make a nice dinner in your common home or in the presenter's place working toward a relaxing atmosphere. Let them eat and gently broach the subject of sexual fanatasies. Let them open up about some of their own desires. If they do not volunteer BDSM leading fantasies like domaniance, bondage, light spanking or blind folding. Speaking up about what has crossed your mind as of late. You may reference a magazine article, website or even a movie. This is a risk as you may not know what the response will be, but you could be pleasantly surprised by their response. Allow space for reaction and to absorb the information about your desires. I would not attempt to continue to explore the desire that night even if they are positive. Give it between 3 days to 2 weeks to broach the subject again. It really depends on the reaction. If they had a strong negative reaction, you may just wish to find another partner to fulfill those desires. If he or she is receptive, have another conversation to explore a potential scene.

First, you will need to agree on a safe word. This is a word that you both know will instantly stop. Do not use words like 'stop' or 'no', because they can be highly erotic to scream in scene. Try weird words like rainbow or bannana pudding.

Second, create some clear boundaries prior to scene. They are just inital guidelines and can grow with your exploration as you push your limits. Make an agreement with your partner that if your boundaries change during a scene, you are able to say so by appending the safe word. The questionaire somewhere in this thread was is a device which may be useful in new relationship to help define each others boundaries and get the sexual conversation flowing. It isn't required, but can help things along with inital shyness.

Next, discuss whether your scene is to include sex or just training. Some people chose to only include sex in aftercare while others enjoy it during scene and some never consumate a sexual relationship with thier Dom(me).

Let go of expectations. It is rare anyone gets it right the first time. Fanatasy can be better then reality. Just enjoy the moment and don't be afraid to rework, replay or exclude parts of a planned scene if either partner is not enjoying it. Don't be afraid to step out of the moment with the safe word to find your voice.

Set aside a specific time period when you will not be distrubed. Turn off phones, lock doors or even rent a room away from the everyday noise of life. This is a fantasy and should be approached with absolute attention.

Do some research ahead of time to see what is out there both of you can enjoy together. There are some great non-fiction books and even classes offered through alternative life style papers/groups. In my town, we utilize the gay and lesbian center for seminars.

Shop for toys and learn how to properly care for them. Whips and floggers can break skin and you need to learn to santize for safety. Always provide time to sterlize all toys post scene and seal them for future use. Dishwashers are safe for most toys unless leather or otherwise stated on the package. Boiling and a vingear/water mixture can be other means for cleaning.

If you are interested in meeting other people that are into BDSM, there are many groups who offer support. Look into your local BDSM club scene, munches or alternative lifestyle social group. They will have access to a dungeon or hold seminars and play parties. There is also a list somewhere back in this thread.

Bravo! Wonderful post Lady Aria!!!

It is all a matter of sensation. Who says it has nothing to do with sex? My most erotic moments in life have little to do with the actual act of sexual intercourse.

I find this true for me at times as well.

Simply brushing my hair as if I were your little girl can make me feel incredibly cared for and HOT.

Fury

 

[1HF]

Thank you for your advice the other day and for this thread...have been lurking here for a while and appreciate your advice and all those who have contributed

 

[LadyAria]

Thank you for your advice the other day and for this thread...have been lurking here for a while and appreciate your advice and all those who have contributed

Always a pleasure to help and getting to look at your avatar was all bonus for me too.

 

[LadyAria]

Heartthrob, huh? Well, could someone enlighten the submissive women on collar me? LOL. I'm not getting any younger, ya' know.

But, I do sincerely appreciate you saying that, LadyAria. And, we Aries Doms need to stick together. After all...who better to put in charge of a squirming naked body than an Aries?

Aries Doms...never thought about that before, but sounds perfect!

Yes, heartthrob. The subs (and us Dommes alike ) love you for all your creativity and knowledge. I venture to think the women on collar me are probably just dumbasses not to pick up on your Domliness. Their loss. Why not fish in the lit sea for that next sub?

 

[adventurous_1]

fishing the lit sea for a sub

volunteers eagerly

 

[Ebonyfire]

Aries Doms...never thought about that before, but sounds perfect!

Yes, heartthrob. The subs (and us Dommes alike ) love you for all your creativity and knowledge. I venture to think the women on collar me are probably just dumbasses not to pick up on your Domliness. Their loss. Why not fish in the lit sea for that next sub?

What she said!

EB

 

[Ebonyfire]

Heartthrob, huh? Well, could someone enlighten the submissive women on collar me? LOL. I'm not getting any younger, ya' know.

But, I do sincerely appreciate you saying that, LadyAria. And, we Aries Doms need to stick together. After all...who better to put in charge of a squirming naked body than an Aries?

A Taurus! lol

Eb

 

[adventurous_1]

dealing with past abuse

Lady et all~
Ok big breath and Im gonna ask this one. What are some of the ways you deal with or move past abuse issues and merge that with BDSM lifestyle? I have limits on somethings I just WONT do related to specifics. There are times that the humiliation aspect has "creeped me" a bit. Before its asked....yes have been to counselor and speak up when I need to deal with an immediate issue. Just wondered how some others may cope with specifics. Like getting triggered in the middle of play. Another big breath. Whew...THAT was harder to ask but woooppeee!!! I did it. Hope some can chime in. Thanks.

 

[DVS]

Aries Doms...never thought about that before, but sounds perfect!

Yes, heartthrob. The subs (and us Dommes alike ) love you for all your creativity and knowledge. I venture to think the women on collar me are probably just dumbasses not to pick up on your Domliness. Their loss. Why not fish in the lit sea for that next sub?

Of course, I agree with you on the dumbass thing. But, I guess that's their problem...and mine, if I can't find some release for my sexual aggressions, pretty damn soon.

Oh, I did try the Lit personals for a while, but I don't think there's anybody in my area that frequents Lit. Of the unattached female gender, that is. But, I'm thinking of giving it another try. One of these days, it'll happen.

I hope it's sooner, rather than later, of course.

 

[DVS]

volunteers eagerly

Do I hear...road trip?

 

[DVS]

A Taurus! lol

Eb

Cute, Eb. LOL.

But, I have a sister that's a Taurus. Ewwww! I don't EVEN want to go there.


By the way, she's kind of a stubborn bitch. Sound familiar, Eb? Taurus is the bull, you know. A subborn Domme. Sounds like it would work out, OK. Unless you're the sub.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Cute, Eb. LOL.

But, I have a sister that's a Taurus. Ewwww! I don't EVEN want to go there.


By the way, she's kind of a stubborn bitch. Sound familiar, Eb? Taurus is the bull, you know. A subborn Domme. Sounds like it would work out, OK. Unless you're the sub.

My slave is a Leo. This is gonna prove to be a challenging relationship. Luckily I hold the whip! I am the Dreaded Domme Lion Tamer!

Eb [Moi stubborn?]

 

[DVS]

My slave is a Leo. This is gonna prove to be a challenging relationship. Luckily I hold the whip! I am the Dreaded Domme Lion Tamer!

Eb [Moi stubborn?]

You know...that sounds like a very interesting combination.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Cute, Eb. LOL.

But, I have a sister that's a Taurus. Ewwww! I don't EVEN want to go there.


By the way, she's kind of a stubborn bitch. Sound familiar, Eb? Taurus is the bull, you know. A subborn Domme. Sounds like it would work out, OK. Unless you're the sub.

LOL, you trying to pick on Taurian Dom/mes?!! F is also a Taurus....he can be stubborn, but that is often good and when it comes to those moments when you need a strong shoulder to lean on, Taureans can be very good at that, though many do not realise it because they tend to do so in a silent, understated way more so than loud and flashy which others would notice. ROFL, the bonus is he is also scary.

Catalina

 

[Ebonyfire]

LOL, you trying to pick on Taurian Dom/mes?!! F is also a Taurus....he can be stubborn, but that is often good and when it comes to those moments when you need a strong shoulder to lean on, Taureans can be very good at that, though many do not realise it because they tend to do so in a silent, understated way more so than loud and flashy which others would notice. ROFL, the bonus is he is also scary.

Catalina

I have been told I am scary also. I think F is adorable.

Eb