Ask a Dom

[FurryFury]

Hrm, you know it is amazing how many Dommes either switch or started out in the sub roll and flipped. It seems not to be as common with men in the lifestyle though. They tend to go one way or the other and stick with it. Some rare exceptions.

I was a sub for 5 years before I flipped when I returned to the states. I think it has something to do with American Doms too. (That is a whole different conversation.)

I've been a Domme for going on 4 years now. I think both roles are equally fulfilling. It is all about what you need to achieve your personal journey.

As for cutting down all those switches, I am getting flashbacks from youth. We use to call that making peach tea since it was a peach tree in my Grandmother's back yard. Grandmother would ask us if we wanted peach tea when we were acting up and all of us children would snap to proper behavior No one generally misbehaved more then once around my grandmother. Well, except me, I tended to get a lot of peach tea for falling asleep in church on Sundays and wrinkling my dress or lossing one of my kid gloves.

I LOVE that! Peach tea!

You comments got me to thinking too.

I hear from quite a few people that they could never switch, they are what they are and that is it.

Others tell me that is only makes sense we would have both sides to us and in essence everyone is a switch. That makes sense to me up to a point. I feel we also all have male and female inside of us.

Personally as I think about it now, I don't feel like I've ever Dom-ed or sub-ed yet but I have Topped or bottomed. I do know which one is part of my soul but the other has it's thrills too. Maybe someday I'll be able to go further. I hope so.

Fury

 

[Sweetness_15]

Hrm, you know it is amazing how many Dommes either switch or started out in the sub roll and flipped. It seems not to be as common with men in the lifestyle though. They tend to go one way or the other and stick with it. Some rare exceptions.

I was a sub for 5 years before I flipped when I returned to the states. I think it has something to do with American Doms too. (That is a whole different conversation.)

I've been a Domme for going on 4 years now. I think both roles are equally fulfilling. It is all about what you need to achieve your personal journey.

As for cutting down all those switches, I am getting flashbacks from youth. We use to call that making peach tea since it was a peach tree in my Grandmother's back yard. Grandmother would ask us if we wanted peach tea when we were acting up and all of us children would snap to proper behavior No one generally misbehaved more then once around my grandmother. Well, except me, I tended to get a lot of peach tea for falling asleep in church on Sundays and wrinkling my dress or lossing one of my kid gloves.

Mmmm, peach tea sound really good right now. I'd like a lot of it please.

 

[pyai]

Email dom-ing

Hey. I've been eavesdropping on this highly informative thread for a while, and I have a question. I'm new to domme-dom, I'm doing as much research as possible. I notice occasionally people talking about d/s relationships via E-mail, and I was wondering how that specfically worked. I can imagine giving tasks through Email, humiliation maybe, but how does a Domme maintain that control through language when Email can't full communicate tone?

It's something I'd like to try, but I don't even know where I would begin with it.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

On Line

Hey. I've been eavesdropping on this highly informative thread for a while, and I have a question. I'm new to domme-dom, I'm doing as much research as possible. I notice occasionally people talking about d/s relationships via E-mail, and I was wondering how that specfically worked. I can imagine giving tasks through Email, humiliation maybe, but how does a Domme maintain that control through language when Email can't full communicate tone?

It's something I'd like to try, but I don't even know where I would begin with it.

Personally, I think the whole idea is impossible. OR: only possible for two people who know each other in real life but are separated due to work etc.

People are such total liars that it is impossible to know with whom you are dealing. I know of several people who have met "on line" and proceeded to a good and real relationship. I think that this is rare and difficult. That said, everything that is truly good is difficult and rare.

It would require two people who are 100% honest with each other; and the knowledge of each that the other is being totally honest. Even then it seems to me a poor substitute for reality.

I'm sure that others will have different views. --Good luck!

 

[LadyAria]

I LOVE that! Peach tea!

You comments got me to thinking too.

I hear from quite a few people that they could never switch, they are what they are and that is it.

Others tell me that is only makes sense we would have both sides to us and in essence everyone is a switch. That makes sense to me up to a point. I feel we also all have male and female inside of us.

Personally as I think about it now, I don't feel like I've ever Dom-ed or sub-ed yet but I have Topped or bottomed. I do know which one is part of my soul but the other has it's thrills too. Maybe someday I'll be able to go further. I hope so.

Fury

*serving cups of piping hot peach tea to everyone in the thread*

Yes, some people feel one way is the only way while others have to walk on both sides of the street.

Personally, when I was in my "sub" phase, I would switch to D depending on the club I was going to that night. So, I was straddling the line for a long time. Now I am more settled as a Domme, I still bottom on occassion for the experience. I can relate.

Why restrict yourself?

 

[LadyAria]

Mmmm, peach tea sound really good right now. I'd like a lot of it please.

You know the way to the tree, young lady

The thin ones cut and the thick ones bruise...

 

[LadyAria]

Hey. I've been eavesdropping on this highly informative thread for a while, and I have a question. I'm new to domme-dom, I'm doing as much research as possible. I notice occasionally people talking about d/s relationships via E-mail, and I was wondering how that specfically worked. I can imagine giving tasks through Email, humiliation maybe, but how does a Domme maintain that control through language when Email can't full communicate tone?

It's something I'd like to try, but I don't even know where I would begin with it.

Pyai, to be frank with you, I've never cyber Dommed. I have had it explained to me that many do it with the use of web cams, telephone calls and degrading emails. I won't even pretend to know. It would be wrong to act like I did know.

I like to feel the gift of submission with all five senses. However, I know many people who are satisfied with that type of arrangement.

Whatever makes all my fellow twists happy is fine with me

 

[pyai]

Pyai, to be frank with you, I've never cyber Dommed. I have had it explained to me that many do it with the use of web cams, telephone calls and degrading emails. I won't even pretend to know. It would be wrong to act like I did know.

I like to feel the gift of submission with all five senses. However, I know many people who are satisfied with that type of arrangement.

Whatever makes all my fellow twists happy is fine with me

Hm. I guess there are no easy answers to this question. You're right - it is a lot about the senses, and like when you are blindfolded the rest of your senses are that much enhanced. If choosing to have a d/s relationship online, everything you do get will have to be that much more focused.

Probably there would have to be a number of initial conversations between the partners in what exactly they each would like to get out of it.

 

[DVS]

Hm. I guess there are no easy answers to this question. You're right - it is a lot about the senses, and like when you are blindfolded the rest of your senses are that much enhanced. If choosing to have a d/s relationship online, everything you do get will have to be that much more focused.

Probably there would have to be a number of initial conversations between the partners in what exactly they each would like to get out of it.

I've cybered, only because it was all there was, at the time. And, now I can clearly say it's not for me.

Although, I do think it might have helped me with my writing. And, I'm not sure I cybered like everybody does, because I only went to one web site. But, it was a large site, and EVERYBODY did it.

There was a large room for the basic chatting, and if you wanted to pair off, one of you created another room and invited the other to that room, using the program's code. You could make the room private, or you could make it so others could watch, and even join in. You could also make it so only certain people could watch or join in. It was all part of the site's software.

The way I cybered was, being the Dom, I found out what the sub liked and if it was some of the same things I liked, I would type out a sceneario in which I would enjoy dominating her. If she liked it, she would say so, but mostly, I was doing a lot of typing, explaining what I would do next, and next, etc.

It wasn't just explaining actioins, but it was also talking to her, too. The software had a code for making the text look a certain way, so each person could tell if it was an action or if the person was speaking. So, you could select the code for action and type out what you were doing to her body...then select the code for normal chat and type out the words you would be saying to her, while doing that action.

Yes, it was rather laborious, for me. I think the sub had it made, because she only had to react to what I was doing, when I had to type out the action and also speak the words. The Dom's job is never done!

More recently, I've chatted with friends in IM. It's not as difficult, but the softare isn't geared for cybering. I just set up the sceneario and we both type as if we're talking. Once the scenario is setup, you just go with the flow.

In any cybering, it's best that the sub have toys to go along with the scenario...paddles, dildos, plugs...etc. to make the scenario more real. The sub then spanks herself, or inserts the dildo as if I were there doing it, etc. I often wondered if the sub was really doing what I told her to do. LOL. You just never know a lot of things, in cyber sex. Shit, I didn't even know if the sub was really a woman!

All of the scene is in the mnds of the two chatters, so, being very descriptive with the scenario details, it is more interesting. If you both can't put your thoughts into words, it will still work, but it won't be as interesting for the other person. The more "visual" you are with your words, the more the other person will feel like they are actually with you...and visa versa.

In r/l it's OBVIOUSLY much more fun. It's that "hands on" thing. It's much better than having your hands on a keyboard. Shit, you can't even see the woman's squirming body...well, only in your mind. It really turns out to be more of a chore, to me.

I'm sure there are other ways to cyber, but that was quite a few years ago. The site was quite large, so I'm sure it was on the cutting edge, at the time. But, I'm sure there are other ways to cyber and also more advanced software to assist, these days.

Still, I must say I prefer the r/l approach. There's nothing that would get me to go back to cyber. I understand it's sometimes the only way for some to get the feel of the lifestyle, and that's OK. But, don't get caught up in it as being the same as r/l. It's not even close. If someone ever gets the chance for a r/l sceneario with a willing partner, don't pass it up without some serious thought.

AND, if anyone wants some r/l instruction...the instructor is in the classroom. No paper or #2 pencil needed for my class. Just be yourself and find a seat. Oh, but don't be late...teacher dislikes tardy students. You don't believe me? Be tardy, and find out.

 

[FurryFury]

I've cybered a LOT. I found it to be very exciting, with a partner who writes well and with much imagination. The only problem with it was that the people I cybered with became obsessed with me, whereas I was obsessed with cyber. Most of the cyber I did had to do with role playing, which is one of my favorite things in the whole world and D/s so it was usually delicious but it wasn't being online Dominated in my mind.

In my mind, online Domination is a relationship that may or may not have cyber in it. This relationship is a LOT more than simple cyber and can be very fulfilling. That is NOT to say that I believe it can take the place or be the same as RL D/s but it can be wonderful done with honesty, trust and passion.

I have attempted to be an online Domme once. It didn't work out because I am not a Domme and because the person despite what he said he wanted, failed to do what I asked. What I asked may have been too mild for him or too much. I don't know. I didn't really know what I was doing other than trying to meet his needs. The whole thing pissed me off.

I have been online Dom-ed and it was and incredibly fantastic fit that bordered on magical while it lasted. *sighs*

So yes, it can be done. It can be done well with the right person. Or it can be crap. If you attempt it expect real feelings to develop, strong feelings but do not expect the relationship to last to infinity and beyond because people come and go for no known reason.

Whatever you do, do it because you want to and have fun with it.

I've learned a lot from both cyber and online D/s relationships. I am glad of what I have gotten from them because it has opened me up as a person in many areas and I am much happier now.

Incidentally, DVS, if the women you cybered with were merely responding to what you did? You didn't have the "full" experience.

Fury

 

[ScarlettRose]

Hey. I've been eavesdropping on this highly informative thread for a while, and I have a question. I'm new to domme-dom, I'm doing as much research as possible. I notice occasionally people talking about d/s relationships via E-mail, and I was wondering how that specfically worked. I can imagine giving tasks through Email, humiliation maybe, but how does a Domme maintain that control through language when Email can't full communicate tone?

It's something I'd like to try, but I don't even know where I would begin with it.

probably about 80% of my D/s experience is online/virtual and I do enjoy it. First, like anything virtual it will not take the place of real life experience but if you take it for what it is then it can be intense. Although I don't do email, preffering something a little more in real time. Basically you have to know the person fairly well for it to work and be willing to communicate. Written words are confusing, if you aren't sure, ask. Pretty much in any relationship there has to be trust. Also as I've said to some before if you don't want to do what I tell you why would you waste your own time?

If you are looking for it the main thing is to get to know a lot of people and if you meet someone you click with let it happen. Like any relationship if you throw yourself at the first person that comes along its not likely to work really well.
(so this means if any of you out there come begging me to dominate you after reading that I do online... you didn't read very closely... and for the denser NO)

 

[Sweetness_15]

You know the way to the tree, young lady

The thin ones cut and the thick ones bruise...

Yes ma'am, I'll take a thick one please.

 

[LadyAria]

Yes ma'am, I'll take a thick one please.

Give you a nice blush like this beauty

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Quo Vadis?

Give you a nice blush like this beauty

Damn, I thought everyone wanted a full cup of "peach tea." Looks like everyone left the tea party. Sunday to Wednesday and no takers?

Funny thing about stripes. I mentioned the Florida Holly. Using the fresh, just cut ones, it is possible to get a nice thin red stripe. The length of 7-9 feet requires room to swing but not a lot of effort. It behaves a lot like a semi-rigid single tale. And can be snapped like one. Usually a small piece (1-2 inches) will be broken off. When the switch is down to about 4 feet, it is time to go to another. The sting can be intense but the bruising is minimal--good for times when the Domme really wants to cut loose--i.e several hundred strokes. I remember doing this once and winding up with stripes from the shoulders to the ankles and wrists. It was a Wednesday evening and there was work on Thursday! In Florida, in August, a long sleeve turtle-neck sweater is out of the question. I got a few questions about the marks on my forearms. I said I got them cutting out an overgrown hedge behind the house. A few knowing looks and comments of "Sure, you did"

OH and the short 4 foot lengths that are left over? In a couple of weeks they dry out and harden - becoming something like a cane. A thorough whipping on the front of the thighs with one of these babies is not an experience to be forgotten. As a matter of fact, just the thought of that is enough to liquefy the guts!!

 

[LadyAria]

Mark Walhberg

http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-702055/gw/malestars1/images/malest0012.jpg

Tell me this doesn't give ya'll ideas?

 

[FurryFury]

http://www.malestars.com/RS/rsid-702055/gw/malestars1/images/malest0012.jpg

Tell me this doesn't give ya'll ideas?

*raises a brow*

Oh yeah, it sure does.

It looks like he's asking, begging and screaming for something to do, maybe with his mouth?

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

*raises a brow*

Oh yeah, it sure does.

It looks like he's asking, begging and screaming for something to do, maybe with his mouth?

Fury

I know. It's really hot. I never really notice that actor until a few minutes ago. I wonder what movie it is from and if they beat him

 

[FurryFury]

I know. It's really hot. I never really notice that actor until a few minutes ago. I wonder what movie it is from and if they beat him

I was wondering which movie also. Whichever it is I haven't seen it yet!

Fury

 

[LadyAria]

I was wondering which movie also. Whichever it is I haven't seen it yet!

Fury

God, I just want to smash his sexy head up against that wall and queen him while he struggles under me. *fans herself*

Someone please tell me what movie that is!!! I need to see it or I'm going to have a queening/caning fantasy porn running in my mind starring this pic.

Caning his legs just seems so appealling. Maybe a little heel grinding on his sac...yanking him off with that rope between his legs burning that huge cock...

Ok, I'm going to bed. I'm all hot and bothered now.

 

[DVS]

*raises a brow*

Oh yeah, it sure does.

It looks like he's asking, begging and screaming for something to do, maybe with his mouth?

Fury

See where the rope is going from his ankles? I have a felling that's what he's complaining about. Women can be so cruel, sometimes.

 

[ThorkelGriersen]

Well !!

... Women can be so cruel, sometimes.

Oh yeah!!!

 

[indianPilot]

I think there is a real distinction between online D/s and cybering. I met my partner as an online relationship. Through a combination of chat programs emails phone calls and webcams we developed our relationship to the point that we have met in real life, and fingers crossed will move to a 24/7 relationship.

I believe the secret to this type of arrangement is to keep it real. Learn about your partner, their limits, strengths and weaknesses.

Rather than simply fire fantasys back and forward look at ways for them to follow specific instructions etc. With online their is an extreme relience on emotional rather than physical interaction.

Online is not for everyone, and sadly there are a lot of predatory types out there who will hide behind their computers and let you hear what you want to hear. But if both parties are prepared to be honest and committed to each other, there is every chance that such a relationship can be created and even thrive to bigger things

Pilot

 

[FurryFury]

See where the rope is going from his ankles? I have a felling that's what he's complaining about. Women can be so cruel, sometimes.

No, sweetie, I'm as gentle as a kitten, really!

*smiles all shy and winsome like*

Fury

I think there is a real distinction between online D/s and cybering. I met my partner as an online relationship. Through a combination of chat programs emails phone calls and webcams we developed our relationship to the point that we have met in real life, and fingers crossed will move to a 24/7 relationship.

I believe the secret to this type of arrangement is to keep it real. Learn about your partner, their limits, strengths and weaknesses.

Rather than simply fire fantasys back and forward look at ways for them to follow specific instructions etc. With online their is an extreme relience on emotional rather than physical interaction.

Online is not for everyone, and sadly there are a lot of predatory types out there who will hide behind their computers and let you hear what you want to hear. But if both parties are prepared to be honest and committed to each other, there is every chance that such a relationship can be created and even thrive to bigger things

Pilot

I think there better be a distinction between online D/s and cyber though one can blend into the other quite nicely at times.

Fury

 

[gregor2001us]

Oh yes, that is a very hot picture! I love the rope from his ankles to his...Thanks for posting Lady Aria, that will give me some nice fantasies of me in his position.

 

[LadyAria]

Hey! I saw your posts in the Ask a Domme thread and you have some really great ideas and knowledge regarding toys and every day items.

I was wondering if you knew of a good toy for nipple suction? I have seen simple ones that work for one nipple at a time, but I am looking for one that works on both at once, in a soft and light manor? I'm takling made of things like silicone, gelly, rubber, not plastic or glass. I've looked at a wide selection of sites and I have only found glass nipple toys that were supposed to be used for 'nipple enhancement'.

I already answered the pm. But, I will post my response here just in case anyone wants to add their two cents. I didn't know if you wanted your name posted so I xxxx it out. If you don't care, just chime right in.

The best equipment for dual suction of the nipples of all the toys I have used is a breast pump. The industrial models used by hosptials made by medela. They go from a light tug to a true nipple ripper. Also, they all have emergency pulls in the event something gets stuck. The guards and cups can be purchases in various sizes to fit the nipple and the need. Always use the plug in type (battery powered aren't as strong) and don't go cheap on this type of toy. I've heard of cheaper ones burning up in play. Not fun.

I forgot to mention two things earlier. Some people experience nausea with dual suction machines. I'm not sure why, but taking motion sickness pills before hand may be a good idea. Also, if the participant is pregnant, then please be aware this kind of play can cause contractions. It is not suggested for the pregos.