as a bdsmer do you take yourself too seriously?

[dolf]

i'm actually asking a serious question.

i'm sure you've all met them...the sub or dom who is ALWAYS in "role"...is this good/bad/neither?

i'll admit that i giggle at them a little. i also wonder if they have some kind of insecurity and that they hide behind the role.

:cue pissed off response:

so, can you take it all too seriously?

 

[Spider Rand]

It's possible to take anything too seriously.

I hate to judge those who live the lifestyle 24/7, but some of them do remind me of Star Trek fans who wear the uniform and speak only in Klingon.

 

[dolf]

but some of them do remind me of Star Trek fans who wear the uniform and speak only in Klingon.

i definately did NOT laugh so hard that i fell of my chair!

*rubbing my bruised behind*

...see, i'm a 24/7 kinda gal...but i don't speak klingon.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, well we live it 24/7, but it is not blatently obvious to many simply because when you do live it daily, you soon lose the need (if it ever existed) to carry on with all the posturing made so popular in porn. The reality is much different to that which sells books, videos, and site membership..but try convincing those who have not tried and lived it, seriously and not so seriously as the moment demands.

Catalina

 

[dolf]

LOL, well we live it 24/7, but it is not blatently obvious to many simply because when you do live it daily, you soon lose the need (if it ever existed) to carry on with all the posturing made so popular in porn. The reality is much different to that which sells books, videos, and site membership..but try convincing those who have not tried and lived it, seriously and not so seriously as the moment demands.

Catalina

yes, see you two do the 24/7 thing AND manage to have a sense of humour

posturing! that's the perfect word. ty

 

[dolf]

shy slave will recall this one...a "dom" who said that any sub who entered his house must remove her clothes and sit on the floor, whether it was his sub or not. i think he had issues.

apparently some subs actually did it

 

[Spider Rand]

shy slave will recall this one...a "dom" who said that any sub who entered his house must remove her clothes and sit on the floor, whether it was his sub or not. i think he had issues.

apparently some subs actually did it

In the BDSM Social Room in Lit chat, there are always some so-called "Dom's" who come in barking orders to any subs in the room, usually demanding cyber sex .

Most of the subbies tell them where to go, but there are a few who act like doormats. One, who wasn't even My sub, asked for My permission to refuse him.

I'm like hello: Dom does not equal asshole.

 

[dolf]

In the BDSM Social Room in Lit chat, there are always some so-called "Dom's" who come in barking orders to any subs in the room, usually demanding cyber sex .

Most of the subbies tell them where to go, but there are a few who act like doormats. One, who wasn't even My sub, asked for My permission to refuse him.

I'm like hello: Dom does not equal asshole.

i didn't realise you were a dom...i've been neglecting to call you sir all this time

 

[sincerely_helene]

Not really sure how to answer that. I have never approached submission as a part I play, but rather an annoying aspect of my personality that is present whether I like it or not. Actually, I think I work harder at trying to present myself as more of a dominant character in everyday life, just to prevent people from taking advantage of my submissive nature.

I suppose in a sexual context, I may "play it up" a bit more. I couldn't keep a straight face if someone "commanded" me to address them as master on a regular basis though, or expected me to sleep at the foot of their bed.

Yes, I do think it can all be taken a little bit too seriously. I have been accused of it before because of my intense interest in the psychology behind it all.

 

[dolf]

Not really sure how to answer that. I have never approached submission as a part I play, but rather an annoying aspect of my personality that is present whether I like it or not. Actually, I think I work harder at trying to present myself as more of a dominant character in everyday life, just to prevent people from taking advantage of my submissive nature.

I suppose in a sexual context, I may "play it up" a bit more. I couldn't keep a straight face if someone "commanded" me to address them as master on a regular basis though, or expected me to sleep at the foot of their bed.

Yes, I do think it can all be taken a little bit too seriously. I have been accused of it before because of my intense interest in the psychology behind it all.

but do you speak klingon??

the psychology is interesting and had i the attention span i'd study it myself...but that's a different thing entirely.

 

[sincerely_helene]

but do you speak klingon??

the psychology is interesting and had i the attention span i'd study it myself...but that's a different thing entirely.

I couldn't get off without that aspect. I'm not really your typical "whips and chains" style masochist.

I think I'm probably the only person who has ever had an orgasm watching "Dangerous Liaisons."

 

[Spider Rand]

i didn't realise you were a dom...i've been neglecting to call you sir all this time

Please don't start now.

I'm not pissy about subs calling me Sir unless they are my sub.

I don't advertise the Dom thing on the boards for a number of reasons, although I have posted in the BDSM forum before(last time I think I was ranting about something), and I have spiderrand lowercase because I originally got it to leave feedback for a story, and just based the name on my email addy(all lower case).
I never intended to use it for posting, but then I started reading some of the boards and made a post or two and, well, here I am.

 

[dolf]

Please don't start now.

but it's in my nature to be extra polite to the doms {note the lower case on the d...it's because i'm lazy}, just ask anyone

honest..

 

[Spider Rand]

but it's in my nature to be extra polite to the doms {note the lower case on the d...it's because i'm lazy}, just ask anyone

honest..

I think I just pulled something laughing.

 

[dolf]

I think I just pulled something laughing.

sometimes i get the feeling that you just don't take me seriously

 

[shyly curious]

.....

 

[dolf]

Gosh I hope some of this ramble made sense.

none at all

 

[shyly curious]

......

 

[stirbird]

Time For My Role Lecture

I know this is a light thread, but the attitude expressed by it is so very old and tiresome and often so heavily vicious that methinks I must address it with a straight face.

What do you mean by "in role?" What is so role-ish about a person living they way the want to live or love to live and reveling in it? Is it because they aren't like you and that makes you fear you are somehow "doing it wrong?"

I yam what I yam and I act exactly like what I yam, but because it is kind of extreme--not in a fashionable fetish-y way but in a quiet intense way that freezees peoples wittle ping-pongs right off--for years doing just that simple human thing has made so many people so fucking insecure that it'd be hilariously funny if they weren't so vicious in expressing their patheticness so much of the time.

Sometimes people see others as "playing roles" simply because the viewer entirely lacks the imagination to see what is actually real if it doesn't fit some set idea they have (even when the reality is jumping up and down on their noses making googie faces at them!). Some people cannot conceive of an individual with extremely deep motivations, attitudes, and behaviors to obey or to command as real. So therefore they have to be "in a role." Or sometimes the viewer may be frightened of feeling such things themselves so they have to deny the reality of others' lives Shrug. Less power to them, and who could care less as long as they leave me and mine alone. Unfortunately, they don't. Leave us alone that is. Their insecurity cuases them to nit and pick, pick and nit, start rumors, tell lies, start hate campaigns, the whole she-bang of ugly human behavior.

I don't usually look at other people and think, "Well, if they aren't JUST LIKE WONDERFUL PERFECT ME they MUST be playing a ROLE!" But a great many people hold that attitude toward individuals who live quite obviously and enjoyably as masters and slaves. To me, this smacks of a rather extreme insecurity...on their part. You know, the kind that goes, "If they aren't like me, then I must be doing something wrong, Oh God perish the thought--No! It's THEY that are doing something wrong! THEY aren't real! They're the ones playing a ROLE! (There! I feel so much better!)

LOL, roles.

 

[catalina_francisco]

LOL, well what gets me in terms of appearing to be 'playing' a role other than 'living' it is when I know the people involved, or observe them for some time and notice that it is only when they feel people are watching, or when in public venues that they begin the whole 'kneeling at my Master's feet' or 'unquestioning obedient slave' roleplay. To me that is playing a role as opposed to living it. For example, I know a few people where the female sub quite happily lays down the rules, objects and refuses to do anything that does not fit with their needs at the moment, do not submit at all, but when in public, the sub begins suddenly dropping at his feet, eyes lowered, pull out a collar and wrap it quickly around their neck, and begin pretending to be submissive.....5 minutes later and out of earshot of others they once again are very vocal about what will and won't be happening, rip off the collar at first opportunitym and breathe a sigh of relief to not have to act out the role any longer. I don't particularly view either the sub or Dom in these situations as being who they promote publicly, but that is their issue, not mine, I just don't want to live it that way myself.

For us, the reason it is not blatently obvious is partly I am quiet by nature but I do have a mind of my own which he appreciates me using.....so we act the same in public, private, or the privacy of our own bedroom. I obey (well I try to but am not perfect), I wear my thick leather collar everywhere, I see him as the one who has the final say in everything though I am permitted to give my opinion and thoughts, I do submit to him despite my own feelings at the time, I don't have to chop and change my behaviour depending on who is present, and I do get punished severly when the need arises, though that does not take place in front of family or vanilla friends out of respect for them and the desire to not cause any unnecessary problems for ourselves. What we don't do is fall into role and begin overt displays of D/s just because others are watching.

Catalina

 

[dolf]

I know this is a light thread, but the attitude expressed by it is so very old and tiresome and often so heavily vicious that methinks I must address it with a straight face.
<snip>
LOL, roles.

you didn't vote stick though!

i think you're reading this the wrong way...my way being the right way *shrug*

i'm saying that the person who demands anyone wearing a "sub" badge should kneel at their feet and call them master is...i'm trying to be polite here...a tosser.
the person who'll switch their brian off in the company of anyone wearing a "dom" badge is...i don't have to be polite now coz it's only subs...an idiot.

and there are those on lit who make a definate distinction in the way that they treat subs & doms.

they take the role too seriously and i think that in the case of the "i DEMAND your respect!!!" doms it points to small and ineffective genitals

see? it makes so much sense if you think like me.

 

[greenmands]

shy slave will recall this one...a "dom" who said that any sub who entered his house must remove her clothes and sit on the floor, whether it was his sub or not. i think he had issues.

apparently some subs actually did it

Maybe he only wanted to see a naked female and was too lazy and cheap to go to a strip bar?

 

[graceanne]

I really really wanted to put that I have a stick up my ass - just cause no one else has yet. But since you're being serious I answered seriously.

Whenever I meet dom/mes who insist I give them respect just cause they CALL themselves dom/mes I laugh and leave. No one gets respect from me until they've earned it.

 

[dolf]

ok, i'm allowed to vote "dolfie, shut up!" but who was the other git who voted?

i'm betting it was marquis.

 

[shyly curious]

.....