characterization via dialogue---how'd I do?

[Britva415]

Could people read a few lines spoken by this Amber character and tell me what they would guess about her background? I tried to write her dialogue to convey a particular fact about her that's not explicitly stated anywhere in the text, and I'm wondering how well I'm getting that across.

AAVE?

 

[Britva415]

Statistically, hit men take 11 rounds to hit their target at a range of 7m

Interesting figure. Where's it from, and how do they define "hit man?"

It contradicts the cliché that hit men like using just a couple of small caliber rounds up very close right to the head. (I'm not saying it's the truth, I'm just saying the cliché is a contradiction of those statistics.)

But maybe they're defining "hit man" in a way which includes gangbangers or any old drive-by-artist rather than just mafia hitters.

 

[TheLobster]

AAVE?

African-American Vernacular English

 

[Britva415]

African-American Vernacular English

No, I know, I was asking OP

asking OP

OP

whether that was the detail they wanted us to pick up.

 

[TheLobster]

No, I know, I was asking OP

asking OP

OP

whether that was the detail they wanted us to pick up.

...Clearly, with this kind of reading ability, I should not edit anything today -_-

 

[joy_of_cooking]

No, I know, I was asking OP

asking OP

OP

whether that was the detail they wanted us to pick up.

It was! Thanks, glad I wasn't completely off the mark.

 

[Britva415]

It was! Thanks, glad I wasn't completely off the mark.

It makes me wonder why you wanted to say it without saying it. "Show don't tell," I guess?

 

[Bramblethorn]

Yeah, you got it! Amber uses zero copula which in English is often associated with AAVE. Although apparently not strongly enough for anyone to pick up on it here. Oh well, not every experiment works. I still like the scene.

I noticed the choice but wasn't certain of the implication; it's associated with AAVE but not exclusively so, and there wasn't quite enough for me to be sure that was what was intended.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Interesting figure. Where's it from, and how do they define "hit man?"

It contradicts the cliché that hit men like using just a couple of small caliber rounds up very close right to the head. (I'm not saying it's the truth, I'm just saying the cliché is a contradiction of those statistics.)

But maybe they're defining "hit man" in a way which includes gangbangers or any old drive-by-artist rather than just mafia hitters.

Or it's an average of nine hit men who use small caliber rounds close up, and Full Auto Georg who subscribes to "spray and pray".

 

[joy_of_cooking]

It makes me wonder why you wanted to say it without saying it. "Show don't tell," I guess?

Yeah, exactly.

 

[XerXesXu]

Interesting figure. Where's it from, and how do they define "hit man?"

It contradicts the cliché that hit men like using just a couple of small caliber rounds up very close right to the head. (I'm not saying it's the truth, I'm just saying the cliché is a contradiction of those statistics.)

But maybe they're defining "hit man" in a way which includes gangbangers or any old drive-by-artist rather than just mafia hitters.

Those were the figures behind the move, in US law enforcement, from using automatics rather than revolvers, decades ago. They relate to exchanges of gunfire indoors, where most occurred. Being shot at ruins your aim, indoors or out, but especially in.

Mafia hitmen did, traditionally, use .22 or .25 at point-blank range, preferably from behind. The hitmen were picked at random, usually because they had access to the victim, and had no training or familiarity with firearms. One guy fired off 6 x .22 rounds into the back of his victim's head and they bounced off. He then got into an argument with the victim about whether he was dead or not. Hilarious. He had loaded the correct calibre.

Gangbangers etc now tend to use automatic weapons at much greater ranges and to much less effect.

 

[Britva415]

Those were the figures behind the move, in US law enforcement, from using automatics rather than revolvers, decades ago. They relate to exchanges of gunfire indoors, where most occurred. Being shot at ruins your aim, indoors or out, but especially in.

Mafia hitmen did, traditionally, use .22 or .25 at point-blank range, preferably from behind. The hitmen were picked at random, usually because they had access to the victim, and had no training or familiarity with firearms. One guy fired off 6 x .22 rounds into the back of his victim's head and they bounced off. He then got into an argument with the victim about whether he was dead or not. Hilarious. He had loaded the correct calibre.

Gangbangers etc now tend to use automatic weapons at much greater ranges and to much less effect.

Times they did a-change, ain’t they.

 

[NotWise]

It ain't statistics, but a few years ago when an LA gang with ties to one drug cartel tried to build a presence in my neighborhood, where the local gangs were tied to a different drug cartel, the hits were execution-style. The intruding gang members where tied up and shot point-blank in the back of the head. All of them.

The drug cartels don't specialize in subtlety.