Appealing?

[txconfidential]

Interesting rant.

I will say more often than not this tends to be the case from what I have observed and gone through myself. It just tends to be that sex drives are different between most men and women and because of a lot of social training lots of women seem to not have the same view when it comes to sex.

Went through the hiccup and got angry pissed and close to wanting out a few times. It has taken a lot of communication between the both of us to start cracking things open. Our relationship has gone through a whirlwind of change we have added kink because we realized that both of us enjoy it. This change made a huge difference in our sex lives.

Most men have been educated to be gentle with their partner which might work for a percent of women out there, but when your partner wants to be grabbed by the hair and taken and you are doing gentle things don't work so well. I suspect a great many women prefer rough and ready compared to the gentle approach a lot of men use. We have a friend who is not kinky and the complaint about her ex was she could not stand his gentle loving hands shit.

Communication is key and no matter how many times people say that it just does not happen enough. Sex communications seems doubly hard for couples yet it is needed to make it great for both parties.

just my two cents.

On a side note when you want to settle down I am sure you will settle down.

Thanks for sharing the story.

I'm glad you were able to work it out. Yes, communication is definitely key. Along with a willingness and desire in both parties to rectify the problem. I know most of the husbands in these scenarios have tried to communicate, they've read the books, bought books and courses in hopes that the wives would participate, gone to counseling - no such luck.

And just to be clear - I of course know that every cae is different, and that it's not always the man who wants more sex than the woman (God! I know THAT all too well) It just saddens me to see people I care for in hurtful relationships.

Thankfully, I didn't experience any of the intentionally hurtful behavior that they did - but I do know the neative impact it had on me - and it will take a long time for me to regain what I lost. I hate to see them going down the same road.

 

[bcbigbadwolf]

I am so sorry to hear that you lived this life. I'm glad it is behind you now.



No worries - I don't think I'm capable of behaving that way.

I say that because the way these women behave is inconceivable to me.

For example, just recently one of these men rushed home from a business trip so he could be there for the family dinner for his daughter's birthday. He had purchased a gift for her (a toy she had asked for a month ago) remembered to charge it and bought extra batteries so she could play with it right when she opened it.

When they were at the in-laws for the dinner, his wife sent him out on an errand. He hurried out and back - but when he got back to the house (about 40 minutes), they had already eaten dinner, cut the cake and she was opening her second gift. The first gift the wife handed her was the gift he brought home for her, so he didn't even get to see her open it.

He told me the story - and I kept saying "Inconceivable" because I truly can't imagine ever doing something like that. He said "That word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Wow! I could not imagine being with a woman like that let alone be married to one. That is truly despicable behaviour.

 

[txconfidential]

Wow, 1st off nice to have you back! Always good to have the discussion.
I too have been in this before, not just once mind you
we can conclude I'm a fool or that I don't learn, gluten for punishment, etc...
Men are I think hornier, visual and want physical contact at all ages.
I also think the cliche "the honeymoon is over" has something to do with it.
I think men are different and even in good relationships exist an imbalance.
I think if you did the survey here you'd see many more people in this situation and it would only confirm your thoughts...

I say let's all be optimistic Think that the next one will work out! That there is a pot for every lid and that someone out there is the right fit, will continue to be and so on

Sincerely,
The hapless romantic

Oh Bill!

Sigh - I'm sorry you had to live in that situation. But I'm glad you're past that and love that you are still an optimistic romantic. And yes - what would be the point of even trying if we didn't believe the next one will work out?

You know the saying "It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all" ? Well, for many years I was in complete disagreement with that. I thought things would be much easier the other way around.

Before my husband's illness, we were lucky. We each gave to the other and put our relationship above our individual needs. And we were very well matched, libido wise. Who knows if that would have continued should the Fates have had a different plan for us and our lives followed the marriage/kids/career balancing act that most people have to deal with.

But with a bit of perspective, I'm grateful now to know that love, companionship and compatibility is possible. So maybe the saying is right after all.

To love and optimism!

(I'm ending on a positive note and turning in with a smile.)

 

[purfecthost]

I am so sorry to hear that you lived this life. I'm glad it is behind you now.



No worries - I don't think I'm capable of behaving that way.

I say that because the way these women behave is inconceivable to me.

For example, just recently one of these men rushed home from a business trip so he could be there for the family dinner for his daughter's birthday. He had purchased a gift for her (a toy she had asked for a month ago) remembered to charge it and bought extra batteries so she could play with it right when she opened it.

When they were at the in-laws for the dinner, his wife sent him out on an errand. He hurried out and back - but when he got back to the house (about 40 minutes), they had already eaten dinner, cut the cake and she was opening her second gift. The first gift the wife handed her was the gift he brought home for her, so he didn't even get to see her open it.

He told me the story - and I kept saying "Inconceivable" because I truly can't imagine ever doing something like that. He said "That word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

The second episode it totally unforgiveable. Lower that low
Have you any plans for your weekend?

 

[RuReal]

I think what the problem is with what you are talking about is that they have not put all of the cards on the table. The relationship sounds like it is broken for them and they have not moved on.

One of my rules has always been if it is so broken that one of the two parties is not willing to try to fix it then it needs to end. I love my wife, but if she had been not willing to work on what was broken with us then it probably would have ended. If she did not give a fuck about me being happy then there is no reason to have a relationship. I want her happy and she should want the same for me. Sounds simple buy many people seem to forget this.

Real

Thanks for sharing the story.

I'm glad you were able to work it out. Yes, communication is definitely key. Along with a willingness and desire in both parties to rectify the problem. I know most of the husbands in these scenarios have tried to communicate, they've read the books, bought books and courses in hopes that the wives would participate, gone to counseling - no such luck.

And just to be clear - I of course know that every cae is different, and that it's not always the man who wants more sex than the woman (God! I know THAT all too well) It just saddens me to see people I care for in hurtful relationships.

Thankfully, I didn't experience any of the intentionally hurtful behavior that they did - but I do know the neative impact it had on me - and it will take a long time for me to regain what I lost. I hate to see them going down the same road.

 

[billrichards41]

You know intimacy comes in many forms and what is sad is that the focus while on sex seems to be the concern, it hurts even more when the you realize that all is lost on the person you are counting on.
And while I, like any other and the many humans out there respond, nature has created us in a way that no matter how distrustful we become we do it again. The tragedy seems to be that as flawed individuals we can't start with a clean slate and often are our own worst enemy in this dance.
So as well intended as I am I do realize my mistrust is an obstacle of my own doing and does not help me or the person I am seeking to have the relationship with. Many times it is so self defeating that I also think why bother, but here I am once more

 

[txconfidential]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

 

[sammyIammy]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

I just love that smile

 

[youngdom81]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

Anytime! You look gorgoues!

 

[_Crow_]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

Naughty pictures or not, that's a beautiful smile.

 

[prop69]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

Even though we all enjoy the "NAUGHTY PICTURES"....that is not the only reason we love your thread.

I am pleasantly surprised at the many comments from the men that read your posts.

We are not all here just for pictures. We appreciate the insight we receive from a woman.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

 

[magicmikeaustin]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

you are so yummy....

 

[landlockedbeachbum]

That's the smile of a lady having a good day

 

[Corey2012]

you are so yummy....

that one may not be exceptionally naughty, but it brightened my afternoon TX...hope all is well.

 

[ohverbatum7]

Love the plaid smile. Is this a recent photo?

 

[indigolm]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

Beautiful treat from a beautiful soul. Thanks for sharing!

 

[chuckfrito1]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

AWESOME SMILE
u are an attention getter

 

[frank1970]

Work is keeping me busy today, so I hope I can continue the conversation later.

In the meantime, I wanted to let y'all know that I appreciate you taking the time to visit the thread and respond to my rant, even though I haven't posted naughty pics.

Thank you

Oh Tx! I have missed that beautiful smile so much

 

[slapsht25]

as always.. a great smile

 

[YZ400Man]

I know in a couple of the relationships I mentioned, the wife is intentionally hurtful to the husband.

But no, I'm sure not all of the slights and perceived injustices are malicious. God - at least I hope they aren't. If so, what an even sadder situation for everyone.

As for vanilla and hotter spices...

Personally I've always had an adventurous palette and prefer variety and spice. Even so - I still appreciate a sublime, intense and raw vanilla ice cream.

And if I have to choose between a half-hearted, heavily spiced buffet and the sublimely intense vanilla - I have to say I'd chose the vanilla. (There's always room for a little sauce, no? )

I want to know how it is that a discussion of spices can be so arousing. With regards to your later post with a pic, while not naughty, there is always something so very sexy about that grin/smile.

 

[VanGogh66]

Good to see you posting. I just wish I had been around to participate in the chat but my life has been busy lately too.

Maybe I will get some more Lit time at that same time as you.

 

[txconfidential]

It seems to me Texas that no matter when a couple chooses to get married ... Today marriages last 2 years if they are lucky ... It all boils down to chemistry and communication ... If either one is Lacking in a Relationship then Your Fucked .. Thats ny two cents on it ... Thanks for Posting even if it was to blow of Steam ...

Thanks for the response OneHD.
Yes, chemistry and communication are key. And a willingness of both parties to nurture and sustain both.

 

[txconfidential]

It's not all like that. It's all about compatibility. You can't -really- generalize about either men or women. There is a sexual stereotype about how men usually want sex more than women, and how women withhold sex as a 'prize', but I'll be honest, I've never played that game. If my partner doesn't have a libido that matches mine (note - Matches, neither exceeds nor is lower than), then for me, that relationship is going to go nowhere, regardless of how I may feel about that person.

For my money, relationships should be built on mutual compatibility. That doesn't mean you're the -same- person. You're compatible people. The same person would want to sleep on the left side of the bed. Compatible people want opposite sides (or don't care). It's the same way with the things I term "relationship responsibilities" (taking out the trash, earning money, that kind of thing) .. Compatible. Not identical. And it's very much the same way with your libido.

You can't say "men like the chase", because while it's true that -some- men like chasing, and that's why the stereotype is perpetuated, I can very strongly confirm that here's one man who doesn't like the chase. It's a stereotype and both men and women are guilty for perpetuating it.

Sex is not a prize that you withhold from me for jumping through those hoops you mentioned. If you don't want to do it, I'm not going to make you, just because I want to. In fact, you don't want to do it, I probably don't want to do it with you anyway. I only want to have sex with people who actually want to have sex with me, too. What a concept, eh?

I think people get too hung up on "you should be in a relationship" and "love conquers all" and other such tropes.

I say screw all of that western cultural bullshit. Don't settle for second best, just because society thinks you need a ring on your finger. Wait until someone compatible comes along. Because then being in a relationship will feel like the most natural thing in the world. You won't be suppressing parts of yourself to please that person. You won't be pretending to be someone else.

Because then you'll be in a relationship where you'll be saying "I love this person because of his qualities." not "despite them."

LOVE this response, thank you Raphy. I appreciate the time you took to respond with such clarity and wisdom. It seems we both have the same outlook on love, sex and relationships. But being surrounded by what I described... and witnessing (first & second hand) the satisfaction and ease and smugness that these women go through life with - well, it wears on me.

It's very disheartening.

But seeing even just a few responses from men who have healthier expectations and experiences, and from men who remain optimistic even after living through similar situations helps provide perspective.

Thanks!

 

[txconfidential]

I so want to say, rant or just god dam confirm this but

1: It would just end up a rant and my spelling is crap
2: It would open up thoughts I try to keep locked away

Needless to say I agree with pretty much everything you say but lack the conviction to make my own circumstances match what my head wants - if that even makes sense

If only I knew you - and not just cause you are beautiful and have a sex drive (not used to my woman even having one) but becasue I think we could get on in all the right places not just the bed

i wish you luck in your search

Eric xxxx

Oh Eric -

Im sorry to hear you're in a similar situation. As for keeping thoughts locked away - I know what that's like. I thought I was handling the isolation and frustration well and commended myself for "being strong". What was really happening though was I was slowly suffocating aspects of myself (confidence, sexuality, sensuality {yes, there's a difference}, optimism, adventurousness, joy... I could go on) without even knowing it.

I hope you aren't doing the same thing to yourself without realizing it. (Yes, I'm being a Hector-Projector, sorry).

Luckily I "woke up" and realized I needed to change course, and thanks to Lit, I've turned a lot of that around. Wishing you luck on your journey (whatever path it takes).

Hugs!
Tx

 

[Island_Barbarian]

Some great rants and comments in this thread and I just went back and read your rant TxConidential.

I do think that fairly well-off successful guys tend to attract the bitchier spoiled women. I mean, the ones who want to be spoiled like that probably work hard to find and get someone who can do it...so they can laze around the rest of their lives. The rub is that they are then miserable because they married the wrong guy for this same wrong reason.

I do think though that many women don't relish sex (my wife being one) though not sure how much is social conditioning (probably a big portion) versus genetic. She really seem to enjoy but never wants to initiate it...so strange.

If you have a great sex drive, that is great, just keep looking as I am sure you will find a guy with close to the same drive. Most guys have a healthy libido. Only problem is, a lot of guys are a bit of an asshole...it is true...so find the nerdy type who makes fair money but still likes to fuck a lot.

Also, as you get a bit older...like past 20s...guys and girls get smarter. They stop chasing just the pretty face and want someone who they really enjoy being with. Problem with most of us, is that we marry the one we are physical attracted to in our twenties or at least date them seriously, and then we are sort of stuck by the time we realize we are not the best match...

If I could start again, I would find the one who makes me heart pump faster, but also the one that I feel completely confortable with ... in discussing everything...if she clams up when I broach a certain subject about sex or something...then I would say she is not the one for me...anyway...I have said my two bits.

You are likely right that most on here are less than fully happy with their marriage, so bit of a slanted survery.