Appealing?

[frank1970]

Clothes? It's hit or miss finding me with rumpled clothes in the mornings. Messy hair? that's a given. Though it's hard to take hair photos without showing my face.

That being said, I did take this one that morning - it may fit the bill.

Damn TX! I had almost forgot how SEXXXY you are! So gorgeous TX!

 

[rangers71]

Wow what a great set of tits you have!!!

 

[friend44]

Simply amazing!! Great body!!!!!!!!

 

[prop69]

Oooh... and this one too!

A subtle difference, but it's there.

In surfing a specatular feat ie to .....HANG 10

After looking at this picture...it is to


HANG TWO

of the MOST BEAUTIFUL BREASTS EVER!!!

 

[Horus_rules]

Oooh... and this one too!

A subtle difference, but it's there.

I like the black and white version better. It plays with the light better and shows the subtle out line of your nipple better. Very sexy lady!

 

[txconfidential]

Ha ha!

I came here to post a rant and hope that some of you gentlemen could either restore my faith or confirm my observations. But I saw that some of you had reposted photos from earlier in the thread - yay!

I didn't expect to see them and they caught me off guard. But you chose ones that are among my favorites - thank you. (And if it's not too narcissistic to say so... Go me!)

Heh heh.

(Rant forthcoming)

 

[just4friends]

awaiting rant..

Let it go! What's bugging you?

 

[txconfidential]

**WARNING** Rant follows

So I have a dear friend who is stuck in a frustrating marriage. There's a definite libido mismatch (his high/ hers low). But more than that he feels like she withholds touch and intimacy and uses sex in manipulative way.

He was telling me about yet another rejection and "discussion" (her listing all the things he does wrong) and he ended with "The lesson is being nice gets punished and being mean gets rewarded."

Of course I jumped down his throat and explained that no, the lesson is that he married a selfish, manipulative woman and chooses to stay married to her.

But after our exchange, I couldn't get the topic off my mind. I thought of my brothers, my cousins, my best friend in Montreal, one of my mentors, 2 friends I made here on Lit, and at least 4 men that I've met and conversed with frequently (at the bar I hang out in) since I moved to the city.

They all tell the same story. They're all successful - all but two of these specific men earn enough money for their wives not to work and still have a comfortable, even luxurious lifestyle.

The men I know well are kind, caring, thoughtful and loving. The others seem to be the same. And yet all of them are frustrated, hurt, and resigned to feeling used, unloved, unappreciated, invisible, and even belittled... all because of the way their wives treat them.

I've heard them comparing notes about the hoops they jump through in hopes of getting their wives to have sex with them. And on the rare occasions they succeed, the wife makes them feel like it's a chore for her and she just wants him to get it over with.

And to get oral stimulation (not a full-on blowjob - just some oral stimulation as part of foreplay)... well that requires jumping through flaming, gyrating, exploding hoops.

Of course as someone who loves all aspects of sex (emotional, physical and beyond) and lived 11 years with a husband who was unwilling/unable to provide that - it pains me to hear their stories.

Especially when I hear the mean spirited, hurtful things their wives say and do (suggesting that the problem is more than just a low libido on the wives' end).

So it made me wonder - is this truly the norm? Do most marriages consist of women who withold sex in order to get their husbands to fulfill every selfish whim? Do men expect to work hard to bring home big paychecks, then come home do laundry, cook dinner, run errands, put the kids to bed, send their wives off for pampering at the spa or salon, then draw them a bath and rub their backs... all in hopes of the privilege of having obligatory sex with "the love of their life"?

Is it really a barter system? From what I've witnessed over the past year, it seems to work like this: "Take out the trash & you can lick and suck me to orgasm and then have sex, but get it over with quickly," or "Do lots of housework while I'm at the spa, buy me another Coach handbag, and we can have sex and I may do more than just lie there and roll my eyes," or "Do lots of housework while I'm at the spa, buy me another Coach handbag AND jewelry, give me a body massage and I'll give you head for a few minutes before I let you fuck me."

I'm starting to feel like I'm the odd one out. Like I'm the one who has it wrong. Especially when I see that these women have companionship and their every whim catered to. In the meantime, I'm sitting at home - alone, struggling to build my business - alone, running errands, cooking dinner, doing laundry - alone.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing it all wrong. I'm hoping that my perspective is just skewed - men on Lit and in bars would probably be more likely to have unsatisfying marriages. But then I think of my brothers, my best friend, and my cousins... and they don't fit that mold.

So I'm starting to believe that my friend was right - "Being nice gets punished - being mean gets rewarded." And if that's the case... I don't want any part of it.

Thoughts? Rebuttals? Confirmations?

*Here endeth the rant*

 

[Dvus_D]

In my experience, that sounds like it could be a lack of communication. I felt the same way in my marriage, feeling like I had to do every chore in the house to get laid, but when I got fed up and started expressing how I really feel (after blowing up and making my house a war-zone for a couple months) we finally got to a point where we both understand each other and are happy.

 

[txconfidential]

In my experience, that sounds like it could be a lack of communication. I felt the same way in my marriage, feeling like I had to do every chore in the house to get laid, but when I got fed up and started expressing how I really feel (after blowing up and making my house a war-zone for a couple months) we finally got to a point where we both understand each other and are happy.

Ahh - thanks for the input.

I'm glad you were able to work things out. And yes, communication is crucial in any relationship. And if both partners love each other and *want* to make it work, then it seems like an simple (thought not necessarily easy) fix.

A few of the husbands I know ersonally have tried to improve communication - books, courses, counseling - but their wives only "hear" what supports their point of view and what serves them. In other words, it's okay for him to make changes, but not her.

 

[just4friends]

ummm

I'm not sure I think things are done maliciously... but certainly vanilla is not a spice that gets along with hotter spices.

 

[Dvus_D]

Ahh - thanks for the input.

I'm glad you were able to work things out. And yes, communication is crucial in any relationship. And if both partners love each other and *want* to make it work, then it seems like an simple (thought not necessarily easy) fix.

A few of the husbands I know ersonally have tried to improve communication - books, courses, counseling - but their wives only "hear" what supports their point of view and what serves them. In other words, it's okay for him to make changes, but not her.

Same thing in my case. I just stuck to my guns. And that's what made those months so tough. But, she finally came around.

It was weird, because I'd lived so much more of life than she had, so she was just learning lessons that I'd learned years before. When the light finally came on for her and she realized that she had to work for the relationship, too, that's when it started to come together.

 

[landlockedbeachbum]

Did most of these men get married early in life?

 

[txconfidential]

Did most of these men get married early in life?

Of those I know personally - most got married in their mid to late 20s. One (the one I started the story with) got married in his early 30s.

Why? Do you have a theory on early vs. later marriages?

 

[landlockedbeachbum]

I think people really settle into who they are going to be in their thirties. Its hard to grow.in the same direction. Do you suspect that some of the women in these examples married for money? Are there kids involved? Having kids can really change the chemical make up of women sometimes?

And most importantly how are you alone other than by choice? Have you seen you?

 

[HeyAll]

RE: Your rant

If you were a writer on the the show Sex & the City, I'd watch it.

Seriously though, it was a thoughtful read that took up a moment of my time, and it was well worth it. And it's nice to see your back.

 

[txconfidential]

I think people really settle into who they are going to be in their thirties. Its hard to grow.in the same direction. Do you suspect that some of the women in these examples married for money? Are there kids involved? Having kids can really change the chemical make up of women sometimes?

No, I don't think the women married for money. Of the men in my examples that I know well, the money came later. Kids are involved in all of these, and I think the children are the reason they stay married. Though I shudder to think what these kids are learning - how they believe a husband and wife are supposed to interact with and treat each other.

And yes, I think the hormonal changes can affect women, which could explain a disinterest in sex but that doesn't explain the lack of loving and considerate behavior. i also think that (in my former sisters-in-laws case) some women "milk" the mommy role to their benefit.

Of course then there's he whole religious/social expectations - that come along with the mother role... but that would take more energy to get into than I have right now.

And most importantly how are you alone other than by choice? Have you seen you?

Ha ha! Thank you for the compliment. I really do appreciate it.

Why am I alone? Bottom line is - even though I love being part of a couple, and honestly feel a bit lost now that I'm not - I really don't think I'm open to a relationship right now. When the time is right, the chemistry is right, and the stars align... it will happen. Or - if the time is right and I erase the online dating experience from my memory, I may try that again someday.

And then there's this:
Having lost a couple of boyfriends to "bitchy" girls (long, long ago)... plus witnessing what I described in the rant... I honestly wonder sometimes if I really do have it wrong.

Men like the chase right? Well, if I'm in a relationship - I generally put "us" above "me" (and the relationship only works if he does the same).

On top of that - I enjoy sex... a lot (both magnitude and frequency). So... maybe that's boring. Maybe the uncertainty of "will I get laid or won't I?" is more appealing to men. Maybe men like feeling they "earned" sex - rather than having it given freely and joyfuly to them.

If that's the case... I fear I'm doomed to become the crazy cat lady (though with dogs instead) as I get older. Because I don't see myself changing and becoming what I see and loathe in the marriages I described above just so that I can be with someone.

 

[txconfidential]

RE: Your rant

If you were a writer on the the show Sex & the City, I'd watch it.

Seriously though, it was a thoughtful read that took up a moment of my time, and it was well worth it. And it's nice to see your back.

Ha ha! I think that's a compliment - and if so, thank you. If not... don't tell me, let me enjoy the moment.

Seriously though... I've never even seen a complete episode of Sex & the City. I've caught bits and pieces, but never an entire show.

Sometimes I think I'm the only woman under 50 in the US that can say that.

 

[mistheory]

Hmmm... what amazes me is the sloth that can be introduced. After a passage of time, it seems that there can be a disconnect, on a deliberate basis. We all continue to grow no matter what age we are at. The thing that concerns me is when one spouse has absolutely no desire to continue on the path of learning with the other spouse and grows complacent. Day to day life becomes the norm and the desire to learn new and exciting things falls to the way side. Or worse, their desire to learn is still there but just not when it comes with the spouse.

 

[landlockedbeachbum]

I really don't think men find your outlook on sex a negative. Just look at the examples you stated in your rant. This is exactly what they want. They aren't even going as far as asking their wives to initiated just to be open a bit more to their advances. I'm with you on the online dating front. I am going through it right now and it's exhausting. Its like you are in a job interview three or four times a day. You sound like you know yourself well and that really is half the battle.

 

[purfecthost]

Unfortunately sweetie you are partly accurate
My marriage wasn't as bad as that but it was quite similar towards the end
Please DON'T follow the lead of these selfish, self-centre b**ches
Be the warm, loving, considerate and caring lady you are and you WILL find happiness with that someone special

I wish you luck and success with your search

**WARNING** Rant follows

So I have a dear friend who is stuck in a frustrating marriage. There's a definite libido mismatch (his high/ hers low). But more than that he feels like she withholds touch and intimacy and uses sex in manipulative way.

He was telling me about yet another rejection and "discussion" (her listing all the things he does wrong) and he ended with "The lesson is being nice gets punished and being mean gets rewarded."

Of course I jumped down his throat and explained that no, the lesson is that he married a selfish, manipulative woman and chooses to stay married to her.

But after our exchange, I couldn't get the topic off my mind. I thought of my brothers, my cousins, my best friend in Montreal, one of my mentors, 2 friends I made here on Lit, and at least 4 men that I've met and conversed with frequently (at the bar I hang out in) since I moved to the city.

They all tell the same story. They're all successful - all but two of these specific men earn enough money for their wives not to work and still have a comfortable, even luxurious lifestyle.

The men I know well are kind, caring, thoughtful and loving. The others seem to be the same. And yet all of them are frustrated, hurt, and resigned to feeling used, unloved, unappreciated, invisible, and even belittled... all because of the way their wives treat them.

I've heard them comparing notes about the hoops they jump through in hopes of getting their wives to have sex with them. And on the rare occasions they succeed, the wife makes them feel like it's a chore for her and she just wants him to get it over with.

And to get oral stimulation (not a full-on blowjob - just some oral stimulation as part of foreplay)... well that requires jumping through flaming, gyrating, exploding hoops.

Of course as someone who loves all aspects of sex (emotional, physical and beyond) and lived 11 years with a husband who was unwilling/unable to provide that - it pains me to hear their stories.

Especially when I hear the mean spirited, hurtful things their wives say and do (suggesting that the problem is more than just a low libido on the wives' end).

So it made me wonder - is this truly the norm? Do most marriages consist of women who withold sex in order to get their husbands to fulfill every selfish whim? Do men expect to work hard to bring home big paychecks, then come home do laundry, cook dinner, run errands, put the kids to bed, send their wives off for pampering at the spa or salon, then draw them a bath and rub their backs... all in hopes of the privilege of having obligatory sex with "the love of their life"?

Is it really a barter system? From what I've witnessed over the past year, it seems to work like this: "Take out the trash & you can lick and suck me to orgasm and then have sex, but get it over with quickly," or "Do lots of housework while I'm at the spa, buy me another Coach handbag, and we can have sex and I may do more than just lie there and roll my eyes," or "Do lots of housework while I'm at the spa, buy me another Coach handbag AND jewelry, give me a body massage and I'll give you head for a few minutes before I let you fuck me."

I'm starting to feel like I'm the odd one out. Like I'm the one who has it wrong. Especially when I see that these women have companionship and their every whim catered to. In the meantime, I'm sitting at home - alone, struggling to build my business - alone, running errands, cooking dinner, doing laundry - alone.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing it all wrong. I'm hoping that my perspective is just skewed - men on Lit and in bars would probably be more likely to have unsatisfying marriages. But then I think of my brothers, my best friend, and my cousins... and they don't fit that mold.

So I'm starting to believe that my friend was right - "Being nice gets punished - being mean gets rewarded." And if that's the case... I don't want any part of it.

Thoughts? Rebuttals? Confirmations?

*Here endeth the rant*

 

[purfecthost]

Don't despair. What you've written below is perfect. If there's any justice in this sometimes sad and lonely world then you will find someone

Why am I alone? Bottom line is - even though I love being part of a couple, and honestly feel a bit lost now that I'm not - I really don't think I'm open to a relationship right now. When the time is right, the chemistry is right, and the stars align... it will happen. Or - if the time is right and I erase the online dating experience from my memory, I may try that again someday.

And then there's this:
Having lost a couple of boyfriends to "bitchy" girls (long, long ago)... plus witnessing what I described in the rant... I honestly wonder sometimes if I really do have it wrong.

Men like the chase right? Well, if I'm in a relationship - I generally put "us" above "me" (and the relationship only works if he does the same).

On top of that - I enjoy sex... a lot (both magnitude and frequency). So... maybe that's boring. Maybe the uncertainty of "will I get laid or won't I?" is more appealing to men. Maybe men like feeling they "earned" sex - rather than having it given freely and joyfuly to them.

If that's the case... I fear I'm doomed to become the crazy cat lady (though with dogs instead) as I get older. Because I don't see myself changing and becoming what I see and loathe in the marriages I described above just so that I can be with someone.

 

[RuReal]

Interesting rant.

I will say more often than not this tends to be the case from what I have observed and gone through myself. It just tends to be that sex drives are different between most men and women and because of a lot of social training lots of women seem to not have the same view when it comes to sex.

Went through the hiccup and got angry pissed and close to wanting out a few times. It has taken a lot of communication between the both of us to start cracking things open. Our relationship has gone through a whirlwind of change we have added kink because we realized that both of us enjoy it. This change made a huge difference in our sex lives.

Most men have been educated to be gentle with their partner which might work for a percent of women out there, but when your partner wants to be grabbed by the hair and taken and you are doing gentle things don't work so well. I suspect a great many women prefer rough and ready compared to the gentle approach a lot of men use. We have a friend who is not kinky and the complaint about her ex was she could not stand his gentle loving hands shit.

Communication is key and no matter how many times people say that it just does not happen enough. Sex communications seems doubly hard for couples yet it is needed to make it great for both parties.

just my two cents.

On a side note when you want to settle down I am sure you will settle down.

 

[billrichards41]

Wow, 1st off nice to have you back! Always good to have the discussion.
I too have been in this before, not just once mind you
we can conclude I'm a fool or that I don't learn, gluten for punishment, etc...
Men are I think hornier, visual and want physical contact at all ages.
I also think the cliche "the honeymoon is over" has something to do with it.
I think men are different and even in good relationships exist an imbalance.
I think if you did the survey here you'd see many more people in this situation and it would only confirm your thoughts...

I say let's all be optimistic Think that the next one will work out! That there is a pot for every lid and that someone out there is the right fit, will continue to be and so on

Sincerely,
The hapless romantic

 

[OneHD]

Of those I know personally - most got married in their mid to late 20s. One (the one I started the story with) got married in his early 30s.

Why? Do you have a theory on early vs. later marriages?

It seems to me Texas that no matter when a couple chooses to get married ... Today marriages last 2 years if they are lucky ... It all boils down to chemistry and communication ... If either one is Lacking in a Relationship then Your Fucked .. Thats ny two cents on it ... Thanks for Posting even if it was to blow of Steam ...