Appealing?

[raphy]

It's not all like that. It's all about compatibility. You can't -really- generalize about either men or women. There is a sexual stereotype about how men usually want sex more than women, and how women withhold sex as a 'prize', but I'll be honest, I've never played that game. If my partner doesn't have a libido that matches mine (note - Matches, neither exceeds nor is lower than), then for me, that relationship is going to go nowhere, regardless of how I may feel about that person.

For my money, relationships should be built on mutual compatibility. That doesn't mean you're the -same- person. You're compatible people. The same person would want to sleep on the left side of the bed. Compatible people want opposite sides (or don't care). It's the same way with the things I term "relationship responsibilities" (taking out the trash, earning money, that kind of thing) .. Compatible. Not identical. And it's very much the same way with your libido.

You can't say "men like the chase", because while it's true that -some- men like chasing, and that's why the stereotype is perpetuated, I can very strongly confirm that here's one man who doesn't like the chase. It's a stereotype and both men and women are guilty for perpetuating it.

Sex is not a prize that you withhold from me for jumping through those hoops you mentioned. If you don't want to do it, I'm not going to make you, just because I want to. In fact, you don't want to do it, I probably don't want to do it with you anyway. I only want to have sex with people who actually want to have sex with me, too. What a concept, eh?

I think people get too hung up on "you should be in a relationship" and "love conquers all" and other such tropes.

I say screw all of that western cultural bullshit. Don't settle for second best, just because society thinks you need a ring on your finger. Wait until someone compatible comes along. Because then being in a relationship will feel like the most natural thing in the world. You won't be suppressing parts of yourself to please that person. You won't be pretending to be someone else.

Because then you'll be in a relationship where you'll be saying "I love this person because of his qualities." not "despite them."

 

[EricHunt]

**WARNING** Rant follows

So I have a dear friend who is stuck in a frustrating marriage. ..................................................................................

So I'm starting to believe that my friend was right - "Being nice gets punished - being mean gets rewarded." And if that's the case... I don't want any part of it.

Thoughts? Rebuttals? Confirmations?

*Here endeth the rant*

I so want to say, rant or just god dam confirm this but

1: It would just end up a rant and my spelling is crap
2: It would open up thoughts I try to keep locked away

Needless to say I agree with pretty much everything you say but lack the conviction to make my own circumstances match what my head wants - if that even makes sense

If only I knew you - and not just cause you are beautiful and have a sex drive (not used to my woman even having one) but becasue I think we could get on in all the right places not just the bed

i wish you luck in your search

Eric xxxx

 

[LonetTraveler]

**WARNING** Rant follows

I would have to say that the rant is not far off from my experience in life.

Let me say I travel for work and I have worked hard over the past 10 years to get where I am in business. Life on the other hand is different...

Lots of your points are bang on, having to work harder around the house when I get back from being away for days... having to hear my wife tell me she is out with friends shopping or spending a day getting her nails done... Now, don't get me wrong, I know she puts up with a lot went I am out of town, but I do it not because I like spending time away, but because it has to be done in order to pay the bills... and the amazing thing is, the only warm bodies that are happy to see me when I return are the dogs!!!

Just once I would like to come home and receive the same treatment I have to put out for her in order to receive some type of attention or sexual release.

It may sound selfish, but that is just the way it goes sometimes.

 

[pcman1950]

Replying to the Rant

TxCon, I have been lurking here without comment for over a year, and it's your lush body, exquisite face and lusty sensuality that I always seek out. Your relative silence over the last while has created a vacuum in my vicarious life.

It's your rant that prompts me to finally add a comment – a very looong comment. While I know of a couple of women who are married to men who cannot express their inner animal, the number of men in the reverse situation outnumbers them 2 to 1. I was one of those men for over 20 years. My first wife, I believe, had a very physical relationship with her boyfriend prior to our hooking up. She was the one who first initiated sexual activity when we started going out. Five years later, at the age of 22, we were married and it seemed that her libido was sent packing upon returning from our honeymoon. She was generally uninterested in sex unless there were hours of aimless (and one-sided) juvenile adoration. By that I mean, basically just inactive cuddling. She always complained about her figure (she was not as abundantly endowed as you, my dear). Frankly, I've found any female body type alluring as long as the woman loves her body.

It's not that our marriage was all bad, but having sex 2 or 3 times a year was a little sparse for me to say the least. (At 62, I am still very fit and can lay rigid pipe for hours without the aid of a little blue pill.) She was exceedingly suspicious and jealous (without cause). For example, one day we were driving and I shoulder-checked before changing lanes. An attractive young woman was apparently in my line of sight at the time, and I got a tongue-lashing for "checking her out."

Despite the fact that she did not regularly work out of the home prior to and after birthing our children, I was expected to do half of the housework, half of the cooking, half the childcare while at home, and all of the yardwork. If I was 15 minutes late getting home from work, I got the third degree. I was repeatedly accused of having affairs. Finally, after 20 years of this, I came home one Friday, made dinner and, while clearing the table, wrapped my arms around her from behind and nuzzled her neck. She responded with, "You smell of perfume." That was the final straw for me. I decided that, if accused, I would be open to cheating.

Some months later, I bumped into a woman I'd met a couple of years earlier. She had/has a love of life and full-on sexuality. We started to see each other non-sexually. After months, I decided to tell my wife about this relationship and the potential of it becoming sexual. The tears, the hurt, the recriminations.

Here's the real irony, though. A family winter holiday with her parents and our kids took place a few weeks after my confession. Well.... she had done a serious shop at some lingerie shop before we flew off. Every night it was blowjobs, any kind of sexual joining she could think of – before bed, during the night, in the morning. After decades of saying intercourse was painful, of not wanting to be rushed (read, "hubby's horny"), she was a sexual tsunami. The funny thing was that the more aggressive she became, the more I realized how much I'd been played all those years.

Okay, time to end this sad tale (or lack of tail). I did have that affair, breaking it off broke both our hearts, I did stay with my wife for another 4 years because of the kids. Then, one day after periodic suggestions that I should just "go back to that woman," she said she needed a break. "How long," I asked. A couple of weeks was her reply. I told her that, after all this effort and time, a couple of weeks was going to solve nothing. I moved out "for a couple of months," she began hinting about men who were interested in her, and I never moved back.

One night just before we declared the marriage over, we were watching a movie with our kids. A woman, who had always worried to her friends that her husband was cheating, showed up at an event with a new man on her arm: she had dumped her husband. My wife turned to me and said, "You think that's me, don't you?" The light finally went on. It was she who had been unhappy in our relationship and, because she lacked the courage to act, she fabricated a situation where I was the bad guy, the one who wrecked the marriage. Funny, huh?

I've been in a mutually loving and sexually gratifying relationship for over 12 years now. I went from sex hardly ever to sex 1-3 times a day for the first 5 years of this new relationship. I look back and wonder why it took so long for us to recognize our incompatibility, but I'm really glad it did eventually happen.

TxCon, I don't know if I've helped you at all, but thanks for giving me a chance to rant, too. Wishing you happiness, love and lust fulfilled.

 

[txconfidential]

I'm stopping in to give a quick and heartfelt THANK YOU for the responses so far. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, but hope to have time tonight.

I'm disheartened to have my suspicions confirmed with so many of the responses here - and virtually all of the responses in my inbox.

But I'm also happy to see the responses that offer a different perspective and show that even those who have been in the situation are still optimistic.

Until later...

 

[Prince Albert]

TexCon. Welcome back first off. !nd thank you for the "rant". I don't think I can add anything to what has already been said. However I do agree that a lack of communication, changes in the way families are brought up, & sociatal changes, all can contribute.

 

[_Crow_]

First things first, love your thread. Very, very arousing, and very thought-provoking. A nice combination, really. You are one hell of a woman, from what I can gather.

As for your "rant"...... I think that every relationship is like this, at least to a certain degree. Maybe I'm a bit cynical on relationships, but it seems to me that at its core, marriage (hell, any long-term relationship) is based somewhat on the barter system. The trick to succeeding is making sure that both sides are happy with what they're receiving versus what they're giving up. In my experience, most relationships aren't as...... blunt..... about the give and take as the relationships that you're describing. I've only rarely experienced the "If you do (this), I'll give you a blowjob" method, and most of the time that I have, it's been more like a bribe than a negotiation. Or maybe I'm just more open than most to being manipulated through the clever use of oral sex. Hmmm......

So, I guess I believe that the successful relationships, the ones in which both sides are happy, realize that this "barter system" is in place, accept it for what it is, and make sure that both sides are satisfied and comfortable with the terms of it. If those scales aren't balanced, and one side is getting screwed, then it's bad for everyone.

 

[indigolm]

Long time admirer here....I've got a ton of thoughts on this one, I'll either pm or post on the thread later

 

[prop69]

WOW!!!!

TX Conf....You have started and opened up an interesting thread.

As a point....when I "hit reply" that has a picture included is this considered "reposting"?
I do it so my comment can be added to the previous post. If I am correct..you can add a picture as an "attachment" and the pictue will not be reposted. If the picture is part of the post..if will be included in the reply.

Is this correct?

Comment to posts....

Yes there are manipulative women and men. Some men consider only themselves when it comes to sex. I have a female friend that has a husband that will once a week or so will "tap her on the shoulder" for sex. Inside of 10 minutes he is "finished" and she is not satisfied. He makes NO ATTEMPT" at satisfiying her needs. She is forced to live this unfulfilled life. Outside of sex he is a good person.

What should she do? She is nearing 60 in a small town with limited prospects. Stay with the man or look elsewhere? A conundrum.

Nice to see you back TX....I love your sexy body. Hope you can find what you need.

 

[jake34]

What makes you so incredibly sexy is your mind. This reads much more like passionate poetry as opposed to a relentless rant.

It is not easy at all when there is a mismatch of libidos in any relationship. Sex is not the only thing but it is rather important. I guess we do not realize exactly how important it is until we are within a situation which lacks intimacy. This is the key I think. Lack of intimacy as much as a lack of sexual interaction can cause a lot of conflicting feelings.

It is also rather difficult when a sense of manipulation is involved. Sometimes people are guilty of playing selfish mind games so as to get something out of someone else. It is a sad but real state of the world in which we live in. Personally I have always felt that if you offer something to someone that it should not be based on any hidden expectations nor subtle agendas. You should try to care for someone you love unconditionally. You should just give because of your desire to do so. This includes within the actual bedroom (not that sex has to be confined to the bedroom). Not all agree with this opinion. Many people feel that if you give you should in turn get back. Although it is nice when a relationship involves effort on both ends there really does not have to be a score card.

You would think that many women would enjoy a man who wants to try to be intimate and sexual. But the most important lesson I have learned perhaps is that all in life is specific. This includes: events, things, and people. There are few rules we can always rely on and generalizations can lead to lots of negative things. I would have always thought that most women like to kiss. Yet still I have yet to meet anyone who actually likes to do so. You would think that most women would welcome a man who wants to go down on them. Yet I have never met a woman who likes to receive oral sex. They all want it for a couple of minutes in the same exact way right before sex or not even at all.

The other factor is that for a woman sometimes the want for intense intimacy and acute arousal starts outside of the actual bedroom. As men we do need to appreciate this fact. So while we should not do something for a woman just to have sex there does need to be a realization that our actions really mean quite alot. Words are not nearly enough.

I am not sure if what you describe is the norm. It is unfortunately rather prevalent. As a soceity we have tended to have lost the respect for true love. So we settle sometimes for something less and maybe just take what we can get. Our lives move so fast in this swift paced world that we tend to not stop for a moment to appreciate and enjoy the simplest of views. So we get caught in the mundane and tedious daily patterns that start to become the norm for us. Sad that our lives have become so very much like a buffet.

The opposite choice to all this of course is being alone. Loneliness is not always a fun option. Perhaps it is a little better though then settling for less than we ultimately deserve. Still it does not make the nights alone any easier at all. There really is no perfect choice. So we have to decide what works the best for us I suppose.

In my opinion though sex and intimacy should just be mutually enjoyed without any outside factors being involved.

 

[Whiskey1965]

Being in a relationship is work,if your willing or able to put anything into it then it will coast along before one of the two leaves.
Finding someone is worth it,but also taking the time to learn all about you is a great thing to do for yourself and your future mate.
Keep the faith,be honest to yourself and let the date/BF know what you want or expect and it can make the process easier and less all head drama heavy.
I's rather you think me rude or direct than dishonest.
Doll you got a great smile,a well formed working brain and a body built for great sex!
All my best Joey

 

[pcman1950]

Warring for Love

I'm stopping in to give a quick and heartfelt THANK YOU for the responses so far. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, but hope to have time tonight.

I'm disheartened to have my suspicions confirmed with so many of the responses here - and virtually all of the responses in my inbox.

But I'm also happy to see the responses that offer a different perspective and show that even those who have been in the situation are still optimistic.

Until later...

Believe me, darling TxCon, you are not doing it wrong if your words here mirror your soul and your attitude. But the world does seem to favour the selfish and mean-spirited.

Whether it's the man or the woman "withholding" or using sex/intimacy as a lever or weapon, the problem is not likely communication. More likely, it's the "nice" person not having chosen wisely, or having been duped.

When my ex-wife and I decided to work toward a renewed relationship, I worked through the self-help books on being a true, giving man, on being a truer person, a better partner. She did not do any of this; she was the injured party, after all. What did she need to fix?

This isn't just about the sex, but sex within a loving relationship is the vehicle that makes us evermore open and vulnerable to greater intimacy. As far as I'm concerned, sex not readily and frequently initiated by both parties is a sign of underlying issues not yet addressed.

Compatibility is a key component, and candid, honest communication very early on in a relationship is as well. The problem is that we often don't want to rock the romantic boat early on and, so, don't talk about things like physical intimacy and sexual frequency.

Jake34 is right; more than your lush body and exquisite smile, it's the way you feel about and express yourself regarding the magnitude and frequency of sexual enjoyment that makes you so incredibly desirable. We should all wallow in our animal natures, because that's typically the state in which we are the least screwed up and carry the least emotional baggage.

How do I put this? In a loving relationship, it is the thrill of intimacies exchanged that spawns amazing sex. The less the intimacy (or sense of connectedness), the less the sex. I agree with Jake34 in part, that we should offer things without hidden expectations or agendas. However, where one person reaches out and gives repeatedly, and the recipient either doesn't appreciate this or reciprocate, there are two fools involved: One who "casts her/his pearls before swine," and one who denigrates the giving nature of a good person. What's the old saying? "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I know men (me included) who want to intimacy, want to give, want to worship their beloved. I think of myself as a lesbian (not unhappily) trapped in a man's body. (I even had a lifelong lesbian seduce me, so I must be pretty convincing!) I'm not suggesting that men are the injured parties in the war of love, but it does seem that an inordinate number of women have become mercenary with regard to their affections and their delight in sexual exploration and union.

You just need to find a male lesbian in order to find lifelong happiness and fulfillment, TxCon.

 

[ohverbatum7]

I'm stopping in to give a quick and heartfelt THANK YOU for the responses so far. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, but hope to have time tonight.


It's lovely to see that you are posting again TX, although I love your imaginative and sexy pix, it is realy when you post your "Rants" that you come into your own and stand out supreme from the crowd for your thoughtful and heartfelt comments

 

[purfecthost]

I'm stopping in to give a quick and heartfelt THANK YOU for the responses so far. I don't have time to respond in detail right now, but hope to have time tonight.

I'm disheartened to have my suspicions confirmed with so many of the responses here - and virtually all of the responses in my inbox.

But I'm also happy to see the responses that offer a different perspective and show that even those who have been in the situation are still optimistic.

Until later...

Always have optimism sweetie
You can't go into a relationship if you're not optimistic
Take comfort in the fact that you are not like these other ladies
So whoever is gifted with your heart and soul will be blessed

 

[mranyguy]

**WARNING** Rant follows

So I have a dear friend who is stuck in a frustrating marriage. There's a definite libido mismatch (his high/ hers low). But more than that he feels like she withholds touch and intimacy and uses sex in manipulative way.

He was telling me about yet another rejection and "discussion" (her listing all the things he does wrong) and he ended with "The lesson is being nice gets punished and being mean gets rewarded."

Of course I jumped down his throat and explained that no, the lesson is that he married a selfish, manipulative woman and chooses to stay married to her.

But after our exchange, I couldn't get the topic off my mind. I thought of my brothers, my cousins, my best friend in Montreal, one of my mentors, 2 friends I made here on Lit, and at least 4 men that I've met and conversed with frequently (at the bar I hang out in) since I moved to the city.

They all tell the same story. They're all successful - all but two of these specific men earn enough money for their wives not to work and still have a comfortable, even luxurious lifestyle.

The men I know well are kind, caring, thoughtful and loving. The others seem to be the same. And yet all of them are frustrated, hurt, and resigned to feeling used, unloved, unappreciated, invisible, and even belittled... all because of the way their wives treat them.

I've heard them comparing notes about the hoops they jump through in hopes of getting their wives to have sex with them. And on the rare occasions they succeed, the wife makes them feel like it's a chore for her and she just wants him to get it over with.

And to get oral stimulation (not a full-on blowjob - just some oral stimulation as part of foreplay)... well that requires jumping through flaming, gyrating, exploding hoops.

Of course as someone who loves all aspects of sex (emotional, physical and beyond) and lived 11 years with a husband who was unwilling/unable to provide that - it pains me to hear their stories.

Especially when I hear the mean spirited, hurtful things their wives say and do (suggesting that the problem is more than just a low libido on the wives' end).

So it made me wonder - is this truly the norm? Do most marriages consist of women who withold sex in order to get their husbands to fulfill every selfish whim? Do men expect to work hard to bring home big paychecks, then come home do laundry, cook dinner, run errands, put the kids to bed, send their wives off for pampering at the spa or salon, then draw them a bath and rub their backs... all in hopes of the privilege of having obligatory sex with "the love of their life"?

Is it really a barter system? From what I've witnessed over the past year, it seems to work like this: "Take out the trash & you can lick and suck me to orgasm and then have sex, but get it over with quickly," or "Do lots of housework while I'm at the spa, buy me another Coach handbag, and we can have sex and I may do more than just lie there and roll my eyes," or "Do lots of housework while I'm at the spa, buy me another Coach handbag AND jewelry, give me a body massage and I'll give you head for a few minutes before I let you fuck me."

I'm starting to feel like I'm the odd one out. Like I'm the one who has it wrong. Especially when I see that these women have companionship and their every whim catered to. In the meantime, I'm sitting at home - alone, struggling to build my business - alone, running errands, cooking dinner, doing laundry - alone.

I'm starting to wonder if I'm doing it all wrong. I'm hoping that my perspective is just skewed - men on Lit and in bars would probably be more likely to have unsatisfying marriages. But then I think of my brothers, my best friend, and my cousins... and they don't fit that mold.

So I'm starting to believe that my friend was right - "Being nice gets punished - being mean gets rewarded." And if that's the case... I don't want any part of it.

Thoughts? Rebuttals? Confirmations?

*Here endeth the rant*

I return your rant....

From my experience I would say that is not common, but more common than it should be. I have often felt that the women, who are like this either, married for status or looks not for attraction. Or two that these women actually like women and are unwilling to deal with whatever they perceive their drawback is to being lesbian. I believe men in that situation are gay on the side and cheat, women just don’t and end up miserable. This works if both partners are in on it. If not, someone or everyone is miserable as hell. Granted, I am a guy know nothing of the reality of women…. I really think mean is less common than unhappy as fuck and just in the wrong place and unable to get out. I don't these women hate their men, they hate everything that they are at that moment and these guys suffer for it.

I think it is not impossible or even unlikely to be married to a person who likes sex, loves or likes you, and in general be happy with your partner. I will even say that I think this can be done while have a decent job and a good life. But you also have to marry / be in relationships with someone you enjoy being with… and therein lays the key! Don’t fuck him/her because they are hot and marry a conquest. Have a relationship with the person you could sit on the porch with and just quietly read… and if you are comfortable with that person and physically attracted to that person, you just might fuck the hell out of them when you get up from that book… or maybe before that if your partner won’t leave you alone… lol..

So I don’t think all is lost… and all women are not evil, or men for that matter. But a lot of people don’t partner up with a partner, they partner up with some media provided icon or as close as they think they can get. That is what fucks them every time….

 

[seamus221]

You know Tx it always helps if the person your with wants the same thing and knows the differences between love,lust and loneliness.
Plus saying what you mean and not what the other person wants to hear.
Yes both sexes do it all the time now days!
Its a scary thing having a familiar stranger on your arm,in your bed.
Wish I knew the secret then I'd have a better half instead of a few booty buddies

 

[frank1970]

Hey TX! Glad to see back again. I don't have time to go in depth on your rant but I will add my 2 cents worth.
Obviously I can't speak for everyone but I can certainly relate to your friends you mentioned.I have finally given up on jumping through hoops to please her. I do love her and we have children together so I will not leave. I also am not the type of person to cheat so that's not an option either. I won't say we never have sex but like I said I'm tired of bending over backwards to please her so when we do she initiates it.

 

[txconfidential]

I'm not sure I think things are done maliciously... but certainly vanilla is not a spice that gets along with hotter spices.

I know in a couple of the relationships I mentioned, the wife is intentionally hurtful to the husband.

But no, I'm sure not all of the slights and perceived injustices are malicious. God - at least I hope they aren't. If so, what an even sadder situation for everyone.

As for vanilla and hotter spices...

Personally I've always had an adventurous palette and prefer variety and spice. Even so - I still appreciate a sublime, intense and raw vanilla ice cream.

And if I have to choose between a half-hearted, heavily spiced buffet and the sublimely intense vanilla - I have to say I'd chose the vanilla. (There's always room for a little sauce, no? )

 

[Dvus_D]

(There's always room for a little sauce, no? )

Very true!

 

[Kitschshaman]

rant ...

Concerning said rant, my own experience has been awful as well. Though I am in a good marriage now (not enough sex for me, but it's not the manipulative kind of abstinence, it's just pressures of life and work, so I can't really complain) but in the past I was with the original psycho from hell that sounds sooo much like the gal from the relationship you describe it's eerie. She usually did the eye roll, 'not again' look, but on the rare occasion (about twice a year) when she decided she wanted to have sex she would berate me for not getting harder faster. On top of that, not only did she accuse me of having affairs (I never did) but she accused me of having homosexual affairs (laughable, I'm not gay) and then would proceed to scream at me for it. She would just make up stuff to berate me with, and when I became loudly irate she accused me of verbal abuse! One night I decided to do an experiment and that was to purposefully remain calm, never let my voice go above a quiet reasonable tone and see how long it would take her to wind down.
She never did. Four and a half hours later she was still screaming. I had to leave the house and go to a hotel for the night, I just couldn't stand it.
My heart goes out to your friend, I know his pain, my god do I know his pain.
As for now, my wife is a reasonable loving woman, but she just seems to have lost interest and doesn't respond much when I try to be playful and/or romantic. It's the real reason I come here so regularly, I suppose, just to remind myself that there are still folks out there in the world who do love the closeness and excitement and heart-thumping life that romance and sensuality can bring.

thanks for listening to my rant, but again, my heart goes out to your friend.

 

[slapsht25]

I know in a couple of the relationships I mentioned, the wife is intentionally hurtful to the husband.

But no, I'm sure not all of the slights and perceived injustices are malicious. God - at least I hope they aren't. If so, what an even sadder situation for everyone.

As for vanilla and hotter spices...

Personally I've always had an adventurous palette and prefer variety and spice. Even so - I still appreciate a sublime, intense and raw vanilla ice cream.

And if I have to choose between a half-hearted, heavily spiced buffet and the sublimely intense vanilla - I have to say I'd chose the vanilla. (There's always room for a little sauce, no? )

always room for sauce, the more the better

 

[txconfidential]

Hmmm... what amazes me is the sloth that can be introduced. After a passage of time, it seems that there can be a disconnect, on a deliberate basis. We all continue to grow no matter what age we are at. The thing that concerns me is when one spouse has absolutely no desire to continue on the path of learning with the other spouse and grows complacent. Day to day life becomes the norm and the desire to learn new and exciting things falls to the way side. Or worse, their desire to learn is still there but just not when it comes with the spouse.

YES! I'm pretty sure this plays a factor in at least a couple of the marriages I mentioned.

A relationship can't thrive if one person is stagnant.

 

[txconfidential]

I really don't think men find your outlook on sex a negative. Just look at the examples you stated in your rant. This is exactly what they want. They aren't even going as far as asking their wives to initiated just to be open a bit more to their advances. .

Ah Beach Bum... there's the rub. What they SAY they want (a woman with my outlook toward sex, love and relationships) is a stark contrast to how they behave.

The sad thing is - in two of these situations the men suffered for years, resigned to the life they had chosen. Then, in both instances, after the children were grown, and after nearly two decades of "I have a headache", "blowjobs are nasty," etc. the wife went back to school, graduated, got a job, started a torrid affair and then left the husband.

I'm with you on the online dating front. I am going through it right now and it's exhausting. Its like you are in a job interview three or four times a day. You sound like you know yourself well and that really is half the battle.

Ha ha! YES! It is like a job interview.

Ugh! I know four happy couples (newlyweds) who met online via dating sites. But the dates I went on were mostly comical mismatches. A few of my dates actually sparked a mutual interest and there was some chemistry. But when there are hundreds of other options waiting on the dating site when you get back from drinks and conversation - I suppose it's hard to pursue something beyond the initial meeting. (In my mind, that's why I didn't receive an 2nd date invitation from those dates.)

On my end - the interaction was just to ephermeral for me to feel a connection. When you meet someone in real life, the interaction and attraction builds organically over time. You build a hisory of shared experiences together. So if and when you choose to explore whether there is more than meets the eye... you have something to hold onto.

These isolated encounters (the pleasant ones) were more like a dream. By that, I mean they were nice while it was happening, but, without an experiential and emotional common ground, they easily faded from memory once it was over. But then, I never really "dated" before I was married. My relationships always grew from friendships.

Good luck with your search!

 

[bobbyishere]

Just found this thread and WOW! You are amazing!

 

[txconfidential]

Unfortunately sweetie you are partly accurate
My marriage wasn't as bad as that but it was quite similar towards the end
Please DON'T follow the lead of these selfish, self-centre b**ches
Be the warm, loving, considerate and caring lady you are and you WILL find happiness with that someone special

I wish you luck and success with your search

I am so sorry to hear that you lived this life. I'm glad it is behind you now.

Don't despair. What you've written below is perfect. If there's any justice in this sometimes sad and lonely world then you will find someone

No worries - I don't think I'm capable of behaving that way.

I say that because the way these women behave is inconceivable to me.

For example, just recently one of these men rushed home from a business trip so he could be there for the family dinner for his daughter's birthday. He had purchased a gift for her (a toy she had asked for a month ago) remembered to charge it and bought extra batteries so she could play with it right when she opened it.

When they were at the in-laws for the dinner, his wife sent him out on an errand. He hurried out and back - but when he got back to the house (about 40 minutes), they had already eaten dinner, cut the cake and she was opening her second gift. The first gift the wife handed her was the gift he brought home for her, so he didn't even get to see her open it.

He told me the story - and I kept saying "Inconceivable" because I truly can't imagine ever doing something like that. He said "That word. I do not think it means what you think it means."