Anyone Who's married Need advice

[scuracchio]

I've been married for three years, I'm male. I love my wife dearly, but our sexual relationship has become something mechanical and frankly boring and miserable. In fact I fear we both get more pleasure from self masterbation than when we are together. We have had some open discussion about this but have not come to any conclusion on what to do about it. If anyone has any advice. Would prefer advise from both men and women. Thanks a lot.

 

[Damnblackbetty]

......

 

[scuracchio]

Thanks for the quick reply. Honestly I can see your point, but I also know some, not too many people anymore, that have long term relationships and hopefully have come past this part. Sadly we have tried new things. Three, Four people, talked about various fantasies, bondage, some role playing. She likes to talk about adventuring but never wants to adventure and I can respect that too. Thanks!!!

 

[Missingmeds]

I would suggest that you ask this same question on the how to board. You would likely get more suggestions and more responses from people that are married and have a better grasp of the question that you are asking.

 

[musicman1261]

Have you tried changing the location. I know that when my wife and I check into a hotel or motel we both really get into our sex. The change of location has helped us. (married 22 years)

Good luck.

 

[keepercummin2]

Some suggestions

Hi,
My wife and I are by no means experts but we had suffered from what we call the "borings" for a while. It is very difficult to make time for one another and
to make it exciting. Here are some items we changed and it definitely helped.
1. Give yourself a date night at least once a week. Go out on a date like you used to when you were courting. Often we chose to change location of our sexual encounters...car, hotel, park, etc.

2. Throw in some role playing. Pretend to be a TV repairman or that she called an escort for love, etc. That definitely seems to spark things.

3. Really listen to eachothers needs.....I mean listen, be honest with what each feels lacks in the relationship. I would guess that if you havent come up with anything yet you are not being totally honest with eachother. Not trying to be harsh, just trying to be honest.

4. I am in no way reccommending it but we discussed and agree to keep our options open with the addition of another into the bedroom. We agreed that we both are of sexual nature and find others attractive...we point them out to one another and sometimes fantasize about it.

Wife and I went through this during year 3,4,5 of our relationship marriage and these are some items we did. We have been married for 10 years (together 15) and just got back from Hawaii where we spent 8 days in marriatal bliss and sexual enferno.

If you to love each other the way you sound like you do...you will start looking at some of these items.

Good Luck and take Care,
D

 

[Long Rifle]

I've been married for three years, I'm male. I love my wife dearly, but our sexual relationship has become something mechanical and frankly boring and miserable. In fact I fear we both get more pleasure from self masterbation than when we are together. We have had some open discussion about this but have not come to any conclusion on what to do about it. If anyone has any advice. Would prefer advise from both men and women. Thanks a lot.

I think the answer is two-fold. First educate yourself. Read all you can about carnal pleasures, especially from the Chinese culture. Then discover what is is that most excites your lady. Often people do not even know themselves so asking will not work. Some like the prospect of being taken forcibly, or the helplessness of being taken while bound. I myself discovered quite by accident my wife loved anal penetration. Now to understand how profond that is you would have to know my wife as there is no greater introvverted conservative on the planet. The idea here is to first educate, then explore.

rz

 

[chin_butterfly]

Chinese??

Hey, I am Chinese, I don't get any carnal sex......lol.
Take things naturally, don't jump to the extreme of high expectations.
Make love to your wife, let the loving moment flow between you two.

 

[Long Rifle]

Hey, I am Chinese, I don't get any carnal sex......lol.
Take things naturally, don't jump to the extreme of high expectations.
Make love to your wife, let the loving moment flow between you two.

Miss Chin\or Ms Butterfly-whatever the case may be.

Pls do not take offense at my analogy. The Chinese are one of the oldest intellectual cultures on the planet. They are a people who have forgotten more secrets of life than us "Westerners" hope to learn.

And I am very sorry to hear you do not have any carnal sex. I think everybody should have some at least once. I probably should have used an expression like canal knowledge or something to that effect.

rz

 

[kmilva]

Let me chime in real quick,

It takes work, but doing the things you did to woo her in the first place can help a great deal.