Anyone for a nightcap?

[intothewoods]

What he said (kiss included, too).

Some of us seem to be wired to always contrast our own performance with people we deem to be perfect. And so we go through life flogging ourselves over inadequacies that exist only in our minds. While flogging has its place, self-flogging gets really messy when it happens inside the head. Nothing good can result.

My sister says I idealize my mother, and want to be just like her, but it's not based on reality. She says she slapped me across my face when I was a teen, but I have no memory of it.

I just wish I had done better. That's all. I just wish I had done better. He misses me. He's not even 4. It's hard to imagine this will get better. I just feel very sad tonight. And my sister! I let her down - I was her family. Me and my husband - we were there for her. Her breakup and mine coincided, and I just couldn't be there for her. I can tell that was really hard for her.

I just feel like the biggest failure right now.

 

[intothewoods]

Thank you all for listening. It's just been a bad night. I'll be okay. Really. I feel like a douche at the moment, but whadya gonna do. I'm an emotional roller coaster right now.

 

[intothewoods]

I feel like I just woke up from a bender. And no, I didn't drink that much. Or smoke more than the one. It hurt my throat.

My "scene name" is sort of a joke: teardrop. I cried in a corner at my first few bdsm parties, and then I was talking to a friend and said, whatever, I cry at parties, it's what I do. I own it. And we laughed, and she said, yeah, that should be your scene name: they call me teardrop...and it stuck.

Well, I guess I'll own my emotional instability as well. Not sure it fits well with the scene name though. But that's ok.

I hate feeling so out of control, but I think right now I have to accept the things I cannot control. I can't hide this from my son. He will be a child of divorce, but he'll also be loved, always. I can't make my sister happy. I can just try to do better by her.

For someone who is a bit of a control freak, it's just really hard to let go.

 

[faeriefire]

I just wish I had done better. That's all. I just wish I had done better. He misses me. He's not even 4. It's hard to imagine this will get better. I just feel very sad tonight. And my sister! I let her down - I was her family. Me and my husband - we were there for her. Her breakup and mine coincided, and I just couldn't be there for her. I can tell that was really hard for her.

I just feel like the biggest failure right now.I hate feeling so out of control, but I think right now I have to accept the things I cannot control. I can't hide this from my son. He will be a child of divorce, but he'll also be loved, always. I can't make my sister happy. I can just try to do better by her.

Oh, honey *HUG* I don't know the whole story but I do know that marriage and parenting is a joint effort. Your son is very lucky to have parents who love him. If you are unhappy he will know and yes, divorce is hard but he will be ok and so will you. I know from the child's perspective that being in one house is not the end-all-be-all and can actually be much worse than having parents who are happy in separate houses. Sometimes we have to be there for ourselves first and for someone else second. As for the multiple-personality, which-one-do-I-choose thing that's up to you. It's a balancing act but then isn't life? If I could I'd send along a big hug. And a massage. Maybe a manicure and pedicure. It sounds like you could use some pampering. You already know you're being hard on yourself. Just remember to be you and know you're doing the best you can. *HUG* feel better.

 

[Netzach]

Of course he wants one house. Just like part of you wants one house and for the same reasons. It's what's around you, it's what you're *supposed to* have. It's what's supposed to happen.

But what's "supposed to happen" doesn't for anyone. If not in that regard in other regards. And when you've adjusted to what you've got, on a good day it feels a lot better and a lot more true than your wish did.

Nothing my family did that left me a bit dysfunctional was an outcropping of the *demographics* themselves, but the people involved. Demographics and circumstances just are - it's what you do with it.

Surely this kid has some little playgroup friend who also doesn't have a Daddy living at home. While it feels horribly abnormal when you're down, maybe normalize it a little for him. That's what my mom did, when I asked why I didn't have a Dad, everyone else did. She pointed out, very logically, other people who didn't have Dads at home. And it DID go a long way in helping me not feel so bad about it.

 

[intothewoods]

Oh, honey *HUG* I don't know the whole story but I do know that marriage and parenting is a joint effort. Your son is very lucky to have parents who love him. If you are unhappy he will know and yes, divorce is hard but he will be ok and so will you. I know from the child's perspective that being in one house is not the end-all-be-all and can actually be much worse than having parents who are happy in separate houses. Sometimes we have to be there for ourselves first and for someone else second. As for the multiple-personality, which-one-do-I-choose thing that's up to you. It's a balancing act but then isn't life? If I could I'd send along a big hug. And a massage. Maybe a manicure and pedicure. It sounds like you could use some pampering. You already know you're being hard on yourself. Just remember to be you and know you're doing the best you can. *HUG* feel better.

Thank you, mani and pedi sound pretty good right now.

Of course he wants one house. Just like part of you wants one house and for the same reasons. It's what's around you, it's what you're *supposed to* have. It's what's supposed to happen.

But what's "supposed to happen" doesn't for anyone. If not in that regard in other regards. And when you've adjusted to what you've got, on a good day it feels a lot better and a lot more true than your wish did.

Nothing my family did that left me a bit dysfunctional was an outcropping of the *demographics* themselves, but the people involved. Demographics and circumstances just are - it's what you do with it.

Surely this kid has some little playgroup friend who also doesn't have a Daddy living at home. While it feels horribly abnormal when you're down, maybe normalize it a little for him. That's what my mom did, when I asked why I didn't have a Dad, everyone else did. She pointed out, very logically, other people who didn't have Dads at home. And it DID go a long way in helping me not feel so bad about it.

Thanks, Netz. It's a good point. He does have school friends whose parents are divorced, and also some friends of mine have similar situations. We were out to dinner at one point, and my friend's stepson said, my mommy lives around the corner. And I said, oh, kidlet's daddy lives around the corner too.

He had just come back from being away from me for a week, to visit my ex's parents with my ex. It was hard on both of us, I think.

 

[intothewoods]

Guess what? Therapists take emergency appointments. I'm not going to spend this whole week in flipoutsville. Going in at 3.

 

[intothewoods]

Btw, the funniest thing is that I'm mostly dreading letting down my therapist. Of course this makes no sense whatsoever. But since my therapist is into also analyzing our therapy, I'm going to tell her that and I'm sure it will be a grand time. Like we had this whole session where she asked me how I felt about spilling my coffee outside her office. Me: Um, guilty!! Should I pay for it? Her: See, this is a valuable metaphor. Me: No seriously - I feel really guilty about it. What do I do? Her: Whatever, it's a metaphor - Me: Listen, bitch! Don't bring up the coffee stain and just drop it!

Kidding about the last line, obviously.

 

[intothewoods]

Gawd, I love therapy. The crazy feeling has left the building. We had to go back to fucking childhood this round. And I thought I had cleared that hurdle about two therapists ago. Loss of a parent has a funny way of coming round again.

Is it 5 yet? Can I get a drink?

 

[midwestyankee]

Gawd, I love therapy. The crazy feeling has left the building. We had to go back to fucking childhood this round. And I thought I had cleared that hurdle about two therapists ago. Loss of a parent has a funny way of coming round again.

Is it 5 yet? Can I get a drink?

Of course. Enjoy.

 

[LilyBart]

Gawd, I love therapy. The crazy feeling has left the building. We had to go back to fucking childhood this round. And I thought I had cleared that hurdle about two therapists ago. Loss of a parent has a funny way of coming round again.

Is it 5 yet? Can I get a drink?

Its 5 minutes to 5 where I live. Go for it!

 

[intothewoods]

Its 5 minutes to 5 where I live. Go for it!

Had a glass of Barbera with dinner.

And hiya yanks.

 

[intothewoods]

Had a glass of Barbera with dinner.

And hiya yanks.

Or two.

 

[LilyBart]

Or two.

 

[midwestyankee]

Had a glass of Barbera with dinner.

And hiya yanks.

Excellent choice.

 

[intothewoods]

Hey peeps. Just chillin. Tried on a bunch of outfits for the events this weekend. I'm looking forward to it all.

Should get on some work.

Still feeling guilty about being douchey mcdoucheface to a friend. I hate feeling guilty.

 

[midwestyankee]

Hey peeps. Just chillin. Tried on a bunch of outfits for the events this weekend. I'm looking forward to it all.

Should get on some work.

Still feeling guilty about being douchey mcdoucheface to a friend. I hate feeling guilty.

Wasn't she one of the spice girls?

 

[Netzach]

Slummin' it with The Little Penguin.

 

[Netzach]

"douchy mc doucheface" haha, I like you because you and my sis in law could be the same person at times like this. Sounds like one of her bons mots.

 

[midwestyankee]

Slummin' it with The Little Penguin.

That's a pretty decent little slum, chum.

 

[Netzach]

That's a pretty decent little slum, chum.

The cab is, yep. Not so much with the white, that was a mistake.

 

[midwestyankee]

The cab is, yep. Not so much with the white, that was a mistake.

I think it's easier to get away with lesser ingredients in a red and so put out a drinkable bottle for well under $10. Tonight was the last of a Smoking Loon cab to accompany pasta with garlicky shrimp in red sauce.

 

[Netzach]

I think it's easier to get away with lesser ingredients in a red and so put out a drinkable bottle for well under $10. Tonight was the last of a Smoking Loon cab to accompany pasta with garlicky shrimp in red sauce.

Pasta here too. Roast asparagus, tuna, lemon, roast mushroom, feta, olives. Yours sounds better.

 

[midwestyankee]

Pasta here too. Roast asparagus, tuna, lemon, roast mushroom, feta, olives. Yours sounds better.

Yours had more variety of flavor and texture. I'd call it a draw on all counts.

 

[Netzach]

*sigh* I miss seafood. And it's the one thing I can't cook for beans anyway - I'm paranoid and I always end up with goodyear tire.