Anyone for a nightcap?

[midwestyankee]

I have finally finished my stash of Mirrasou and am drinking Anapamu Chardonnay tonight. It is quite nice.

But just one glass. I skipped the fasting blood test last week and now have to do so tomorrow. Trying to find the source of an allergy so I can't procrastinate much longer.

Hoping that I am not allergic to wine...

That would be a real pain in the ass. Good luck.

 

[LilyBart]

That would be a real pain in the ass. Good luck.

An understatement, my dear...
Thank you.

 

[midwestyankee]

An understatement, my dear...
Thank you.

I suspect that if I developed an allergy to wine I'd have to change my diet because the wine has become so much a part of my meals. It would be such a shame to have quiche without a Sauvignon Blanc, or pasta putanesca without a shiraz...you get the idea.

Here's hoping that if you have an allergy, that it's to intolerance and prudery.

 

[LilyBart]

I suspect that if I developed an allergy to wine I'd have to change my diet because the wine has become so much a part of my meals. It would be such a shame to have quiche without a Sauvignon Blanc, or pasta putanesca without a shiraz...you get the idea.

Here's hoping that if you have an allergy, that it's to intolerance and prudery.

I'm all for that!
(Better than an allergy to wine or chocolate, or carbs, or.... well, you get the picture.)

Although I believe I am already allergic to intolerance and prudery...just never have seen this particular physical reaction to it. Ugh....

 

[intothewoods]

Went to a bar tonight and had a blood orange vodka drink, sauvignon blanc and now a smoking loon pinot. I also bought a pack of cig's for the first time in months. I don't smoke.

 

[midwestyankee]

Went to a bar tonight and had a blood orange vodka drink, sauvignon blanc and now a smoking loon pinot. I also bought a pack of cig's for the first time in months. I don't smoke.

That was a loony decision, now wasn't it?

 

[intothewoods]

That was a loony decision, now wasn't it?

One of many. Joy.

I can't fucking handle it. Any of it. Maybe I'm not cut out for a relationship. Maybe I should do the single mom thing, and spend my single single time going to sex parties, smoking cigarettes and lying around being useless. No Mister Man. No more babies. No house on the hill.

I have no impulse control. I hate myself right now, and I hate bdsm. I hate everything.

 

[midwestyankee]

One of many. Joy.

I can't fucking handle it. Any of it. Maybe I'm not cut out for a relationship. Maybe I should do the single mom thing, and spend my single single time going to sex parties, smoking cigarettes and lying around being useless. No Mister Man. No more babies. No house on the hill.

I have no impulse control. I hate myself right now, and I hate bdsm. I hate everything.

Well then, who said that one had to be cut out for anything? Aren't we who we are regardless? Life, it seems to me, is what happens while the bruises heal.

 

[intothewoods]

Well then, who said that one had to be cut out for anything? Aren't we who we are regardless? Life, it seems to me, is what happens while the bruises heal.

Life is what happens while the bruises heal? I don't know what that means. First I healed from losing my mother. That "life" consisted of me becoming a modest and chaste prude. I wanted a family. I got pregnant and spent most of the time feeling like I wanted to die from anxiety. Had a baby at 32 weeks. Alone in a hospital room for much of the time. Came home and was alone in an apartment while my husband worked. Healing from the bruises! Hurrah. I couldn't walk. I wasn't supposed to drive, but there I was, driving to the doctor's appointment. Where is your husband? Working. And then I thought I was passed it. I went back to work, and my sex drive went through the roof. And I wanted more - more from my husband. The more I wanted, the more he hid away. There's more, but I've told it all before. I only know survival/in complete control/mom mode and sex kitten. I don't know who the real me is or what I want. I am tired and stressed and tired and stressed. I just want someone to tell me what to do. I am exhausted from self fucking examination and therapy. Exhauted. I just want someone else to be in charge. And another drink.

 

[midwestyankee]

Life is what happens while the bruises heal? I don't know what that means. First I healed from losing my mother. That "life" consisted of me becoming a modest and chaste prude. I wanted a family. I got pregnant and spent most of the time feeling like I wanted to die from anxiety. Had a baby at 32 weeks. Alone in a hospital room for much of the time. Came home and was alone in an apartment while my husband worked. Healing from the bruises! Hurrah. I couldn't walk. I wasn't supposed to drive, but there I was, driving to the doctor's appointment. Where is your husband? Working. And then I thought I was passed it. I went back to work, and my sex drive went through the roof. And I wanted more - more from my husband. The more I wanted, the more he hid away. There's more, but I've told it all before. I only know survival/in complete control/mom mode and sex kitten. I don't know who the real me is or what I want. I am tired and stressed and tired and stressed. I just want someone to tell me what to do. I am exhausted from self fucking examination and therapy. Exhauted. I just want someone else to be in charge. And another drink.

Perhaps the real you is all of the above? Have a sip of cabernet. It's nicely fruity and will make your lips want to smile.

 

[intothewoods]

Perhaps the real you is all of the above? Have a sip of cabernet. It's nicely fruity and will make your lips want to smile.

Those things can't go together, yanks. I can't be a full-time mom and a sex party slut.

 

[midwestyankee]

Those things can't go together, yanks. I can't be a full-time mom and a sex party slut.

Even when they never co-exist, they're still who you are. No one can be all of himself or herself all the time. If that were the case, I'd be writing porn while giving presentations and reading about Abe Lincoln while playing golf.

 

[intothewoods]

Even when they never co-exist, they're still who you are. No one can be all of himself or herself all the time. If that were the case, I'd be writing porn while giving presentations and reading about Abe Lincoln while playing golf.

The difference for women - for mothers, particularly is that, at least when they're young, I can't go to a sex party, or give a presentation, or read about Abe Lincoln or play golf. Or focus on work. It's all-encompassing. And part of me really wants it. But part of me is afraid. I'm not good at taking it easy. Everything seems to be such a big fucking deal.

I'm laughing at myself. I think I do everything knowing exactly what I'll get. I got a talking to today (never mind the details), because I clearly wanted a talking to. Otherwise I would have made different choices.

I'm so tired and sad.

 

[midwestyankee]

The difference for women - for mothers, particularly is that, at least when they're young, I can't go to a sex party, or give a presentation, or read about Abe Lincoln or play golf. Or focus on work. It's all-encompassing. And part of me really wants it. But part of me is afraid. I'm not good at taking it easy. Everything seems to be such a big fucking deal.

I'm laughing at myself. I think I do everything knowing exactly what I'll get. I got a talking to today (never mind the details), because I clearly wanted a talking to. Otherwise I would have made different choices.

I'm so tired and sad.

You're right. Mothers do not get a fair shake.

Have a drink.

 

[intothewoods]

You're right. Mothers do not get a fair shake.

Have a drink.

Or three.

Apologies for the self-absorbed ranting. How are things in the yankee household?

 

[midwestyankee]

Or three.

Apologies for the self-absorbed ranting. How are things in the yankee household?

There is never quite enough cabernet in the bottle but that's a perennial problem. No apologies required, by the way. What gets said in the bdsm bar stays in the bar.

Cheers!

 

[intothewoods]

There is never quite enough cabernet in the bottle but that's a perennial problem. No apologies required, by the way. What gets said in the bdsm bar stays in the bar.

Cheers!

Ha. Yes, it's between you, me, and everyone reading the internt.

 

[midwestyankee]

Ha. Yes, it's between you, me, and everyone reading the internt.

Don't worry. No one reads anything literate. Just quote Shakespeare a couple times and no one will bother reading the thread.

And thus:

Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and
urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance: therefore, much drink
may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:
it makes him, and it mars him; it sets
him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him,
and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and
not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him
in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.​

 

[intothewoods]

Don't worry. No one reads anything literate. Just quote Shakespeare a couple times and no one will bother reading the thread.

And thus:

Marry, sir, nose-painting, sleep, and
urine. Lechery, sir, it provokes, and unprovokes;
it provokes the desire, but it takes
away the performance: therefore, much drink
may be said to be an equivocator with lechery:
it makes him, and it mars him; it sets
him on, and it takes him off; it persuades him,
and disheartens him; makes him stand to, and
not stand to; in conclusion, equivocates him
in a sleep, and, giving him the lie, leaves him.​

Nice one. This one is well-known, but I love it anyway...

To be, or not to be--that is the question:
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles
And by opposing end them. To die, to sleep--
No more--and by a sleep to say we end
The heartache, and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to. 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die, to sleep--
To sleep--perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life.
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
Th' oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office, and the spurns
That patient merit of th' unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? Who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered country, from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all,
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprise of great pitch and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry
And lose the name of action. -- Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia! -- Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remembered.

 

[midwestyankee]

Nice one. This one is well-known, but I love it anyway...

"To grunt and sweat under a weary life"

Sound familiar? Things don't change much in this life, even with ipods and microwave ovens.

 

[intothewoods]

"To grunt and sweat under a weary life"

Sound familiar? Things don't change much in this life, even with ipods and microwave ovens.

Perhaps.

I never in a million years would have imagined myself a single mom into bdsm. Never.

To give y'all some perspective on my week. My son, who is not yet even 4, said to me, I don't want there two be houses. I want to live in one house, so you can pick me up every day, and stay with me every night.

That is the worst feeling I've ever had. I've lost my mother. I've realized my husband, ya know, just isn't that into me. I've faced all sorts of stupid shit. But that was the worst. I did that to him. I did that. It's been a hard week. And when shit like that happens, I tend to go off the deep end.

Yes, I have therapy on Friday.

 

[midwestyankee]

Perhaps.

I never in a million years would have imagined myself a single mom into bdsm. Never.

To give y'all some perspective on my week. My son, who is not yet even 4, said to me, I don't want there two be houses. I want to live in one house, so you can pick me up every day, and stay with me every night.

That is the worst feeling I've ever had. I've lost my mother. I've realized my husband, ya know, just isn't that into me. I've faced all sorts of stupid shit. But that was the worst. I did that to him. I did that. It's been a hard week. And when shit like that happens, I tend to go off the deep end.

Yes, I have therapy on Friday.

Even from what you've said here, it's clear that you weren't the only dancer in that dance that left your son wanting a single house. You had help.

It's hard for me to imagine the depths that one must survive in the dissolution of a marriage. I can only empathize.

 

[Homburg]

I just want someone to tell me what to do.

Okay. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

Consider yourself told.

 

[intothewoods]

Even from what you've said here, it's clear that you weren't the only dancer in that dance that left your son wanting a single house. You had help.

It's hard for me to imagine the depths that one must survive in the dissolution of a marriage. I can only empathize.

I know, but I still don't forgive myself. Sometimes I think I'm almost there. You know, it's just not so clear. There's no one there to say, it's okay, he should treat you better. It's all very messy and grey.

Okay. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

Consider yourself told.

Yeah, I'm not good with that one. But thanks.

 

[midwestyankee]

Okay. "Don't be so hard on yourself."

Consider yourself told.

What he said (kiss included, too).

Some of us seem to be wired to always contrast our own performance with people we deem to be perfect. And so we go through life flogging ourselves over inadequacies that exist only in our minds. While flogging has its place, self-flogging gets really messy when it happens inside the head. Nothing good can result.