Anyone for a nightcap?

[JMohegan]

As for authority outside of the bedroom, we are both unsure. Mister Man doesn't think that is central to the play party issue. He is happy with the way things are. I don't know - is it just semantics? I will defer to his feelings because I care about him, but it is my choice.

For me, no. This is not just a question of semantics. If she retains the choice to obey or not, that's not D/s as I see it.

Of course, she ultimately *does* have a "choice", but choosing to disobey would mean violating the established boundaries of the relationship. The analogy I'll make is to the fidelity boundary that many people agree to in forming a relationship. Of course, they have the "choice" to cheat, but doing so violates the terms of the overall deal.

First of all, thank you, JM for your post.

You're welcome.

 

[intothewoods]

For me, no. This is not just a question of semantics. If she retains the choice to obey or not, that's not D/s as I see it.

Of course, she ultimately *does* have a "choice", but choosing to disobey would mean violating the established boundaries of the relationship. The analogy I'll make is to the fidelity boundary that many people agree to in forming a relationship. Of course, they have the "choice" to cheat, but doing so violates the terms of the overall deal.

You're welcome.

Well, it's funny. We were just talking about that same analogy.

I don't know. I just don't know. What does the word defer really mean? If your pyl really didn't want you to do something, wouldn't you consider her feelings? Would you go against her wishes, because you're the Dom?

 

[JMohegan]

Well, it's funny. We were just talking about that same analogy.

I don't know. I just don't know. What does the word defer really mean? If your pyl really didn't want you to do something, wouldn't you consider her feelings? Would you go against her wishes, because you're the Dom?

Whether or not I would consider her feelings would depend on my mood, the type of issue, how important it is to me, how important I believe it is to her, and the impact on our relationship from deciding one way or the other.

Yes, of course this means that I would sometimes go against her wishes. That's my right. That's the deal, as agreed to in any committed relationship with me.



defer = to submit to the opinion, wishes, or decision of another through respect or in recognition of his or her authority, knowledge, or judgment

 

[Netzach]

M defers to me

but I gotta defer to what works. What works is the Dom of us all if we want to stay in relationship, eh? Sometimes that doesn't give a shit about my feelings on the matter.

I'd like to turn him into an extroverted show off, but that's not going to happen any time in this lifetime. I settle for little steps into the unknown and consider them on their merits.

 

[JMohegan]

What works is the Dom of us all if we want to stay in relationship, eh?

Most definitely.

 

[intothewoods]

Still thinking about this. And it's threads like the one started by Marquis, and this one that make say ohhhh no, no thank you. I need to know for sure that the man in charge is responsible, is worthy of being in charge. It's fine to have this sort of play at a party - where he is in charge of me for a limited period of time - but I can't be in a position where I have to tell my kid, gee, sorry we have no money, your dad/stepdad didn't get his taxes done.

 

[Netzach]

Still thinking about this. And it's threads like the one started by Marquis, and this one that make say ohhhh no, no thank you. I need to know for sure that the man in charge is responsible, is worthy of being in charge. It's fine to have this sort of play at a party - where he is in charge of me for a limited period of time - but I can't be in a position where I have to tell my kid, gee, sorry we have no money, your dad/stepdad didn't get his taxes done.

If you're vanilla as a soft serve you can still get yourself into that, and you know it. Isn't it fun to be a chick?

 

[JMohegan]

Still thinking about this. And it's threads like the one started by Marquis, and this one that make say ohhhh no, no thank you. I need to know for sure that the man in charge is responsible, is worthy of being in charge. It's fine to have this sort of play at a party - where he is in charge of me for a limited period of time - but I can't be in a position where I have to tell my kid, gee, sorry we have no money, your dad/stepdad didn't get his taxes done.

There's a whole hell of a lot of ground in between bedroom-only and tough shit, I'm wiping your account.

I have never been interested in controlling a partner's finances, career, or interactions with her family and friends. Not interested in active control in those areas, and not interested in latent control either.

Areas in which control is important to me include all things physical, chores, allocation of leisure time, and decisions regarding my personal living space.

 

[BiBunny]

ITW, you're going through exactly what I found myself going through a couple of years ago. I wish I could help because I know what it's like in regards to taking D/s outside the bedroom. My only advice is, if you have dealbreakers, make sure you know your partner well enough to know that he would never ask those things of you. That's how I made it work. Best of luck to you.

 

[intothewoods]

If you're vanilla as a soft serve you can still get yourself into that, and you know it. Isn't it fun to be a chick?

Ha, yes. I just think too much sometimes. Drive myself crazy.

 

[intothewoods]

There's a whole hell of a lot of ground in between bedroom-only and tough shit, I'm wiping your account.

I have never been interested in controlling a partner's finances, career, or interactions with her family and friends. Not interested in active control in those areas, and not interested in latent control either.

Areas in which control is important to me include all things physical, chores, allocation of leisure time, and decisions regarding my personal living space.

I'm in the midst of a nasty anxiety attack. I couldn't sleep last night, and Marquis' post sent me over the edge, even though my relationship doesn't resemble his in the slightest. There are already areas I do defer to him on. It happened so easily and naturally - because he really has good instincts.

I did such stupid things in the past, and fell in love with a complete fantasy of being a slave. I just panic very easily these days. But we are taking our time. These are early days yet.

 

[intothewoods]

ITW, you're going through exactly what I found myself going through a couple of years ago. I wish I could help because I know what it's like in regards to taking D/s outside the bedroom. My only advice is, if you have dealbreakers, make sure you know your partner well enough to know that he would never ask those things of you. That's how I made it work. Best of luck to you.

Luckily or unluckily, lol, he is as unsure as I am. We both agree certain areas must be a partnership, especially as head of a family, you know? We are actually in agreement on finances - thanksfully. There's mine, his and ours. So everyone has a little fun money to do with as you please.

Like I said to JM, I have these moments when I doubt myself. Part of me wants to be married again, and have babies. I miss family. Then the other part of me thinks, well, maybe you need to be single - and get your freak on. Maybe that is some deep seated need that won't go away. Again, thinking too much!

Thank you, Bunny. I appreciate the post.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

Sitting here at 12.46pm with two empty wine bottles next to me.

: prays no one walks in :

Shared a meal last night and really enjoyed the wine, good enough to recommend in fact.

• Seresin Estate - Sauvignon Blanc 2006
• Villa Maria - Sauvignon Blanc 2007

Both hail from New Zealand, these were a good find. Especially considering the company left little to be desired. No comment : smilessss :

 

[snowy ciara]

Sitting here at 12.46pm with two empty wine bottles next to me.

: prays no one walks in :

Shared a meal last night and really enjoyed the wine, good enough to recommend in fact.

• Seresin Estate - Sauvignon Blanc 2006
• Villa Maria - Sauvignon Blanc 2007

Both hail from New Zealand, these were a good find. Especially considering the company left little to be desired. No comment : smilessss :

I wouldn't mind a sip or two right now... Been one of those days....

 

[midwestyankee]

Just finishing some Gnarly Head (haven't had any of that kind before ) zinfandel. It's fruity with some bite. I like that.

 

[intothewoods]

Sitting here at 12.46pm with two empty wine bottles next to me.

: prays no one walks in :

Shared a meal last night and really enjoyed the wine, good enough to recommend in fact.

• Seresin Estate - Sauvignon Blanc 2006
• Villa Maria - Sauvignon Blanc 2007

Both hail from New Zealand, these were a good find. Especially considering the company left little to be desired. No comment : smilessss :

ooh, I wonder if they're available here, miss rebecca! I love a really crisp sauvignon blanc when the weather is warm. Right now I'm sipping gatorade - recovering from the sick. Hawt.

 

[intothewoods]

Just finishing some Gnarly Head (haven't had any of that kind before ) zinfandel. It's fruity with some bite. I like that.

I've never heard of Gnarly Head! What a name.

 

[HottieMama]

Just popping in to say i hope you are feeling better, itw!

 

[midwestyankee]

I've never heard of Gnarly Head! What a name.

I could really get into this stuff!


The wine, too.

 

[intothewoods]

Just popping in to say i hope you are feeling better, itw!

Thank you, Hottie! I'm hoping I get a better night's sleep tonight. Last night I kept having anxiety dreams.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

ooh, I wonder if they're available here, miss rebecca! I love a really crisp sauvignon blanc when the weather is warm. Right now I'm sipping gatorade - recovering from the sick. Hawt.

They were both really good, almost clear in color when poured. Easy on the palette, I find sometimes when I haven't indulged for a while that some wines especially wooded Chardonnays make me umm gag. Not a good look for when dining : laughs : Now why did my mind just drift back to the oral thread :behaves:

I suspect you'll be able to get them, I imagine the New Zealand wine market exports as significant proportion of it's wine as we do here. Perhaps Mr Fung or Miss Kiana may know.

Hope you're feeling better, you sook

 

[Netzach]

Last few sips of some Rosemount Shiraz tonight.

This is the peanut M&M of the wine world. Never ever ever wrong.

 

[midwestyankee]

This is the peanut M&M of the wine world. Never ever ever wrong.

And....I get mine most often at Sam's Club for $7.87.

 

[intothewoods]

I've had Rosemount. It's definitely drinkable. For some reason, I never really end up getting it. I guess I'm usually on the zinfandel or chianti or spicy side.

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

This is the peanut M&M of the wine world. Never ever ever wrong.

And....I get mine most often at Sam's Club for $7.87.

First wine I ever fell in lust with is the Rosemount Show Reserve Chardonnay and I am not a Chardonnay drinker. There is a family here, been in the seafood and restaurant business for five generations. I have had some of the most wonderful meals shared with family and friends at one of their venues over the years. We always go to the Watson's Bay beach location. It's a panoramic drive through the eastern suburbs up winding hills to the headland of Sydney Harbour and when you arrive the place itself is beyond charm. Little tables right along the beach promenade, open to all. Brilliant when you have children because they can play in the sand while you watch them and relax with some of the most sincere foods available. Just good fresh seafood prepared well without any pretension, though magic touches as you can almost have your toes in the sand though be dining with linen napery . Best of both worlds perhaps. I think our record was about 5 hours. Large group of us and they made no attempt to move us on. Sitting outside in the sunshine & laughing, telling stories, relaxing. No wonder the has business lasted that many generations, it's a very special place.

I imagine it's my favorite place to dine in Australia, closely followed by room service in Hayman. It's also the first time I enjoyed a Rosemount wine. See we are a little spoilt with that brand, hence the import from New Zealand last week. I'll admit it was more to cater for the very specific tastes of my company than anything I'd have gone out of my way for.

Excellent price Mr Midwestyankee !

If you desire any recommendations on more boutique Australian wines please don't hesitate to ask. I have an expert almost at arms length.

Doyles Link IF you're curious .