Anyone for a nightcap?

[intothewoods]

My wine of choice is any good red. I know there are a lot of those who don't like it, but it's my favorite. The darker, the better.

Hard liquor-vodka for this Slavic girl


But since it's a nightcap I'll have some Sheridan's

Red wine gooood. Though I also like white when the weather is warm.

My nightcap of choice tonight (which I am proudly drinking right at the moment) is Sweet Vermouth with a wedge of lemon.

I have never tried vermouth straight, but there is something really cool about very specific drinks like that - sweet vermouth with a lemon wedge. Campari and lime. I always want to drink those, but I end up sticking with my vino.

 

[intothewoods]

~~Wanders in~~

I can't drink wine so can I have vodka or rum in a cooler form instead??

I can only provide guidance. In the end, we choose our own drinks. Mmmhmm.

 

[Stegral]

I can only provide guidance. In the end, we choose our own drinks. Mmmhmm.

cool...
Island Pineapple Bicardi Breezer it is

MMmmMMMmmmm

 

[Homburg]

But since it's a nightcap I'll have some Sheridan's

Sheridan's

 

[intothewoods]

Sheridan's

Should I leave you two alone?

 

[Homburg]

Should I leave you two alone?

If you'd tasted it in the past, you'd be asking to join us.

 

[Melodiosa]

Right now, I'm having myself a nice little margarita and trying to forget the fact that I'm sitting home alone on a Friday night, watching complete trash on television. I need to get a life.

 

[the_pet]

Right now, I'm having myself a nice little margarita and trying to forget the fact that I'm sitting home alone on a Friday night, watching complete trash on television. I need to get a life.

...(hugs)

i'll join you! Level Kamakazi here



pet

 

[intothewoods]

anyone up for a drink? Make mine virtual. I'm too lazy to open anything.

 

[Chris_Xavier]

God I love Saki!

 

[intothewoods]

I don't know why I like play parties, and don't want to give them up. Is it just too soon? Or am I an exhibitionist at heart? I don't want to give up Mister Man, but I also want to be honest with myself.

Night night.

 

[Homburg]

I don't know why I like play parties, and don't want to give them up. Is it just too soon? Or am I an exhibitionist at heart? I don't want to give up Mister Man, but I also want to be honest with myself.

Night night.

*shrug* I like em too, ITW. I like putting on a Show. Dead honest. I just like tying someone up, explaining what I'm doing, maybe cracking jokes with my bottom and/or the folks watching, etc. It gets me firing on all cylinders, and puts me very firmly in Topspace.

 

[JMohegan]

I don't know why I like play parties, and don't want to give them up. Is it just too soon? Or am I an exhibitionist at heart? I don't want to give up Mister Man, but I also want to be honest with myself.

Play parties that I've enjoyed have had the following three things in common.

- People I like

- Play as an optional activity rather than the main point of the party itself (i.e., the kinky equivalent of a pick-up game of football at a BBQ)

- Absence of group roleplay of any kind




ITW, what is about the play parties you've been attending that Mister Man dislikes?

 

[Homburg]

- Absence of group roleplay of any kind

By "group roleplay" do you mean the stultified Master/Mistress, Sir/Ma'am crap from every submissive? That sort of thing?

 

[JMohegan]

By "group roleplay" do you mean the stultified Master/Mistress, Sir/Ma'am crap from every submissive? That sort of thing?

Many people embrace a sub-culture in which Dominants receive deference from non-partners on the other side of the coin. I don't think it's fair to label those cultural practices "crap", but that type of environment does not interest me.

So the answer to your question is yes, in part. But I am also not interested in the type of group roleplay that occurs when Julie dresses up like a naughty teen and expects to be treated as such by everyone in the room. Group fantasy fulfillment just isn't my thing.

 

[Homburg]

Many people embrace a sub-culture in which Dominants receive deference from non-partners on the other side of the coin. I don't think it's fair to label those cultural practices "crap", but that type of environment does not interest me.

Sorry, the practice squicks me. Shouldn't be culturally judgemental and all that, but the usage of titles and honorifics is assumptive, and I don't appreciate having it forced on me. Sir or ma'am said casually is no big deal. When it is, as I said, stultified, it assumes a certain designation that I find meaningless outside of a given relationship.

So the answer to your question is yes, in part. But I am also not interested in the type of group roleplay that occurs when Julie dresses up like a naughty teen and expects to be treated as such by everyone in the room. Group fantasy fulfillment just isn't my thing.

Very much with you there. The only exception in my book is gender role. If someone is expressing a given gender, I will respect that. It may be fantasy fulfillment, but I tend to respect gender expression as a different concept than such things as ageplay and the like.

 

[intothewoods]

Play parties that I've enjoyed have had the following three things in common.

- People I like

- Play as an optional activity rather than the main point of the party itself (i.e., the kinky equivalent of a pick-up game of football at a BBQ)

- Absence of group roleplay of any kind




ITW, what is about the play parties you've been attending that Mister Man dislikes?

I was hoping you'd post, JM, since you seem to have a view similar to Mister Man (i.e., D/s is private).

I can't stand having another person's scene forced on me. It doesn't happen much in my group, thankfully, so that's not an issue. He also liked most of the people in the group. As to play being the focal point, well, these are play parties, though there is always plenty of socializing.

Mister Man has only been to the one party, btw. We are attending the big winter event in March, however. He doesn't want me to do anything sexual with anyone else. Broadly speaking, that's fine, I have no interest in screwing anyone else. But we'd always talked about me kissing other girls and even submissive boys (usually dressed like girls) as a non-issue, even both of us playing with another girl once or twice as a fantasy.

After the party, he changed his mind. He just felt like he wasn't comfortable with anyone else kissing me. A variety of things are going on there. First of all, the group knows me and not him. He feels pressure to be relaxed about everything and anything (and this is probably my fault). It was his first party, so he's still kind of overwhelmed, and feeling a little like ughnotoallofit! And then he also says, I don't know, you may be the mother of my children. I don't think I want to see you kissing anyone else.

I'm really struggling to figure out how I feel about this. I love that he wants me for him, but a part of me feels like, oh geez, it's JUST a kiss. We continue to talk it through, and I think he needs to feel comfortable around these guys in a non-play setting (which we have weekly).

 

[intothewoods]

*shrug* I like em too, ITW. I like putting on a Show. Dead honest. I just like tying someone up, explaining what I'm doing, maybe cracking jokes with my bottom and/or the folks watching, etc. It gets me firing on all cylinders, and puts me very firmly in Topspace.

Yeah, I have always been social and a bit of a performer.

 

[JMohegan]

I was hoping you'd post, JM, since you seem to have a view similar to Mister Man (i.e., D/s is private).

Just to clarify (and because it's relevant to this discussion) - the physical intimacy, both sex and SM, that takes place between a partner and myself takes place in private. However, D/s is a constant in the areas to which it applies.

Therefore, when discussing a partner's behavior with other people at a play party (or any other social setting), the relevant issue is not privacy so much as control.

In a committed D/s relationship, I consider my partner's body to be reserved for my exclusive enjoyment. And sharing does not interest me. Taken together, what that means is that walking around a party in various stages of undress is something she will never be asked (or even permitted) to do. Same thing applies to kissing or any other intimate physical contact with anyone else.

If I were talking to Mister Man instead of you, what I would suggest is that he frame his preferences in that context. Whatever reason he has for not wanting you to kiss other people is really secondary to the main point, which is - he's the one in control.

Since I'm talking to you directly, ITW, I'll ask - What's more important to you? Kissing other people, or deferring to Mister Man's authority?

Are you sure this is just about kissing? Is there a broader issue here?

 

[intothewoods]

Just to clarify (and because it's relevant to this discussion) - the physical intimacy, both sex and SM, that takes place between a partner and myself takes place in private. However, D/s is a constant in the areas to which it applies.

Therefore, when discussing a partner's behavior with other people at a play party (or any other social setting), the relevant issue is not privacy so much as control.

In a committed D/s relationship, I consider my partner's body to be reserved for my exclusive enjoyment. And sharing does not interest me. Taken together, what that means is that walking around a party in various stages of undress is something she will never be asked (or even permitted) to do. Same thing applies to kissing or any other intimate physical contact with anyone else.

I'm curious. Would you ever play at a party with your partner?

For what it's worth, Mister Man says he's not opposed to some light s&m play, but then it would be an issue of stage fright.

If I were talking to Mister Man instead of you, what I would suggest is that he frame his preferences in that context. Whatever reason he has for not wanting you to kiss other people is really secondary to the main point, which is - he's the one in control.

Since I'm talking to you directly, ITW, I'll ask - What's more important to you? Kissing other people, or deferring to Mister Man's authority?

Are you sure this is just about kissing? Is there a broader issue here?

I don't know. I mean, yes, it must be about something more, but let me back up. We have never discussed deferring to his authority outside of the bedroom. I do think the D/s dynamic extends beyond the bedroom in some way, but I don't know how to define it. We've talked about it a little, but have never really come to a conclusion.

There's a difference between deferring to his feelings and deferring to his authority. I don't know that I want the latter. I don't know if he wants the latter. Well, time for me to ask him some questions, obviously.

 

[Homburg]

For what it's worth, Mister Man says he's not opposed to some light s&m play, but then it would be an issue of stage fright.

I thought that stage fright would be a problem. I worried about it. Went to my first party with my gal, and as soon as I decided that it was time to play there was no stage fright whatsoever. While I may have some stage fright in public speaking, once the Top Light has been turned on, you are free to move about the cabin.

 

[intothewoods]

I thought that stage fright would be a problem. I worried about it. Went to my first party with my gal, and as soon as I decided that it was time to play there was no stage fright whatsoever. While I may have some stage fright in public speaking, once the Top Light has been turned on, you are free to move about the cabin.

He has said that he might feel comfortable with it at some point.


As for authority outside of the bedroom, we are both unsure. Mister Man doesn't think that is central to the play party issue. He is happy with the way things are. I don't know - is it just semantics? I will defer to his feelings because I care about him, but it is my choice.

He is still sorting out his feelings, but the jist seems to be: me topping others doesn't bother him, except that it does at some level because if I am to be his wife, and we have kids, he feels uncomfortable with us being a part of the scene.

 

[JMohegan]

I'm curious. Would you ever play at a party with your partner?

With an established partner, no.

I have, and would, "play" with a non-partner for the purpose of demonstrating a specific skill *if* asked to do so by a Top whom I liked and respected.

For what it's worth, Mister Man says he's not opposed to some light s&m play, but then it would be an issue of stage fright.

In an athletic context, I performed many times, for multiple years, in extremely high pressure, high visibility situations. Stage fright, in general, isn't a problem for me.

But I can understand why Mister Man might be reluctant to perform in front of this particular group. He is not only new to kink, and relatively new to the relationship with you, but would also be performing in front of people whose regard is clearly important to you for a variety of reasons.

If you are both interested in some form of light s&m public play, my suggestion would be to start in a different venue. Visit a club or other site where the friendships and contacts aren't as important to you. Let him get some experience with public play outside your immediate "scene", in order to boost his confidence.

I don't know. I mean, yes, it must be about something more, but let me back up. We have never discussed deferring to his authority outside of the bedroom. I do think the D/s dynamic extends beyond the bedroom in some way, but I don't know how to define it. We've talked about it a little, but have never really come to a conclusion.

There's a difference between deferring to his feelings and deferring to his authority. I don't know that I want the latter. I don't know if he wants the latter. Well, time for me to ask him some questions, obviously.

Yes, I think it's a good idea to talk about, because the line can become quite blurry.

Some people say their D/s is bedroom only, and they mean that literally. Other people use "bedroom" as a shorthand reference to all things physical, in which s&m play and all things sexual would be included, regardless of time or place.

 

[intothewoods]

First of all, thank you, JM for your post.

We have talked about checking out a club, and probably will at some time. Also, in March, the event will be much bigger than the core local group.

Yes, I think it's a good idea to talk about, because the line can become quite blurry.

Some people say their D/s is bedroom only, and they mean that literally. Other people use "bedroom" as a shorthand reference to all things physical, in which s&m play and all things sexual would be included, regardless of time or place.

Mister Man thinks that it's been easy for us to have this dividing line - bedroom and outside. I think we really have a partnership, but he is also the leader.

 

[midwestyankee]

Last few sips of some Rosemount Shiraz tonight.