devils_daughter
Really Experienced
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Why the hell can't I cum from anything other than full sex?? It's starting to get irritating. It's not to say I never enjoy a good finger or oral but I can't cum from it. Any tips?
Any tips?
- Thread starter devils_daughter
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EJFan
Absolute Genius
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caveat: i'm not a chick.
i think most women around here would tell you, "enjoy the journey and don't focus on the destination so much."
everyone's different and responds to different things at different times. i can only imagine how frustrated you are... and i'm not knocking the genuineness of your question... but don't worry about it. keep trying different things and ENJOY it.
i think most women around here would tell you, "enjoy the journey and don't focus on the destination so much."
everyone's different and responds to different things at different times. i can only imagine how frustrated you are... and i'm not knocking the genuineness of your question... but don't worry about it. keep trying different things and ENJOY it.
TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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THere's two things it could be:
1.) It's mental, which is probably the issue. You're maybe just trying too hard, worrying too much about cumming. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
2.) The second option is that whoever your with just doesn't knwo what they are doing. Not every guy is a pro at oral sex, and most don't do anything with their fingers other than start stabbing around. I had a friend who's boyfriend just wasn't very savy in the foreplay department. She told him to pretend he was playing X-box and her pussy was the game controller. Sounds stupid, but she said it was one of the best orgasms she'd every had!
If you can cum from penetration, I would say it is unlikely there is any physiological reason you can't cum any other way, though not impossible. most women who have trouble cumming have the opposite problem.
Dr. Kahuna prescribes experimentation and exploration. Find your hot buttons, they're there, they are just hiding from you.
1.) It's mental, which is probably the issue. You're maybe just trying too hard, worrying too much about cumming. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
2.) The second option is that whoever your with just doesn't knwo what they are doing. Not every guy is a pro at oral sex, and most don't do anything with their fingers other than start stabbing around. I had a friend who's boyfriend just wasn't very savy in the foreplay department. She told him to pretend he was playing X-box and her pussy was the game controller. Sounds stupid, but she said it was one of the best orgasms she'd every had!
If you can cum from penetration, I would say it is unlikely there is any physiological reason you can't cum any other way, though not impossible. most women who have trouble cumming have the opposite problem.
Dr. Kahuna prescribes experimentation and exploration. Find your hot buttons, they're there, they are just hiding from you.
big_kahuna
Virgin
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Enjoy what you have
Many women can't orgasm from "straight" sexual intercourse, and have to resort to toys, oral, or fisting. You're blessed in that intercourse bets you off. don;t complain when you have more than most. Lie back and enjoy it, girl!
Many women can't orgasm from "straight" sexual intercourse, and have to resort to toys, oral, or fisting. You're blessed in that intercourse bets you off. don;t complain when you have more than most. Lie back and enjoy it, girl!
TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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HEY! Someone stole my handle! 
I'm tellin you, seriously, X-box. The sexual training tool of the Y generation!
I'm tellin you, seriously, X-box. The sexual training tool of the Y generation!
fr34k_n45ty
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i wish i could help i have the opposet problem
devils_daughter
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big_kahuna said:
For some reason I always thought that was a myth men who are lame in bed came up with but it still makes me feel better
devils_daughter
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To be totally honest, I'm not so worried, the orgasms I have with this guy are unbelievable, better than anything before him. 90% of the reason I'm asking is because he seems to be getting the understandable "I can't satisfy" problem, and I'd do anything to make him happy, but I respect him too much to fake an orgasm.
cdobbs12000
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<--- is not a specialist, but sometimes its our physiological makeup that allows or disallows our body to do something, just enjoy the moment or the moment may be ruined
devils_daughter
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I've been trying that. I'm quite happy to sit back and enjoy the moment even if I don't cum, so worrying about the destination doesn't seem to be a big problem. I know that if I can't cum from that, that he'll make sure I have an amazing orgasm from penetration. I'm mostly looking for advice that will make him feel better as (as much as I HATE to talk about this (I'm a very jealous person)), it doesn't seem that his ex had the same problem which makes me think there's a problem with me.
Quoll
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devils_daughter
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We've tried, 90% of the time I'm on here he's sat next to me. He's even debating whether to sign up himself.
TBKahuna123
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Alright, let's get personal. Can you have an orgasm through masturbation? If so what do you do to achieve that orgasm? Masturbation for a woman can be an extremely educational experience that can really enhance your sex life.
I'm actually quite jealous. For us guys it's basically grip it and rip it. Or maybe I'm just boring.
I'm actually quite jealous. For us guys it's basically grip it and rip it. Or maybe I'm just boring.
FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
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Okay when you want to be able to come one way and can only come another way, you have to, if you are really serious about coming another way, take the other way out of the equation or limit it in some way.
Then you have to build your desire and need to come.
So I would suggest that you try that.
Let your boy friend do oral on you or finger you (which you can also do for yourself and you will usually do it rougher than he will) for only say, eight minutes at most. If you don't come you don't, no big deal, you are in it for the long haul.
Wait at least fifteen minutes before you try again. In the mean time you can do anything except your preferred method of getting off and the way you are trying to get off.
You both can pet, tease, kiss, slide bodies, you can give him oral, or just talk dirty, whatever.
Now keep this up until one of two things happens, one, you come (!) or two you get too tired to continue. Set a timer! Like an egg timer. To keep the times right.
Sooner or later you will come that way if you keep it up. Probably within a week or two at most. You just have to train your body and mind to allow it and to do that you need to hone the need and desire with this method, then combine it with whatever delicious nasty fantasies your head comes up with that makes you come.
That is my advice. You may or may not want to follow it. Good luck regardless, and enjoy whatever you do!
Fury
Then you have to build your desire and need to come.
So I would suggest that you try that.
Let your boy friend do oral on you or finger you (which you can also do for yourself and you will usually do it rougher than he will) for only say, eight minutes at most. If you don't come you don't, no big deal, you are in it for the long haul.
Wait at least fifteen minutes before you try again. In the mean time you can do anything except your preferred method of getting off and the way you are trying to get off.
You both can pet, tease, kiss, slide bodies, you can give him oral, or just talk dirty, whatever.
Now keep this up until one of two things happens, one, you come (!) or two you get too tired to continue. Set a timer! Like an egg timer. To keep the times right.
Sooner or later you will come that way if you keep it up. Probably within a week or two at most. You just have to train your body and mind to allow it and to do that you need to hone the need and desire with this method, then combine it with whatever delicious nasty fantasies your head comes up with that makes you come.
That is my advice. You may or may not want to follow it. Good luck regardless, and enjoy whatever you do!
Fury
devils_daughter
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Kahuna, since we got together and I started having sex again, no I cannot cum through masturbation.
Fury, thanks hun, I'm definatly going to get him to read this and see if he's up for trying it.
Fury, thanks hun, I'm definatly going to get him to read this and see if he's up for trying it.
It seems in most of my post lately I keep including the phrase that "sex is 90% mental" or "whats important for great sex is not what happens between your legs but what happens between your ears." I realilze this seems like a simple and self evident concept but it seems people focus on the physical techniques rather than take the time to just focus on understanding themselves.
In all of us there exist a mental trigger mechanism that arouses us to the point of orgasm. It changes as we grow older and have different experiences. Certainly it helps to have physical contact and stimulation but there are many accounts of men or women having intense orgasms, even mulitorgasms, by just using their minds. So look within yourself and reflect what trigger or thought happens in your mind when you reach orgasm.
Also be aware that there are many accounts of normal educated sexually active women thinking they were experiencing orgasms yet for various reasons its not until their 30's or 40's that they experience the true orgasm. Remember no one really teaches us about sex, love or our bodies so such misconceptions are understandable. Im not saying that you have or have not had a true orgasm but dont just assume you have. I would think its very uncommon for a woman to have an orgasm just during sex yet not be able to orgasm during masterbation but I also understand that masterbation may have been something that is considered wrong by some and thus people develope a mental block for it. Regardless the trigger remains between your ears. Understanding the trigger helps us understand ourselves.
It sounds like you have a good partner and communicate well with him. That alone will help you explore, discover and help you understand yourselves better. Just keep learning and challenging your own ideas about sex and never assume you know it all or you have yet reached the point where sex is as good as it gets.
In all of us there exist a mental trigger mechanism that arouses us to the point of orgasm. It changes as we grow older and have different experiences. Certainly it helps to have physical contact and stimulation but there are many accounts of men or women having intense orgasms, even mulitorgasms, by just using their minds. So look within yourself and reflect what trigger or thought happens in your mind when you reach orgasm.
Also be aware that there are many accounts of normal educated sexually active women thinking they were experiencing orgasms yet for various reasons its not until their 30's or 40's that they experience the true orgasm. Remember no one really teaches us about sex, love or our bodies so such misconceptions are understandable. Im not saying that you have or have not had a true orgasm but dont just assume you have. I would think its very uncommon for a woman to have an orgasm just during sex yet not be able to orgasm during masterbation but I also understand that masterbation may have been something that is considered wrong by some and thus people develope a mental block for it. Regardless the trigger remains between your ears. Understanding the trigger helps us understand ourselves.
It sounds like you have a good partner and communicate well with him. That alone will help you explore, discover and help you understand yourselves better. Just keep learning and challenging your own ideas about sex and never assume you know it all or you have yet reached the point where sex is as good as it gets.
TBKahuna123
Back in the Sunshine
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devils_daughter said:
Well, agreeing that sex is a lot mental, great sex anyhow, I'd say you have the opposite problem of alot of women. It is my completely unprofessional opinion that you are so into the mental aspect of your partner being sinde of you that your mind believes that nothing else will do. Let's face it, if you want to look at a purely biological response, you should cum alot easier from clitoral stimulation than from PIV intercourse. You can't have an orgasm masturbating alone. You only orgasm from feeling your partner inside of you. That HAS to be mental.
Now, I've seen a lot of the women here who sre much smarter than I am state to other women who have trouble orgasming FROM PIV intercourse, that they need to concentrate on the aspect fo their partner being inside their body adn all the cool stuff like that. Putting two and two together, I'd just say that you are so into your man that this is what is turning you on to the point where you can cum.
Don't believe an orgasm can be triggered mentally? My wife told me that she orgasms nearly every time she feels me cum inside of her. Now that can't possible trigger any kind of biological response, can it? I used to think she was bullshitting me and just faking it, but we've had that discussion and she swears she's not. She really has no reason to fake it because I always make sure she cums first, and there are times when she doesn't orgasm from me ejaculating. Still, most of the time she does, and she says it's just the feeling, the mental feeling of it that drives her over the edge if she is at all close.
So is this problem of yours a bad thing? No, not really, but I can see how it could be frustrating. I would say keep trying, exploring, but have fun with it. Think of foreplay as the warm up to the big explosion, rather than a way to reach orgasm on it's own. Certainly don't stigmatize yourself over it, there are worse problems to have in this world, at least you can still cum somehow.
